I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Thursday, June 30, 2005

GARAGE SALES SUCK


I will be so glad when I get thru with this flapping garage sale...jenny my 16 year old granddaughter came over and we got alot done, but so damn hot I let her off so she could go to the lake with her friends..I cant believe the crap I have..2 sets of golf clubs(I dont play golf, my tits get in the way), a saddle, blanket and riata(dont ride a horse, my ass is too big) and all kinds of other stuff..my stuff will soon be someone''s shit..my aussie friend Ross has been reading my blogs and thinks Im pretty funny. He still cant believe I havent had sex in 20 years...now, why would even a great story teller tell a lie about that...most people lie and say they get it all the time...I admit, I used to get more ass than a toilet seat..but dem days is long gone..no one wants a long tittied old broad...my bra sizes are not just by the cup size anymore..they are like mens suits...I wear a 44 long...wanna shoot me in the chest..aim for the knee caps..Henerietta the librarian is pissing me off. no one checks out more books than I do..she got about 7 new books and cataloged them and gave me one...I can read those 7 books faster than 7 people can read one..fuck...im a book hog, that is all there is to it..well, until I get the garage sale done, I wont be charging off to Crawford to kick forest's ass. but when I do go, my blogger posse is going with me..so be prepared..we are going to sneak off to the ranch(there are no fucking livestock..it should not be called a ranch...compound maybe..but not a ranch.)and do some damage to ole forest's ass...cut down all his trees maybe...drain his tank...flatten all his bike's tires...I'll think of something..all while using the 100 best movie quotes..still have a bunch left....ya'll come back and see me ya'hea

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

MAD AS HELL PART 5


"oh fuck, where's my cat? What have you done with my cat..??? You sonsabitches, where is my cat?" "You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle." said Dick..."Look you old fart, you better get my cat or I will rip your nuts off and feed them to you". "Ok, ok, dont get your panties in a wad, we took him to the war room."..."you are fucking evil, you know that?and who are those two guys fighting over Rocky? "Cheney with a sneer says "Gentlemen.Yoy can't fight in here.This is the war room."..."Man, you guys are just fucked up, you know that?"....Well, noboby''s perfect."...
Jackiesue grabbed up Rocky who was spitting out human skin and ran for the door..-Chaney yelled at her from the doorway"Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?" "You are one sick bastard" screamed Jackisue."MMMMM-HMMMM! This is a tasty burger"..
"Come on Rocky, lets head on back to Texas.."
to be continued...

TOWN MOURNS THE LOSS OF ITS ONLY DEMOCRAT


jjackiesue D_______ passed away yesterday evening while watching the Presidents speech about Iraq. "As well as we can figure she just went up in flames." said Leon Gerik, local volunteer firefighter."I think they call it spontaneous combustion, but I'd never seen anything like it before. "Mrs. Eloise Stroder was questioned by the police as she had called them to complain about the noise, cursing and furniture being tossed out of the house by Ms. D_______. "I have heard her yelling and screaming at the tv before when the President was on, but nothing like tonight, she just went crazy. The last thing I heard her say was "the Iraqis had nothing to do with 9-11 you ignorant, noaccount motherfucker."..man, she was just so mad at him.."Other neighbors when questioned said they saw her standing in the door way tossing out furniture and then she threw out the tv..."Then the next thing we saw was her bursting into flames", said Mrs. Stroder as she wiped away a tear..."it was just awful, poor Jackie, who is going to take care of her dogs and cat?" When her son arrived he said he wasn't surprised. that she had gotten a lot worse about the President every since he got reelected. said he wasn't  President, he was a fucking thief. Visibly shaken her son wept, she always wanted to be cremated, guess she saved us about $1,000. She wanted her ashes to be scattered on a patch of blue bonnets...so we will keep what's left of her in a KFC box until spring and then we will obey her last wish.."On being notified by her family, her blog friends were all saddened to hear of her death.."Well, at least she went out in a blaze of glory, too bad she couldn't have taken Forest with her", said her blogger friend Soonerfan78...At her family's request, in lieu of flowers please make donations to the election of Kinky Friedman for governor of Texas....

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

THINGS THAT MAKE ME LAUGH,CRY OR SAY FUCK


or just things that twist my mind and my drawers..
there was article in dallas morning news..about high-tech pajamas for women with hot flashes and the dreaded night sweats...a moisture managment product...well fuck me... next there will be thermal underwear for men who suffer from blue balls...ok, that's one...
now how many of you have seen the commerical for aol. where the woman comes in with a apple crunch cake to thank them for putting in the spy wear with her aol..???? now if this was real life, she would have had to get on the plane and fly to India to give them the cake as there are no tech''s in the us...they are all in India or some other country. I know as I have had many talks with the aol tech''s and not one of them speak english as a first language..I got so pissed off one night after getting one Indian after another Indian trying to explain my problem to me...finally went redneck and said if I was going to be forced to talk to an Indian could I at least talk to an American Indian, like a Hopi, or Navajo or Apache..least I would be able to understand them...that's two.
today along with my water bill I received the 2004 annual drinking water quality report...for the city of west...the average contaminant of arsenic is 0.400, this is from erosion of natural deposits, runnoff from orchards, runnoff from glass and electonics production wastes...there is also below the limits of barium, chronium, fluoride, nitrate, combined radium, gross beta emitters, and gross alpha.these are inorganic contaminants...
organic contaminants are atrazine, and xylenes.
disinfection byproducts are total haloacetic acids, and total trihalomethanes...
plus secondary and other not regulated constituents...aluminum, bircarbonate, calcium, chloride, copper, iron, lead, magnesium, manganese, nickel, ph, sodium yadayada....yadayada..
in other words with all this "stuff" in the water ...it's fit to drink...ha...and people want to know why I drink so much damn Dublin Dr. Pepper...
that's three..
Tonight Forest Gump is going to talk to us about the war in Iraq...well, fuck me til I cant walk with out a hitch in my getalong..I got my email from movingon.org. and they have a list of papers you can write to..a fast way to write to President Gump as if that will help any...spending has gone up 33% since forest took office...highest since any president..I wonder just how close to crawford I can really get...that's four..
Texas won the baseball series..Baylor didnt..fuck..plus we got scanctioned by the commissioner for being bad two years ago..cant play in any bowl games for one or two years...could have been worse..but the Baptist are smart..they did the mea culpa, begged for forgivness, said "we be sorry" and kissed alot of ass..sooo like I said, it could have been worse..that''s five
well, I now have to take time out from all this fun to write an article for the west news about our library. no one uses it ...we need patrons and Im going to raise some hell..see if I cant get the memebership up..or one day I will drive up and there will be pad locks on the door and let me tell you..that will not be good for some one..cause me with out my library..is not a good thing..I promise you...some asskicking will commence...ya'll come back..ya'hea...

GARAGE SALE.FUCK


Well, I finally put ad in local paper for the garage sale...I have done eveything possible to stall and make excuses to keep from doing it..but so sick and tired of the "room of shit"...in this room are tables, chairs, saddles, 2 sets of golf clubs, tools, a small trampoline, books, picture frames( a box full)books, carpet shampooer, wet/dry vac, old record player, records, books, dish wear, glasses, knick nacks, clothes, small and large tile..boxes full,more fucking books,curtains, sheets, and so much more stuff I have forgotten. Havent been able to get in this room for 6 months...and I am almost possitive that Rocky has shit in there some place and I cant get to it..I may just sit the fucker on fire...not Rocky, the room full of shit..
weird stuff is going on in my little town of mayberry...two saturdays in a row someone has let the dogs out...and they have made an all day trip out of it and dont come home till 10pm or so...cant imagine what kind of trouble they were getting into...so far no cops.. and then yesterday I went to go to the library and the truck is deader than my last husband..the lights had been left on...but here is the kicker...I almost never drive at night...last time I had driven the truck was sat. afternoon.. no lights... so either when I was getting out of the truck I hit the switch and turned the lights on, (tried and it is pretty hard to do) or some kids think it would be funny ....summer time and nothing for them to do...and Henrietta said there had been lots of calls to police because kids were pulling stunts all over town. knocking over mail boxes out in the country, stealing gas, some breaking and entering ...usual summer pranks..but they had better know if I catch them I will drop kick them Jesus, thru the goal posts of life..
rented 5 movies again for a week...sometimes that is too much pressure on me to watch all those movies in a week..every night is ...gotta watch a movie, only have 4 more days to watch these movies...fuck..takes all the joy out of it...only one good movie out of it..Man on Fire with denzel washington...now that was a good movie..like revenge movies. kicking ass movies..which brings me to the summer movie I would love to see ...war of the worlds..but that stupid fucking tom cruise has made it almost impossible to go and see it now...every time I see his face I will be wanting the aliens to eat his ass..or at least kick it..little fucker..what a nut job..
I am down to counting the days now...til.....football season...I might as well warn you all now...I totally become bi-polar during football season..as I live and die with the cowboys...if they win I am manic and smile like a jackass eating cactus..if they lose I am so despondent that I twist between homicide and suicide..but know someone has to die...preferably a eagles fan..I hate the eagles..I hate the eagles fans...I pray to the Goddess daily during football season to smite them fuckers...and smite them good..
well, guess I should go start getting ready for the garage sale...fuck...

MAD AS HELL PART 4



By now Rocky is so pissed at not being allowed to see Forest Gump he is starting to implode..."You sonsabitches, we wanna see the president hisownself..now"..Cheney, calm as a summer breeze says,"nope, no way. You cant see the president"...Rocky screams at the top of his little lungs:"If you dont get the president of the United States on that phone, do you know what's goonna happen to you?...You're gonna have to answer to to the coca-cola company."Cheney laughs like the crazy man he is and then whispers:"of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine"then as his eyes glisten and slobber runs down his chin he says"I'd like to take a bite of you. You're a cookie full of arsenic."By this time Jackiesue was tired of being jerked around and said menancingly.."Go ahead, make my day.".and before I really lose my temper and tap dance on your forehead and cotton eyed joe on your rib cage...where the fuck is Forest motherfucking Gump?"...Cheney laughs..."Why Jackiesue....dont you know? The president is down in Crawford, you could have just driven down the road and had your little visit, not that anyone will let you within 100 yards of him,as your on every watch list there is...Only reason you got in here is because we knew the ole boy was home in Texas." "Judas fucking priest....quit telling the world he is a texan..the sonofabitch was born in conn. and is no more a Texan, a cowboy or even a good ole boy than Martha Stewart is a gentlile ole lady. Well, fuck, now we have to go back to Texas and see if we can find him, come on Rocky, its time to go home."But Rocky is no where to be found.....
to be continued

Monday, June 27, 2005

MAD AS HELL, PART 3


Rocky has turned into psycho cat.. He has doubled in size and is showing his fangs..both of them..he lost the other two in a dog fight..he swivels his head around sniffing the air..."ah, my precious"...Jackiesue laughs hysterically and says, "no dipshit, its not Condi Rice, or we would have heard long nails clicking on the floor and the sound of scales .... and look Rocky...its the most powerful man in the country...Dick cheney..and he doesnt look too happy to see us."Rocky is so pissed his eyes are bugging out of his head..We dont need to see this asshole, we want Forest Gump."Cheney says with a smirk..."the president doesnt want to see you and you have to leave..
im getting ran out of library so will cont. tomorrow..

Saturday, June 25, 2005

I'M MAD AS HELL, PART 2


Rocky had been riding quietly in Jackiesue's arms from Texas to the White house, but now he said "Mein fuhrer, I can walk"..."ok, ok,...take it easy...just be on the watch for those two furry dogs of Forest Gump''s and he has a cat too..".."Dogs and cats living together!Mass hysteria.!"..."Look, just keep an eye out for the animals and the secret service, cause if they find you here remember."you owe me money"..and "I stick my neck out for nobody"..."Ha, ha Jackiesue, your sooooo funny."..."what do you mean, I'm funny?..You mean the way I talk? What?...Funny how? I mean, what''s funny about it? But I''m funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm hre to fuckin'' amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How''m I funny?..How the fuck am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me? Tell me what's funny!.."and Rocky replied "you talkin'to me?"..."Enough, enough...that's a fucking enough..., lets just find the doofus, kick his ass and get the fuck out of dodge"...
So the dynamic duo started down the long hall way of the biggest little whore house in Washington, DC..
"you know the only thing I really want out of this little trip is the truth..the truth about why we are in a war with a country that had nothing to do with 9-11, the truth about why the tax cut only was profitable for the top 1%of the country.The truth about why we are in a war with a country that did us no harm until we invaded them and the price of oil is still higher than a cats back, no offense Rocky. The truth about how his program of no child left behind has left all the kids behind.The truth about all the x-lobbiest that are now working either for the republican party or for him personaly...I just want the truth Rocky ..is that too much for me to ask?Can you answer me that?" "you want answers?" Rocky screamed..."I want the truth", Jackiesue screamed back."You can't handle the truth!"...screamed Rocky, so loud that they were overheard...breathing heavily they both listen as foot steps could be heard ..getting closer and closer....
to be continued..

Friday, June 24, 2005

DOODY PATROL


I will finish the invasion of the white house by me and rocky..but have to get some sleep first..jamie my 16 year old granddaughter was taking care of her sister jennifer''s new little pit bull puppy and I got stuck babysitting it...his name is kilo but I called him spike as in what I would like to drive thru his little shitting every 4 minutes heart...Dont get me wrong...I love dogs and Im crazy about this little puppy...but I have house trained the last dog ever...I dont get much sleep as it is, but waking up every 3 hours to take the puppy out is a pain in the ass. because its just not taking the dog out and him going and coming back in..its the other two dogs getting up and going out too and then all three of them deciding to play, chase crickets, fetch the golf balls that are scattered all over the yard...and just fuck around...by the time I get eveyone back in bed and asleep, its time to take the little fucker out again...plus I had to keep a close watch on the 2 older dogs as they werent all that impressed with his cuteness and tried to eat him twice... they did not think it was cute at all when he jumped on their tail and started chewing it ..or chewing on ppp''s ears...trooper would actually run from him and looked at me like "please, get him off of me"..so when Jamie came over today I shoved the pup in her arms and said "see ya later gater"...feel bad cause I volunteered...just didnt know that the dogs would try and make dinner out of him...
I went to american film institute web site and down loaded all 100 of the most favorite movie quotes..so will start on the rest of the story... have lots of great ideas, but have this thought that the feds are probably reading this shit and the idea of me making jokes about storming the white house and kicking forest gumps ass, might get me arrested and tossed in jail....but...its just too good not to try...so after I do write it and no one hears from me in say 5-10 years...lets hope at least I get a nice federal pen to spend it in....

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I'M MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE."


thought jackie as she packed up her trusted and faithful companion Rocky and headed out to Washington,DC to confront King George face to face and in person...She knew that only she could save the country from the man who was giving cowboys a bad name...she knew it wasen't going to be easy but like she had always said,"i love the smell of naplm in the morning" and off they went..As she was bording the plane Jackie wispered to Rocky, "fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night."
With Rocky tucked under her arm she departed the plane in DC and finding a cab went directly to the White House where she knew she would find (ack, gag, choak) the president...King George his ownself..Standing in front of the guard house Jackie confronted the Marine Guard and said, let me in ...I need to see the President. What makes you think you can just get in to see the president Jackie?..She replied, "I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."..well, come on in then...and he ushered her right to the white house doors...as he walked away Jackie heard him say "May the force be with you."
"Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."
Jackie looked around and all she could think of was...this is "the stuff that dreams are made of" and went in search for ole George...
to be continued...

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

SLEEP, MY KINGDOM FOR SOME SLEEP


i dont know what the deal is but didnt go to sleep last night...at all..finally about 12:30 I was reading a book and fell asleep and my head went down on my book and my glasses read pressed up against the book and now I have the imprint of my glasses on my face..red marks on nose ...reminds me of when i used to drink and I would buy that last six pack to take home and would sit on the floor by the coffee table and watch tv and drink those last beers.would wake up 3 hours later with ring imprints on my face from passing out on the six pack...
I have always had trouble sleeping, but seems like it is getting worse...I usually get 4-5 hours sleep and then stay up for a day and a half...or two..sucks..my daughter called the last time from san fran last night and was 12:30am and she said are you asleep? I said, are you kidding..??? she was telling her friends about how much I read and by working at the library I had checked my account and since I have moved back to west I have read over 6,000 books..in 10 years...that doesnt count books I get from friends, garage sales or gifts from family...I have read more books than anyone in west...seems like I should be one hell of a lot smarter...She said all of her friends were impressed with all the books I read...and not one romance novel in the bunch...not that I am against romance novels...It is just not something I enjoy...I refer to them as heaving bosoms...well, as we say in texas....I'm fixing to go to the library...read all the books I had checked out plus had about 5 more that I had got at garage sale..going to donate them to the library...ya'll come back ya'hea

THE GODDESS BLOG

Ok, this is what I think...I have read on several blogs where spouses are upset about what is being blogged, or like me...I know my son or daughter in law is going to read the blog where I call her names and be in deep shit for ever..so here's the deal and tell me what you think...this place this only blog the Goddess blog is where you can come and unload...say fuck till your brain explodes, talk about your husband, wife, kids in laws.. boyfriends, girlfriends, etc... this way no one can read your own blog and see what you have said..this is the safe blog...the place where you can come and unblog yourself...what do you think...???? just leave a comment of your flustrations and let 'er rip....

THE GODDESS IS GOOD



I watched the Baylor game yesterday and we won in 10 innings...so one down and 3 to go...we play again at 6pm..will watch..so far Iam not a jinx for the mens baseball team like I was for the girls basketball team...
Stupid dogs got out of the yard again yesterday and were gone until almost 10 pm...little bastards..they snuck in the yard and actually tried to pretend they had been there all along...I came out on the porch and they were like.."hi, were you been, where''s dinner, is this water fresh, where''s the cat...what time is it.." little fuckers.
My daughter called me yesterday a couple of times..first to remind me that it was her one year anniversary...she has been sober for one year..she got her little slug or what ever that thing is they give you when you ..chip..that''s what it is..she got her one year chip...I am so proud of her...and she does all the meetings, goes to her couselor, therapist, etc... just working the program..she sounds so happy...she has been there 3 years now and almost one year in san francisco...sure do miss her...but think texas is bad for her...want to go visit her soon...miss my baby...
still act like there is a bird in the house when the phone rings...look all around...like...what is that noise..and the dogs are standing in front of the receiver going "answer the fucking phone dipshit"...
I have put off garage sale for another week...just too flapping hot..by the time I mow the two yards I wont feel like hauling the crap out...beginning to think in stead of having a yard sale might have a house fire..

Im going to answer part of that little quiz that was going around a few weeks ago...so here tis..
my full name is Jacque Sue Therese Roycroft Brown, Clark, Brown, Denney...I was born Novemeber 12, 1943...on a friday and the mooon was full..I was judas priest I hate to say this...Blytheville, Arkansas..but left when I was 6 days old..only reason why I wasent born in Mesquite, Texas like I was supposed to is because my mother felt the need to piss my father off for some reason, as he had wanted me to be born in Texas..so my aunts and grandmother made an end run from Mesquite to come get me and get me back to Texas before some of that arkie shit rubbed off on me...and the tag to that story is when I filed for my social security I had to have my birth cirtificate and coundly find it so sent off to ark. for one and they said...hmmm...cant find you...doesnt seem like we have a record of your being born in ark...so took me extra long time to get my ss because there is no record of my birth in ark..and they say dont mess with Texas...huh...
I now reside in ..if you dont know by now...you never will...Texas
i have green eyes with flecks of yellow...my hair was blond for years and now is turd murkle brown with some gray...I am 5'' 3 1/2" tall and what I weigh is nunyafuckingbusiness..
I am right handed, but I hit a baseball left handed and golf left handed and fish left handed...dont ask me I dont have a clue.
My mother was half french/half german my daddy is irish/english and some indian tossed in...I am wearing my blue converse high tops and my weakness is I pretend not to be weak...dont tell
my fears are someone will find out Im weak...yeah right..
the perfect pizza would be one that I made myself with everything but pineapple and anchovies.. and double cheese
my goals for this year are to live to see the end of it...
my most overused im phrase is...Howdy..
The first thing I think of when i wake up is...fuck...I have to pee
I go to bed around 5am and get up around 10am..or I dont go to sleep at all, like today...havent been to sleep yet and its 8am.fuck..I have to pee
I dont understand the most missed memory...if its a memory and you missed it...how do you know what it is...???? I miss my daddy
Pepsi/coke...gotta be kidding...dublin drpepper
Mcdonald or Burget King?...Im in Texas ya''ll...it''s whataburger....all the way.no mayo
and as for single or dating...I would rather have open heart surgery with a rusty saw
Lipton or nestea???suntea...
chocolate or vanilla..i like both but like rocky road the best
cappuccino or coffee? tea....
I dont smoke and I dont drink..been there done that and have tshirt to prove it
fucking right I swear..only vice I have left..dont do it so just talk about it
I sing along with the radio but I sing really really bad...only song i do justice to is janis joplin''s "oh lord, wont you buy me a mercedes benz....my friends all drive porches I must make amends.....worked...you get it..
I shower nearly every night before I go to bed, shampoo and condition...
I have been in love ....maybe once...but think now that I look back on it ....was lust...
I went to one semester of college
never marry again...
do I belive in myself...???hummmI belive I will live thru the day....
I never get motion sickness ever
and no I dont think im attractive..kinda cute for a fat broad....
I am not a health freak...nuuh
I got along with my daddy, but mother and I were...not close...
I love thunderstorms...a lot...love the sounds, the winds, the smells....
cant play any instrument at all
and in the past month I havent drank, smoked, dated, had sex gone to a movie eaten a box of oreos eaten sushi been on stage been dumped or gone skinny dipping..but I have done all of them in my wicked evil past...and stole a sweater when i was 14 just to impress my girlfriends...
I have never been called a tease and got beat up when i was 8 years old by a kid that was 11 and my 2 cousins found him and beat the crap out of him for me...and how do I want to die??? well, gee ..I dont really..but I do know when I do go...I will be yelling and screaming and fighting every fucking step of the way...and if you do come to my funeral and look in the coffin and see me laying there...know one thing and know it for sure....boy am i pissed..

Monday, June 20, 2005

MY BEST FRIEND DAVID


I met David at the local watering hole here in west about 27-30 years ago...for some reason we hit it right off...just 2 sick twisted souls that liked to drink, do drugs and have a good time while doing so...We didnt become best friends right away..just buds...as for a very very short while we were fucking friends..but that was scarry and we, without every mentioning it, just knew that wasent going to work...so we just were friends... and over the years we were in and out of each others life...My daughter was insanely jealous of him as she didnt want mama to have a fella..and my dog Bill who loved eveyone and eveyone loved him..couldnt stand David..think it was because eveyone always made over him and would take him places, bring him toys, etc..and david would call him Henry, or Ted or George...and would piss Bill off..and he would do his elvis impression when he saw David...he would curl up his lip and snarl at him...cracked both of us up...Well, Bill died but David is still around...then when I moved back to West about 10 years ago and he was living back here too, we just hooked up again. I saw him thru his devorice with his wife, he saw me thru the problems with my daughter..When I lost my van he let me use his truck and when he bought a new car he just let me have it...how about that for a friend...He came to the house and babysat my pit bull dog Nate when I was in the hospital...I came to his folks house and took care of his mom when his dad had to go to drs. or to town and grocery shop...He would bring his girls for me to help dress for dances, fix costumes for holloween. I picked them up in morning and afterschool for school. My one granddaughter jamie got mad at David''s daughter Sara because she would call me grandma...At one time he even dated the granddaughters mother and that was good for some laughs...If I needed anthing I knew that I could ask David...if I wanted to confess something, I knew he would not judge me. He made fun of me and laughed at me when I did stupid silly things, but he never has judged me...In allthese years we have been friends we have never had an argument...one one. He is reading over my shoulder so now I have to say something funny about him...Nah, can''t...he''s just my best friend...ok, he''s gone now...he read it and said he needed all the good pr he could get...He is 53, single, great father to two lovely daughters Jessica and Sara, a good son, a constant brother..and my best friend....

the haps


the haps are happening so fast here...another death...a few months ago one of the inlaws cousins died who was another sweet and dear man...bad heart.. was a huge man...just found out from my best friend david that the wife just passed away... she had been ill for over 25-30 years and he had been her caretaker...i think she just gave it up too..so having the viewing tomorrow...i hate those kind of things...still getting ove doris''s and now another one..never could go to nick''s..just to sad to see that sweet 17 year old in a coffin...i plan on having a viewing when i die..but i dont want to be in the coffin..i want them to haul my ass down to the old bar i used to hang out in and put me on the bar stool that i alway sat on with the sign they used to hang on the back of it "reserved for the old broad"..put on the stool and put a lone star beer can in my hand and let me enjoy the party..i am going to spend about a week down loading a cd of my favorite songs with the last song being...walk thru this world with me by george jones...wonder if my family will go for it..and the health dept...

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN


Oh man, do i love being right or what...about 3 weeks ago my granddaughter jenny and i were discussing music and she said something about the song stairway to heaven and mentioned a band (not led zephlin) that put it out...I said no it was l.z. and she said no it was who ever...we argued in fun back and forth and told her on this one granny was right..but she is 18 and cant imagine her granny being right about music...(cant belive that i rocked with the best of them..and just because all i listen to now is the oldies station doesnt mean i dont know rock and roll..) and left the house all superior..i know that it would not have taken much to prove it to her but no big deal..until in todays paper there was an article about lz''s robert plant commenting on the fact that he hates the song stairway to heaven as he has played it so much over the years...going to have it framed and give it to her...along with a nana nana boo boo, stick your head in doo doo...teach her to mess with the granny..

the college world series is going on and baylor is in it..we have kicked texas u. every game this year and in first game of series they beat us 5-1..fuckers..so all we have to do now is win 4 games in 4 days and we win it all..we have won both mens and womens'' singles and doubles in tennis, womens basketball, womens baseball, softball and some other stuff, tack field etc..so now we need to men to start pulling their weight...our men''s basketball team is in disarray from 2 years or so ago when one of the players shot and killed another player and the coach got fired for all kinds of illegal shit..our football team isnt as good as it should be...but for a bunch of bible thumping baptist... they do ok...the goddess must be keeping an eye out for them....heehee

Sunday, June 19, 2005

MY DADDY..


He was the oldest of 7 born on a tiny farm in Mesquite texas...he took being the eldest very seriously and being a son very seriously...He was in the military for 30 years and in civil service for 20...I used to tease him all the time cause he was just this sweet, kind gentle loving man who had me for his only child...told him if you believed in reincarnation..he had to be paying some bad deed off by getting me as his only kid...but he never saw it that way...he was the kind of man that stood up when women came to the table or left the table, he held your chair when you sat down..he never smoked a day in his life, but lit all his wives cigerettes by putting it in his mouth and lighting it for them..he didnt think that looked lady like for them to light it themselves.. he was a good man...I never heard anyone ever say anything bad about him...he was good to all his neices and nephews, tryed to keep peace between his warring brothers and sisters...and had the most wonderful dry sense of humor...example...once when he was married to my mother, a very difficult woman, she woke him up in the middle of the night and said "Bill, i just woke up with a jerk...."..and Daddy said, "Well, kick the son of a bitch out of bed and go back to sleep"...
when I was a kid I was such a tom boy and was always getting my ass into trouble..but when your a service brat you had to be careful cause eveything you did reflected on him and he could lose rank over my activities..so I kept my trouble making to small stuff...and of course being a kid if I got caught I would lie like a persian rug...so Daddy had a solution for that little problem...he would make me stand right in front of him and would say "Jackiesue...look me right in the eyes and tell me the truth."...well, hell, I could no more look him in the eye and lie then I could fly...which maybe why I am such a poor liar today and only do it if I am trying to keep from going to jail.....My Daddy died in 1982...6 months after he retired from civil service...but..Iam still Daddy''s Little Darling....and always will be...

PERKS OF THE JOB


Oh, man oh man...I love it when I have things to piss and moan about....whooo happy day...In my lovely Dallas am news today, acticle on perks of the job...refering to ole forest and the gifts he receives ....listen to this shit...
FOR THE RANCH:Chain saws and cutter $787
brush cleaning equiptment $270
boat and dock $5,728
dock with walkway $7,466 flashlights $460
tools $499, cooking pit $3359, barbecue smoker $1,992,
texas mesquite bench $3,992
The Links:
golf cart $7,101 clubs, covers and bags $3,625
The Trails:
mountain bike$2,700 helmets, gloves and other equiptment $532
Hunting:shotgun and accessories $14,153vest and binoculars $680
Fishing: rods, reeels, cases bait, etc. $4,966
this doesnt count the $1,500 pair of books given by President of Mexico and us and mexican flags for $1,800
or the boots from australian Prime Minister for $496 or the nice little painting from Saudi Prince Bandar bin Sultan...by C.M. Russell, for a cool $million and Mrs. Gump gets a some nice jewlry of diamonds and sapphires for $95,500...They say the large donations they dont get to keep theat they go to the national Archives....yeah, buddy...
Of course this doesnt count the stuff that people bring that no one says anything about....cause you know ole Prince who barbara bush refers to as another bush, give them stuff all the time and no one keeps tabs of it...Now, I have given this lots of though, this isnt something that I came up with willy nilly...there was serious thought given to what I think would make a great gift for our President Gump....and here is my idea for the perfect gift....a butt plug....to keep him from sticking his head up his ass all the time....thank you and good night....plese tip the waitress and drive carefully on your way home tonight folks...

Saturday, June 18, 2005

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY SINGLE MOTHERS


When the kids were younger and we all lived at home and since I had been devoriced from the boys dad since they were 4 months and 22 months..and maryjo's dad left us when she was 14 months ..so I have been mom and dad..anyhow..They used to get me Father's Day gifts each fathers day...They would buy me the most god awful ugly ties you have ever seen with a happy fathers day card...even wrote about it to the waco paper and they did an article on it for fathers day...I like to think the kids should be grateful I was such a thom boy and knew all about sports or they would have been such wussy's..I have seen some boys raised by single mom's and they didnt know jack about sports or cars or things that dad's usually teach them..cause mom didnt know about sports or cars..I always thought maryjo should have turned out gay for the same reasons but she is still into males...even though she does live in san francisco..
so to all my blogging daddy's out there...HAPPY FATHERS DAY..

ALL THAT WHINNING ABOUT BALLARD COMIC HAS PAID OFF

No they arent bringing it back ...yet...but with my constant pissing and moaning emails I have made a new friend..Mike at the comic section of the newspaper..He has been nice enough to answer my silly emails and assure me that no one is blowing me off but during the summer the chances of getting ballard street put back are slim..and to change it in anyway is like moving a battle ship...so he says...I am sure he wouldnt lie to me..he is a Bloom County fan also...and cant go wrong there...So even if they dont put Ballard Street back daily I can thanks to barbaraw47 to to the web site and read it each day...and I have a new friend..what else could a chubby old broad ask for..

ROCK AND ROLL PAPA'S


In the Dallas am news for fathers day the have an article on rockand roll daddy''s and their sons..like walon jennings and shooter jennings...waylon, my personal favorite..I like his son Shooter too. He looks like his dad so much it hurts to look at him..but his daddy has the better voice...he also dates the girl that plays joey''s sister on Joey...little trivia..then they hadSteve Young and his son Jubal Lee Young... great names for their kids huh? Jubal Lee is more rock and roll than daddy..
Then there is Terry Allen and Bukka Allen...what a name to be hung with..Bukka...fucka bukka..dont you know he got razzed his entire school life.Then ole Jerry Jeff Walker and Django Walker..judas priest, what kind of drugs were these guys taking when they named their kids...I really like Django...and Jerry Jeff is another favorite of mine..Then Jimmie Dale Gilmore and his son Colin Gilmore...finally a normal name..Jimmy is more spiritual than the kid..music wise...but what a great thing to be able to pass down ..musical talent.. Know they all have big shoes to fill..I know I would give a buck eighty five to have waylon back for just one song...My favorite? Cedartown Georgia...

THE LIBRARY


I have been commisioned to write an article for the west by god newspaper by henrietta the librarian..We have this great library and most of the people dont use it or even know it is there..so I had written an article about my great dane Baby. ...who adopted me...and henrietta thought since I did such a great job I should try my shot at writing about the library.so will do so..Speaking of Baby..now there was a dog...I went to the library one day and when I got out of the truck this horse came loaping up to me...I am 5''31/2" and he came up to my hips..all I could think of was "wow, this is one fucking big dog."..and he leaned up against me,almost knocking me down..and just sighed..like he had been waiting for me and there I was...I still had the truck door open and he jumped in and went to sleep on the seat...so I took him home with me...bought dog food from jupe''s mill where they ofered me hay for him..he weighed close to 150 lbs or better...I have a 4 ft. cyclone fence and he could sit on his butt and jump and clear in with feet to spare.
This gentle giant was absolutely the greatest dog ever...I figured out real fast that his old owner had a automatic as every time I went to shift the gears he would take his huge arm and pull it back to rest on his him...He wanted me to be touching him all the time...when in the truck..also he was a batchelor as he drank out of the toilet and only ate left overs...hated dog food..but with just me in the house there werent alot of left overs ..cooking for one..so I adventually got him eating dog food mixed with gravy...home made gravy...I had to take him everywhere withme as the one time I left him in the house he went thru the window...took out glass, screen and all...so where I went the babe went...I used to take the granddaughters to school and pick them up so they didnt have to ride the uncool bus..babe did not like having to ride in the back seat when the girls got in the truck...but he was so glad to see them he would jump right in the back when he saw them coming and then lean over the seat and lick them to death..he had a habit of leaving the house really early in the moring and I found out later that he had a routine that he kept to every morning..he would run down the stree to the post office..go in the back door and then go shake hands with all the postal people, then he would go with vanessa on her route for a while then he would lick her good by and go to nemecek''s meat market and get his moring snack from gwen..she would sit out side smoke her cigerette and give him cheese and crackers and some scraps...then he would come home..but evry morning schoold days we would pick up the girls and then in afternoon take them home..one day on my birthday the girls got a ride so I could sleep in...except noone told babe...so he ran to the school to get his hugs and kisses from the girls..he got in the school building and searched until he found the girls and let me tell you they were not to happy to see this huge horse of a dog come lumbering in their room and almost knocking them out of their chairs with joy...the school office called me and asked me to come get babe as some of the kids didnt know he was a gentle giant and were standing out in the school yard screaming in fear while babe ran circles around them...adventually the police got tired of bringing him home in the squad car and even though he was the most gentle dog he scared the shit out of people...so as much as it broke my heart one of the guys that works for the city of west lives on 22 acres and took him...he stayed there for about 3 months and then moved in with the people across the road as they let him in the house and he liked to sleep on the couch...but I still miss the babe and this has been almost 2 years now...dogs...man.they can steal your heart.

Friday, June 17, 2005

ANOTHER WEEK IN WEST BY GOD TEXAS


The library is hosting a reading program for the sumer...the annual West Accordion Squeeze-off is on June 25th, everyone is invited and encouraged to bring their accordians...First Methol\dist church is having vacation bible school..and something very interesting...a young teen dance, for the in-coming sixth grad through eighth grade students is planned for the 24th...$5 for kids and free for parents that would like to come...(they will all be down at wolf''s, coyote bobs or the spitoon cafe and bar getting drunk...)County row crop tours set for June 17th and 24th..each tour is to include a free noon meal and those attending with a pesticide license will receive three continuing education hours...(whoopie)West chambe of commerce has a luncheon for members where the new logo will be unveiled...Four west boy scouts are planning to go to new mexico and backpack...215 square miles in the mountain widerness in the Sangre de Cristo range in the rockies... that should be fun...free gun locks are now available to west residents..lots of congradulations posted to kids who graduated from college or university.. 2 new babies one of each...they will probably be married in 18 years..The urbanovsky family is having a reunion...lots and lots of them running around..The swimming pool(which is the 2nd largest outdoor pool in the state of texas and is over 50 years old)is having a hard rock extravanganza along with a washer and horseshoe tournament.My ex boyfriend and his band are playing at the shadowland. hmmmm. nah...
Jodie Mikula orchestra is playing at the B.V.M. Catholic church in penelope and they will have a polka mass at 10:30am..thre were 5 deaths...75, 93,88,16 and 17...too sad..
''85 grads are having a reunion...Jerry''s chicken shack is having a father''s day special...16 peices of chicken, 2 large side, 8 rolls and 1 gallon of tea for $20.99. St. Joseph''s in Elk, Texas is having their annual bbq picnic this sunday...with bingo childrens games, country store, raffle and plenty of ice cold beer...on the church grounds no less...heehee. i love texas...50 years ago 5 new babies were born here..and 50 years later the goddess took back 5...Willie Nelson''s home town of Abbott(9 miles down the road)is celebrating some kids that did good in uil Academic meet...There is a picture of a little girl two years old holding her "first fish"..she caught a 6-lb bass...i swear to the goddess her parents swear she caught it herself..using a scooby doo fishing pole and a top water lure Lacey mimicked her dad and mom..and when she got one dad pulled on the line and she reeled it in...they kept saying you got one, you got one...and I guess she was thinking toys, candy or something else besides the fish cause when she pulled it out the blood ddrained out of her face and she screamed and cried...now that''s funny
Food mart grocery has old milwaukee 12-pack for $4.99 boneless porkchops for $2.99lb..Community grocery has honeydews for $1.19 each...and eckrich chopped ham for $1.29 lb.
Seven garage sales...You can buy a 3 bed. 1 bath, large kitchen and living room, shaded backyard, and storage shed. for $59,900 right down the street from me..There is a 2-story 4 bed, 2 bath on 2 acres for sale, no price but it is on bugtusslelane...You can rent a 2bed 1 bathon one acre with a large laundry room for $6.50 If you are a rn supervisor, lvn, or certifed nurse aid, the west retirement home is hiring...You can also ge a job as insurance and billing click for a medical clinic..which is where the last one quit along with another girl cause the drs. wife got in a fight with her...i love west....
Jennette Karlics little article that she puts out each week talks about how we used to get free stuff in detergent. like hand towels, glass wear,and dishes...i remember that ..i also remember green stamps..
and there you have it ...another week in west...the excitement is about to kill me...and nothing on tv but reruns...so going to go finish halan Coben''s new book...ya''ll come back ya''hea...

Thursday, June 16, 2005

BOOKS TO READ...YAFTA'S...(YOU HAVE TO)


I finished the Phillip Margolin book "Lost Lake" and man was it good...read it straight thru....one day...but the one I read right before it was called Mermaid Swimming and cant remember the author but it was her first book...I really did like it...but sorta, kinda strange also..about 3 women and starts with the grandma who is from Ireland and goes to America has a daughter and goes back to Ireland when she is 15...not a happy camper...she gets pg...marry''s the guy leaves goes back to America and raises the daughter til she dies of cancer and the grandma comes to American to take her back to Ireland...these were some really friendly ladies... really friendly...the mother that died of cancer had been down on everything but the Titanic....and daugher was a close second...but still a good book....
also read kinky friedman''s latest 10 new yorkers...but. not happy with the ending...now I am reading staub''s new one...so far so good...still reading the bloom county comics book too. I love opus...and Bill the cat...well, going to go read some blogs...ya''ll come back and see us..ya hea''

GROCDERY SHOPPING IN WEST


West has 2 grocery stores..West Food Mart and Community Grocery... Food Mart is the larger of the two stores and generally the prices are lower, but I usually go to community cause I know Patsy really well and she has worked there for over 10 years..plus the high school kids that work in there are sweet and I just like them better...so on wed. the west paper comes out and both grocery stores change their ads and all the new stuff is on sale...so I went in to get paper and see what was on sale and it was like old home week in there...Saw Debi and her daughter who is just a great kid and cant remember her name..Debi used to be our assistant library and really do miss her as she is very funny and most importantly..thinks I am very funny too. She is the republican that I took to Crawford to see Michael Moore''s f. 9-11 film...she liked it too..still voted for forest though, but I didnt hold her against her...We talked for a long time over which 3 1/2 gallons of blue bell ice cream to get...it was on sale for 3 for $11... I got homemade vanilla, peaches and cream and peanut brittle...nummy nummy...also got liver and sausage... liver for the cat and sausage for me and the dogs...not liver ice cream ...just liver..with onions...Then i saw merle and t.j...who I have known for about 30 years...I love merle and t.j...they are west''s only gay couple...they run the bar "coyote bob''s"...So you have to picture my little straight as an arrow red neck town and the busiest bar in town is run by two old gay farts...I just fucking love it...and I think I can name 3 people that actually said something that was sorta mean...and when everyone gave them the cold shoulder they dropped it...I was for kicking their asses...but cooler heads prevailed...Then ran into julio and they are having a benefit for him to raise money for hospital bills...didnt know he had been sick...going to donate some books for the auction..So yesterday was a good day...got to see some good friends and got some blue bell icecream..the goddess is good to me..

STILL UP...NO SLEEP FOR THE WICKED

I don't know what the deal is...twice this week I haven''t been to sleep.stayed up all night and day...

They brought charges against the kid that was driving the car that nick and nicholas were killed and the china springs girl..who''s name escapes me...he is being charged with vehicular manslaughter for them...found out he was going 99 miles an hour...just so sad..

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

BE STILL MY BEATING HEART

Horay, cheers, whistles, whoopdeedees all over the fucking place....JAMES LEE BURKE WILL HAVE A NEW DAVID RIBICHEAUX BOOK OUT IN JULY....CALLED CRUSADERS CROSS..
Oh, I am sooo happy...happy happy happy...

I STILL DONT BELIVE IT


Guess who''s coming to Dallas??? A nigerian Yoruba priestess and two shamans, one an African Zulu spiritualist, the other an African American spiritual healer..along with more than 25 muliethnic spiritual leaders ....Hindus, Jews, Native Americans, Hare Krishnas, Catholics, Congregationalists and Wiccans will be among nearly 3 dozen varied believes who will share philosophies at the record setting conference on Religious Tolerance in a World of Spiritual Diversity..
Planners say they expect the 4day meeting to be the largest assembly of new age and old world alternative spiritual thinkers and mainstream religious leaders that will explore tolerance. They are expected to discuss freewheeling and wide-ranging topics including faith healing, generaltion z, gay marriage, world conflicts and interracial adoptions...


be still my heart...if your interested go to www.sanctuaryforlife.org.

then to add shock on shock...Plano is building a $6.5 million dollar muslim center...and Govenor good hair is flying in to throw the first brick, er....i mean lay the first brick...This from a guy who gets his votes out of the church directories from major cities...
I dont know...i see a trend here...but Im not sure which direction it is going..and what the fuck does it mean...i dont trust these people...they have motives that arent just clear to me just yet...but I will figure it out...yes..i will feret out your underhanding dealings...
I bet they get all those people in one place, rush the religious right out for starbucks and blow the building up....whatdayathink?

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

HOG HEAVEN


Seems like i have died and gone to heaven..went to the library today and henrietta the libraian said...oh jackie, do i have something for you...and pointed to a bookcase full of new books..and i got first dips...didnt want to be a selfish pig so only took 5 of the new ones and already have 5 at home im reading...just finished kinky friedman''s new mystery...his books are easy as they are always really small and fast reads.. plus in between books i went to a garage sale and bought 2 big books on cartoons of brekley breathed(bloom county) and doonsbury....so im just one happy little fat gal...new harlan coben book, james richard patterson and a stuart margloin(sp) and a nevada barr...the goddess shines her light on me...speaking of shining light...went to doris mae oden''s funeral this morning...there were so many people there...at first baptist church...dont think i had been to a baptist church since i was about 9 and got in trouble from my mother as back then the catholics didnt want you to go to other churchs.. little did mama know that i thought it was so cool i let them baptise me...finaly confessed to father cornellius and he assured me that i was not going to burn in hell...but i did do alot of hail marys and acts of contriction...anyhow about the funeral...doris has had her funeral planned down to the songs, verses read, scriptures etc. coffin, dress, make up.etc. since 1987...is she cool or what...I didnt go to the cemetery..dont like to watch people get buried...freaks me out...I want to be creamated...and scattered over a bunch of bluebonnets...made the kids promise if i die in winter to save my ashes until spring so i can be with the bluebonnets...my favorite flower...think the death of the 16 yer old boy and of my friend doris has kind of messed with my head a little..i couldnt sleep last night...fall asleep and would dream about being buried alive...said fuck it ..got up and read kinky friedman..texas''s future governor...gong to go home and read all my new books...so excited.. i love new books...

Monday, June 13, 2005

BETTY BLOWERS ON MICHAEL JACKSON VERDICT

I wish I knew who runs the Betty Bowers web site..but they are a sick puppy...if you would like a good laugh, go to betty bowers.com and read her bit on the mj verdict...very funny..very sick...but very funny

THE VIEWING


Man, what a custom...stand about looking at a dead body...Not my idea of a good time..I didn't want to go but wanted to be there for my best friend and his family, so I went...There were so many people...I had no intentions of "viewing" but there she was smack dab in the middle of the room. I will have to say...she looked good...she looked dead..but for a dead person, she looked good..all pretty in pink..she was 74 and spent the last year not knowing who she was, or who anyone else was...Promise me...if I start to act like I''m loosing it....come kill me..dont want to live like that..Let me state that differently..sooner will be waiting for me to go off and will be on the first grayhound to take me out...I already told my son that I wanted a dnr and he would be the one to have to pull the plug on me if needed be...and to not let imacunt near me cause as much as she dislikes me, if I get a migraine she''ll be pulling the plug...

Sunday, June 12, 2005

DALLAS MORNING NEWS


I love my Dallas morning newspaper, especially on Sunday...There were so many things that grabbed my attention, pissed me off, made me think, laugh and want to kick someone''s ass...great paper..What is strange is they endorsed forest gump and I still like them...So many things to piss me off about, so little time..
First of all i want it known now and forever I used to be a Catholic...then when aids came into being and the Catholic still would not allow its church members in Africa, South America, America..where the fuck ever...to not be able to use condoms...well, that was the final straw...Plus not allowing women to be priest, to not crack down harder on pediphile priests, stand against gays, stem cell research, abortion, etc...I just could not with a clear heart and soul belong to a religion that allowed such things to go on...Then I read and learned that most religions are just like the Catholic Church...so being a christian was not what I wanted to be...so ...I became a pagan...no church..no God, no Jesus (although i did like the old Jesus, before the republicans got a hold on him) and none of the stuff that goes with it...My poor Baptist relative while on the one hand were glad to see me get away from the Catholic Church were just shocked to the core when I said I didnt belive in God and Jesus...Hence all the praying they do for me..But I like to remember that when man/woman first started out and they decided that there was a greater power out there that controled the sun, moon, stars, earth, humans and animals...they first worshipped a female diety...as woman gave birth and they figured "hey, she must have some super powers to be able to do that"..It wasent til they figured out the role that men had in helping with the birth that they started worshipping a male diety...so, Im just going back to the beginning, when women had the vote..and we voted for us....

THINGS THEY DONT TEACH YOU IN AMERICAN HISTORY


article in dallas am paper...ACROSS GENERATIONS, LYNCHINGS REVERBERATE.....without a trial...reported u.s. lynchings from 1882 to 1968...(196fucking8):4,743 total, 3,446 Blacks and 1,297 non-blacks..
States with the highest number of lynchings:
Mississippi:581
Georgia:531
Texas: 493
Louisiana:391
Alabama: 347

Can you imagine? They had to pass a bill to make it illegal to lynch people..? whathafuck?
and the Senate wouldnt pass the bill...until forced finaly...now the Senate is preparing to make amends for failure to act...does the expression "its about fucking time"...mean anything to them. People actually had post cards made up of the lynchings...little souviner from the south...

FORREST GUMPISMS...


"To many ob/gyn''s aren''t able to practice their love with women all over the country.."..9-6-04
"After all, Europe is American''s closet ally." 2-22-05
"Free societies will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscious, who kill at the whim of a hat." 9-17-04
"September the 4th, 2001 I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It''s a day I wil never forget>" 10-18-04
"That''s why I went to congress last September and proposed fundamental, funding, which is money for armor and boby parts>" 9-4-04
"Our enemies are innovative and resorceful, and so are we. They never sto thinking about new ways to harm our countrya dn our people, and neither do we." 8-5-04
"We are in no way, shape, or form should a human being,play God." 1-14-05

Saturday, June 11, 2005

RANT ON HOWARD DEAN


The democrats are all bitching cause howard dean is ranting and raving about the republicans...who gives a fuck what they think anyhow...the wussy democrats and the asshole republicans..what are the republicans going to do...? not ask you to their birthday party..take away your favorite toy? What pissses me off is that what he is saying is the truth...and so, the truth hurts...buy a fucking bandaid..like forest gump ever had a real fucking job...hasent worked up a sweat working since he was a yale cheerleader...they cheat, they lie, they only care about themselves and peole that can be helpful to them...fuck they have all the charms of my 3 ex husbands combined..no one trusts forest any more. no one thinks he is doing a good job.he lied to us. he cant keep his stories straight from one news cast to the next...if we were married to him we would devorice him...but he''s still the president..fuck me ..i''ll never dance with a smile on my face again.

HAPPY JACK


Well, im not depressed any more...too fucking depressing to be depressed. besides i started to read h. allen smith book and he makes me laugh....cant be depressed and laugh at the same time...you can but it could get your ass locked up in rubber room.
the daughterinlaw bought a suv..one of those big ass gas guzzling bitches...thom the son has a big gas guzzling truck and now the suv...want to check with them to make sure they are still democrats..starting to spend money like one of them right wing white christian never worked a day in their life republicans
...

IM FUCKING DEPRESSED


I am not the kind of person that gets "depressed", my sense of humor is to acute..I find humor in absolutely the worse situations and enjoy that..but this past week two people I was very fond of have died and for some reason it has really gotten to me..one was to young to have died and the other to sweet to have died with no memories of the ones who loved her the most..I am thinking all I do is take up space yet, good people are dieing around me..Pisses me off..the goddess must have been taking a starbucks coffee break to let these two slip away...
So to keep from letting this state of depression go any farther I will resort to my favorite cure..I will go read an H. Allen Smith book...think I will read the chili cookoff book....that one always makes me laugh...when in doubt...read H. Allen Smith...cure all for all the blues...

ONE OF MY FAVORITES

"Small said,"but what about when we are dead and gone, will you love me then, does love go on?"
Large held Small snug as they looked out at the night, at the moon in the dark and the stars shining bright."Small, look at the stars, how they shine and glow, some of the stars died a long time ago. Still they shine in the svening skies, for you see, Small, love like the starlight never died..."



unless you have to pay alimony...

THE COLD WITHIN


Six humans trapped in happenstance
In dark and bitter cold,
Each one possessed a stick of wood,
Or so the story''s told.
Their dying fire in need of logs
The first woman held hers back,For of the faces around the fire,
She noticed one was black.
The next man looking across the way
Saw not one of his church,
And couldn''t bring himself to give
The fire his stick of birch.
The third one sat in tatered clothes
He gave his coat a hitch,
Why should his log be put to use,
To warm the idle rich?
The rich man just sat back and thought
Of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned, From the lazy, shiftless poor.
The black man''s face bespoke revenge
As the fire passed from sight,
For all he saw in his stick of wood
Was a chance to spite the white.
The last man of this forlorn group
Did naught except for gain,
Giving only to those who gave,
Was how he played the game.
The logs held tight in death''s still hands
Was proof of human sin,
They didn''t die from the cold without,
They died from the cold within.

ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

folks are leaving west faster than we can make new ones..My best friend David''s mother passed away..She has been in assisted living for over a year. She had alzheimers desease or as I call it, old farts desease.Dont think she had been ill, just to tired to go on...So I am going over and join the rest of her family in rememebering her. She was a great mother, sister, daughter, aunt and grandma..Before she got really bad I would go over and "watch" her while her husband went to Dr''s. or shopping..She always acted like I was her best friend and she had not seen me for ever, every time she saw me..Always made me feel so special..I went over one time to watch her and she asked me to come in the bathroom to meet her new friend.I went in and she introduced me to her reflection and when she saw me in the mirrow, she said, OH look, she has a friend visiting her today too. So we stood in the bathroom for about 20 minutes talking to our reflections..Best conversation I had in years...May the goddess bless and keep her safe...

SAN FRANCISCO PHONE CALL


My daughter has called me three times today..having a phone is soooo wonderful. The last phone call she was at the baseball stadium watching the giants play cleveland...said the view from the stadium is absolutely beautiful...She loves San Francisco...every since she was a little girl she has wanted to live in sanfran...I lived there for 7 months and was so ready to go back to texas that when I did cross over the border into texas, I stopped the van, got out and kissed the ground..Now Iam so pissed at the people living here than I am seriously considering leaving. But I dont know where to go...Canada, Australia or maybe some beach in mexico where their is no news no tv no nothing but sand and sea...yeah...that''s the ticket....
Anyhow the daughter is doing great...she will be sober 1 year the 20th of this month..so proud of her...she is doing the meetings working the program and doing it the right way..good for her...When i quit I made the kids a promise that I would never drink again, but I couldnt go to the meetings...If I wanted to listen to a bunch of bullshit stories about what assholes they were when they were drunk I could just go back to the bar and listen to them first hand and they are much funnier when they are drunk..going to go home and scream at my computer...sonofabitching fucker

WHERE THE FUCK DID MY STUFF GO???


I decided to get internet service and was down loading it and all of a sudden I get alerts, warnings, etc. that there is a virus etc. so didnt get internet service and also lost everything on my screen. my games..everything is in folders except games and havent figured out how to get it back on tool bar or side bar or what ever the fuck that is called when your little icons are on the screen...Do i need to reenter windows 2000? I have to have my freecell solitaire game...What will I do when I cant sleep at 3am ...Good thing all the liquor stores are closed..Plus to top it all off..im over drawn on my checking account..much to my surprise...I am still going over my check book trying to figure out what the fuck I did this time...lucky for me my bank just pays them..but still have to pay the charges...fuck me, fuck the dog...and fuck bush...

Friday, June 10, 2005



HOUSTON, JACKIESUE..HAS PHONE


Which is a great thing as I give great phone...I havent had a phone in so long that when it rang I almost didnt answer it because I thought it was the tv..My son called and said he was going to get me an answering machine because I was so fucking old and crippled that by the time I got to the phone he would have already hung up...and drove over...My son Thom is so funny...he has been the funniest kid ever since he was really little..Once when he was about 6 I looked down at his feet and said Thommy, you have your shoes on the wrong feet( I swear now that he did it on purpose for the laugh) and he looked down and stared at his feet for a long time and then looked at me and said:"but these are the only feet I have."..i havent been able to pin anything on him since he was in diapers....

THE SHIT PEOPLE BUY


Once in awhile i receive those crappy magazines in the mail..you know the ones..that try and sell you shit that is of no value but you feel you have to have. LIke the slimming shapers...it squeezes your ass from the size of a couple of hams down to the size of a punkin...but if you sneeze in it you will rupture something inside of you..only $16.95.How about a sonic molechaser for $13.99, its safe and effective and not nearly as loud as a stick of dynamite...This one i consider to be the most useless piece of crap that has come down the pike...a dress-a-vac..They are dolls fashioned into vacuum cleaner covers..so your vacuum wont look like "horror"...a vacuum cleaner but a mutant looking bunny, bear or a cat...for only $14.99, give me two of them suckers...put one on my dog...so he can look like a cat.
Something called gorilla glue for$9.99. What ever happened to elmer''s?
Plus they always have those mumu looking gowns for women to wear around the house..Ok, now would i rather look like some abdul looking pup tent or wear my shorts and cowboy tshirts...but they are only $19.99
One of my favorites is the vibrating massagers that look like a huge dick and the girl in the magazine is rubbing it on her neck...yeah, right..Plus, its cordless, for your convenience nad only $3.99 for a 7-inch bundle of joy...now that I might consider...does it come with batteries??
Oh, my I have just come across the erotic, passionate and romantic section of this little magazine..There are erecxel''s, the safe simple way to enjoy sex again.Basicly it is a cock ring...set of two...for $9.00 and it is award-winning drug free nono-prescription aid for improving erectionsize rididity and duration..(soonerfan78....i can give you the name of the magazine if you like. Im fond of the cuddly cat pillow..its a neck pillow that looks like a cat..so you can sit in front of the tv for $12.95 with a dead cat hanging around your neck....
There are some men''s poplin driving caps avalilable in 3 great colors...for $5.99. In Texas we call them cocksucker caps..
There is something called a clam shucker for $14.99 that I think i can live without..being in the center of Texas and not a clam in sight...well, maybe some beared clams but I think most Texan''s know how to get those little suckers open...I finally found something in here for me to buy...It''s called sta-tight... a safe alternative to botox..supposed to tighten things up...so going to use it for a douche and see if I can get some action....

WEST ALMOST CAME TO A STANDSTIL TODAY


I love my little town. Texans you know are known for their tiny brains and big hearts..well, West people take it another step. I and 3 other people all came to a 4 way stop at the same time..so here we are good citizens of West, all waiting patiently for someone to go first as we are polite motherfuckers and not one of us would dare be the first one to go first. I on the other hand have spent enough time in California that I knew someone had to go first and it was going to be me..When I finally pulled off there were 48 cars lined up for 3 blocks waiting for the next rudest person in town to pull off first...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

ANOTHER WEEK IN WEST, TEXAS


Was going to do sort of a run down of west events by way of the west newspaper..but when i read the first page all the joy went out of my day..
a small article was in paper on front page...:
TWO AREA YOUTHS KILLED IN ONE=VEHICLE ACCIDENT
Two area youths were killed and three others injured as the result of a one-vehicle accident at approximately 10:30pm Tuesday in the 100 block of Old Steinbeck Bend Road in Waco..
West High school student Nick Muska was killed in the accident as was a girl from China Springs.West high school students Wesley James and Nick Van Pelt and another China Springs girl were also in the car when the accident occurred. The names of the China Springs girls were not availabe at press time Wednesday.
Nick Van Pelt was reported to have been in critical condition early WEdnesday in a Waco hospital while both James and the one China Spring girl had been treated and released..

Now I have known Nick Musca since he was about 7 years old..When i first moved back to town one of my very good friends Mike Adamson was captain of his son Tanner''s t-ball team..(the snake handler dad and son) and because i am a great baseball player and pretty knowledgeable Mike let me be his asssistant coach..which here is a very odd thing..women dont coach unless they coach their girls teams...so i was an oddity and Nick loved calling me the t-ball lady..never mrs. denney or jamie and jenny''s grandma but the t-ball lady...he was a sweet natured kind and gentle child...He grew up to be even sweeter and better kid..He did not go to the parties and do drugs or drink like so many of the other kids around here.He had the reputation of being a "good boy"..which is no small thing around here..When most parents have been known to drink with their kids or buy them booze for home parties...Nick''s parents set a good example for him and his younger sister..On this night it seems like the boys had kept the girls from China Springs out later than they meant to and were rushing them back home so not as to be late for their curfew...
This is just a heart breaker for me..and what is truly scarry is that I know that West has lost at least 9 kids to deaths...drugs, cars and one drug related drowning...I cannot tell you how many funerals my granddaughters have gone to..Nick was 16 and was a passanger in the car.May the goddess bless and keep you safe in her arms Nick...

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

TRUTH IS....I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE DONE IT SOBER


I hate to admit it...but I would have done all but the ones where i hurt other people..like my friends girl friend and my friends wife...Because there is no good excuse for hurting some one while drinking or sober..and the goddess knows i have said some mean ass things when i was drunk...i started out a funny happy drunk..but as the liver went and the brain was scrambled...I became argumentive, hostile, angry and not to nice of a person...
The real reason why I quit drinking was for my granddaughters..They were spending alot of time with me and I loved it and I loved them so much and when they would come to the house I would not drink...Then thought one day..what if something happened to them, an innocent fall or some small accident and their parents would think maybe I was drinking and if I hadnt been, no accident would have happened. That never happened because I quit drinking...Did not want one thing to come between me and those beautiful babies...just wish I had been smart enough to have done it for the kids and not had to wait for the grandkids to sober up...But better later than never...The girls are 18, 18, 16, 12 and we are all glad grandma doesnt drink...The only sad part of this story is the drop in whiskey sales, stock in lone star beer dropped and 2 bars went out of business..

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

9 REASONS WHY I QUIT DRINKING AND ONE TO SHOW IT WASN'T ALL BOOZE


1. One time I walked into my local hangout, a tad drunk and saw an old boyfriend who had shaved his beard off since I had last seen him...Did a double take and said:" Now i know what my pussy would look like if I shaved it"...
2.On my first night off in months I was sitting at a bar a tad drunk and this guy kept telling me how great sex would be with him as he was great at oral sex..this continued for a while and then I left and went to another bar...walked in and said:"Anyone who wants to get lucky tonight please dont talk about how good you are at eating pussy..show me"
3. Went to court for my 2nd devorice..a tad drunk and was sent home 3 times to change clothes into something more suitable for a court room..when i came back the 4th time i had on a micro-mini skirt, a see-thru blouse, boots and bells everywhere...i said:"If it was good enough for the sonofabitch i married, it should be good enough for you"..
4siting at my local bar, a tad drunk and tried to explain to my good friend Larry''s wife, that I just didnt understand why he messed around on her so much as i thought she was a pretty cool person."
5Was at my place of employment and waited till my friend Larry was having sex in the backseat of his car in the back parking lot, with some chippy he had picked up, and yelled out the window...:"Hey, Larry, your wife''s on the phone"...I was a tad drunk.
6After my 3rd and last husband came home from being gone for 2 weeks gambling and drinking, I waited til he was finally getting some sleep on our waterbed and I took all of my clothes off, put on my sons scuba gear, goggles fins and all, jumped on the water bed, screamed at the top of my lungs...:"surf''s up asshole"
was a tad drunk.
7Walked into my local watering hole, a tad drunk and saw my friend and his girlfriend and told her not to be mad at him because we had sex the week before as it was just a mercy fuck..
98Started drinking in Santa Ana and ended up in San Diego with a tattoo of an 8 ball on my left tit...
9.Celebrated my 40th birthday but kicking the crap out of some seniors at Baylor University because they cut me off in traffic..
and the one that will show that maybe it wasent always the booze that made me do those wild and wooly things, it might just be me...
When they started bombing Iraq and the reporters called it was called "shock and awe"..i jumped up ....grabbed my crotch and said I got your shock and awe george bush you fucking asshole....

Monday, June 06, 2005

THINGS TO DO ...THINGS I DID


I feel sooo accomplished...I went to the laundry and did 5 loads of clothes...Which is really one of those jobs i not only hate but really hurts my back and makes me wish for lots and lots of pain pills, but I was tough and did it without them..like going to laundry during the week as there isnt a lot of people there and on weekends there is nothing but ole mexican men doing thier laundry..we have a pretty good size bunch of people from across the border...i dont ask for their green card as im pretty sure they dont have one...dont care as most of these guys are just hard working old farts that are sending money back home...There was just me and 5 old guys doing laundry sunday...nice odds...finally hauled all my nice clean clothes home and decided to do a little house cleaning..so took the small desk/dresser out of bath room and swept and moped the bathroom floor...then I took the large dresser and put in the bath room and swept and moped the corner where it was..then put all the clean clothes away. finished cleaning and moping, put on clean sheets, showered and fell into bed ...and looked out side and it was still day light..fuck..only 8pm...my granddaughter jenny came by with her latest whine and bitch about her daddy, my son...she has worked for over 30 days with one day off, her prom and saved up $1,000 to put down on a new car and her daddy is jerking her around. said he would help her but now his idea of help is to have her take over her step mothers payments on her new car so she can buy a new mustang..jenny said she didnt want her step mothers new buick..she wanted her own car that she picked out and would be what she wanted ....a new mustang...which the step mother didnt even mention she wanted till jenny said she wanted to get one...this woman has a servere case of "imacunt"..jealous of an 18 year old..now thom wants to buy a motorcycle. this kid is one of the top 4 worse drivers in the world and wants a motorcycle...bang my head.... im going to get so much insurance on this kid ...
well, i need to go place the ad in the paper for my garage sale... round up my other grandaughter and mow the yard again...ugh..im boring myself..

Sunday, June 05, 2005

MOVIE REVIEW


I watched The villiage...which was fucking unbelievable..if i had 2 days to come up with an ending i would never have come up with this one..soooo good...its a yafta..ya have to ...
then watched assault on 13 precinct and it was pretty good but ethan hawke is to skinny and homely for me..not cute...
i watched 30 minutes of punch drunk love and had to turn it off or I would have stabbed myself in the eye...this was a movie soooo sooooo soooo boring that I kept watching for another 10 minutes just to make sure..and the music was making me manic...I love adam sandler movies and I love adam sandlar..but this movie sucked so hard my tv almost caved in..along with my brain..bad movie..bad movie...
watched what about schmidt and liked it ok, but kind of a downer til the end...
saw godsend and was a good thing only paid $1 for it...if I had paid theater movie money for it I would have been really pissed...
Going to watch bend it like beckam and far and away heaven or heaven far away or something like that..has dennis quaid in it and the guy from 24 who has the sexiest voice...dennis quaid has made me horney ever since i saw the big easy...boy howdy...
going to watch the tony''s tonight...love award shows...not sure why but i do...
3 summers ago I found a 6 ft snake in the house and this morning i found a frog in the bathroom...i live in the city damnit not in the country and why are reptiles coming into the house..plus something is eating my plants...my tomato plant leaves are looking all scraggly...and the peppers are just a day away from being ripped out by its root...rats

Saturday, June 04, 2005

STONES ON TOUR

saw where the stones are going on tour again...they usualy have a name for the tour...i have decided to call it the:OLD FARTS AND YOUNG TARTS TOUR"....

SHEDDING FUCKING DOGS


its to bad i dont know how to knit or crochet because if i could i could make a sweater, mittens and cap for eveyone who reads my blogs out of the dog hair that i sweep off the porch, vacuum up from rugs and brush off the dogs...i have never in my life seen dogs that shed like these 2 char-peis do...i swear on the goddess i took the broom and swept the carpet before i vacuumed as it all wouldnt come up and there was a ball of fur the size of a bowling ball..and that is 3 times a day...they have lost enough hair to make another fucking dog...and im not all that crazy about these two assholes..i mean i love my dogs..but sometimes i really dont like the little fuckers...they keep escaping out of the yard and cant afford to pay the fine the city is going to slap on my ass the next time they get brought home in the paddy wagon..plus they bark at every leaf that falls out of the tree and my pecan tree is shedding those long stalk things and they go nuts over the squirrels and anyone that walks or drives down the alley by the house..they always lay right down in front of me and when i get up they walk really really slow right in front of me. im yelling get the fuck out of the way you sonsabitches and they stop and stretch, scratch, and lick their ass while i try to keep from falling on my ass because im tripping over them..im beginning to think seriously about taking up drinking again..think i could handle them alot better if i was smashed out of my mind...nah, it may be almost 14 years but i can still remember them hangovers...i would be willing to drive them right up to your doorway if anyone would like to give them a good home...

VIDEO WORLD


Went to the local video store and rented 7 movies..2 for free. saw the village and assault on 13th precinct...which was ok, but the village ...man, i didnt see that coming at alll. what a great movie...he is one sneaky son of a bitch that m. night..all of his movies have endings that sneak up on you and go ahha..gotcha...
also have punch drunk love cause i love adam sandler, about schmidt because i love jack nicolson, and 3 other movies that i have forgot already..i am stricken with the worse case of old farts desease ever...i love going to the video store here as the lady who runs it is a big ass fam of movies and we seem to like the same ones so always end up doing reviews when i bring them back..we both agree that kill bill 2 is the best movie ever...she and i like movies where justice is spread out in as kick ass way as possible..she loves dirty harry movies and the spagatti movies too. My last and dearly departed husband Jack hated cops so he hated all movies with cops like dirty harry. Jack was always threatning to go to calif and find clint eastwood and kick his ass for all the dirty harry movies he made..clint should thank me for saving his ass...

Friday, June 03, 2005

AH, HA....

NANA NANA BOO BOO...STICK YOUR HEAD IN DOO DOO...I AM GETTING A PHONE AGAIN...BY 6-6 I WILL HAVE A PHONE AND THEN I WILL GET ON LINE AND WONT HAVE TO DRAG MY FAT ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE EVER AGAIN...PAPER IS DELIVERED TO THE DOOR, CAN GET DRUGS AND FOOD DELIVERED...SO WHY GO OUT? JUST STAY ON LINE...AND ..WAIT..HAVE TO GO TO THE LIBRARY....SO AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK I WILL VENTURE OUT TO SEE THE WORLD, CHECK OUT SOME BOOKS AND THEN HURRY BACK TO MY LITTLE HIDEY HOLE...YEAH.....AND OOOPS, I FORGOT ABOUT THE CAPS...SORRY....

Thursday, June 02, 2005

A WEEK IN WEST, BY GOD ,TEXAS


I bought the west news yesterday as it comes out on every wed. for .50 cents...this is the news that made the news this week...that was the week that was...in west..The boy scouts are collecting cans to raise money.West Knights of Columbus are having a picnic. there will be an auction along with refreshments and a horseshoe pitching contest..We have a new postmaster as the last one retired and as weird as it sounds i kindasorta had something to do with it...had to do with my dogs getting out scaring the mail man, and my neighbor making a joke about shooting him with a water pistol cause he wouldnt leave her mail cause my dogs were in the front yard.so he told the post master who called the feds and it was a lucy ethel moment from there on...he finally said he was sorry for over reacting and she had the charges dropped (threatening a federal employee) and he retired and my dogs are back in the yard...sometimes..
the west longhorn club is having a horse show at the west rodeo grounds and having a parade where eveyone rides their horse down the middle of town...We had 3 arrests over the week. someone (an old friends son) was passing counterfeit money and got tossed in jail. someone got arrested (old friends son) for sexual assault with a girl..which in west usually means some 18 year old kid was having sex with a 16 year old...very popular crime here...the kid will date the girl with parents permission for a few weeks and then do something that pissed them off and they charge him with sexual assault..i know of about 5-6 cases like this the past year...really sad...for all concerned.. and the big bust was a woman was arrested for assaulting two teen age girls..they dont mention that the two teenage girls kicked the living crap out of her cause she was drunk and causing trouble..St.Mary''s church build a tiny chapel in honor of some former teachers..why they need a tiny chapel is beyond me..we hav no little people here..
there are two engagements, one anniversary for 35 years.they are having a benefit for a guy who has terminal cancer and needs help with his hospital bills.To help raise money for another cancer patient they are (this is no joke) having a roping contest.They will have break away roping and calf roping...to raise money for a kid with cancer...OOps, two more engagements, oops, one more...lots of people getting married. and they are all 19-20 years old...There is an ad in spanish for an insurance company.a few family reunions on the docket..a 79 year old woman and an 8 year old man died...We have a 50 years ago section in paper and there were 57 high school grads from west high school and 33 graduates from st.Mary''s..The baseball and football teams are holding camp for conditioning...West food mart has chicken breast on sale for .99lb..i will buy some..big red on sale for .99 2liter.You can buy a one bd, 1 bath with wood flors, built in range central a/c and heat with attached garage on a beautiful lot with large trees for $69,900.or a 5 bedroom, 3 bath, carpet and tile floors, built in 2003. with a 30x40 workshop, large pond with pier on 17 acres for $279,900...someone lost a dog and someone has labs for sale..the baptist church releases butterflies in honor of a deceased teacher....community grocery has top sirloin roast for $3.19 lb.beef brisket$1.49lb.Plus the lady who writes Thanks for listening(a written article that is in west paper every week) told about her memorial day visit with her neice in san antonio...
so that''s all for this past week in west...my past week i watched bad santa which kinda sucked, the last samuri which wimped out on the ending but cried anyhow...and the cooler which was reallllly good...stalled another week on my garage sale...life is good...