I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Saturday, December 31, 2005

LAST CALL (BY DAVE VAN RONK)













LAST CALL
and so we've had another night
of poetry and poses
and each man knows he'll be alone
when the sacred ginmill closes.

and so we'll drink the final glass
each to his joy and sorrow
and hope the numbing drunk
will last til opening tomorrow.

and when we stumble back again
like paralytic dancers
each knows the questions he must ask
and each man knows the answers.

and so we'd drink the final drink
that cuts the brain in sections
where answers do not signify
and there aren't any questions.

I broke my heart the other day.
It will mend again tomorrow.
If I'd been drunk when I was born
I'd be ignorant of sorrow.

and so we'll drink the final toast
that neve r can be spoken:
Here's to the heart that is
wise enough

to know when it's better off broken..


finally found it.....happy new year..love jackie

DECEMBER 31,2005 IN WEST, BY GOD, TEXAS


Lots of excitement in west this week. The citizens are in an uproar...the Union Pacific blocked 2 of the main streets in West that connect one side to the next for 12 hours. Czech's were pissed off. The Mayor wrote a letter to raise hell after trying to reach someone all that day. They basically ignored him..The Chief of Police ticketed them, but that is just the 7th time he has done so this year.The fine is $300 and is nothing to them. The school's were all in an uproar as they had to reroute bus's that were taking kids home. Parents were freaking out when their kids weren't home when they were supposed to be.The city had to close one of the crossings because they wouldn't spend the money to fix one of the tracks to Jupe Mills who uses the track and the off shoot..So that is another complete rerouting of a train to a local business because they are cheap bastards. They have been mad at us for 25 years when the town kids raided one of the cars that sat there over night and wasn't supposed to..It was full of Schlitz tall boys..Every kid in West was drunk and hungover for 3 weeks or better. Mine included...Neither of the boys will drink Schlitz to this day. So I am anxiously waiting to see what happens...Bet the next time that fucking train blocks our two main streets some drunk Czech (or sober old broad) does something naughty to their train. I am thinking something along the line of a big graffiti sign that says "union pacific are a bunch of cocksuckers"...
The West VFW4819 sold its building to one of the West business's so they can build a Sonic(mcdonalds, jackinthebox, tacobell whataburger???????)so they are looking for a new building and the vets and spouses are pissed cause now they have no place to play bingo...
We have had 4 deaths, 2 engagements, i birthday and one couple is celebrating their 60th anniversary. There is an absolutely beautiful victorian house for sale out in Tokio on 1 acre of land.$199,900. I have seen it for years and always wanted to buy it...wish I would win the lottery..love that house.The front of the house is just beautiful with wrap around porch.
The paper is running a month by month recap of what happened in West this past year, would rehash it,but I do it weekly so think that is enough..
Think I will put on my Luke the Drifter tshirt and go hunt me up some bluebell ice cream. Need it to wash down the black eyed peas...see you next year.....love jac

PETA PUTZ


I know that most of you are animal lovers and don't wish to see them harmed or mistreated and believe that PETA is the group tp save them. A nineteen year old PETA staffer has legally changed his name to Kentucky Fried Cruelty.com.
He changed his name in support of the PETA's anti-KFC campaign...Why didn't he just change his name to "Fucking Idiot?"..It would be much easier on all of us..I think PETA has become a bunch of nazi's that take great pleasure in terrorizing company's that don't toe the line.I am against PETA for one main reason...They don't believe any pit bull should be saved and advocate putting them down if they have been rescued from a fight.That is their policy...I would like to state that they can kiss my pit bull loving ass...I think they should be put down...They have already moved all the pits out of Denver or killed them...Oh, yeah, that's really compassionate...I bet they voted for forest gump.
fuck me till I arf.

MY FINAL NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION....


I promise to try and be a good mother, grandmother and friend.I will remain steadfast and loyal to those I love. Will remain relentless in my effort to hunt down lies and the liars that tell them,to the ends of the earth and make their lives as misserable as humanly possible. To always show love and respect to the Goddess and all that follow her.
To spread laughter and the occasionaly giggle.To never take life or living seriously.I will try to be a good human being.Try to be kind and generous to the less fortunate and to come to their aid when ever possible.Light candles for my friends and family that are in need of divine intervention from the Goddess. Most of all to know that I can't please everybody and in knowing that,to make pleasing myself as painless as possible for others. If these resolutions fail to please you....well......go fuck yourself...
HAPPY NEW YEAR.................

Friday, December 30, 2005

DID I POST THIS OR DID I DREAM I POSTED IT


I swear, I am either in the early stages of old farts desease or.....I am in the early stages of older farts desease..I was sure I did a post on my trip to THE HOUSE OF SATAN, or as you all call it Wal-Mart...Got gift cirtificate for Christmas and wanted to get it over with as soon and as fast as possible..I am the type of shopper that knows what they want and go in and get it and go home.I don't fuck around, especially in THE HOUSE OF SATAN.So I hauled my ass the 17 miles to Bellmead where the nearest HOUSE OF SATAN is and grabbed a cart and off I went..Went directly to the dairy aisle and grabbed the big fat container of non-fat plain yogurt, zipped over to the shoe dept and grabbed a pair of 71/2 wide(have damaged nerve in right leg and foot and need room or my foot hurts really bad.)tennis shoes...tried on the right one..fit..threw shoes in basket...went to sewing area and snatched up some embrodery thread so I can make my friendship bracelets, looked at some nascar material looking for something that had matt or another of babs favorites on it..nope...so went to the fat womens dept...grabbed up a 48-dd bra..a package of panties in "man is your ass big" size..went to cat food dept. got some canned food that Rocky loved yesterday but will probably will hate the next day( i was right) and to stationary dept. and got a thingy of scotch tape for my football book.Went to 20 or less register, ran my gift card through...went to truck and got $5 worth of gas...I had .04 left on my card...was back in west in under 45 minutes....now that is a power shopper....Told you...I don't fuck around....shopping is all business...I be the shopping champion...
fuck me till I ring up "no sale"....

PHONE CALL FROM MOJO


Maryjo called and we had a nice long chat.She is doing well, and said we should rent a dvd called "what the bleep to we know?"...said espicially the people that suffer from depression, anxiety, bi-polar, etc. Said it is a yafta....so there..run right out and rent it.I tried but video in west doesnt have it so will have to go to (ack) waco to get it..She also relayed a story about one of her friends here in waco..well, actually Mt. Calm(were Koresh and the davidians had their last stand)...anyhow...he had got pissed and quit his job..mojo was doing the good friend.."oh that's too bad, sorry to hear that, what are you going to do?" etc. and he said "i don't sweat the small stuff mojo...as long as I have a hot link and a nap...I dont give a fuck..."....well, we decided that may be the funniest thing we have heard in a month....my new motto...
also taking this opppurnity to wish babs a very merry happy cool sleep filled birthday...

MY FOURTH RESOLUTION


4.....I resolve not to drink, do drugs, smoke or have sex. Unless these following men become available.
1.Brad Pitt
2.Antonio Banderas
3.Craig Bierko
4. David Letterman
5.Angelina Jole...(I may not be a lesbian but even I think she's hot)

THIRD NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION


I promise to be more tolerant and understanding of the Bush Administration and of the President himself...
oops, broke that one already.

DO BEARS SHIT IN THE WOODS? IS THE POPE A WOMAN?


Did anyone see the tv show last night on the supposed rumor that there was a female Pope? It was pretty interesting.But then I was bored.anyhow.....I went on line to check it out and there are kazillions hits on her...Pope Joan...One story is she went from being a notary to a curie to a cardinal to the pope.hmmmm. Then she went on a horse ride and gave birth to a baby where every one freaked out seing the pope give birth and they tied her to the hair of the horse and dragged around the city, stoned to death by the mob, and was buried at the place where she died.Depending on the story the baby was either killed or not...there are many different stories with different time frames, etc. but pretty interesting any how...going to read up on it some more...went the catholic encyclopedia and they have a lot of information on her..thougth it would give you something to do when you got bored..I am still in charge of intertainment aren't I?
fuck me till I have my own reality show

BUSHIES.....


Found on AOL this list of forest gump's bloopers and you were to vote on your favorite...Now am I nuts here or what(ok, we know I am nuts but this is a different kind of nuts)..but isn't it fucking scary when we are so cavalier about the fact that our president makes so many fuckup's that we not only joke about them, we even have polls to see which one is the best fuckup? JUDAS FUCKING PRIEST. Enough to piss of the pope.That said..here's the list..but before we get to the list of forest gump fuckup's...I declare the expression "Brownie,you're doing a heck of a job."...our expression for when someone does something so stupid, it is beyond the pale of stupidity...we can vote on that later..

the first one of course is the brownie quote...they get better...or worse...

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."..describing illegal immigrants .
"In terms of time tables, as quickly as possible..whatever that means.:"...on his schedule for passing social security legislation .
"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous and having said that, all options are on the table."on invading Iran.
"I think I may need a bathroom break.Is this possible?".in a note to secretary of state Condoleeza Rice during a .sept. U.N. Security Council meeting.
"Brownie, your're doing a heck of a job.:"

I can't pick...they are all just soooo good......or bad,as the case may be...


I am not sure I am going to be able to take this for 3 more years...not without doing jail time for protesting, giving the finger to him, threatening to kick his ass or tresspassing with the intent to tar and feather...
fuck me till it rains

Thursday, December 29, 2005

JAMIE'S VISIT TO GRANDMA'S HOUSE


Jamie who is 16 came to visit last night..She knew I had made my world famous(ok, maybe West, Texas famous) brocolli,ham, asparagus, rice, cream of mushroom soup, and had to have some.It was killer. While she was here we had a nice talk, where we talked about her dad, her sister, her mother, her boyfriend and probably the cowboys as I always find a way to talk about the cowboys.Then...I took her to the dark side.I let her read some of grandma's posts. She laughed her ass off.She knows grandma is funny and makes her laugh, but don't think she knew to the extent I had gone to, to make others laugh too. Showed her all the pictures that Sooner had put in for me and she was very impressed, especially the pictures of West. She wants pictures of her on here..told her I was working on it..Then I took her to Bab's and Sooner's...she is pretty sure we all three should be arrested..I let her read some of Sooner's Christmas posts and she laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. We were leaning on each other laughing and wipping our eyes..such a nice grandma and granddaughter moment, reading Sooner's Santa rants..She kept looking at me ...like...is this for real...betcha sweet ass Jamer.....Only thing is I was disappointed that she didn't get the p. diddy reference. When he said he was changing his name from P. diddy to just diddy, but that I would continue to call him by the name I always called him....du wa...
she didn't get it...too young...I even sang the song...zip.right over her head...Need to work on her music knowledge of the 50's and 60's...After twisting her little mind I had a nice cup of Tazo Honeybush tea.."surprisingly enough, for something with a name like Taso Honeybush, this tea contains none of the buzz of caffeine. How's that for magic?"
(magic is when the cowboys pull a win out of their ass this sunday, now that's magic)
oh, yeah, should have seen me try and explain the fuck me till I.........add on's to my post...she didn't get that one either....
fuck me till I du wa diddy diddy, dum diddy do...

LIFE FOR ME IN WEST, TEXAS


I have lived here in this house for over 11 years.When it is spring time or nice weather any time of the year I leave the door open. If I decide to go to the library or grocery store.I go get in my truck where I have left it unlocked with the keys in it...and leave..the door still wide open..(what if I shut the door and Rocky wanted in?)...where ever I go in town...I leave the keys in the truck..windows down..and if I am at the library I usually leave my purse in the car too. I will go store to store and leave my packages on the front seat of the truck or if its something big..in the bed of my truck..I have never had one single thing stolen.If it is winter or cold outside I shut the door...but I dont even have a key if I wanted to lock it.Plus all the locks are so old you could(or at least I could) pick them with a bobby pin. Of course when I hate Nate I never had to worry about anyone getting in the yard..to even get to the door...Not that he would actually do anything to them but he weighted 110 lbs. and barked like an insane animal(he got great enjoyment out of scaring the crap out of people)so no one wanted to take a chance..But Rocky's not much of a watch cat..he would probably hold the screen door open for them..
I know that there have been cases of people getting their automobiles broken into and have stuff taken out of it..but in 11 years I haven't lost as much as a pen out of my truck..a cd or money that I keep in the cup holder. I would put $20 worth of ones and quarters there so it made it easier for me to get paper...now I have it delivered to the house so no money in the truck...but not because I was worried about anyone stealing it...I know that adventually I will come home and someone will have walked in and removed my tv, computer and autographed picture of Randolph Scott, but until then...the door stays open..even if little nosey kids poke their head in...

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION #2


I PROMISE NOT TO GIVE THE FINGER TO ELDERLY DRIVERS WHO DRIVE DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, RUN STOP SIGNS AND PULL OUT IN FRONT OF ME.THIS IS A WRITTEN REQUEST FROM THE CHIEF OF POLICE TO CEASE AND DESIST AS MY SAID FLIPPING OFF OF THE ELDERLY HAS RESULTED IN 1 STROKE, 2 AUTO MISHAPS AND SOME MESSY PANTS.

IN THE NEWS....



This made me laugh sooo hard...
BUSH'S HOLIDAY READING:AMERICAN WARRIORS

ONE MIGHT BE A CHRISTMAS GIFT, BUT PRESIDENT BUSH HAS A COUPLE OF BOOKS ON HIS NIGHTSTAND FOR HIS STAY IN CRAWFORD.(BESIDES A BOOK, FIRST LADY LAURA BUSH GAVE THE PRESIDENT CLOTHES AND BIKING GEAR. HE GAVE HER JEWELRY AND A DVD PLAYER.) (HIS CHRISTMAS GIFT TO US...ANOTHER YEAR OF BEND OVER BENDEHO, YOU'RE GETTING FUCKED AGAIN)
WHEN TRUMPETS CALL: THEODORE ROOSEVELT AFTER THE WHITE HOUSE:BY SARAH WATTS.299 PAGES...RECOMMENDED BY BRIAN WILLIAMS TO BUSH.

IMPERIAL GRUTS: THE AMERICAN MILITARY ON THE GROUND: BY ROBERT D. KAPLAN.448 PAGES.

excuse me while I laugh my ass off....he's still reading that kids book on the goat from 9/11.....
fuck me till my life story is on the best seller list and Bush reads it..


Texas is on fire....5th driest year...nearly a dozen homes lost in tarrant county.the lowest was 1921 with only 17.91 inches of rain..1910 with 17.97 inches...1899 with 18.11 inches of rain...1956 with 18.55 inches and 2005 with 18.97 inches ..tha is if it doesn't rain by sat..and no one is planning on it.18.97 inches of rainfall is more than 15 inches short of normal...less than half of the 47.57 inches recorded in 2004..the 4th wettest since since the weather service began keeping records..pretty fucking scary. here in west we are 11 inches below normal...but what rain we did get was at the right time so the farmers weren't hurt...we had our first grass fire this morning but our spiffy little volunteer fire dept...got to it and had it out before any damage was done..we have an excellent volunteer dept...

two new cups of tazo tea..."zen"....."high in the Kunlun mountains of china, monks spend days chanting and meditation in hopes of reachin complete enlightment. periodically they stop for a cup of tea quite like this."....(while sipping thier zen tea, they patiently await the delivery of this month's "big tits" and"wild ladies of the orient")
"awake"..."imagine finding yourself on a lush tea estate in India around the turn of the century. Your breakfast tea would hav tasted a good deal like awake."...
(until that bald headed skinny fucking Ghandi came along and fucked it all up for the British)
I was reading in the paper about a encyclopedia type website ran on donations...called wikipedia....it is a web site I guess where you can go on and add to, correct, amend, ???? thought it might be interesting to go visit...might want to check it out for a few clicks and giggles...

this is the good news bads news portion of my post...the good news is my neighbors 2 sons are visiting him from Phoenix, Arixona...matt and cody..2 cute little tow headed boys...yesterday the dad..david was sick with sinus infection, felt bad and laid down..so boys were bored and discovered my house..so i took them to grocery store and bought them sodas..and took them to park...they found their way home ......it was fun and i enjoyed them...that's the good news...the bad news is im an insomniac and stay up till 4-5 am...sleep tillllllllllllll i get the fuck up....so this morning at exactly 10:45am...there is knocking on the door....i lay there waiting for them to go away.....they knock louder...i hear one say to the other...she must be asleep...the other says...:"knock louder"......they do...i dont move for fear i will get up jerk them in the house, and no one will ever find their bodies... they open the fucking door and say..."are you awake?"... i say..."i am now",,in my ...update your will, cause im going to kill you voice...which they arent familar with as he says..."we knocked but you didnt answer the door.."...i said, with my kiss your mommie and daddy goodby cause you are never going to see them again voice..."i stay up late and i sleep late...and I dont need you knocking on the door to wake me ...AS I ALREADY HAVE A FUCKING ALARM CLOCK".
door closes........voices fade away.......silence....jackiesue goes back to sleep....
some times i really do like being me....
fuck me till i doze

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION #1


1.I promise to wear underwear under my nightshirt when I bend over to pick up the Dallas paper in the morning.This is the results from a cease and desist order from 3 of my neighbors..

MY HERO'S HAVE ALWAYS BEEN COWBOYS


Watching Willie sing that song tonight and really feeling the meaning behind the words made me think that we don't have hero's like cowboys any more..Where he was polite, tipped his hat to the ladies, fought fair and square, was for the underdog and against the the ones with power who used it against the weak. todays "heros" are over paid steroid pumped up athletes, publicity hungry hollywood elite and rap stars who denegrate women.What ever happened to the cowboys portrayed by John Wayne, Henry Fonda, Jimmy Stewart, Roy Rogers,Gene Autry and my own very favorite cowboy....Randolph Scott...I always had this thing for older men when I was a kid and watching them cowboy movies...You could have your John's, Henry's and Roy's....give me that sweet talking slow walking gentleman from Virginia...Randy Scott..I actually sent off and got his autographed picture...I was 33 years old...he signed it "to jackie, love Randy Scott.."...I still have it...matter of fact I kept on nightstand by my bed and until she knew better, Maryjo thought it was a picture of her Daddy...
Tina Turner sang a song called "We don't need another hero"....but we do...we need cowboy heros...riding into town, tall in the saddle, tipping his hat to the ladies and standing up for the little guy....yippy ki yea motherfucker....

THE KENNEDY HONORS


Watched the Kennedy Honors tonight..and had a pretty elite group...they feted Robert Redford, Julie Harris,Tony Bennett,Suanne Farrell and Tina(what's love got to do with it) Turner....Willie Nelson actually brought me to tears with his redition of "My hero's have always been cowboys".....for Robert Redford..Willie rules.They had some great musicans touting Tony and Diana Krall was the cats pj's...but the ones singing Tina's music just blew me away...Vanessa Williams, Queen Latifa, Melissa Ethridge,Al Green and the wildly sexy Beyonce...man, if every white woman in america could look like her...they would all be black right now....she did Proud Mary and was fanfuckingtastic....but Tina does have better legs...I thought forest gump was going to jump up, whip it out and start whacking off....he makes me ill.....what a show...ahhh, there is still some good shit on tv..

Monday, December 26, 2005

MONDAY NIGHT'S WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN


The game wasen't the best I have ever seen, but it wasen't the worse either. It was the last Monday Night Football game on ABC. To bad we can't drag Don Merridith out of retirement from Santa Fe....he would liven it up...ahhhhhh I will miss it..
I think central Texas is on fire..there are grass fires all over...every neighboring county is having fires...everything is so dry that the smallest spark will start a brush fire..most cities are at least 10 inches below normal for rain fall.Maybe I should go out and do my little rain dance..it worked before.
Jenny made it back from San Antonio safe and sound...talked to her today and she said she had a good time and wasen't forced to drive back by herself.
My little abode smells sooo good. Apple cinnamon...they are the triple scented candles and they are so strong..smells like a big ole cinnamon fart...just envelopes the house..
Maryjo called last night and we talked for several hours...she had a good time at Rolf's dad and step mom's house...They also got a new coffee maker and a new microwave for their apt.They can really use them..Think they are getting a new used couch too. Going to see what all I can ship up and send them.
The weather was beautiful today and supposed to be the same the rest of the week. in the 80's...Texas...gotta love it..
Saw on tv news that forest gump is back at his compound till after the new year.Wonder if Cindy is still out there? Notice how its all in the news when she gets there and for the first few days..then nothing..and absolutly nothing when she leaves...I am going to try and change from aol to people.pc...so if you send any thing to the jsroycroft@aol.com address and it comes back..just use my yellowdoggranny@yahoo.com..till I get the new service in...I may go redneck and kick me some aol ass...fuck me till I block popups

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?


LAST MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL GAME..END OF AN ERA..GOING TO GO WATCH....READ MY BOOK ON GUENEVERE AND ARTHUR..LOTS OF STUFF ON THE GODDESS IN THERE...I WILL COME BACK SNARLY FROM THE FOOTBALL AND SERENE FROM THE GODDESS....SKITSY..JACKIESUE..VERY SKITSY...

IM SOOO FUCKING BORED


I was up till 5am and slept till 11am.I keep going into the kitchen to fix me something to eat but there are dishes in the sink, the counter, on top of the microwave and stove...there is something green growing in a cup...I think I may have discovered the cure for hair loss...It is soo nasty in the kitchen even Rocky won't go in there. He insists on eating all his meals out on the porch now..I opened the front door and a small herd of cockroaches ran out..ok, its not that bad..but I do need to go clean up in there...just lazy....
Went to Jamie's and helped doctor her male pits (Kilo)mouth...anyone who has a pit or ever owned one knows that once they get a chew bone they don't stop till it is gone...and she bought them a sack full of them and Kilo has gone through about 3 of them and now the inside of his mouth and lips are sore and raw...so I went over and smeared vitamin e and neosporen on them...also gave her a aloe vera plant and said to try and get him to eat some of the juice out of the stalks...I am a firm believer that vitamin e and aloe vera will cure anything.
My house smells so good from the candles...and drank so much green tea that my urine is green.These are Starbucks tea...very good tea..but the little messages on the back of each tea bag cracks me up...like on "calm"..."A single cup of Taxo Calm
has been known to have the same effect as sitting for 45 minutes in a mountain meadow on a sunny day.."(and rubbed leisurely with coconut oil by a muscular native boy)."Joy".."There is joy everywhere in life if you know where to look.In this filterbag, for instance." (Most especially if you light and smoke the contents of filterbag.) "Darjeeling".."Sitting on the porch of a bungalow on a tea plantation in Darjeeling.You can see the peaks of Everest and Kanchenjunga as you sip a cup of this esquisite brew.Life is good."(Don't forget that shot of 191 proof Bacaradi's).
"Envy"."Envy is best defined by the experience of watching someone next to you quietly sipping this tea while your own cup sits empty."(Having enough money for bail when you kick the crap out of said tea drinker and drink his tea.)
Yup, Im bored...fuck me till I drink coffee

Sunday, December 25, 2005

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY BARBARA

IF YOU WERE BORN TODAY DECEMBER 31...
SUN: CAPRICORN
DECANATE' CAPRICORN/SATURN
DEGREE: 8 o30-9o30' CAPRICORN
MODE:CARDINAL
ELEMENT: EARTH

YOUR FIXED STAR'S NAME IS FACIES: PRIMARY STAR'S INFLUENCE:FACIES IMPARTS ASSERTIVENESS, A FIGHTING SPIRIT, AND A FEARLESS NATURE, YOU ARE FULL OF VITALITY AND VIGOR. USUALLY YOU WISH TO EXERCISE POWER AND HAVE THE NECESSARY LEADERSHIP QUALITIES.FACIES GRANTS THE ABILITY TO MAKE DECISIONS QUICKLY, AND YOU ARE A GOOD STRATEGIST, WHO CAN ENJOY COMPETIVE ACTIVITIES AND WIN.
LINKED TO YOUR SUN'S DEGREE, THIS STAR BESTOWS SUCCESS IN BUSINESS AND DEALING WITH THE PUBLIC. FACIES BESTOWS STRONG WILLPOWER, INNER DRIVE, AND A COMPETITIVE SPIRIT.THIS STAR ALSO WARNS THAT THE CONSTANT NEED TO BE NUMBER ONE MAY INVOLVE SOME RISKS,AND SUGGESTS AVOIDING UNDERHANDED DEALINGS AND DANGEROUS SITUATIONS.
POSITIVE:WILL TO LIVE, ACTIVE LIFE, POWER OF ATTAINMENT, DECISIVENESS.
NEGATIVE:OVERSTRAIN, OBSTINACY, INCLINATION TO QUARREL.

SERIOUS YET CHARISMATIC, YOU HAVE A STRONG SENSE OF PRESENCE AND INDIVIDUALITY THAT MARKS YOU AS SOMEONE SPECIAL. WITH YOUR AUDACIOUS CHARM,YOU LIKE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION AND ARE EXTREMELY PERSISTENT IN OBTAINING YOUR OBJECTIVES. SOMETIMES MELANCHOLY OR PESSIMISTIC, BUT ALWAYS SELF-AWARE, YOU ORGANIZE YOUR LIFE ALONG PRACTICAL LINES TO GET THE MAXIMUM RETURNS FROM ANY SITUATION. THROUGH SELF-DISCIPLINE YOU ARE ABLE TO MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR MANY TALENTS AND REMARKABLE POTENTIAL.
THE SUBINFLUENCE OF YOUR DECANTE RULER, CAPRICORN, INDICATES THAT YOU ARE KEEN ON TIMING AND STRUCTURE.CONSEQUENTLY, YOU MAY EXPERIENCE CONSIDERABLE ANXIETY DURING PERIODS OF CHANGE AND INSTABILITY. A DESIRE TO BE IMPECCABLY RELIABLE ALSO SUGGESTS THAT YOU LIKE TO TAKE CHARGE OR BE IN CONTROL. YOUR PRAGMATISM AND STRONG AWARENESS OF MATERIAL CONSIDERATIONS, HOWEVER, CAN SOMETIMES CAUSE YOU TO VACILLATE BETWEEN BEING MERCENARY AND BEING CAPABLE OF PROFOUND INSIGHT.
STRIVING TO BE INDEPENDENT, YOU ARE AWARE OF IMAGE AND FIRST IMPRESSIONS.
BEING HARD-WORKING AND ORGANIZED, ONCE COMMITED TO A PROJECT OR CAUSE YOU ARE CAPABLE OF REMARKABLE OUTPUT.USUALLY DRAMATIC, WITH POWERFUL PROJECTION AND STRONG OPINIONS, YOU NEED TO FIND SOME FORM OF SELF-EXPRESSION THROUGH WHICH YOU CAN OBTAIN THE RESPECT YOU DESIE. OFTEN YOU ARE BLESSED WITH STRONG INTUTIVE GIFTS AND AN ABILITY TO FIGHT DIFFICULT SITUATIONS AND BE SELF-REGENERATING.

SHIT I LEARNED TODAY


mostly from the Dallas Morning News...

"There were many people, many lawyers within the administration who advised the president tht he had inherent authority as commander in chief under the Constitution to engage in this kind of signals intelligence of our enemy....Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, discussing the National Security Agency's secret wiretaps."

notice he did't mention what he thought?

"You're either secretly eavesdropping on people and violating the law,or you're going through the court and doing it properly.This (the NSA) is an extremely dangerous agency that has to be watched very closely so that it doesn't turn into an Orwellian 1984."..jamesBamford, author of Body Secrets:Anatomy of the Ultra-Secret Nation Security Agency.

AOL had a poll on if Bush was a winner or loser this year. results give me hope for our nation.
Was Bush a winner, loser or stay even?
losser:64%
winner:27%
same:9 %

poll for the coming year results:
will do worse: 46%
better:35%
same:19%

Charity begins with the least affluent.
household of gross incomes of $10,00-$15,000....had an average income of $12,685 gave cash contribtions to charity of $1,469.11.6 percent of their income.
households with adjusted gross incomes of $50,000 to $55,000 had an average income of $52,503.They made average cash contributions of $2,094.4 percent of their income
households with adjusted gross incomes of $200,000to $5000,000 had an average income of $288,3365.these households made an average cash contributions of $7,182.that's 2.5 percent of their income...
fuck me till i make $288,3365 a year and I promise to contribute more than 15%...

now..for the cowboys to make it to playoffs we need to beat St.Louis next week. Chicago to win one of its final 2 games and either Washington or Carolina to lose next week..
fuck me till i hollar touchdown.

YES JACKIESUE..THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS


I got an unexpected but very happy to get phone call this morning. Thom called. We acted like nothing ever happened..which is what we do in our family.We the De Nile Family..We had a long chat about the girls, mojo, the cowboys, etc. Then he said they were having Christmas at 12:30 and did I want to come and see what all the girls got for Christmas..said of course...we said our goodbye's and we both said I love you. I hung up and burst into tears..yup old hard case weeps..usually at sappy movies but the kids can make me cry all the time..it's what they are good for.So off I went to Bellmead, which is about 15 miles from West.(damn Brett Farve just threw an interception in the endzone, fuck) and faced the music. It was like nothing happened. Of course..I got to see all the gifts the girls got. Judas priest they made out like bank robbers. Watches, credit cards, clothes, buddahs, money,every lotion and skin care product known to woman kind and pedicure stuff. Unbelieveable..I got a gift card which was a nice surprise and will put to good use..Thom showed me all the pictures he took of the San Francisco trip and the ski trip to Colorado..Especially liked the ones taken at Candlestink Park in San Francisco during the cowboys, niners game...That was really cool..We had a great dinner, Candy, Thom's wife always makes a great meal..she even made homemade whipped cream for the pies which was really excellent.Then Scott(Thom's stepson, who is 15) and I and Candy played Texas holdem.The girls left to go to their other grandparents and Candy's sister came with all the kids, so I knew Candy likes to 'be alone' with her family so I kissed everyone and waddled back to West. Was a perfect Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

CHRISTMAS WITH...........THE FAMILY

I went over to the grandaughters for christmas eve dinner...I have to admit...kathy did a fantastic job....everything was perfect..really...and holy crap ..the amt of food...there was corn, green bean casserole, pea salad, asparagus,potato salad, braised carrots,sweetpotatoes,rolls, turkey,deviled eggs, and a relish plate that had mine and jennifers favorite..pickeled orka...nummy...pumpkin pie, chocolate cream pie, creamcheese pie, lemon meranque pie and something called well...I dont remember what it was called but was the most shocking pink color I have ever seen...had cherries, nuts, cream cheese, whipped cream and I don't know what else...but funny enought it tasted pretty good..ambrosia? is that it? any how we had a great dinner..and just to make sure there was a little blip(just for you jenny)..I thanked the goddess right after one of the guest(friend of the step dad of the girls)...has said grace and blessed everyone from the present people to the people that lose their homes in the flood, tsunami and Iraq...soon as he fininshed thanking God(for the tsunami, flood and Iraq I said"thank you Goddess"..jenny was sitting next to me and just cracked up..said thank you grandma...I knew you wouldnt disappoint me....we giggled like little kids all thru dinner...After dinner we all were discussing movies and books as the two women and I are all big book readers and were oohing and ahhing about books we liked..then we went to the new King Kong movie...and everyone was talking about how sexy kong was..I said I thought king kong was a woman as I had seen enough of the trailers and didn't see any thing to make me see why he was called KING..kong...I held my hand apart about 24 inches and said now that's a KING kong...If you want to be called KING kong..you gotta have a KING dong.......the woman all agreed and we laughed.....and laughed.....and laughed....the guys just sat there staring at the ceiling and shaking their heads...hehee
The girls made me open their presents and they opened mine..I got socks which I needed, little wooden box(can put my ben wa balls in it), huge great mugs, french cookies to go with my assorted teas...which I loved.I am a big tea drinker and love fancy teas...made jenny and jamie's boyfriends laugh when I made comments about the names of the teas.one was calm, said well no more downers for me now, one was called Wild Sweet Orange, African Red Bush..said they reminded me of the names of acid I took back in the 60's...purple barrell and orange sunshine..jenny and jamie were "oh granma....don't talk about stuff like that..and I laughed and said hey, grandma just didnt pop out of an oven at 62...I was young and raised a little hell...Daniel said "my grandma is nothing like you, and I wish she was"...think Jenny and Jamie would have swapped about then..Part of them wants to laugh and they do..but then the other part is "oh damn..that's my grandmother".....then one of the women at the table said she wished she had a grandma like me....I hear that alot but think some times I think J& J wished I was the blue haired old lady with the apron....tough shit...they are stuck with me...
Jenny and Jamie are going to their dad's tomorrow for christmas...they will call and wish me a merry christmas and tell me what they got for christmas...I will be watching "football"....
mojo called me and they signed the lease on the apt...right before they signed the lease the lady said"of course you know this is a non smoking apt?"...(both smoke) ...they looked her right in the eye and said "sure"...mojo said they had both talked about quiting...so now they will..which makes mom a happy camper...worry that she takes and uses birth control and they all suggest strongly that you not be a smoker.....she will call me tomorrow too..said if you call and the phone is busy I am on the computer..so she said she would email me to get off and answer the phone...
David and his daughters called and said they would be by tomorrow to give me my presents...feel bad..this is the first year that I didnt give them presents..not knowing what my gas bill will be need to save up for it...ick...
well think I am going to get off this sucker for awhile...feel like hammered shit...wearing my new house slippers and night shirt that says "yoga girl" on the pocket...cool....hope you all survived part one of christmas...
fuck me til i sing jingle bells

YES COWBOY FANS THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS



nana nana booboo....stick your head in doodoo...the cowboys pulled one right out of their ass...and I was so busy bullshitting with babs and lisa..I fucking missed it...We're yacking away and Bab's says:" I think the cowboys won"...I am like what? your kidding? shit! And sure enough they won the game without me...Babs, next game we have to go back to the chat room and repeat what ever it was we were doing and do it again for good luck..worked better than that damn mojo bag I made..We needed Giants to win but Washington beat them and needed Tampa Bay to win and they did...so we still have a chance...now will some one please sign up as a kicker so we can get rid of that dufus that calls himself a kicker..hell..I can kick straighter than he can...and speaking of football..next monday night will be an end of a 36 year era..the end of Monday night football...Bet ole Howard Cosell will be spinning in his grave...They are going to have a recording of Don Meredith singing "The Party's Over".....Will be between The New York Jets and The New England Patriots...a game as important as West High School against Italy High School(about 45 miles down the road)....I remember finding out that John Lennon had been killed on Monday Night Football...Heard Howard call a black running back for the Washington Redskins a little monkey and thinking "Oh, Howard..you dun screwed the pooch"....I will miss them on Monday Night...seems like they have always been there and will miss them. Not so much the announcers as just the fact that there was football on and now there won't be..".all good thing's must come to an end....so goodnight, the party's over..".....

Saturday, December 24, 2005

HOLY SHIT HOLY NIGHT.


I have not been to bed yet...I am like a computer crackhead...been hitting websites all over the fucking place...plus I even went back to blogster and left some "come to the darkside" and blog with us at blogspot...bet that thrilled neil and bob...left one post..was surprised that it was still there..thought for sure they had deep sixed my blogsite...kind of disappointed..wanted to be kicked off too...and as bad as my blogs were for content..well, maybe adios mother fucker means something different to them than it does me...fuck I have cartoons on the tv...I have lost it...ok, I am out of here..got to get out of this chair before my back breaks and my tits wear a worn spot on the knees of my jammies...goddess bless..jac

IT'S CHRISTMAS IN WEST, TEXAS


This is one of the reasons why I love West... Christmas time...I would say that at least 90% or better decorate there houses, yards, trees and shrubs...but the very best part is the letters to Santa in the West Paper..wow, it is just wonderful...so I am going to reprint some that made the paper...this time of the year the paper not only publishes them..they are not edited or spell checked....they are straight from their little hearts....

Dear Santa,
What I want for Christmas is 12 pony books and pink pig and that little tv and that game when you hit the ball. Santa, please don't make a mess like last year, Love, paige 2nd grade mrs. Pratka's class

Dear Santa,
I want a gameboy, but most of all, I would also like for my little sister not to hit.I wrote a good note beacause you are good. From, Elizabeth 2nd grade Mrs. Pratka's class.

Dear Santa,
Will you get me and everyone else something that they would enjoy? But I want something big. I want to be a policeman when I grow up. I hope you can help me with my gift. I want to help people like a cop. I hope my wish will come true.Love, Jeremiah 2nd grade Mrs. Pratka's class.

Dear Santa,
I want a General Lee t-shirt and a hummer, like my friend Taylor. Could I also get a Advent wreath. Please keep your fingers crossed Santa.I will too . Love, Clay 2nd grade Mrs. Pratka's class

Dear Santa,
Can I have flywheels, a thelescope and ford raceing 3.Could you also help my family be nice all day Christmas day. Love, Daniel 2nd grade Mrs. Pratka's class.

Dear Santa,
For Christmas I want a bike.How are you doing? How is mrs. Claus? Am I on the good list or bad list? I hope I'm on the good list. When you come in, there is a surprise for you on the table.Love, Mikayla 2nd grade mrs. Pratka's class.

Dear Santa,
Okay I love you and all but can I have a tramgoleing please? Relly I wish I could be a elf. But one more thang, what kind of cooies do you like? Who's on the naughty list. If I am on thire I'm going to be mad! Do you want eggnog with your cooies? love, Dalton 2nd grade mrs. Pratka's class

Dear Santa,
I love you.I like your sleigh. Please bring me a big, purple bicycle, a purple dolphin, a blue mop,a green flower that talks, a pictuer of when we were born, and lots of toys. thank you.Abby west, texas.

Dear Santa,
This year I want to ride in the sleigh. I want a trick bike and anything that will fit in the bags.Trey age 8 west, texas

Dear Santa,
I have tried to be a good girl. All I want for Christmas is The Polar Express on dvd. That's all I want.Nothing other than that. Santa, are you magic? How do you get down my chimeny? Are the Santa' s in the stories fake?Does rudolf the red-nosed reindeer always guid your sleigh?Are you warm in your sleigh? I love you. Please come to my house. I hope you have a good time. Love, Danielle

This year there were 8 pages of letters to Santa...some that really got to me were two letters from a brothe and sister who at the end of their letter asked Santa to take flowers to their brother Adam in heaven....some kids asked for stuff but them asked Santa to be sure and remember to take toys to the poor kids...some asked him to be sure and not to forget the kids who lost everything in the flood....kids..they break your heart...

The West VFW and Ladies Auxiliary donated $5,000 to various organizations in west..pretty cool...Two births, 4 birthdays, 6 deaths. Two ribbon cuttings for 2 new business in west. both stores are fancy smancy gift shops...just what we need..I want some one to open the dairy queen back up...I miss my ice cream cones...and my occasional 'dude'......

First thing I did when I got all hooked up at home was to go back and read alll my post and see the pictuers that sooner had added. Wow....I cant get over how much work he did to add just the right picture to the right post....how he found some of those pictures I will never know...Sooner...my dear sweet boy.....you are so great for doing that...thanks sooooo much..will never be able to tell you how much it means to me....and the pictures of my beautiful daughter...thanks again...and also to barbara who would read my email and then post them on to the blog....you are the bestest...as the price of fuel is so high..i hope that Santa left you coal in your stockings...... thanks again to you both....

Friday, December 23, 2005

GUESS WHERE THE FUCK I AM ?


Yup, I am sitting in my own little swivel chair in front of my own little computer trying to figure out how babs does this with the yellow print...yellow on white is very hard to read and I don't trust my typing or spelling enough to do this and think I am not making some mistakes...I have no idea what i just typed...fuck..
Anyhow, the tower showed up today and didn't get a chance to toss dog shit in the back of his truck because he delivered it to the neighbors house instead of mine..judas priest..cant anyone read anymore...305 is not like 305 1/2...dipshits..
I knew that I would not be able to get in touch with anyone at any internet service because of the holidays..so used my free aol disc..and will use this till I figure out who gives me the best deal..
The house smells like pie....chocolate pie, cream cheese pie and homemade apple pie with apples that I peeled and cored and fixed myownself...also promised jenny I would make her baked macaroni and cheese...going to go over there after the cowboys game...if they lose I may just drop the stuff off and come home and sulk...I was going to try and work my mojo bag again..but think when I made the bag i made it to cast the spell on the cowboys instead of the other team...
I knew when Bruce sent me the tower that when I turned on the computer there was going to be a big ass picture of george w on it..and sure enough there he was...and a marqee banner that said democrats for george w bush...took me about 1 minute to get that shit off my screen...see if I can't get a screen saver from kinky's website...on my other one I had a picture of Craig Bierko on it...in case no one knows who he is..he is the actor who played max baer in the cinderella man movie...and was in one of my favorite movies called the 12th floor...I will sit on his face and let him guess my weight any day of the week...gets granny's motor running...
there was a post on one of my bitch rants and the guy cant belive I am a real granny..says it is hard to wrap his mind around a granny that has my touch with the word fuck...well, belive it sweety...I actually can rmember the first time I said it..being a child of the military I had heard every swear word and some no one else has heard of..I heard gi's telling each other fuck you, and fuck that, fuck this...fuckity fuck fuck fuck...(thanks for that one sooner)...so one day when my daddy told me I had to gi my room(means clean up in civilian talk) I looked up at him( i was 4) and said fuck you......I still get a ringing in my head when I remember it...man...oh man...I learned instantly what ever those two words meant..you didnt say them to daddy....no sir...and I did go and gi my room...I still roll and tuck my towels, socks and underwear...you can shake them for a week and they wont come undone...I cant read a fucking word of this...I wonder if I can edit it after I compose it...hmmm..think I will end this so I can go read everyones blogs and see how bad I screwed this up....nana nana booboo... I am at home.....in the little town of west by god texas...

Thursday, December 22, 2005

MAY THE GODDESS BLESS AND KEEP YOU SAFE


just in case I dont get to post again till after the christmas holiday i just want to wish all of you a merry christmas....the goddess wants to remind you that j was actually born in sept..but to make the birth of Jesus more appealing to the pagans and bring them over to the new religion..they used dec and the winter solstice as his birthdate...but dont let that slow you up on buying that new ipod for your son to show how much you love Jesus...Im going to go home now and work on my new years resolution list...I truly do wish each and all of you a merry chirstmas...love and kisses jackiesue..in the little town of west...

DONT EVER USE DHL...TO SHIP PACKAGES...


I'm so pissed I don't know if I should spit or go blind...cousin Bruce calls me monday am and says package is on the way..shipped it out dhl..(they call it doohickeyline) and is coming out over night...it is now thursday and no sign of the fuckers...man is he going to get his ass ate out when he comes stolling into my yard..now is when I wish I still had the hugeass pitbull dogs...Nate would have made him regret his tardiness...groowl...arf bark..
I am working on my list of new years resolutions...don't know why I bother..never do any of them...but love making up the list...
I am curious and maybe one of you can help me with this...there is a beautiful movie out called memoirs of a geisha and I read the book and loved it...now here's the hard part..why is a book about japanese geisha's made into a movie about japanese geisha's being played by chinese people?....I know there must be a good reason..but for the life of me I can't figure it out...are there no Japanese actors? nothing against the chinese people..but puleese....this is just wrong in so many ways...its worse than putting slanting eyes on white people and having them play the parts...wrong wrong...fucking wrong..this is one movie I wont see...stupid people...
something else I have been wondering about for a long time..after the Letterman show comes the late late show with craig fergurson..the scot's guy...so what ever happened to the guy that was there before him? his name was craig something or another...right?..anyhow he quit the show and walked off into the sunset...fine..but what the fuck ever happened to him..? its like he disappeared..I thought before he left that he looked awfully thin and could be ill..but not a word..you would think that on at least one of the many show biz tv shows someone would say..hey we saw craig today at bong's resturant..or at some movie opening..or something..nope..he's gone...any one have a clue...? d'oh..
well, I am at the library still surround by little fuckers out of school for the holidays..and for some reason I have been getting some raunchy emails(thanks sooner) and these kids are going to be growing up to fast if they keep looking over my shoulder...the boys that I turned on to sooner's blogsite said that he was the funniest person in the world...I think we should start a sooner's fan club...memeberships..stickers for our cars, tshirts with a "sooner says fuck you"..on it...we could hold meetings just like aa does...hello..my name is jackie..im a sooner fan"...
I also told my granddaughter Jennifer when she came over the other night that instead of being cremated like I had decided(Jamie threw a hissy fit) that I would be buried like they wanted..but only one one condition...that in the coffin I was to be giving the finger...I had to have my right hand shaped into giving the finger..didn't care if they had to break my fingers to do it..It was to be my last wish...Jennifer nearly died laughing..said I was a disgusting Granma but she would make sure it would happen...want to be buried in my least ratty looking cowboys shirt and wearing no underwear..with my converse tennie shoes...giving the finger...now that's my idea of being dead and having the last word...maybe even have a hand giving the finger on my head stone..along with "your standing on my fucking head...move"...on it too...
I have entirely too much time on my hands...
hope the next post will be from the house..if not...see you next tuesday..
merry fucking christmas...jac

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

RAINING IN TEXAS


I could think of better weather to wake up to than drizzling pissy rain...and 46 degrees..Rocky woke me up mewing to go outside(he wont use a liter box...at all...) and opened the door and he stood in the doorway checking out the weather...looked up at me and mewed really loud and went back to his warm spot on the footstool...hey asshole, its not my fault it's raining outside...all thought for some reason he seems to think that I am all powerful and control all events having to do with his life...i do control the door and the food. I always feel like Iam just an under paid doorman at a sleezy hotel in Rocky's eyes...
I hope by this time tomorrow I will have my new computer all hooked up...and hope that Bruce didn't sneak in a George W. Bush screen saver on it...wouldn't surprise me at all...he says I will like the surprise that he left on it...yeah, right..
Don't know if you all are aware that Ted Nugent is a neighbor of forest gump's..he has a ranch(a real one, not a compound like forest's) near Crawford, Texas...and he has a saturday morning hunting show...So I get to see ole cat scratch fever himself intertain me with his shooting abilities..he kills deer with a bow and assorted other animals..I am not against hunting...I am against having to watch it on tv..flipped on the tv one morning and was nothing but this beautiful scene of a huge buck with a great rack on him grazing thru this beautiful meadow...so Bambi like...then bamb, he just drops to the ground...deader than a door nail...nugent had just shot him..freaked me fucking out...I don't care that you shoot, gut and skin and eat Bambi...I just don't want to watch it...judas priest..
Jennifer came by to visit me last night..she is dreading christmas..she found out some news about her mother that upset her...seems when she went back to work at the resturant that she had worked at before that her mother had gone in with Jamie for dinner and the waittress for some reason decided to tell Kathy that she had heard Jennifer could be mean ....(which means she takes no shit from anyone)..and Kathy said..."Jennifer is a bitch."...really did upset Jenny..she confronted her mother and her mother said she said.."Jennifer can be a bitch"...which isnt all that much better..so Jenny is a tad upset....then on top of all this..her boyfriend Jason and his family want her to go to San Antonio with them Christmas evening and visit relatives and spend the night..will have to stay in a motel...she didnt want to go as the parents and grandmother are wealthy and they treat Jenny like a poor cousin..plus the father is a stone drunk and makes Jenny nuts...so the mother tells Jenny when they go that they will have 2 rooms and Jenny will stay in one room with the grandmother and her and the sister and Jenny will sleep in one bed with the Grandma..(who is 93 years old and Jenny says never remembers her from visit to visit)..Jenny finally got pissed and told her boyfriend there was no way that she was sharing a room and a bed with them..that she would take her own car..and get her own room and he had better pay for half of the room and gas...he is...she said if they messed with her too much she would just get in her car and drive home...ha..that's my girl...one of the great things I love about that girl is she is tough...
Jamie on the other hand is being led around by her nose by her boyfriend..she took all of her savings and bought her worthless no account boyfriend a $300 ring...this is the boyfriend that has a kid out of wed lock and never has as much as bought a box of diapers for...can't hold a job and has a warrent for his arrest for child support...we told her instead of a ring she should have bought something for the baby and said it was from him....bang my head...
enough to drive me crazy..she is so smart but he has her peterwhipped...hope she smartens up before they have a baby too...just hope that Kathy has enough what ever it takes to make sure Jamie is on the pill or uses some sort of protection..
well...think I will go check out some books....need to load up for when the library is closed over the holidays...hope the next post I send is from my own little house....

Monday, December 19, 2005

SOMETHING STINKS IN WASHINGTON...


"Something stinks in washington. It is the Republican-controlled Congress, which is becoming increasingly associated with all tht the public hates about the beltway and its practices." editors of the National Review...

I'll tell you what else stinks in Washington.....the fucking Cowboys....that's what stinks.......

HOW DO YOU SAY 'D'OH!' IN ARABIC?

اتلانتا، جورجيا (CNN) -- من المتوقع أن يذاع مقتطف صوتي لرئيس الوزراء البريطاني، طوني بلير، في حلقة من سلسلة الكارتون الاجتماعية الكوميدية الشهيرة، "عائلة سيمسونز" التي ستذاع على الهواء اليوم الأحد.

Cairo, Egypt.
Bald, chubby underachiever Omar Shamshoon works each day at the lacal nuclear power plant owned by vultrurelike millionaire Mahrooey Bey. Every evening, Omar comes home to a family that includes his blue-haired wife, Mona, hyper-smart daughter, Beesa,and troublemaking son, Badr.
sound familar?
This may not:Omar doesn't drink beer.
Instead, he spends time with his buddies at loal coffee shopt. At home, he pops open frosty cans of Duff brand juice.
The Simpsons fans in the Middle EAst reacted with skepticism when mbc, and arabic satelite channel, announced it would bgin showing culturally modified, Arabic-dubbed versions of the iconic animated show.
The Arabic dialogue laid over existing shows is actually farily faithful to the orginal script. Nothing seems censored, but episodes such as those featuring Homer's gay roommate or the visit to the Duff's brewery are unlikely to be chosen for translation.
And many of the more American inside jokes are simply glossed over.
Ned Flanders, the devout Christian neighbor, is now merely annoying..with no hint of religion.
"They managed to make one of the funniest shows ever into something that is terribly unfunny, and one of the smartest shows around into somehting incredibly dumb," ranted an Egyptian blogger who goes bby the name Sandmonkey and who wants the show canceled."Us Simpson lovers can't take this abomination any longer."

somethings should be sacred....
d'oh...

MY MOJO AIN'T WORKING


My first attempt at making a mojo bag was a total complete flop. The Cowboy's got their asses handed to them on a plate...a nice shiney silver plate at that..I was and still am hoarse from screaming at the tv...talked to my friend David last night and told him I expect to be found croaked with my converse tennie shoe stuck in the tv ...mojo called during the game and I answered "what?"...she said cowboy's losing..? doh....
game wasent on in san francisco...only thing that made me feel better was the niners lost too..and the eagles..but they got beat by the giants..which didnt help us...crapadoodle..
the girls mother Kathy called and invited me over for christmas eve dinner...that was nice..Thom's still pissed...I suppose if I quit refering to his wife as imacuntthedaughterinlaw he would not be mad at me...but....im an asshole and I won't...i get to help with the cooking which I will enjoy..Kathy hasn't made a turkey before so is a little nervous..told her its a snap cooking turkey..it's just a big chicken...
before i forget ..yafta ..(you have to) check out kinkyfriendman.com....his commercials are on and they are just too funny...i see them once in a while on tv.but mostly from dallas..the waco station's wont play them....im still saving myself for kinky...
fuck me til i am...kinky

WEST BY GOD TEXAS


This weeks news in the little hamlet of west, texas..circa 1957(thursday of this week)
west passed a hotel tax for the new motel we are building ...now this is what the tax money is being specified for...acquiring, constructing or remodeling and maintaining civic center convention buildings, auditoriums, coliseums, and adjacent parking areas to provide advertising money for the general promotional and tourist advertising of the city of west and its vicinity...excuse me mother fuckers but we only have 2,000 that live here...the hotel tax money could also be used for the encouragement , promotion, improvement and application of arts, dance, drama, folk art, creative graphic and craft arts, motion pictures, television, radio, take and sound recording and the arts related to the presentation, performance, execution and exhibition of the major art forms...what the fuck? excuse me ...we still only have 2,000 people...we have 2 drugs stores, 2 banks, 1 lumber co, i hardware store, a bunch of antique stores, about 15 churches and as many bars, a $ store, 9 gas stations and a bunch of bakeries...i see lots of calls for a movie theater, tv station and a recoring studio..kiss my ass..
ok, back to the rest of west..
we are gonig to have a house decorating for christmas contest...that is one really cool thing about west..we deck them halls...i would say that almost 90% of the houses are decorated for christmas...
The little town of Tours is getting a historical marker for the Tours Catholic Church..been here since november,11, 1874...the kids and i always called them hysterical markers..and whole pull up next to them and get out and point and laugh...(long road trips with 3 kids)
we have had one marriage, 3 birthdays, 1 anniversary, and 5 deaths..i notice that we lost a lot more people during winters here than any other time of year..think the cold dreary weather gets to them...all the bars are advertising for dances and parties for new years eve..or as i call it..amature night...the boys basket ball team won the tournament but our girls lost...damn..
an 11 year old girl named Taelor Davis is a big time hunting big shot here..she shot 3 feral hogs and two Javelina hogs.The largest feral hog weighed about 300 lbs. and was shot at 150 yards. She used a .243 caliber ruger rifle with a simmons 3x9 scope..her parents had the largest hog head mounted and it hangs now on the wall among their wildlife trophies..there is a picture of her grinning from ear to ear all decked out in camy's next to one of the Javelina's she shot...i for once am going to pass on commenting on this...
appples are on sale at wood mart..think i will bake a home made apple pie for the girls...jenny always wants me to make her chocolate cream pies..will make both...no pecan pies this year for the first time in 11 years...no pecans on my pecan tree..drat and damn.
and of course as usual during winter...sausage is on sale..my landlady goes deer hunting every year and always brings me deer sausage..she has the best deer sausage ever...i like to make white bean soup with it...nummy
there is a job in the help wanted section that is interesting..someone to work with a labrador dog to sniff our drugs at the schools in the areas...dog would live with you..and after about a week the kids will be burning your house down.....towns to small for that ...

exciting news folks....my cousin bruce called this afternoon and my computer is on the way...he said he sent it dhl and should be here by wed. at the latest...hip hip horay...now the hard part..which internet service wont break me..have a bunch of those aol freebies but aol is starting to chap my ass...and dont want to join aarp just to get people pc.cheap...they have a deal going on now for 3months at $5 somthing a month..that would work...so hopefully by christmas i will be posting from home..
fuck me til i giggle

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE GUBERNATOR


I received christmas card from mojo and its a christmas card from the gubernator, here 'tis:
The Gubernator Mansion
222 Terminator Way
Awesome, California
The Gubernator orders you to have a Merry Christmas. Not to have a Merry Christmas will be a big mistake. If necessary, The Gubernator will crush like an insect anyone who does not enjoy completely the holiday season.I will use all tools at my disposal, such as my powerful muscular structure or possibly some unfortunate legislation. If you are a woman and you are very hot, I will enjoy fondling you and later I will lie about it.Do not be stupid.
Obey the Gubernator...
Hasta La Vista, Baby..ahnold...

Saturday, December 17, 2005

GOING TO GET MY MOJO WORKING..


going to start working on my mojo bag from my 5,000 spells book...put together a cowboy mojo bag..going to use the leather bag i keep my ben wall balls in and put in little footballs, helmets, horse shoes, 4 leaf clovers, etc...going to mojo them assholes into beating the redskins..and cant believe they are 3 point underdogs..fuck me till i kick an extra point...and while im on football...is anyone as sick as i am of mrs. mcnabb's campbell soup commercials..running around the side lines of the eagles telling them to eat right, slopping soup in their helmets etc..excuse me bitch..while your feeding them soup..they havent won a game in forfucking ever...dipshit...they may be eating good soup..but they cant play ball for shit...

another reason why i love living in west...filling stations...well, filling station....singular...we actually have a filling station..you can drive up...stay in your car (or go inside and get some great fast food)..and they will put gas in your car, clean windshield, check your oil and put air in your tires...course the gas is 8 cents highter than the rest of the town...but its worth it..when i was really handicapped from the back surguries i would go there so they could do all the stuff for me as i couldnt do it on my own..and it was worth the extra price in the gas to get it done...pretty cool...

victoria principle payed $200,000 to go into space..i would spend $2,000 just to watch it...just to see the g forces push all that collegen out of her lips...when she gets back she will be able to wrap her bottom lip around her neck and use for a warmer...

RUDE HOMECOMING


Last thursday when I left library i went to the store and bought some groceries, so by the time I got home it was way dark and I had forgot to leave porch light on...but there was a huge fat Texas moon so had enough light to see by to make the porch without killing myself..and on the porch there was a light swatch of white so thought it was rocky waiting for me..when i walked by i kind of reached down and swipped at him and said "hey rocky road, what's up"..and there was no resistance when I touched him.my first thought was.."fuck..the cats dead"...dropped the sacks right on the porch, ran in the house and flipped the porch light on and ran back outside and there he was dead on the porch...no...not Rocky...but a squirrel...Rock's little love gift for me..here is this dead squirrel on his back all stretched out and no head...i swear he arranged it to look the most ghoulish...little fucker...so after wrapping it up in paper towels and tossing it in the garbage can and washing my hands for about 30 minutes i took my groceries in and made a kick ass stew...put lots of veggies in and canned green jalopenas and green enchalada sauce..put lots of stew meat too..really burned out on turkey..although i confess to buying a small one so i can make turkey sandwiches...
checked out 700 sundays by billy christal...man that was such a wonderful book...i wish i had his life...only aobut 182 pages so can read it in a few hours..its a yafta..you have to read it...so great..laughed til i cried and cried til i laughed..so so..good...

.................COUSIN BRUCE.............


wonderful news...my cousin Bruce called friday morning and said my computer should be here before christmas..would have had it done sooner but he has been soo busy..man oh man..was so great to hear that..did't even ask it it had speakers..now i have to see about which internet service to get and which is the cheapest...people something is pretty cheap..but they are also the ones that let in virus that crashed my computer so ..hmmm. dont think so...but im so excited about my new computer...bruce is such a sweetie..wish i could bring him over to the goddess's side..but afraid he worships the baby Jesus and all that goes with it...and to top it off he is a republican..poor baby..looks like i am the cousin that got all the brains as he and all the rest of the kinfolk are in that Jesus cult and voted for bush also..wonder how i got into this family.and believe me, im sure they think the same thing...
mojo has been calling me pretty regular lately..she has been in the process of getting a new apt..the first for her and rolf to be alone..they have been sharing a big house in daly city with a bunch of rolf's kinfolk that are not the smartest knife in the drawer..mojo was ready to go redneck on them...actually just the one...who is 300 lbs and stupid..nothing there to endear him to mojo right off the bat..but anyhow they got the apt...one block from the haight where she has wanted to live forever...its an apt in a huge victorian house..has its own intrance and even a small yard....she is so excited...soon as she gets in she is going to the pound and get herself a kitty...im so happy for her..
ohhhhh ohhh, the latest on the granddaughter jenny..'
she has been going to school and working at a resturant to pay for her car and insurance..called me the other day to say she was going to go to classes for a dental hygenist...cool..then slipped in on me that when the new "Hooters" resturant is built she has a job there...i took the phone and banged it on the floor and said "wait a minute there must be something wrong with my phone, cause i swear you just said you were going to work at hooters..." she laughed and said no mistake, she got hired on...i told her the first time some asshole grabbed her in the ass she would deck someone and be gone..she said probably.but she would work there anyhow as the money was too good to pass up and she was only going to work on the weekends...but then she told me the best part...while the girls that had been hired were all sitting around a table the boss said that he wanted them all to know that they were not being hired on their waitress experience..that they were being hired because they were pretty and had nice bodies...when jenny told me this she said, grandma i was so mad...and 2 of the girls actually giggled when he said that..she said.."i was insulted, i have lots of experience and i was mad because i didnt get hired for that..just because i have big boobs..."...she was so indignant...cracked me up.. gotta love it..

MEN, WOMEN OR OTHER...


Brazilian council backs public bathrooms for transvestites...
Rio De Janeiro, Brazil....
For most people, it's an easy choice:men's rom or women's . A Brazilian city is trying to create an alternative for those who don't fit easily into either category.
A bill passed by the Nova Iguaca City Council this week would require nightclubs, shopping malls, movie theaters and large resturants to provide a third bathroom for transvestites. The city's mayor will decide whether to make it a law.
"A lot of lawmakers didn't want to deal with this issue, but it's a serious problme in society," said City Council member Carlos Eduardo Moreia, who sponsered the bill. "It's a way to put an end to prejudice."
Mr. Moreira said he got the idea when dozens of transvestites showed up recently for a samba show."It was a real problem. The women didn't feel comfortable having them in the ladies room, and the men didn't want them in their bathroom either," he said.
Mr. Moreira said there are nearly 28,000 transvestites in Nova Iguaca, a city of about 8000,000 on the outskirts of Rio de Janerio.
The issue has divided gay groups. Some feared it could segerate gays, while others said the bill addresed a real problem in the gay community.
Brazil is generally more tolerant of homosexualilty than other Latin American countries, but discrimination still exists..


wwhooooo buddy..i love the news...

Thursday, December 15, 2005

GOING TO THE HOUSE NOW


i have to find some books to read..and there are little kids reading what i am typing ..i hope they are to young to read...or at least in this case..cant read english...we are mulit-cultured here in west...which means we have mexicans here...at least the locals let them live where they want to unlike the black people who all live on one side of town...really....like i said..it's 1957 here..
i know i have shouted from the roof tops here about required tv watching...i may watch a lot of pbs, which i love but i also have to watch every week...boston public..i swear to the goddess that is the best tv show ever...this week..capt. kirk was going to trial and they were all trying to decide if they should wait..go to trail now..wait..what ever..and capt. kirk is sitting in chair looking at his lap...all of a sudden he says:
"i have an erection. that's a good sign. lets go to court.."...i laughed so hard...he is sooo good in this... i know he plays denny crane..and is always saying his name..but to me..he's capt. kirk...so im not telling you guys again..YOU MUST WATCH BOSTON LEGAL...trust me in this...
library is closed tomorrow so wont be on till sat. am...but i will be thinking about you all....and will do some horoscopes for b. who was born on oct. 29th..babs who was born on dec. 31st. and sooner who was born on jan. 20th..these are not horoscopes..they are charactrer developments...or something..you'll see..
ok...im going now...really..im going...no i really am..im leaving...byebye...ta ta..ya'll come back and see me now....ya he'r???

HOLIDAY STUFFINGS


EVERY CITIZEN MUST BE ACTIVE FOR GOOD
OR HE WILL BE COUNTED FOR EVIL....
-MONFIELD STOREY

which is why i continue to drive home this message..bush is bad...very bad...very very very very very ....bad......

im like the pencil with a sharp point...you know how when you get a new pencil and you go up to the teachers desk and ask to sharpen your pencil and she says yes, and you go to the sharpener and you sharpen and sharpen and sharpen till your brand new number 2 yellow pencil has this great new tiny point....and you walk back to your desk and you pull out your blank peice of paper all nicely lined and you put your new pencil on the white paper and press down to write your name...and the end of the point breaks off....well...that is me about bush...too much point on the pencil...
but i refuse to give up...i will keep hammering away and sharpening my pencil until i prove to the entire world...that...bush...is bad...very very very very very .....bad...

fuck me till my point breaks off

BUSH BULLSHIT


its hard to type this as im banging my head on the computer desk while im typing it...fuck ..me....til...i ....actually....believe..this...shit...
judas priest...there were three articles in dallas am paper that just nearly drove me over the fucking edge..and im a border line whacko as it is and dont need much assistance in this...so..first...the asshole journalist that printed the name of the cia agent says he is confident that bush knows who leaked the name...well..doh mother fuckers....of course he knows...jackass..and they are asking ole forest to fess up and tell us who it is..yeah, like that is ever going to happen...this administration is number one in covering their asses...soo while im steaming about this bit of news..what do i see right over it...?....?....? bush says he belives delay is innocent...well whoptie fuck...of course he belives he's innocent...and he also believed his advisors when they said there were weapons of mass destruction in iraq...the third article i read that almost drove me over the edge, up the wall and out of my gourd...bush is finally admitting that he went to war with iraq based on false information...doh, no shit sherlock...i have it on your info that he also belives in the easter bunny, the tooth fairy and santa the fucking claus..plus he really thinks he won the election.fair and square..kill me now...
fuck me til i believe it too....

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

THREE BIGGEST LIES BY MEN AND WOMEN


WOMEN.....
1. i LOVE YOU
2. I'M ON THE PILL
3. I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE

MEN....
1. I LOVE YOU TOO
2. DON'T WORRY..I HAD A VASECTOMY
3. I PROMISE..I WON'T COME IN YOUR MOUTH

EPI CENTER OF EARTHQUAKE OVER JOHN WAYNE'S GRAVE


OK...did no one get this? was i too subtle? did i make it not clear? the epicenter of the earthquake over john wayne's grave during the premier of Breakback mountain....was a joke folks...as to john wayne is turning over in his grave because there is a gay cowboy movie being premiered....get it...(smacks forhead with palm of hand)..well..maybe it wasent as funny as i thought..fuckyou...