Tuesday, March 13, 2007


to the list of people, who can kiss my ass...The list is now epic length...

I had one of those 'oh fuck' days today....It started out innocently enough...Margaret needed a ride to the Dr.'s...said no problem would be glad to take her...I had the reception room in stitches retelling the story of our first walk...They especially liked the part where I said I knew she had the heart of a 12 year old girl, because I saw her eat it...I was so popular Mrs. Dr. said I need to come back and see the Dr. as my blood sugar is fluctuating to much..that'll teach me to keep my mouth shut..so after 2 1/2 hours at the Dr.'s we scurry back home and we both run to our apts and pee and get ready to go to the Senior Center for lunch..I had especially wanted to go today as they were going to have roasted chicken...I can eat roasted chicken...don't mind paying a buck fifty for roasted chicken...

They didn't have roasted chicken..it was still frozen...so we had turkey casserole...so I spent 20 minutes picking little squares of turkey out of a heaping pile of noodles..I can't eat noodles...but before we get to the eating part, we have to get to the entering the door part...The part where I am checked out, scanned, eyed, looked over and found:"new"...First of all there is some sort of pecking order that I am not familiar with...and that's not counting the seating arrangement..Someone didn't show so I was told it was ok to take her seat...but if she had been there, I would NOT have been allowed to sit in her place...guess who showed up after we were all settled in..yup...she was so miffed that she hollored from 20 feet away:"I see you didn't wait for me."...and went and sat at another table..where everyone gave me dirty looks for taking Wanda's seat...I sat up straight and stuck my tits out as far as I could...(take that you shriveled up old raisin...)I did a head count and there were about 40 people and other than the son of one of the ladies who is 'special'..I was the youngest one there.. think they felt I didn't belong..

So I'm sitting in Wanda's chair, looking around and fuck...there are old fuckers every where. I mean really old fuckers....At my table there was 75 year old Margaret, a lady named Annie who is 91(some one said she was 92 and she snapped at them and said 'no..I"m 91)...and the other lady is 86...I'm fucking 63...I'm an old fart too, but in a completely differnt bracket ..I'm sitting up so straight in the chair my tits are poking up in the air...why am I sitting up so straight...? Because out of those 40 people 30 of them were women and 28 of them were in walkers, or canes and all had humps like Igor..I'm thinking to myself..."What the fuck am I doing here and how fast can I get the fuck out of here?."

Now comes the really scary part...watching old people eat...

oh my Goddess!....No one spoke..once they commenced to set fork to food, it was nothing but the sound of utensils scraping the bottom of strofoam plates..I tried to make polite dinner conversation, and no one even lifted there head from their plate...Margaret kinda nodded, but basically it was chow time and by Goddess they were going to chow down...scrape scrape..slurp slurp...people without teeth, people with loose teeth and old people in general ..make food noises...and have you ever seen old people's hands...? Judas priest..they are like the witch's in Sleeping Beauty...long claws with even longer nails...what's the deal with the long nails...I would be afraid to scratch anything with those nails...pick your nose with one of those fingers and you could poke a hole in your brain..The entire time they ate, there wasn't a word spoken...Now I know what it feels like to be surrounded by zombies...

I'm sitting there thinking 'Oh fuck...oh fuck.....fuckity fuck fuck fuck'....shit..did I say that outloud...? Doesn't matter no one could hear me over the noise of eating and they're all deaf any how...I want you to know that was the longest hour of my life...but for a buck fifty it was a good lesson...I now know what I will be like in another 15 years..that is if I don't go screaming down the street and run in front of a semi...

fuckme till I have a hump on my back...

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Blogger Cheesemeister said...

Yes, that's a nightmare.
When I used to work in facilities where they had really decrepit patients mixed in with the ones who were there for PT/rehab, the folks whose minds were still all there refused to eat with the ones that were screaming, drooling on themselves and needing to be fed. They asked for a room tray, and who can blame them?
We had one permanent resident who had Parkinson's disease and she asked to sit with the rehab patients because it killed her appetite to sit with the screaming, drooling ones.
What really sucks is when some poor soul gets a screaming, mindless one for a roommate.
There's no logic to it sometimes.

Wed Mar 14, 01:42:00 AM CDT  
Blogger Babs said...

Did you get hit on by any of the old geezers? You'd be quite a catch!

Wed Mar 14, 04:20:00 AM CDT  
Blogger apositivepessimist said...

Haha I laughed and I laughed.

You'll be sticking out like an non-arthritic thumb. Get used to it, it's hard to break into the oldie cliques. Oh and they do have them, just like high school, the oldie cheerleaders just wave incontinence pads instead of pom poms.

Wanda hates you now...you know this don't you.

Wed Mar 14, 04:44:00 AM CDT  
Blogger High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

I'm laughing so hard I might need a Depends undergarment. You are a riot!

Having worked in both dietary and housekeeping at a nursing home during high school and in the summer when I was in college, I KNOW exactly what you are talking about. We always had a woman in the "group" who was too young or too energetic to be among the "feeble" little old ladies who always asked for "a cup of hot water and cranberry juice!" every time they came through the lunch line. (That was Gladys...yes, I still remember all of their names, even though they have all long passed away. I really miss my "rose room" gals; the nursing home socialites who dined in a room painted pink each night for dinner)

Apositivepessimist is absolutely right: the little old ladies have their own cliques and can be down-right nasty to each other. Especially if someone takes their seat at the dinner table! :)

Wed Mar 14, 11:41:00 AM CDT  
Blogger yellowdog granny said...

chesey: I feel bad for the way I feel, but I think if I hung around them old farts...I would be come an old fart..I'd rather hang out with young farts...or at least middle aged farts..
babs: no but I went and sat at the table with Frankie Marek for awhile..he is the father of the marek brothers who are like my own kids..his son Gary is the one that helped me move..so I have known him for over 30 years...his wife wasn't there she was at work...and I got pumped when I got back to the table to find out how I knew "frankie"...so I figure there will be lots of talk about that today...I didn't go today...probably won't go again..
apos:yeah, I didn't feel 'the love' from the old broads..ha..oh, I KNOW Wanda hates me...she glared at me over the tables all through lunch...and could here her not so low voice complaining because I had her chair..ahh, as I always say...fuckem...ha

Wed Mar 14, 12:00:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Mimi said...

The seating at the senior center sounds like it didn't change much from high school. I have always wondered what the deal is with the long nails myself. Even when you are as old as them, you will ALWAYS be way too cool for them!!!!!

Wed Mar 14, 01:10:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Ol' Lady said...

you had better keep an eye out for Wanda...she'll be out to get ya...hahaha

Wed Mar 14, 08:59:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Scottish Toodler said...

JS you are truly the shanahachie of West and of Blogville.

Wed Mar 14, 10:35:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Nit Wit said...

There all gonna think that you just want to steal their men. If you went very often they would start calling you the kid, except Wanda. I'm sure she has a special name for you.
I'm not so sure it would be worth it to get the cheap meals. They might resent having someone as young as their kids hanging around.

Thu Mar 15, 04:07:00 AM CDT  
Blogger yellowdog granny said...

mimi:...it was scary, the same old clicks as in high school..and I never fit in then either..I was semi-smart, funny and a tom boy, and had lots of 'boy' friends and the girls hated me..I had few boyfriends..but that didn't matter..they also hated me cause I had tits 3 times as big as theirs...wanda will be plotting my demise for the rest of her days..
ha, how hard is it to be cooler than a bunch of 80-90 year olds?
ol lady: yup, I can see Wanda with a floor plan of the center and figuring how hard she has to hit me to knock me out of her chair..
scottish toodler: if shanahachie means old broad full of piss and vinegar...yup..that's me..
nitwit: yea, like I would want one of those old farts..I haven't got without sex for 22 years to give it up for some old wrinkled saggy balled old man..nu uh...
oh that's funny..cause one of the ladies asked margaret if I was her daughter...we both cracked up laughing...when the woman walked away..I said Margaret, I'm surprised you didn't jump up and scream..'she's no kin to me.'...she laughed like crazy...probably had thought about it..but she's too sweet..

Thu Mar 15, 10:30:00 AM CDT  
Blogger Josh said...

Freeeeaky. I don't think I'd want to get involved with other old people once I get old. Wow.

Sun Mar 18, 04:04:00 PM CDT  
Blogger yellowdog granny said...


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