I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Sunday, June 10, 2007

THE CARPET DOESN'T MATCH THE DRAPES

I dyed my hair red..Why is it, that my hair color never comes out looking like the lady on the box?...She has this lovely strawberry blond Doris Day hair cut...I dyed my hair last night and it is the same color as....well, I don't think there is actually a color of red as the red on my head...I forgot about dying it this morning and when I went to brush my teeth I nearly had a heart attack..I thought my head was bleeding..It's not that maroon red that Shady Lane refers to as "motherfucker red"...it's more of a ....I swear to the Goddess I can't come up with a red that color..I may have invented a new color..it's more of a "what the fuck? red"...yup..that's what it should say instead of Auburn..it should say "WHAT THE FUCK RED"..can't wait to show your neighbors your new hair color so they can say "what the fuck?"...as if my life isn't interesting enough..now I have hair that will stop traffic and scare small children..
Every time I look in the mirrow I think..."With the coupon it only cost $1.98..."...
Yesterday as I was 'fixin' to close the library down Anessa came by with Devon(the ball playing kid)...and said.."I'm on my way to work and Devon want's to go to your house, is that ok?"..
duh?...and since I'm not a fast liar..I said.."Uh, ok...sure"...thinking to myself(motherfucking shit)..So I take Devon who is a great kid..don't get me wrong..but I have raised my kids and the grandkids are grown now too..I don't want to hang out with a 13 year old..and Devon says 8 words a day...good morning and good night being 2 of them(eat, drink, where's the bathroom and thanks being the others)...anyhow..it's Sat. I like to go garage sale hunting..so I do..Devon sits in truck reading his book..which is fine with me..I bought a pink cushion seat($3) for little girls with Princess on it for Annie..(who wouldn't sit on it if the rest of the house was on fire)a box full of picture frames..all really really nice...for $2..and a glass vanity tray with pewter handles on it for .30cents..It's beautiful..and so not me...but it's purty..and will probably end up giving it to one of the granddaughters..Come back to the house..where Devon's true reason for coming becomes apparent."Can I use your computer?"....so I explain everything to him and then I go do what I would go anyhow..read, watch tv...I had to eat so had to feed him too...Several times I asked him if he was ready to go home..hint fucking hint(reminder to self..kids don't take hints)...nope..he's happy as a clam..so finally when it is time for me to eat dinner and I'm not feeding him again..I say.."It's time for you to go home"...and I take him home..now to the reason for this semi-bitch...I eat, get on computer..up pops im's from about 6 kids..what the fuck?..I don't have im..it bogs down my computer...well, I do now..Devon has taken it upon himself to download the im dealyflopthingy to get im's...My ass hit the ceiling about 2 seconds after my head did..Who the fuck does this kid think he is..and didn't he ever listen to his Daddy when he was telling him about the asses I used to kick?..Does he think 'cause I'm an old lady my ass kicking abilities have weaken and left him immune to my converse....I think not...so me and Devon are going to have a little heart to heart...where he is going to learn a life lesson....don't fuck with little old lady's ..no matter now nice they may seem...

19 comments:

Nit Wit said...

I hate IM programs too. I didn't know there were 13 year olds who knew the word thank you though.
Now you will find out who your real friends are. With that head of hair they will see you coming from a long way off. If they stick around you know they can stand you being around.
Remember, even though he is 13 it's still a bad idea to do anything permanint to him. Though when he sits with his Grandkids he can say, What that scar? I got that when I crossed Jackiesue and the Goddess.
I didn't go to a yard sale this weekend but I did get a new computer!! Now I'm spending all my time setting it up the way I want.

Junebugg said...

Ain't he ever heard about a red headed woman's temper? Run Devon, RUN!!!!!!!!!!

kath said...

* shakes head*
jac, I thought you were lots smarter than that..

Here is a tip for you. only share your computer with somkeone that you are willing to share your toothbursh with...as computers, like toothbrushes are meant for one person only.
I learned this the hard way.

Nice deal on the frames and things... and the story about the princess cushion had me laughing tears...

woman you never fail to crack me up. never..

AL have anew name yet>

kath said...

ps


you will be posting a color pic of your new hair, right?

jan said...

You let a teenager put IMs on your computer and he still has all his fingers?

You ARE a saint.

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

Is Devon your grandchild or just a neighborhood kid?

Either way, I'd be really pi$$ed if he downloaded that stuff without asking for permission. Nobody asks for permission anymore! Grr!

Essie or OPI should buy your idea for "WTF RED" and use it for one of their nailpolish colors. They usually have weird names like "I'm Not Really a Waitress" or "One Night Stand." I think "WTF Red" would be a best seller!

BBC said...

I allow no one to use my computer, no one. Others are frigging idiots and think they can change things on it for you. Or they just plain screw things up. Touching my computer could get someone some bloody hands.

I was thinking of dying my hair, better not. Have a wonderful day, hugs.

yellowdog granny said...

nitwit:that's what makes it hard for me (but will anyhow) to come down so hard on him..he's a good kid..he makes great grades, plays baseball, is polite and doesn't have a computer at home..uses the one at the library..I don't even think he realizes how wrong what he did is...but he'll learn..
ohhh a new computer..hopefully if mine doesn't blow on me..will get one in a year...whatdidyaget?...
junebugg:he's going to get a welcome to the real world lesson..bless his heart..haha
Kath:the kitty's name is Asshole..no initials...not sherman...not rex, buzz or anything else..GET OVER IT...
if I can find anyone that has a scanner and can scan my pictures in..I will send pic of my new red head..
jan:I won't leave him bleeding ..but he will be battered and bruised...
HMHH:he's one of my friends who I have known since he was 17..his mom was my best friend before she died..so this kid is his step kid..so he got special treatment..but no more..he's cut off from the computer...let him fuck up the one at the library..
maybe I should paten the name what the fuck red...works for me..
BBC:i think you would make a great redhead...

Big Pissy said...

Well...now you know...Devon can't be trusted.

I like the name of your new hair color....pictures, please! ;-)

apositivepessimist said...

Can’t quite picture the colour so I reckon I need a photo of it.

Heh. Kick his arse Granny. That’s fooking overstepping the boundaries that is.

Josh said...

Ohhhhh you could easily teach him a lesson... just send IM's to his friend pretending to be him, and let your creativity be your guide in what you say on his behalf... mwahahaha

BBC said...

Hell, I have a computer box he can have for the shipping. A mouse and keyboard is cheap and I bet he can find a free monitor in his area on Yahoo Freecycle.

Maybe even a whole set up.

the rube said...

couldn't the little asshole take care of him?

buddha_girl said...

His mother's a fucking idiot. Period. She knew what he was doing and caught you at a bad time. Asking you to commune with her son while you're deep in reading at the library is akin to asking someone a thought-provoking question three seconds after an orgasm. Dummy Mother.

I'd kick his ass for you if I was closer. I think I could also convince Buddha to bite his Achilles tendon.

Red Hair.
I had a similar horrific experience last summer...and ended up with FUCHIA hair. MAGENTA even. I washed it with Era laundry detergent on the advice of a well-establish hair chick. It took some of the color out. I'll never color my own hair again. NEVER.

Don't use Clairol again if you can avoid it. That brand (and some others) have HIGH metal content which fucks royally with the end result.

While you're feeling fiesty, take a pic for Buddha...he'll put it on our fridge!!! Ha!

yellowdog granny said...

bigPissy:i will try and get a picture on the post..it's such a ...what the fuck?...red..
apos:yeah, I am silently simmering about this..need to calm down before i talk to him and her or I will freak them out and they will never talk to me again..
Josh:damn..I wish I had thought of that before I deleted it from computer.
bbc:you know I checked out that freecyle thing? joined up in the waco texas one and it's pretty cool..you guys should check it out..thanks BBC..
the rube:there's an idea..sic asshole on him...
buddha_girl:you know ..after I rethought the whole deal..I know she knew what she was doing..knowing im a patsy and wouldn't say no to his coming over with him right there..feel like they both ganged up on me...they only know the nice jackie..they dont know the bitch jackie..I will have so much fun introducing her to them....
I will send robert a picture of his auntgrandma...red head and all

Sebastien said...

I think it's a wonderful beautiful thing to be able to frighten kids because of your hair. I hope I may achieve that level of awesomeness some day.

BBC said...

BTW.... I have a thing for redheads. Well, maybe we shouldn't go there. I've gotten too complex.

yellowdog granny said...

sebastien:yeh, the hair will put a fright in them..plus I put the fear of death into devon for messing up my computer..I can tell you the color to get so you can scare them too..it's lots of fun..
BBC:oh my....

Cheesemeister said...

my hair never came out the color on the box either. I've only been using that temporary stuff lately until the red-blonde grows out and then I'm going to decide if there's enough gray that I should just leave it alone (I've got a hell of a lot of gray hair) or if it still looks too patchy and I want to keep on with the hassle of coloring it.