I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

.......UNKNOWN CALLER.......



Ah, I love fucking with those people...Today I got a phone call from one of those 'unknown callers'....and they always mispronounce my name (it's spelled Jacque) and with my deep voice they always assume I'm a guy, so the conversation today went like this. Me:"Howdy."..

Unknown caller:"Is this Mr. Jockque, er, ah..Jock Denney?"...Me:"No, there is no Jock Denney here, there is a Jackie Denney here and that's me...what do you want?"..Unknown caller:"Hello, Mr. Denney..I'm"..Me:"I'm not a Mr. Asshole, I'm a Ms."...Unknown Caller:"Oh, excuse me Ms. Denney, this is Jeff Bladebladipshit from the "I'm Here to Fuck With Your Day" survey, and we have a few questions we would like your opinion on and we're not selling anything." Me:"Sweety, there are two things you don't want. One is a sexually transmitted disease and the other is my fucking opinion on anything."sounds of silence...I hang up...

I got bored last Friday and rented 5 movies for $5bucks..rented Good-night and Good Luck, which I really did like..Capote which I guess was a very good movie, but I couldn't understand a fucking word he said..(but still think Jocquene(SP) Phoenix should have won for Walk The Line.)Jarhead which was good, but not as good as the book..A Murder of Crows which I will watch tomorrow night..and Matador which I will watch later on tonight..I watched back to back, non stop The Closer and as much as I like Lost, 24, E.R.,Boston Legal,and Heroes, the Closer is the best show on TV...also watched the Dead Zone and it was good, but not great..I like Kyle XY...a lot..I find it very strange but I kind of like to watch the Gene Simmons Show..only because I am amazed that such a gifrantic asshole hooked up with a soft porn queen could raise such terrific kids..the son is pretty funny..

I am fixing to kill and skin the Little Asshole..

He is a enormous pain in the ass..He still bites, scratches and climbs on my head or sits on my shoulder and bites at my ears, nose, hair and any part of me he can sink his sharp fangs into..he is feral...and soon to be dead,dead,dead..People come over and they are shocked and awed by his antics..he runs sideways through the house, will run across the rug, sink his claws into the carpet and then slide and make a compete circle spinning on his back..the hallway is pretty long and he casts a shadow when he runs down it so he is constantly attacking the walls trying to get that cat that is chasing him..I go to the bathroom and he goes in there and bites on my toes and ankles and hard to do anything while your peeing..like kick him across the room..Margaret came over the other day (forgot to lock the fucking door) and he jumped up on the arm of the couch, scratched and bit her and then ran like a sonofabitch down the hall...He thinks he is a Tiger or Mountain Lion or some such cat..He's fixing to be the cutest little stuffed animal you ever saw...bastid..

It's almost 11:30pm and still have to shower before I watch my movie..See y'all...

14 comments:

Junebugg said...

Damn, I'm glad the Little Asshole can't breed with Shitty Kitty; I don't think the world could survive a whole litter of the terrible tiggers 8-}

Allan said...

Damn, sorry to hear about the defective cat. Does he go outdoors?

kath said...

listen jac..

It is all in the attitude..
change his name to Angel... blow in his face when he bites you.. and voila! you will have the perfect kitty...

( kath ducks and runs )

the rube said...

take the little asshole to a chinese restaurant and show him where the bear shit in the bucket.

jan said...

Kath is right. You have given him a name that he has to live up to. A self fulfilling prophesy. Rename him and you will have a perfectly behaved feline.

Big Pissy said...

'The Matador' is an AWESOME movie!

Hope you think so too! ;-)

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

Oh, I must borrow the sexually transmitted line the next time one of those telephone dialing idiots calls!

I had someone call the other night and I said in a cranky voice I was busy -- I was I was talking to my friend on my cell phone and telling her about John falling down the escalator -- and here it was my alma mater just calling to thank me for my $10 donation I made about SIX months ago! I felt like a heel...

Nit Wit said...

I rented two movies with Tom Selleck as a Police chief in Paradise Mass.
James Patterson created him I guess his name is Jesse Stone. One was Night Passage and the other one was Death in Paradise. I really enjoyed them.
I don't know if I would get close enough to that cat to blow in it's face. You might find yourself calling Michal Jackson to find out where he gets his fake noses.

I liked A Murder Of Crows and The Matador.
Paula Poundstone said she uses a squirt gun to punish her cats.

Ol' Lady said...

you have had a few suggestions of changin the kitty's name as if that is gonna fix the problem...I guess it wouldn't hurt to try...ya never know...stranger things have happened...so try something like...appetizer :o

yellowdog granny said...

junebugg:this little bastid isn't going to breed..cause i'm snipping his dick off..
allan:he goes outdoors and runs up and down the side walk..plays jungle tiger in the grass...chases bugs, butterflies and his tail...he's so fun to watch..as long as you don't let him near you..
Kath:don't take this personal..but you don't know what the fuck your talking about..the cat was born wild..lived in the wild for the first 4 weeks of his life..kept in doors for 2 weeks where he earned the name 'Lucifer'...sedated and given to me...he wasn't named cutie or fluffy ..he was names asshole because that is what he is..get the fuck over it..
the rube: I think he would make a cute little throw rug..
Jan:I assume you are kidding as he got the name from his behavior..you and Kath need to "Get the fuck over it"...the cats name is asshole...period..end of discussion...fuck!
Big pissy:was going to watch it last night but zonked out before i could do it..but am anxious to see it..
HMHH:it sure did work for me..I left him totally speechless..cracked me up..laughed my ass off ..
Nitwit:the books are terrific..and loved the movies too..they are tv movies..made for cbs I think...you would enjoy the books..but think they were done by Parker..I think?
yeah, blowing in assholes face would get me a new nose..i will try the squirt gun ..fill it full of downers..ahhahah
ol'lady:yah, like calling him sweety would make him behave..

Normy said...

Hehehe... The telemarketers damn near always pronounce my last name wrong. I had a guy selling windows and storm doors once, and I told him I live in a shed and took great offense to that. And once the Indianapolis Star called and tried to sell me a newspaper subscription, and I told the girl I couldn't read, and she got all terribly upset and told me it's never too late to learn...

Josh said...

I have friends who swear by compressed air to discipline cats. But L.A. sounds like a lost cause...

apositivepessimist said...

I would agree with you on Capote I kept thinking the audio was fucking with me at times I was like what he bloody say? Then bitch about the sound quality of the dvd.

Loved Walk the Line.

Jarhead was okay, some reason I was expecting it to be better.

Cheesemeister said...

I sometimes watch the Gene Simmons show too. I'm also shocked that the kids turned out as well-mannered and un-Paris-Hilton like, given the possibilities of being ultra rich and in the spotlight. Gene and Shannon do seem to be pretty good parents, though. However I'd probably have killed him by now if I'd been fool enough to hook up with him.