I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

MAY BE MY FAVORITE STUMBLE UPON

oK...I'm sorry...but I just can't help myself...js

PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN:
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses. 8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday. 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants. 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out. 12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe. 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.. 1:00 Shopping with friends. 3:00 Nap. 4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer. 4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage 5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror. 7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing. 10:00 Hot shower. Alone. 10:30 Make love. 11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling. 11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.
PERFECT DAY FOR A MAN:
6:00 Alarm. 6:15 Blowjob. 6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section. 7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee. 7:30 Limo arrives. 7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport. 8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia. 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club. 9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par. 11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens. 12:15 Blowjob. 12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par. 2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis. 2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap. 3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew. 4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin-1249 lbs. 5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked supermodel. 7:00 Watch CNN Newsflash. Clinton resigns. 7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 Oz. New York strip. 9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar. 10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs. 11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi. 11:45 Go to bed. 11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room. 11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.

18 comments:

McRaven said...

It hurts to laugh...oh my god it hurts so good!

sageweb said...

That is so funny...so true too.

buddha_girl said...

6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section.

Men. They're such simple creatures sometimes.

Josh said...

Odd that the man has more time allotted for the last sex of the day than the woman... seems like most guys are very, shall we say... *direct*.

jan said...

The man is pegged just right, but the woman should get more meaningless sex for her own happiness.

yellowdog granny said...

mcraven:oh im sorry you laughed till you hurt..ha
sage:cracked me up
bg:did that strike a cord with you?
josh:im surprised that women could find the time..oops..
Jan:sex for nothing and the chicks are free..

texlahoma said...

My day was just like that up until 11:50, that's when I shit the bed!

Sling said...

I just can't believe that a woman can start primping at 5:30,and be ready to eat dinner by 7:30..
Everything else sounds about right.

Elizabeth said...

Made me smile, honey. Which, these days, is a pretty fine thing. Thanks.

Kalibitch said...

okay. there must be something wrong with me. i found the guy's day way more interesting than the woman's. TWO hours to pickout an outfit for dinner and primp? Shit. Plus laughing self to sleep is very healthy. Ya live longer.

Nit Wit said...

I don't see any reason to wast good blowjob time going to Agusta and playing golf. He also gets up way too early, though for a good reason.

Woozie said...

This used to come with pictures...

billy pilgrim said...

i think the good day is more for a young man.

i'd call it a day after the 12:15 appointment.

Juanuchis said...

I'm dyin' here.

Big Tex said...

Not quite a perfect day - too much golf, not enough blowjobs. :-)

yellowdog granny said...

tex:always something....
sling:that's too much time for primping..i can get ready for work ..full make up..10 minutes..ha
elizabeth:well,then my work here is done, if i made you smile today...
kali:i go to sleep laughing and wake up laughing..so glad im still here..
nitwit:yeah, i know for a fact..most men are done for after one blowjob..lights out..
woozie:oh yeah?..wonder what happened to them?.snort*
bp:men are always done in by a blowjob...
janis:glad you liked it too..
bigtex:all you guys brag about how much sex you can handle...no way....

tsduff said...

I don't do make up - but her day sounds nicer than his - yuck! Way way funny reading...after I read your post I stumbledupon my Friday post :-) I love stumbling. Thanks!

angel said...

mwaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaa