I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Monday, October 06, 2008

GODDESS ANSWERS

Sorry it took me so long to answer, but I do have other matters to attend to..People don't get to Valhalla on their own you know..and it takes time to hook those blue cats to the chariot.
Christi wants to know who Goddess would pick to be her Vice Presidential pick if I was President. Ha...big fat ha...Goddess doesn't like politics and think most politicians are bottom feeding , egg-sucking dead body fucking pieces of shit. After some thinking on the matter...I think Jesus would be the perfect running mate...Yes, Goddess and Jesus, now there's a hand to draw too.
Rainwolf wants to know how I choose people to go to Valhalla, and the only thing you have to remember is....you have to make me laugh and I have to like you...so my friend...you're in for sure. I'm only supposed to take soldiers that have died in battle...but I think there is more to being a warrior than being in a war. Many of you are warriors in your everyday life. You struggle with bad luck, bad timing, wrong decisions, and just the battle of survival..You're all warriors to me.
Willym wants to know how I keep from catching what Yellow Dog has with one breast bare. First of all I'm Goddess, I don't get sick. Second of all that's not me..I'm Goddess of love and war, which means I'm built for fucking and fighting, and skinny Goddess's with perky tits won't make the grade.
Clance' wants advice about dieting and exercise and I'll tell you what you already know...Have to eat well, and exercise even if you don't want to..There is no easy fix. You have to suffer to sing the blues.
The ever sage Sage has a sex question. Wants to know if too much use of the vibrator will desensitize the beaver?...How can you desensitize something that is made for pleasure and giving birth? If they made shoe leather out of that thing you'd only need one pair of shoes for life.
Green Tea asks a sports question. She's a newbie and doesn't know that I don't do sports..but the Yellow Dog has money on the Cowboys.
Billy Pilgrim:.........................NO..............too little...too late.
Lily Strange has a chance to ask Goddess any question and she wants to know a cat food question....sigh*....because they are contrary bastids.
Rosemary wants to know how Goddess keeps her breasts so perky...not my breasts....My breasts are made to nursed and loved by many..no perky titties here.
Yellow Dog says wear your democratic t shirts, bumper stickers and buttons proudly...fuck the entire red state of Idaho, and Sarah Palin's brain is stuffed, but not her bra.
Buzzardbilly:............YES.........
Sling, no Rush Limbaugh is not the anti-Christ...there is no such thing as the anti-Christ, but I'd still be afraid of him. Stupid people are dangerous and should be feared.
Ted has another political question...Yellow Dog says "doesn't matter...we're all fucked."
Travis wants to know if guinea pigs are pork. No they're rodents but they do taste like chicken.
Buddha_girl wants to know when he son Robert will be old enough to come spend 2 weeks with the Yellow Dog. She says:"the summer after his first year of school. He can come spend 2 weeks all by himself.".
Roxrocks wants to know what to ask for her 40th birthday. You shouldn't have to ask..they should be showering you with flowers, jewels, and lots of chocolate. Lots of chocolates.
Biopolarlife says his Dr. wants him to get out and start dating, but thinks he's just trying to get him laid. Hey...what's wrong with that?....Goddess doesn't get the dating concept.. I had sex with those 2 dwarfs to get that pretty necklace, and we never once talked about dinner and dancing. But I really really wanted that necklace back. Go for it...just use protection, and I don't mean that dry sense of humor you have.
Rainywalker wants to know if an impatient man/woman are a grave diggers friend. No, but a person with a bad temper and a lousy shot are.
Unokhan wants to know if I have only one breast, since that is all that's showing...nope..have two large round ones. Remember no one really knows what Goddess looks like, as I am all to each.
Tex wants to know why I don't destroy all the people that would vote for Sarah Palin who would be a heartbeat away from nuclear weapons. What? And put an end to all my fun?
Besides...no matter how stupid you humans are...no one would let that bitch near a sharp knife more less a nuclear weapon.
Elizabeth wants to know what cosmic comeuppance I would have for Dick Cheney and George Bush. Remember when Goddess said you all had 3 lives to live..male, female and gay? Well, them dumb sonsabitches aren't worth of two extra lives, so they will go directly straight to Hel...and a lot sooner than either of them had planned.
It was busy in many parts of the world..so Goddess has to go gather up the soldiers in the chariot and whisk them off to Valhalla...We're all excited..Paul Newman is doing Hamlet tonight, said he always wanted to do Shakespeare.

Blessings on you my children.

19 comments:

billy pilgrim said...

i forget my question. i hope it was a good one.

sageweb said...

Oh my goodness you made me laugh so hard. I love the Goddess!

Sling said...

Are you sure he's not the anti-christ?..'cause when I take the letters in his name,factor in his birthdate and number of illegitimate chidren,and then divide that number by the amount of times he's made me throw up a little in my mouth,it comes to..wait..665..nevermind.

Robin said...

My question hath been ignored by the goddess. I now know, what I must do.

I must go forth and smote hypocrisy wherever I see it (in a humurous fashion) and I must forever have an open and agile mind.

If thy Goddess is not thy birth mother...she oughta be!

(figured you'd have a good comeback for that one!)

Goddess said...

robin:Goddess fucked up...I missed your question...but it's an easy one..Im mother to all...and most asuredly 'yo mama'...

Elizabeth said...

May people worship you with flowers and chocolates and dirty jokes, Oh wise one!

Willym said...

Oh great and wonderous Goddess I'm earnestly looking for a virgin to sacrifice to you. Please be patient it may take a while ...

Nit Wit said...

I had a question but figured it would get me a bip. Why can't I think up any good questions for the Goddess?
Allah is hogging all the virgins and he's welcome to them.
Hate teaching in the sack.

Kulkuri said...

Your comeuppance for Busheney is too easy, make them do several tours in the gay life. That would be worse than Hell for them

yellowdog granny said...

billy:it was a great question.
sage:and Goddess loves you..
sling:seriously...no such thing as the anti-christ..myth, fairy tale, big ole fat lie..closest I've ever seen, that could have been the anti-christ was this kid in 3rd grade that always tried to wipe his snotty nose on me.
robin:Goddess had it written down on paper, but somehow never made it to the post...she's getting old and her vision is bad..and can't read her own writing..
elizabeth:Goddess loooooves chocolate.
willym:Goddess would rather you sacrifice a republican than waste a good virgin.
nitwit:Goddess waited and waited and waited for you to ask her a question...sigh*
kulkuri:oh no...gay people have a bad enough rap without making bush and cheney gay too...rather see them freeze their asses off in hel..

Robin said...

Love, love, LOVE the Goddess. She is wise, with a rapier wit and even sharper tongue!

Hag is riding me today so I must go forth and slay ghost dragons and eyes of neuts.

Gadfly said...

"most politicians are bottom feeding, egg-sucking dead body fucking pieces of shit"

Don't mince words. What do you really think? LOL

bipolarlife said...

"...and I don't mean that dry sense of humor you have."

And here I always thought it was arid.

Bless the Goddess!

Ted said...

The Goddess has a heluva lot of good common horse-sense, as Uncle Harry used to put it.
YG, I didn't mean to make you cry, but I've been doing a lot of it lately, in light of what I've missed.
"The price of freedom can be high...Sometimes, it's too high."

Ted said...

Willym, a virgin will be easier to find than three wise men, especially in Washington D. C.

Anne Johnson said...

The Goddess forgot to answer my question, but I forgot the question! Great Thou Art, O Mighty Goddess!

yellowdog granny said...

robin:slaying dragons is thirsty work..
gaddy:no one has ever told me to tell me what you really think, more than once..hahah
bipolarlife:Goddess bless you.
ted:crying is good...
ted:no shit!
anne:i checked ..you didn't ask Goddess a question..but I'll make up an answer..
yes, except on Mondays..

catscratch said...

I nearly pee'd my pants. You are amazing and I love your answer to Sage's question.

texlahoma said...

Thanks for your answer goddess, tonight, I sleep!