I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Thursday, October 16, 2008

HI, MY NAME'S JACKIE, I'll be you're smartass for today.

Jackie:'Howdy'...
Customer:'Hi, can you tell me where the moth balls are?'
Jackie:'Still on the moth?'

Jackie:'Howdy'..

Customer:'Good morning, do you have rat traps?'
Jackie:'Yes.'
long pause..
Customer:'Can you tell me where they are?'
Jackie:'In the rat trap department.'
Customer: 'Look, lady, I have a smartass wife at home, I don't need one at the Dollar Store too.'
Jackie:'Yes sir, but this is the Family Dollar Store and we wanted it to feel like home to you, so is there any thing else I can do for you? Like fetch you a beer?'
Jackie:'Howdy.'
Customer:'Oh shit!'
Jackie:'Come back here you sonofabitch, you still owe me for a 8-ball, so either pay up or get me that 8'ball.'
6 months later...
Jackie:'Howdy.'
Customer:'Are you Jackie?'
Jackie:'Nope, she works at the Dollar General.'
customer leaves.
Jackie to Inky:'Look like a process server to you?'
Inky to Jackie:'Nope, that's the guy that owes you for the 8-ball.'
Jackie:'fuck'....
Inky:'no shit.'

35 comments:

yellowdog granny said...

incidentaly..the 8 ball was paid for in 1979.

Elizabeth said...

I SO wish I could go to a store where someone would tell me the mothballs are still on the moth! I would literally hoot with joy right then and there!!!!

rainywalker said...

I have a Family Dollar about two blocks from the house. They have these great low priced sugar covered peanuts I buy and a few other things. They have a little of everything.
Haven't seen any 8 balls and I'm sure they have mothballs!
Thats probably where Joe The Fake Plumber gets his plumbing supplies.

Big Pissy said...

I want to shop at your store!

I'd just hang out and watch you be a smartass all day. LOL

Rainwolf said...

Good ones. I wish people around here had a sense of humor, geeeze.

Robin said...

You might not get an "A" in customer service but I'd give you and A+ in customer amusement! That is, unless, I'm not on the receiving end of your rapier wit!

When I was a bartender a guy asked me if I knew where he could get an 8 ball...I said sure, reached under the counter and handed him one. He was playing pool on the table where they always got stuck!

My boyfriend called me over and said, "Robin, he was looking for cocaine!" I said, "No, he wanted an 8 ball." He just hugged me, patted me on the head...and filled me in. I had no idea!

But I still think I provided quick, prompt customer service...

That Rude Girl said...

I bet you're really fun to work with.

"Still on the moth". Best line ever!

yellowdog granny said...

one time a guy came in and wanted to know if we had moth balls(they are good for keeping varmits out of your garbage cans) I said 'yes, and it took me all morning to get them off that moth.'..i have various replies for the moth ball question.
rainy:I doubt if you will get any 8-balls at the family dollar store..it's a drug weight for either speed or cocaine...i used to be a very very bad girl...but im good now..well at least i dont do drugs any more..

Nit Wit said...

I never get the smartass clerk when I go to the store.
I think it has something to do with two smartasses getting in close proximity to each other canceling out their smartassyness.

Kulkuri said...

You may call it the Family $ but I call it the Family Buck O Nine after they raised all the prices and what was $1 in now $1.09. Having seen moth balls, where do you get those huge moths that the balls come off of?? Don't you have trouble holding them down to pull the balls off??

billy pilgrim said...

if it wasn't for china we'd miss all this fun.

god bless chinese dollar stores!!

Ted said...

Remember: Being a smartass is always preferable to being a dumbass!

jan said...

I'll bet people come into the Dollar Store just to do comedy routines with you.

catscratch said...

Way more amusing than a day at my job!

evilganome said...

Hooray for smartass! I miss working at jobs where I could give answers like that. Though, my supervisor and I are thinking if we ever find new jobs we will start emailing our big boss in lolcatz and then just blandly deny that they aren't written in plain english.

random moments said...

Confession: I came over by way of Heart in Hand's blog, mainly cuz you said "fecking".

And you made me laugh more...

In the words of the Terminator "I'll be back."

Roxrocks said...

Oh Jackie, do you really say "Howdy?"

I LOVES IT!!!!

(I cannot picture you buying 8-balls)

yellowdog granny said...

nitwit:i swear i have about 4-5 customers who just come in to hear what sort of bullshit i will come up with..they come in and sorta stare at me, like they are waiting for me to perform..i should have a cover charge..
we would cancel each other for sure.
kulkuri:texas it's 1.08
we only have a .08%tax
you have to get the moths drunk first..
billy:we actually have one product in the store that isn't made in china...and it's the honey in the little bear and it comes from canada..cracks me up..i call him Leo.
ted:oh some days im the smartass dumbass.
jan:i know they come in to see what i'll say next.like the guy that bought fancy plates, napkins, candles and glade. I rang it up and said:'plan on getting laid tonight?'...tom almost choaked on his own spit.the guy laughed out loud and said, well, yes, any other suggestions.I looked at him real serious and said 'we don't sell condoms.get some.'..
thom had to go outside he was laughin so hard and the guy was still laughing when he got into his car and drove away.
catscratch:lifes too short not to have fun.
evilgnome:i think everyone should have it written on his application kept on file if he or she is or isn't a smartass..and if you are you are up for a raise 6 months sooner than the ones that aren't.
randommoments:well, i have to admit i stole the fecking from billy pilgrim..and he stole it from father ted...well, we all stole it from father ted.
glad you stopped by and come on back..we have fun here.
rox:oh yes, I have always said howdy. I really don't say ya'll even though i write it...i'd kill myself before i ever said ya'll..but howdy..oh yeah. and if it's someone I really like i say it 3 times real fast.
oh i used to be a very naughty girl..im a settled down(as settled as i can get) old lady now..but at one time i was a cigar smoking, whiskey swilling, dope taking hussy.now it's been there, done that, have the scars on my liver to prove it.

rainywalker said...

Well I learned something today I never knew [8 Ball-drugs]. In Vietnam we used Hearts Mountain flea collars around our necks and wrists to keep the varmits off us. They seemed to work fairly well. Love all these exchanges on the blogs.

LostInColor said...

I didn't know what 8-ball was either...

buddha_girl said...

I would love to sit in one of those $5 chairs and watch you talk smack to customers all day.

I'd probably have to ask for some no-name Depends, otherwise I'd piss my pants.

unokhan said...

while u and i have been smugly smartass, the repugs have been organizing and professionally exploiting all the petty peevish angles. being smart is not enuf, jackie-- if it were, clinton wouldn't have signed the doma.

sageweb said...

Oh wow...you have some great oppurtunities to fuck with people...I love that. And you are one of the best.

yellowdog granny said...

rainy:it's a good thing that you didn't know about 8'balls..I used to have a pool table type 8-ball tattoed on my left boobie..
lic:im glad.
buddha:the ones i like the best are my smartass remarks that go right over the customers head..and when they leave i laugh and laugh and laugh..ha. tom likes those the best too.
unokhan:i\have no control over anything outside of my little circle...
sage:fucking with people is what makes it worth while to get up some mornings.

texlahoma said...

I saw that 8 ball and instantly thought "Oh, she's a bad girl!"
But then I saw 1979 and "i used to be a very very bad girl" So I guess we're on the same page.

citizen of the world said...

A smartass response I'd be tickled to get, It's the shruggers who burn me.

unokhan said...

nah, you're way wider than that.....you're an activist

Gadfly said...

Oh my goddess LOL

yellowdog granny said...

tex:yeh, my bad girl days are behind me..at least drug and booze wise.
citizen:im no supposed to go past the second pole from the register, but im all over the place helping the little old ladies and gents find stuff, sometimes i just go get it and bring it to them other wise i'd be afraid they'd have a heart attack before they got to the back of the store.
unokhan:of course.
gaddy:i knew you'd like this one..ha

Mittsie said...

I got you beat. When I worked for tech support at AOL Canada, I had a guy ask me if putting the AOL CD in the dishwasher would help make it work. I told him it would, but make sure to use xXx powder (don't remember the brand I said) because it won't work with any other type.

*gigglesnort*

Or, there was a guy that asked me if rubbing WD40 on the CD would help ... *thinks* ... maybe it was the same guy. Huh. lol.

whimsical brainpan said...

LMAO!

Josh said...

LOL, if I had read this post one moment earlier I would have shot cranberries out my nose.

Kulkuri said...

I meant that the actual price of the item went up from a buck to a buck o nine, tax extra. Don't get me started on the sales tax and how they fuck people with it.

yellowdog granny said...

mittsie:i bet it was the same guy..some times men are really funny.
whim:glad you liked it.
josh:oh...that could have been painful.
kulkuri:oh we still have lots of stuff in the store that is a a buck.lots and lots..but the last time we had a price change 600 items went up...not a few cents..most of them went up .25cents.

angel said...

fargin awesomeness!