I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

THE ANSWERS


Some very very varied questions..mostly about things you could ask your neighbor. You humans...I'm here to offer you my expertise and you ask me about the weather..Sweet blue haired cats of Valhalla.............sigh*
Utah Savage wants to know if she dies will her book sell. Goddess thinks you have enough talent that you shouldn't have to resort to an early death. Besides think of all the fun you'd miss out on the book tour and your appearances on all the morning talk shows. The Goddess likes the Savage..she makes fart jokes, and fart jokes are good in the eyes of the Goddess.
Paul(sooner) sent a e-mail and said all he wanted for Christmas was a piece of ass and a pair of socks and neither fit. Wanted to know if this was a sign he had a pecker like a cheeto. Of course not pencil dick, of course not. In another e-mail he said he had a pecker the size of a baby's arm. The Goddess thinks if this was true he'd be getting a lot more ass than he does.
Willym is concerned that the Yellow Dog is back drinking because of the Tabu farts. This is just a ritual that she does when she has Tabu Powder...it goes all over her ass and then when she farts?...little Tabu farts..It entertains the cat. Then Willym asks Do people really believe it when a little man with beady eyes who prances around in a long white, lace and brocaded dress; lives with a whole bunch of other men, who wear black, red and purple dresses, in a really overdecorated version of OZ (the city not the prison)guarded by hunky young men in puffy yellow and blue stripped pants, black knee stockings and silver buckled shoes talks about rain-forests and homosexuality?..There is no accounting for religious beliefs. If you had your choice..would you rather believe in a Goddess, who believes that you are truly created equal. That to be a good pagan all you have to do is lead a good life and set a good example for your children? If you do you will go to Valhalla. Or believe in ....well, the Christians version of God and Heaven. The choice is as always...up to each individual.
I'm U. sent an e-mail asking what is in store for 2009...I think this planet will be here for many many eons to come..I'm not so sure about it's inhabitants.
Anne J. wants to know who stole the cookies from the cookie jar....well, the fairies of course.
Ted is under the impression that the Goddess and your God have a relationship...far from it..God hasn't come out of his room since Jesus have him a Wii for his birthday 3 years ago. But Jesus and the Goddess do split a keg of mead once in awhile.
Green tea has weather questions..will it stop raining, will the sun shine again?...What? I'm the weatherman?...Watch the 10 pm news tonight..you'll get your local weather results.
Tsduff wants to know if she'll get a dog again. The Goddess hopes so. Pets bring so much into a persons life. Plus there are so many animals out there that need loving homes. Adopt a pet, the sooner the better..She's also asking weather questions..
Thor's back teeth...read a paper, watch the news, google local weather...don't bother the Goddess with weather questions, or I'll start getting involved and send down storms, the likes you've never seen before.
Rainwolf....more weather....Blessed Valhalla...buy an umbrella or stay at home.
Lily says hello to Eartha Kitt...Eartha Mae is putting on her cabaret act for all the gay warriors in Valhalla and too busy to reply.
Buddha girl is having problems with getting Robert to sleep in his bed. Goddess says......you're the adult..he's a 4 year old. Make some rules and laws and enforce them. Instead of giving him something to entice him to do your wishes...try taking something away when he doesn't.
She also expects me to properly punish the Yellow Dog for sending Robert a microphone with a speaker. Are you kidding? I helped pick it out...wait till you see the guitar she's sending.
Nitwit wants to know why he should believe in me instead of the invisible man on a cross or some guy promising 72 virgins? It's all about what fits your soul...Whom ever you believe in will be there for you. Some of us Deities are more forgiving than others and ask little in return. The Goddess wants you to be a good person, be kind to others, and lead a good life. She doesn't expect you to go to buy a new suit, go to a enclosed building and pray through an intermediary for salvation. The great outdoors is the Church of the Goddess.The choice is yours as it has always been.
Rosemary wants to know why licorice is bad for her when it tastes so good. Develop a taste for something that is good for you...like celery and spinach dip. What is this? Third grade...? of course winter is necessary. and so are wrinkles...How else is anyone to know how well you have lived your life.? the Goddess never wants to keep anyone as an underling....she wants strong and willful subjects. Cougar material? Why have a boy when men are so much more entertaining..
Nitwit:in reply to your answer "huh?"....my reply?..."Exactly."
Woozie, the Goddess doesn't care about sports, but I have spent the past 2 days trying to convince the Yellow Dog it's not a good idea for me to smite the entire team of the Dallas Cowboys ....At one point I had to hide the keys to her truck so she wouldn't drive to Valley Ranch and 'kick all their asses.'....
She's miserable.
Jan wants to know what would embarrass the Yellow Dog. She said getting caught in a lie. Which is why she doesn't lie anymore about anything..So what ever you do...don't ask her if those pants make your ass look big.
I think the Yellow Dog has plans to take up sewing now that the football season is over for her.
Utah Savage ....you are so correct. The Goddess expects questions deserving of her special knowledge..not Oprah questions.
Joy wants to know if raising goats is a good thing...???? And are they spawned by Satan. First of all ..goats are good..they are especially good with rosemary and garlic. Second of all..there is no Satan...There is, I repeat.....NO SATAN.
Evilgnome...Baby strollers?...You have a chance to ask the Goddess any question in the world and you ask about rude mothers and their baby strollers?....Ball up man.....tell them to leave those things in the SUV where they belong and use a grocery cart like everyone else..Odin's left nut, really.
Christi wants to know if watching MMA make her into naked men and violence.. Nothing wrong with naked men fighting with the Goddess...it happens in Valhalla all the time.
So...the question/answer time is over..and as before you have left me wondering what you were thinking..????
I'm going to go to a neighboring planet in another galaxy and see what kind of questions they have for me..Go in peace my children..Blessings on you.

6 comments:

joy said...

Wow, thanks Goddess. That's one less thing to worry about.

buddha_girl said...

Yo Goddess, how about you come up here and get the kid to sleep in his own bed? I suck at it. Think of it as a vacation of sorts.

Again, thanks SOOOOO much for the microphone. I may shoot myself before ringing in the new year!

jan said...

I feel a new sense of order in the universe.

briteyellowgun said...

In the words of the legendary Big Rosie Greenbaum, "Happy New Year ya bimbo"

Anne Johnson said...

Goddess, you rock and roll. All glory, laud, and honor, to thee Reedemer Queen!

Nit Wit said...

Hey, I think I'll just have to thunk up my own religion and make gobs of money from the marks.
Oh wait, you said to be a good person. I can't do both without becoming two different people. I guess I’ll just have to keep working in an honest job as long as there are some left.