I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

HE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

Yes,folks, he's back ..ole Sooner has returned..For you new folks who aren't acquainted with Sooner, you don't know what you missed. Before we all came here to Blogspot.com we were at another blogging place and me and Sooner and Babs, and several others got tossed off for one thing or another. Sooner and I got thrown off for saying fuck all the time. My last post there was "Adios Mother Fuckers."...Good times..ha.. Sooner had several blogs, one having to do with moneys, guns and porn..he also had a cyber bar Called Sooner's I think..forget the name..It eventually became an entire cyber town ..I ran the Blue Bell Ice Cream Parlor. It was so much fun..every Friday night....I didn't get to participate too much as I didn't have a home computer then and did my blogging from the library and we were closed on Friday. But I would come in on Saturday morning and read all about what had gone on and would giggle and laugh so hard ole Henrietta would shush me and give me the 'look'...Anyhow...he's going to be doing some posts here under the title of Sooner Tales...this is the first one..More to let you know him and what he's about. He is also one of my favorite people in the entire world..Even came to West for a visit and I took him all over town so he could meet all the people I had been posted about. Then we went to Strickly Country(which was called Coyote Bob's then) and he drank beer and I had Dr Pepper and we sat and bull shat and said fuck a lot. Was a great day. So.....here's Sooner:
SOONER TALES
I am so glad to have a forum provided by Jackiesue to offend and horrify all those that frequent her blog,.. after all, I was kicked off of a blog for cussing when I had been forewarned in most ominous tones, but being the jackass that I am I committed INTERNET SUICIDE.
So, with that being said, I will touch on just a few bases here, first :
The State of my State.
I live in Oklahoma, so therefore by genetic design (inbreeding) I am a sports freak, whether it be ball (various, doesn't matter), shootin' (various), and anything even remotely related to sports, because there is nothing else to friggin' do in Oklahoma other than
stare at people staring at you.

Now we got our fishin', and we got work, and we got paying bills and church and kids and bills and weather and sports and bills, but we have a work ethic and we are soooo conservative that we will be ok through the crisis with our economy, because we will just
not spend any money on anything other that what is absolutely necessary, because we (like most of our country) are learning how to eat pinto beans and ramen noodles, the "DOLLAR STORE" is our new Walmart.
With that being spewed, I am thankful that I live here where property values are steady and layoffs are at a minimum,
we are lucky to have natural gas and water, but I am worried about our nation, I cannot bear to think that people go hungry and people lose their life savings due to the arrogance and ignorance of those that run the stock market and our government. The world's e
conomy suffers from "their" crimes.
So, I am declaring a sovereign state on my property in Oklahoma, it is one-sixth of a block and
I will name it "Penis Colony". It won't really make anything any better as far as "the big picture" goes, but I might be able to start a cult or something, they do it in Texas if I remember correctly. I am sure it will end in a big fire and ATF and FBI involvement.
At least my friends will have something to watch on TV.
Chokelahoma
We done went and got us an N.B.A. team, and we are damn near like the character that Steve Martin played in the jerk, we got a phone and we are "somebody". In all reality, when people laugh about "Chokelahoma" as they live their various lives in busier locales, I am glad that I do not don a subway or a bus to get to work nor do I sit in traffic for 2 hours a day. I get pissed when bugs hit my vehicle and I count roadkill on my way to work.
I love my mundane life, and I am sure that the taxes I pay will see to it that some crackhead can pay his track phone bill to bring sunshine and happiness to the low income housing project nearest you. It is the least that I can do.
ABOUT BLOGGING
I was a blog addict. At one point I had 4 of them. I was strung out on
it, obsessed....deranged, well, that's a given, but my ex thought I was addicted to porn or was in chat groups...
Nope, just blogging...even at work...ran a virtual bar online for Christ's sake!
Too much...now when I got something to say, I can do it on my terms, but I do miss my old friends, a lot of them from Blogster and Blogspot/Blogger, never really got into My Space or Face book on any of the myriad of others that are out there, I just don't really have that much to say anymore that would not be just pure bullshit or crap that is constantly re-hashed.
To be original, you must be yourself, and "me" is a sick and twisted mess of random thoughts, sorta like the animated
series on Toon called Robot Chicken. I can see a cabinet meeting at the White house turn into a crack party while Obama is at the Vatican. I can see Cheney 'naked' blowing people away in a church with a shotgun as he screams " spend your money on GOD liberal a-holes!", .... but I cannot see why some are forced to watch "The View" or risk being subjected to anything pertaining to Ann Coulter. This is worse than aids or the Ebola virus for the ill or elderly or handicapped, it infects the ones that cannot run or hide, those that are forced to at least listen to it. This is a fatal blow to those poor souls, they are fucked up like a shitty soup sandwich.
And on a personal note, in my opinion Coulter could be a sign of the Antichrist. I do not have definite proof yet, but Geraldo is working on it. I have persuaded him to avoid gangster vaults until next year, he is dedicated to the story and will emerge from deep undercover for his expose' in 2012, when all time will end according the the Mayans. What do those fuckers know, they are gone and we are here, just because they got "tired" or some shit and their calender "ran out" doesn't mean I am going to go into a bunker on 01/01/12, I got shit to do, damn it.
I need to talk about Dallas Cowboys football, China, Iran, mass murderers, fucking squirrels, ice and snow, earthquakes, NASA, our postal service and lots of other crap, but I ain't got the time.
SOONER BORN AND SOONER BRED, AND WHEN I DIE I'M SOONER DEAD,











23 comments:

PeeJay said...

Nice to meet ya! So when you mention "fucking squirrels" do you mean fucking as an adjective or a verb? Just to clarify...thanks!

(Seriously not trying to be a douchebag, I'm honestly intrigued!)

Sling said...

Well shit howdy Sooner!..Nice to see you back in Bloggertown!

tina said...

howdy :) to ya both

Willym said...

Ciao Sooner - oh what the hell let's be downright friendly - Salve Sooner, beside it rolls off the tongue more easily.

If this first one is an example - well damn it is isn't it - we're in for some fucking good times. Am I going to get kicked off for that... how about I say it in Italian Cazzo!

texlahoma said...

Sooner! Long time no see buddy.

Stephen Rader said...

Hello Sooner!

And about these people who banned you for saying fuck - - What the fuck is so scary about the word "fuck"?!? It's just about the nicest thing you can wish for somebody, isn't it? It's not an audit for God's sake! :)

And I think I'm going to have to put "Click Your Heels Together 3 Times and Go Fuck Yourself" on a t-shirt! I love it!!

sageweb said...

Sooner you sound wonderfully sexy. I wish I was around in the ole blog days..I feel I have missed alot of stuff...life goes on tho...I can say I was here now.

Roxrocks said...

Nice to meet you, Sooner! Any friend of JackieSue's is a friend of mine!

jan said...

You should collect those old blogs that got you in trouble and release them in book form. Think of the fun at book signings all over the country.

rosemary said...

Hello....you know in England I think, fuck isn't a bad word...bugger is and some other words I have forgotten. I prefer the action version of fuck....fuckery.

tsduff said...

Sooner - nice to make your acquaintance. *bellies to the bar* Jackie Sue has her pick of friends - I'm honored to know her and you, can't have a better endorsement than hers. Have att em :)

That Rude Girl said...

I will definitely have to start reading Sooner's blog because anyone who dislikes Ann Coulter probably will write something I will find interesting!

Anonymous said...

Sooner here,
Thank each and everyone of you for commenting, short and sweet I will attemp answers and say howdy.

1'st Peejay-adjective, as in rabid nut sucking vermin. Pleasure to meet you.
Hey Sling, long time no chat, missed ya dude.
Hello Tina, nice to meet you and Willym, The only Italian I know is found on food labels, but the word fuck is symbolic, whether it be weapon or gift. Generally Okies burp real loud when we greet each other, lol. It's a pleasure to meet you.
Hey Tex, come see me some time, ny freind.
Stephen, they were anal retentive nimrods that bought a website and culled the people that were honest and insane. My favorite phrase has allways been fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck.
Sageweb, most gracious of you, YOU have made my old nicotine encased heart sorta swell with pride, and this is not a penis enhancement commercial.
Roxrocks and Jan , if you are freinds of Jacs' you is be bein' my freind.
Rosemary, fuckeration, fuckitivity,fuckerama and fuckaliscious are terms common in my neck of the woods, but fuckery has now been incorporated into my vocabulary. Cheers.
tsduff and that rude girl, it's gonna be nice getting to know you guys, thanks to all of you, and especially the goddess for her kindness.

I just hope I don't get sued or piss anyone off.

yellowdog granny said...

I forgot to tell you guys ..sooner is the one that coined the phrase fuckity fuck fuck fuck..i just stole it from him...and sooner ..don't get to excited about sage..she plays for the other team...take you guys for giving my ole buddy such a great welcome..he'll be back with more sooner tales and trust me...you will laugh till you pee and shake your head in amazement..

Doralong said...

Hey Sooner- any friend of Jackie Sue's is obviously goof people- look forward to laughing some more! 'Cause you really, really cracked me up!

Robin said...

Any friend of JackieSues' is a friend of mine:
With qualifications in this instance....sorry sooner...we must be mortal enemies until death!
How cool is that?! I so agree with your view's and political diatribes so I think hanging out in a bar over some beers would be enlightning and fun!

However, it just can't be...did you hear about the new OU breakfast cereal?

Yeah, you have to eat it on a plate because it can't handle a bowl!

(luvyameanit!)
\
~Longhorn Fan

Ted said...

Damn...just, damn!!!
That was the best kick since I made a batch of 4-alarm green chili early this month.
Ann Coulter sucks...I think it's 'cause she's never been laid (no men desperate enough and won't shut the fuck up long enough).
Give that Sooner dude a radio mic and get the hell out of his way...He's gonna wake the country up.

just me said...

Ah, Sooner, so nice to meet a man who possesses honest to fucking God real ass wisdom. You are a man after my own hillbilly heart.....

yellowdog granny said...

brace yourself ya'll he'll be back.

billy pilgrim said...

greetings sooner, it was truly an honor to booted off blogster with you!

Anonymous said...

Sooner here,
Jac, I am too old to get excited about anything other than beer and titties, so I am basically a harmless fart that blows into a whirlwind, unless I am on an elevator with you. Then you are on your own.

Nice to meet ya Doralong, that is a cool handle. Like an extremely tall animated character, but I have been drinking. Come back,more to come, my new freind.

Robin, is is extremely nice to meet a Longhorn fan, I should let you know that I root for Any BIG 12team as long as OU is not playing them. And, you know why it is sooo windy in Oklahoma? Because Texas sucks and Kansas blows. Thanks for the comment.

Ted, nice to meet you my man. I am "ACTION PACKED" with issues, so I have a lot of thoughts and drivel to spew, I am gathering data as I type, thanks.

Just Me, when I was kneehigh to a fencepost, I had a dick the size of a roasting ear and I could piss halfway across the Mississippi River.
Not really, it resembles a Cheeto.
Nice ta meet ya.

Ahh and Billy, YOU I have truly missed, my freind. Your wisdom is sorely missed, I look forward to your commentary, damn... hello freind!

la pequena retardo byg said...

Hi Sooner!!
As a regular at Sooner's Bar & Grill on Fridays, I can vouch for the fact that it was something to behold. I never spent more wasted work days laughing my ass off, alone in my office, than I did when Sooner's was open!

Anonymous said...

Sooner here,
BYG!!! So great to hear from you freind, I go by the name of The Tardmaster General when I am incognito, I am actually more like Retardo El Grande'. Thanks freind.