I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

here comes da judge, here comes da judge

Leaving the K.C. grounds...love my clouds.

This is the 2 West Priests blessing the bar for the Knights of Columbus Hall's bar with beer...Don't you just love the Czech's?


this is the town hero..Scott Posednek...who helped the Chicago White Soxs win the world series one year.

Marvin closes to the camera, Bohunk(what ever his name is and his brother Milan from the Czech Republic. I asked where the wives were and Marvin said "Oh the women stayed back in the Czech Republic...sigh*
Let me tell you there is a reason why there is always a shortage for judges for these cook offs, most people know better. I thought there is no way they can mess up BBQ....wrong again old lady..I have to admit with the exception of 2 of the chickens that were so tough you could wield them as weapons the chickens were pretty good...I gave 2 10's..and a few 9's...The 2 that were so tough were also crappy...no smoke flavor, and one was pink inside...and your not allowed to say anything...but there was plenty of eye rolling and gaking sounds...After we judged them we could say something...like 'oh man number c4 sucked.'....well, that's what I said anyhow..The ribs were ok...none were really great but one was so bad..the cinnamon ones..oh my Goddess, I know that was the reason I spent 3 hours sitting on the toilet when I came home..Who the fuck puts cinnamon in BBQ sauce?...Really...We all had something to say about them when the judging was over..Oh I have to tell you about the other judges at my table..Marvin, Arnold, and 2 guys from the Czech Republic that didn't speak any English. I only know 2 words in Czech...pevo(beer) and pupek(bellybutton)...So the 2 brothers from the Czech Republic Milan and Buhunk(or something like that) were here for 3 weeks and they were very excited about being judges in the BBQ cook off...right up until they got the ribs with the cinnamon...I don't know how to speak Czech but I'm pretty sure they said it tasted like shit. The one brother Milan would take his Czech/English dictionary and ask me the question and then give me the answer..as in "How do you like America?" "I like America very much, it is very beautiful and want to come back again."....pretty funny..By the time we got to the brisket all I wanted to do was down a glass of pepto and take a nap.I didn't even stay to see who won..I was afraid I'd find out who put the cinnamon in the ribs and beat them to death with one of the ribs..So I went around taking pictures of the K.C. hall...but the pictures had too much light and you can't see much..The other judge was Arnold who I know from the Tiger Shop where Charlie plays the accordion and they both drink a ton of beer and then go home and take a nap. But sitting at the table with those 2 who are both in their mid 70's and both grew up in West and have known each other all of their lives was so interesting. Marvin told about going to school when he was a kid..before WWII...and they didn't have a bus at first so they had to walk 2 1/2 miles to school and back and if the roads were muddy from rain they had to walk in the fields. Then they got a bus, but it didn't have any breaks or reverse..So the driver would pull up, down shift until it was slow enough and then the kids would run along side of the bus and jump into the back door which was broke and always stayed open. Same for when they had to get off, he'd downshift and they would jump off ....Then he would pull into a circular driver way and go back the other way ..no reverse..They told stories about how when they got out of school they went directly to the fields to work and the little ones (toddlers) were kept in a cage...a big cage with a top on it ...not to be mean to the kids but to keep them safe..So they wouldn't wander off into the road, or the crick, or get 'et by the critters, which could be rabid. Can you image that happening today?..ha..I really enjoyed listening to their stories..I drank water (they had pickle slices and carrot sticks to cleanse the pallet between bites, but the rest of them drank pevo. So Marvin is an usher at St. Mary's and they have a Saturday Mass for the people that want to go to confession on Saturday night. Plus there was a funeral for some old guy named L.A. who was in his 90's and croaked..So Marvin went right from the judging to St. Mary's. It was tempting to go to Mass, just to see how Marvin who had about 6 pevo's managed to navigate up and down the aisle. So that's my BBQ judging adventure..and let me tell you folks, it'll be a warm day in Hel before I volunteer for judging a cook off again..seriously ...I had tried to talk Babs into going with me...she laughed her ass off when I told her about it...I'll do a short post on the winners Thursday after I get the West Paper and find out who won. See if I can ferret out the buttroy with the cinnamon..

18 comments:

yellowdog granny said...

there are 3 more posts following this one about the cook off...

The Future Was Yesterday said...

"Let me tell you there is a reason why there is always a shortage for judges for these cook offs, most people know better."And those that don't, soon do! I never understood making something "hot" for the sake of merely being "hot" at the expense of flavor.

"Who the fuck puts cinnamon in BBQ sauce?"The same fucktards that put barrels of SUGER in their BBQ sauce!!! When I first got here, I was hot to have some "pig pickin' BBQ." So my wife tracked one down, and we went. I made a big ole sammich of bbq pig, took one bite - and spit it out gagging!! My god, but this hick place loves suger!! That shit is so sickening sweet it's like eating the frosting off a cake!

Lilly said...

Oh my, enjoyed hearing about that and seeing photos too. They come all that way to be judges, Woo Hoo. Their country is a tough one. I have been there and the city I was in is strangely full of sex shops, sex museums and horrible food. Sure they were the right choice to be judges, lol!! Looking forward to the next posts.

Junebugg said...

Maybe you should have entered some of your wonderful cooking instead of judging? Wish I had a picture of your face when you tasted the cinnamon BBQ!

Rocky (Racquel) said...

Yea Scotty Pods!!!! We love him here too!

Cinnamon ribs = sure sign the end of the world is near. Nast.

sageweb said...

Oh wow I cant even imagine cinnamon on meat. I think you should have learned a few dirty words, how far will Beer and bellybutton get you?

Intense Guy said...

Have you recovered yet?

texlahoma said...

And here I was thinking how smart you were to be judging BBQ!
You may have saved me from making the same mistake. Now I'll never volunteer to judge food.
I think I'm more cut out to judge beer.

Heidi said...

Hilarious! Sounds like something that would happen to me!

Ted, a/k/a Galt-in-Da-Box said...

Most people can't cook for shit, let alone BBQ...Glad you survived.
Know one putz that tried to make BBQ chili, and brought it to a company picnic.
Talk about wretch-inducing!

Ted, a/k/a Galt-in-Da-Box said...

Yeah TFWY, Johnny-Rebs and hill-jacks LOVES to put sugar on meat...WTF, over!?

yellowdog granny said...

future:none of them were too hot...it was just the amount of it i had to eat..plus some of the sauce lacked...........flavor.ha
oh i hate sweet bbq...i like tangy smoky...
lily:i think they thought we had the cookoffs all the time...but they really thought they were special by juding the bbq..ha..wonder if they had the 'craps' like i did..
the posts are right under this one..
junebugg:i know one thing..i'll be more apt to enter a contest than judge one again that's for sure.
rocky;he's a home town boy..and is cousin to my granddaughters...anyone who would put cinnamon in bbq sauce, needs to have their texas birth cirtificate taken from them and declared 'yankee'.
sage:they were 'catholic czech's..' dont think they were up to teaching me dirty words..women in their places etc.
intenseguy:i was sick (what we refer to as the 'drippy shits') all night and half of sunday..but better now thanks..haha.
tex:now there's something for you to judge..beer...ha
heidi: i can see you judging a bbq cookoff..hahahahahahah
ted:i kept thinking of the elizabeth barrett browinging 'how many ways do i love thee' poem...and saying 'how many ways can they fuck up bbq?'...

Dave said...

Cinnamon flavored ribs. Yeesh. What's next, peanut butter and jelly flavored ribs?

Roxrocks said...

Holy smokin' assholes, Jackie, you sure get yourself into trouble! HAHA!

texlahoma said...

Is the guy on the right strapped? Is he housin? Is that a gun?

yellowdog granny said...

i wondered what it was too, then he whipped out his czech/english dictionary from it...ha

angel said...

Seriously cinnamon!?!??!?!
I thoroughly enjoyed this post.

Josh said...

Blessing with beer? These are my kind of priests!