Oh alright..I'll post..besides I had so much stuff going on the past week I have to tell someone. Where do I start..first with the Yorkie Poo. Jenny calls Monday night I think..maybe Tuesday, who can remember..I can remember the shirt asshole #2 wore on the fishing trip to Canada, but can't tell you when Jenny called ..sigh*..anyhow..jeez, Jackie, get to the point. She calls and Jason's Grammy died and on the way over to her house to get the new kitty she had just got they almost ran over this little dog running in circles in the middle of the street. It's a Yorkie Poo. She doesn't have a fenced in yard and they are not moving into their new home with the new fenced in back yard till the middle of August(they got oked by the bank for a house loan on a brand new brick home in China Springs) and wanted to know if ole Granny would dog sit.The dog was filthy, covered with fleas, ticks, and just greasy. So they took him home, cleaned him up and she was practically parked in front of the apartment when she asked if I would watch it. Duh!..Of course..So...first off, Annie is so pissed she can't stand it. She was ok with the dog til it licked her in the face and she went WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Reared up on her wobbly hind legs and batted the pup up side the head about 73 times before he even thought about ducking. They have an uneasy peace going..he eats her food, she eats his. She won't even eat her own kibble but she will eat puppy chow. He likes friskies better than Alpo..sonofabitch.. I thought he was a puppy and took him to Dr. Tom and he said nope, he's about 2 years old, been neutered and was a $500 dog. So Jenny comes and gets him and takes him to get scanned to see if he has a chip..no chip..So she's going to keep him, but Granny has to baby sit him til they move..She wanted to call him Andy(Orphan Andy?) and Jason wanted to call him Hobo...I said I would watch him but they had to promise me they would forget those 2 names...as they were the dumbest names ever..I have been calling him 'Little Buddy'..or "Goddamnit"..which is better than the white cat I had named Asshole. He sleeps with me at night. I put a blanket at the foot of the bed and he and Annie share it..Annie occasionally will hiss at him but he pretty much ignores her. When I'm in the recliner he sleeps right next to me and she gets pissed and gets up there too..So I'm sitting in the recliner with him on one side of me, her on my lap and me trying to either read my book or do my crossword puzzles while she hisses and growls at him. He still has fleas and ticks and she's shedding..so I'm looking somewhat like a itching scratching fur ball.. He's house broke to the extent if I take him outside he'll pee and poop, but if I don't catch him...he goes on the rug in the hall...sigh*...as if I didn't have my hands full with Annie peeing and doing the spastic poop dance. He doesn't know how to play with toys..and won't take food from your hand..you have to lay it on the ground for him to eat it. I think some old lady had him and all they did was sleep..He's playful and will play with my hands and jump on you..but it's mainly for me to hold him. Everyone that has seen him falls in love with him. The picture I'm posting isn't of him..but it looks just like him, except he's black where this dog is brown. I have taken some 'before pictures' and will take some 'after pictures' when Jenny gets him groomed. I need to go out and start taking some pictures for the contest..
what else?....the other Doctor's appointment..Well, the nurse practitioner Angela. I go in and yeah, I've lost 4 lbs. in a week..all that fucking tuna fish and chicken..no bacon. sigh*...Oh and the Sonic opens up and I love their corn dogs..so I said fuck it..and ate 2 corn dogs and thought I would use the corn dog sticks to take the stool samples for my test. See if they notice.So she's going to give me a pap smear, and breast exam. Now...you have to know that I haven't had sex in 25 years. No one has been there in 25 fucking years...So when I'm stripping down to my socks I mentioned that there hadn't been any action down there for so long that they might have to use a jackhammer to get through the cobwebs. The other nurse..stopped and looked up at the ceiling and said 'I don't think I've ever heard that before.' Angela laughed and said "I have a feeling we're going to hear a lot of things from Jackie that we never heard before." The week before I had told her 'I hadn't smoked in 36 years, drank in almost 20 years and haven't had sex in 25 years, so if she ever saw me smoking and drinking, she'd know I just got laid.' So she was prepared for anything . Now I don't want to get personal hear especially to you guys who might not familiar with pap smears..but first you have to get buck nekkid, lay on this padded table with Roy Rogers stirrups and you have to scoot down till your ass is hanging off the end of the table...then she takes this shoe horn looking thing and slips it inside of you...or in my case...me... a place that has remained untouched by human hands for 25 years...it hurt like a sonofabitch...which is exactly what I said..'Damn..that hurts like a sonofabitch.'....she apologized...and then stuck her finger up my butt...It's a good think my ass was hanging off the table or I would have sat up and broke her finger off in me. I hadn't had that much action down there since I got drunk on 2 fifths of Tequila and woke up with a eight ball tattooed on my tit.But that's a story for another post. So...after she finished shoving instruments of torture up my wazoo and ass, she told me to put my arms up and then she felt up my boobs..not how I wanted I to spend the morning. I get dressed (you'll be happy to hear my tits are fine) and then they irrigate my ears and stuffed things up my nose for my allergies. If I hadn't been so busy yelling about the indignities I was suffering I'm sure they would have shoved something in my mouth too. Which makes me shudder to think about what that could be. They are making me an appointment so I can get a mammogram which is painful to say the least. It's where they slide your breasts between 2 sheets of glass and smash them into pancakes. If I flunk the stool sample test( it gets sent off to where ever stool samples get sent) they will shove a camera crew up my ass. Something else for me to look forward to. Aren't you glad I decided to keep posting...?
I tried to tell the nurses that since I hadn't had sex since I had my hysterectomy I was technically a virgin and they popped my cherry...No one would look me in the eye after that comment..People are so touchy. I'll post again about my good deed for the day..week, month..year...I'm cleaning Babs apartment. fuckme I'll never dust again.