I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

ALMOST HOME INVASION AND CORN DOGS

So, I'm sitting in my recliner wanting the second running of Saving Grace last night, it's about 10 till twelve. I'm sitting in the recliner wearing nothing but my drawers...I'd taken a 'very very hot bath' and changed the sheets and that was as far dressed as I had gotten. I hear this light tepidity tap on the door, it was the kind of knock that Babs makes..really quiet(Babs informed me when I told her this story that she doesn't knock quietly..that I'm so damn deaf that I only hear it quietly) and I think 'fuck...now I have to go get dressed..I yell 'just a minute' and run to the bedroom to throw on a t-shirt...I go back and throw open the door and there is some guy standing on my porch...sticks his face right up to the screen and sort of looks around and says' I'm sorry to bother you so late, I'm Shawn (Shane?)from apartment 6' and points over his shoulder to the apartments behind him, 'my wife had a car wreck, and I came back and went through all my money, even the dimes and quarters, and I want to know if I can borrow $11..'...I say 'I don't keep money in the apartment.' and shut the door and locked it..which had fucking been unlocked...because I never fucking lock the door until I go to sleep...fuckity fuck fuck fuck...I could see a car behind him and here it running, but it was parked directly behind the truck so couldn't see a license plate and only could have seen it if I went out on the porch, and I wasn't going out on the porch, even if I had been wearing more than my t-shirt and drawers.. I emailed Babs about it and she said I should call the police. I'm thinking what if there is a guy over in apartment 6 and I call the cops on him because he's stupid. I mean he never even said what he wanted $11 for ...So I waited till this afternoon when I could find David the maintenance guy and asked him who lived in six and he said Mrs. P. and she has no kids, grand kids or family at all. So fuck...I went to the police station and retold my tale..I told the cop that I think he was expecting a frail little old lady to come to the door, but in stead he got half nekkid Jackie in her 'WEST TROJAN HEAD HUNTERS' t-shirt...(That didn't dawn on me till a little while ago and that cracked me up)...Plus if I had been the little ole frail granny, they were expecting, it might have been a different story. Hey dipshits...I didn't get to be a widder woman by calming taking shit..I fight back. So that's my exciting news for the day, which right up until then had been a kick ass day..Babs came by and we went to Pizza House so she could eat dinner. I had already eaten and thought I'll just drink some tea while she eats..yeah, right..I had a corn dog..and let me tell you folks..it fucking rocked..it was the corn dog supreme..really..But then we have never eaten anything at Pizza House that wasn't just about perfect..Ohh, the best part..on the way to Pizza House we spot Tony(one of the few guys in the apts.) walking..he has no car, so we stop to give him a ride..We pull up next to him and I roll down the window and yell 'hey, you interested in a 3-way?'..(we're damn near at the Methodist Church) Lucky for me, Tony's a Christian with a sense of humor..He was(not sure he is anymore since his wife divorced him) a Deacon for Bold Springs Baptist Church. He's from England and been here since the 70's..On the way back it had gotten dark, and Babs didn't have her contacts in so I said I'd drive her SUV...which is an automatic, twice as big as my little truck and had goosy breaks.I think she'll remember to wear her contacts next time. I'm so used to shifting, that every time I slowed down or sped up I'd shift gears..from first to neutral..or third..Plus I wanted to pull into the almost completed Sonic and hug the building. Also I'm about 5 inches shorter than she is and even when she pulled the seat up my feet just barely touched the pedals.. She was pretty glad to arrive safely at the apartments.
The West Paper is going to have a amateur photograph contest..I think I'm going to enter it..Cost $5 to enter each picture..should be able to do that. Ok..I'm going to do a post on this past West News Paper..all the teams pictures are in the paper and we kicked some baseball ass. Not to brag..but we have some very talented kids in sports..
Ooop..gotta go lock the door...

23 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Wow, what a day! Yes, keep your door locked because you never know who is out there. This is a crazy world nowadays, even in West, Texas.

battlee43 said...

I was home one day, out of work with a broken ankle, napping in my recliner when i woke up and there was a strange man in my livingroom. I got up as quick as I could and grabbed my cane. He said oh dont get up I am looking for (I dont remember who) I said he doesnt live here. I had to tell him 3 times to get out. I didnt call the police either even after my friends told me too. He left no harm. I keep my door locked now too.

jobsanger said...

I think that guys probably lucky you didn't open the door. I'd hate to think what would have happened to him if YDG had gotten hold of him.

But keep that door locked anyway.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

seeker..yup..going to start bringing the keys from the truck too..sigh*..pisses me off..
battle:eek, now that would have been scary..
job:oh i did open the door..just didn't open the screen door..like that aluminum thing would have kept him out if he'd wanted to really get in..i just think i was more granny than he expected..ha

Willym said...

We never locked our door at home when I was a kid - now its double locks on everything... the times they have changed.

Just glad you're okay and the little shit was more agressive. I can just imagine what was going through is little pea brain when you answered the door!!!!!

Pom said...

Shortly after moving to Missouri a guy came right into our house via the sliding glass door (Mini Me had just brought the dog in and hadn't locked it yet). He was stoned out of his gourd and was genuinely just confused. He looked around, saw a 7 year old girl in the dining room and me on the stairs, apologized and walked right back out. It's still a bit scary even if nothing comes of it.

Glad your intruder was smart enough not to tangle with you or there would be a whole different edition of the West News this week... ;o)

Intense Guy said...

I used to be so absent-minded I could see myself walking into the wrong apartment just by accident. Seeing you in your finest "amazon warrier" clothes would have brought me to my senses in no time.

I remember going to Art Class one day in Junior High school when I was supposed to be in Gym - I had forgotten the day of the week - I spent the whole hour there wondering who the strange people were - but doing my clay pottery thing anyway. It wasn't until I was told I had to go to detention that I figure out what happened.

I hope you win the Photo contest! Pick your best one(s)!!

Lady Grace Dreamweaver said...

I have a friend in Georgia that had a home invasion. A stupid 18 year old that she knew broke in while she was asleep. Walked right past the sleeping dogs!

My friend is half blind, and woke to this guy looming over her bed. Before he could unzip, she had a gun out from under her pillow. She managed to shoot him (he lived), and another bullet hole is still in her ceiling.

The cops found the guy by following the blood trail. to add insult to injury, there was a headline in the paper about a senior citizen shooting a home invader -- she was highly offended that they called her a senior citizen. She would have prefered "a half blink Polack." Well, that's my friend. Ya'll would get along fine.

joy said...

Well...that made me get up and lock the door!

mrsb said...

Locks and Peep holes! They aren't just for breakfast anymore!

I once had a drunk guy walk into my home, when my oldest was just a baby. Scary shit.

sageweb said...

Holy cow you are one smart cookie, I am glad you were quick on your feet. Who the hell asks for 11 dollars..just a random number he though up I guess.

I havent had a corndog in ages...and the picture of you is adorable..you look spunky as ever.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

willym:im pretty sure he was thinking 'fuck the old lady looks mean'...ha..with my headhunter tshirt on..hahaah
pom:no shit.elderly woman severely beats a home invaded unconscious with a african masai statue.' she was quoted as saying "no ones jacking my new tv'..
intense guy..i was going to ask you for some advice on the picture taking..what i wanted to do was to go to the retirement home and take pictures of their hands..what do you think?
lady:thanks for stopping by..yeah, i have a polack friend and i wouldnt want to break into her house either..ha
joy:i keep my door locked all the time and took the keys out of the truck and brought them in..that reallllly hurts..i've left the keys in the truck for 15 years..fuck!
mrs:I never was scared..not even afterwards when i thought about how defenseless(well as defenseless as I can be in any circumstances) i was in my tshirt and underwear..dumb.
sage:im going to get you down here to west yet..skunk eggs, kolaches, sharlas, and corndogs..great bait

PENolan said...

Glad you're safe and didn't have to shoot nobody.

Anne Johnson said...

I'm glad you're okay, b/c if someone roughed you up, they'd have an army of Yellowdog fans on their ass.

texlahoma said...

The guy probably went on to "easier pickin's".
I'm having to use an old computer, when I can. Long story but I won't be around much for a while, nothing bad, just a computer thing.
I bet Babs does remember her contacts next time. :)

jan said...

I've found that four barking dogs at the door make up for one little old lady inside so no one comes here without an invitation,

Rox said...

Oh man, to have been that guy for a minute had you gotten a hold of him...OUCH!

Glad it all worked out. Stay safe, lock up.

Intense Guy said...

That sounds like a pretty cool picture taking idea - I'm sure someone has hands (and fingers) that have real character -

Some old West, TX hands... Might even try a couple B&W too.

Josh said...

Freaky! Hopefully they'll catch the creeps...

You should totally go for the picture thing, you take great pics.

Mama Kelly of 2 Witches Blog said...

so glad that everything turned out okay!!

billy pilgrim said...

i let ruby answer the door for me at night.

you needed nate.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

pen:thanks but i've shot all the people im intitled to in this life.
anne:i'd like to think you guys would track him down and kick his ass..ha
tex:i've missed you on your blog and commenting over here..hurry back..i know she's not going to let me drive her anymore.haha
jan:i think im going to get a dog..i have to get permission for a second pet, but dont think thats going to be a problem.
rox:yeah, im pissed ..have to lock the house all the time now and had to take keys out of truck for the first time in over 15 years..feck.
intense:i just have babs digital camera..if i do good manybe i'll win a new camera..i'd love to do nothing but black and white..
josh:im the hero of the apts..and i did nothing but stand there in my head hunter tshirt and drawers.ahah
mama:thanks sweety ..i appreciate it.
billy:you know thats the first thing i thought of when i shut the door..damn i wish nate was here..but then ive often wished nate was here..im thinking about getting anohter pit..

Rocky (Racquel) said...

yep, definitely time for JS to get a pit bull or a pet landshark