I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Saturday, July 25, 2009

DOCTORS AND NURSES OH MY





Wed.
I don't know if I mentioned that I am now receiving Texas Medicaid...Which means they will reimburse the $96.40 that Social Security takes out for my Medicare, plus it will cover the 20% that Medicare doesn't cover.. So it will cover everything except for some things, which I don't know what that is yet. So I went to see Dr. E. today as I needed a new script for my blood pressure medicine and a script for my lancets. While I was there I got to see the nurse practitioner who comes on Wednesday. They took blood for my cholesterol, sugar, and everything else they needed blood for..(she forgot one and had to go back and get poked again and now my arms look like ole Dracula has been at me..I bleed under the skin every time I give blood..My numbers are still a little high for cholesterol but they are going down, so won't have to take meds for that..thank the Goddess. Angela the nurse practitioner is really good and she has a sense of humor which is required when dealing with me. The minute Dr. E. saw me he grinned and said 'make sure you weigh her..' and laughed..I swear he knows I have gained some of the weight back that I had lost. Not working has really kicked my ass. I was gradually losing 3-4 lbs a month..and now..I've gained )&^)&^%$$&*((((() back..fuck!..I get noo respect.
.I told Angela that I wanted to be referred to a Dr. for a pap smear and a mammogram. She said they could do the pap smear at the office..I said I had known Dr. E. for over 30 years and it was a little late for him to be looking up my wahoo. She giggled and said she could do it and give me the breast exam too. Just seems really weird to think of Dr. E looking in my parts. First of all I'd be laughing my ass off and he'd be so embarrassed he'd probably put that shoe horn looking thing in wrong and I'd end up walking funny. She said since I am a diabetic that she thinks medicare/medicaid will pay for my eye exam once a year and glasses. So that will be cool. I am also going to the West Emergency Medical Service for a free diabetic conference August 11...I know pretty much all I need to know, but I need to know how to balance my carbs..I have a tendency to not spread them out very well...and that is what causes my sugar drops..and let me tell you...nothing sucks like low blood sugar..After mine drops I am goofy for the rest of the day..more so than normal..My brain won't work right..I can't think straight and I'm very scattered..Yeah, I know..sounds like a regular day to you.
For some 'more information that you really want to know' I have been constipated lately..usually the oatmeal I eat for breakfast keeps me pretty damn regular...but not lately. So they informed me I should give a stool sample..and for me to give a true sample I need to go one week with out red meat..I swear everyone that works in that office came in to hug me and assure me I'd be ok, but I really did need to give up the red meat for a week. I said "does that mean bacon too?"...and they assured me that yes..that meant no bacon..I kept sobbing,' but it's the other white meat.'...nope..nothing but chicken and fish for a week..Then they gave me some gloves and some little skinny sticks and an envelope to send my samples in...Talk about shit on a stick...jeez..
So...........during the next few weeks, I will be poked, prodded, stuck, swabbed, and felt up. All I can think of is no bacon for a week..They were all hugging me and patting me on my back, but I could tell they were giggling and laughing at me. Nurses with a heart of gold my ass. But Angela really gave me a great exam..she looked at my feet(Dr. E's I don't do feet, does not apply to her I guess), and looked in my ears and said I had wax in there and that might account for some of my hearing loss. She asked me all my family history. She looked up my nose and said I had bad allergies and I said 'yes, wish my ass would run as easily as my nose.'...She gave me a script for my constipation too. My blood pressure was good and she was amazed when I told her what my heart rate would be..I said it's normally 67 but since I was dreading the weigh in it was probably about 74...and it was 74 exactly..I think she thought it was a lucky guess, and then the other nurse stuck her head in and said' did she get her heart rate right?...she's never been wrong.'...They think I should join the circus. That's my health up date for the week..Will let you know how the shit on the stick turned out and when I get to be felt up and have my titties smushed..Something to look forward to...fuckme..I'll never give up bacon again.

17 comments:

sageweb said...

Oh how will you live without bacon.
I think it is better to have a woman look up your hole than a man..just my opinion.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I feel your pain. I love bacon too.

jan said...

Bacon I can live without, but giving up chocolate...dark chocolate, that would be like death.

I read an interesting study about mice kept skinny live a lot longer than mice enjoying life. maybe it just seemed longer for the hungry mice.

Intense Guy said...

How is being constipated like a math problem? Both can be worked out with a pencil.

I'm glad most things are covered now - and some poking and prodding now will save you some cutting and sewing later. So the bacon is a "cheap" sacrifice even if its not an easy one.

Rox said...

I am more regular when I eat at the same time every day. I haven't pooped right since school got out and we've been sleeping in.

Try some ground turkery! It makes great burgers as long as you don't put egg or anything in it. Have you ever tried Tofu? It tastes like shit the first time, but once you get used to it, it's a good meat replacement.
(Going off to wait for the "Tofu? Are you fucking kidding me?!" email...)

Intense Guy said...

Ut oh... hit the deck guys.. someone said ... Tofu.

Big Pissy said...

I'll bet they LOVE it when you come in.

You're always so entertaining! :)

Pom said...

"Wish my ass ran like my nose" LMAO!!!!! (it's funny cuz it's true for me too)

Ted Amadeus said...

We came close to the cliff's edge of Too Much Information, but stepped away.
I'd die wit'out mah pig!
And mah choc'late!!

billy pilgrim said...

ground flax is excellent for keeping you regular, full of omega 3's too.

i'd cheat on the chocolate but make up for it by swearing off bacon for the rest of my life.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

sage:and the refer is full of bacon and chirizzo, and sausage..arghgh.
it doesn't matter to me the sex so much as ive just never had to have dr e. look up my wahoo..and i know i'll giggle..
debra:baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacon..
jan:i'd rather have baaaaaaaaaaacon that chocolate.
intense:i know its for a better good, but still im too old to suffer for baaaaaacon.
rox:me too..and now that im not working i dont keep regular hours and that is part of the problem.
tofu?...you've got to be fucking kidding me..
I'm from texas sweety..texans dont do tofu..
intenseguy:tofu?...makes good wallpaper paste.
bigpissy:i admit when i go to the counter to sign in i am always greeted with big grins..and howdys.ha
pom:truth is always funny.
ted:eat everything off a pig except his feet and his dick.
billy: i take it and fish oil..not helping.

Sling said...

I have faith in your ability to bite the bullet,and give up bacon for a good cause!(The pleasure of taking a good shit)..

So Not Wishy Washy said...

Oh this is VERY GOOD STUFF!

I had to do the shit duty with Butter several times - the popsicle stick thing was just so USELESS. I had to do THREE different samples - on plain, one mixed with some lotion looking stuff, and one with lotion stuff AND in the fridge.

Then they made me do it AGAIN because one of the lotion things leaked. Hello? Make some better packaging people. Touching shit of any kind just icks me out. Making me do it twice and charging me a copay each time just makes me cranky.

This may be TMI, but I let my nurse practioner lady do my who-hah and boobie exam every year. Until I'm pregnant again, I can't be bothered to beg for an appointment with an OBGYN.

Take care of YOU! I don't know what I'd do without you.

(Bacon? I'll eat your share this week. I'm a giver like that.)

billy pilgrim said...

did you see the sopranos when dr melfi told tony they made an important breakthrough and tony said:

"i'd rather take a good shit"

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

sling:there is nothing better than a good shit.
buddha:i have to take care of me..no one else will volunteer for the job.man..i miss baaaaaaaacon.
billy;yes i do remember that show..and stood up and applauded when he said that..
or as i said :'NO SHIT'...

Rocky (Racquel) said...

"he'd probably put that shoe horn looking thing in wrong and I'd end up walking funny"

hot damn Jackisue it's comments like this that makes us love you!

Anonymous said...

"Trust me: Eversince bacon hit $3/# around here, it's been REAL fuckin' easy to give up!"

Ted Amadeus (from the non-secure work computer that gave my Blogger account the shits.)