I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

SUGGESTIONS TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER.. or not


I stole this from here:http://txoasis.blogspot.com/

and sort of added my own licks to it.
Health

1. Drink plenty of water.(Fish fuck in water..'nuff said.)
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar. (yeah, right. Most people skip breakfast and then eat a big meal at night and then sit on it till morning. I have to suffer by eating my meals at the same time and basically the same fucking thing every day.)
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. (does Dublin Dr Pepper grown on trees?)
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy. (or Love Peace and Harmony Grits)
5. Make time to pray-- (and no "oh fuck get me out of this mess" is not what they mean)
6. Play more games. (actually I prefer to watch someone else play the games and then sit around and criticize them for being over paid prima donna assholes.)
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.(I'm not sure I could read more than I did last year. But I'm willing to try. So get cracking all of my favorite authors...yeah, I'm talking to you Patrick Rothfuss, I'm still waiting for part 2 of The Name of the Wind which you said would be out Spring of 2009.)
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. (Other than calling Dexter a little asshole I go for hours not speaking.)
9. Sleep at least for 7 hours-(Yeah, and exactly how do I do that?...Buttroy.)
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, SMILE. (I may be smiling when I start out, but I'm pretty sure I'll be grimacing in pain and cussing a blue streak when I get done.)
Personality
1. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.(I haven't got the energy to compare my life to others, I'm too busy living my own life.)
2. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.( I agree with this 100%, except for the right wing Evangelical Republican assholes and Eagles fans I can pretty much do that.)
3. Don't over do. Keep your limits.(oh really?....surely you jest...I have over did it my entire life. I have one gear and its the fast one.)
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.( this one I can easily do...)
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.(I live in a small town, it's what feeds the machine..if we didn't run around town gossipping we'd have to stay home and clean house.)
6. Dream more while you are awake.(I do Antonio.)
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.(uh, how can I put this? Bullshit. Bill Gates may have everything they need, but I'm still working on getting my teeth fixed.)
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.(I'd probably remind my partner of his mistakes but it was easier to just shoot him.)
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.(I agree..hate is like taking poison and hoping the person you hate will die.)
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.(It's easier to make peace with your past if you live long enough.)
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. (no shit Sherlock, although I do rely on Letterman for laughs.)
12.· Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.(I flunked Algebra.)
13. Smile and laugh more.(Impossible..I laugh and smile all the time. I may be a asshole, but I'm a asshole with a happy heart.)
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...(fuck you)
Society
1. Call your family often.(I do..asshole, dipshit, buttroy, etc.)
2. Each day give something good to others.(Hy, I'm baking as fast as I can.)
3. Forgive everyone for everything.(Forgive? Maybe. Forget? Never.)
4.Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6. (That's pretty much everyone in my town.)
5. Try to make at least three people smile each day.( I'm assuming I accomplished that just in this post alone...If not the guy playing the piano with his balls did.)
6. What other people think of you is none of your business.(That makes too much sense for me to agree.)
7. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.
(I'm there for you...your there for me.)

Life
1. Do the right thing.(As long as it's good for you.)
2. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. (Wish I had known that when I was still married to Asshole #1)
3. GOD heals everything. (Yes, she does. Although she does expect you to cover your own ass.)
4. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. (Well, duh!)
5. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.( The story of my life..got up, dressed and showed up.)
6. The best is yet to come...(Judas Priest I hope the fuck so.)
7. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.(She'll provide.)
8. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be HAPPY ALWAYS-- (HAPPY HAPPY ...JOY JOY.)

14 comments:

billy pilgrim said...

holy christ, how am i gonna remember all that stuff?

jan said...

The stuff in the ( ) made more sense to me than the rest of it.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

billy: i'd go for making 3 people happy a day..easy enough..
Jan:...Im not sure making sense is one of my strengths..ha.

Nit Wit said...

I agree with Billy I would have to spend all my life just trying to remember the rules and have no time to live.

When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
I'm always so surprised that I wake up that I forget to thank anybody.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

in case anyone checks it out..I deleted my blog roll..I have bloglines and a certain someone comes over here and finds people on my blog roll and then he goes there and starts out all buddy buddy and good guy and then he turns into an obnoxious asshole..so if he can't find you he can't come bug you..

Big Pissy said...

hee hee! I've read this before, but it's WAY more fun with your comments inserted. :)

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Sing it, sister, sing it! Testify!

Christie said...

Lots of advice, but it's all good.

Blueberry said...

Love it, and thanks for taking a stab at that big ole hallmark "pile o' perky" list.

Rainwolf said...

Bah Humbug.

I was raised right so I know all these things, doesn't mean I practice all of them all the time. I do try to be nice to everyone who isn't on my shitlist tho, does that count?

Twain12 said...

5. Try to make at least three people smile each day.( I'm assuming I accomplished that just in this post alone...If not the guy playing the piano with his balls did.)
Well count me as one of the three :)

Intense Guy said...

You count me as one you made smile today!!

:)

Now to get a backhoe and start moving all this useless, ugly, or unhappy stuff out of here!

heartinhand said...

I like your additions better. I'm in a hard-to-impress mood though. It's just because I'm in a Hormonal/PMS Clusterfuck today. Goddess help me.

sageweb said...

I can only remember walking and trying to smile..I dont think I can pull it off.