LAST LIBERAL IN TEXAS

West, Texas News...West, Texas 2015

As of 6 A.M. central time the last know Liberal in Texas was still on the lose. Even though she's been hunted by every police organization, including the Texas Rangers, for the past 2 months Jacque Denney (aka Jackiesue and Tacky Jackie ) a resident of the Retirement Apartments in West, Texas has still managed to elude capture. She was last seen running naked through a patch of blue bonnets screaming "Catch me if you can mother fuckers, catch me if you can."
Chief of Police of West, Texas, Thomas "Barney" Blaha said she had been 'off the grid' for months and it was an ever ending chase to capture her. "We've set out all her favorite foods and Dublin Dr Pepper to snare her, but for an old broad, she's pretty wily. She's managed to trip every trap set for her and making off with the bait. We tried tasers and stun guns..but for an old lady, she's tougher than a boot. She just takes the juice, laughs hysterically and says:"Is that all you got you republican assholes.".. We've tried putting sedatives in her food and drink, but it doesn't seem to have any effect on her at all. It's like every thing we use to bring her down..makes her stronger.
The worse part is she leaves insulting messages all over town.. "Republicans are pieces of shit".."Bite me assholes." Just horrible horrible messages. Insulting to us..making fun of our, uh hem, our privates. Saying we got 'tiny dicks', and mean stuff like that. Ain't no call for her to make it personal."
One of her old friends, Inky Adamson said he expected nothing less. "Why I remember when she used to drink, she would whup up on those old boys and call 'em pussies when they cried. I knew they'd never catch her..she's the last of her kind, and it's going to take more than a bunch of rednecks to catch her. Besides she has enough friends left that hide her out and give her shelter when the mercury drops. She won't let us buy her any clothes...she says "That's my best weapon Ink, my big old fat ass running through the corn patch telling them to kiss it...Well, fuck son, it just makes my day."
We'll have an up date on the next sighting. Last we heard she was hanging out at the High School trying to teach the kids not to believe what they read in their history books, that the world is not flat and the earth is older than 6,000 years old. Can you believe that? No wonder she's the last of her kind..believing all that crazy shit.