THE GODDESS SAYS:

Life is too short to stuff mushrooms...

Lauren is rejoycing her victory over Nitwit for the first question..and wants to know if she has waltzed herself in a situation that will come back and bite her in the ass...I think once you start questioning something you have said or done, you can pretty much assume...'ya dun fucked up'...so bend over my friend...and prepare to have your ass bit..

Apos says she is already blessed..and that she is..blessed to be loved by not only her family, her friends in her home country, but also her friends here in her home to be...and to be loved by a little fat hilly billy bastid...how good can it get...?

Tina...my blessings on you and a big cosmic 'bip' to your ex...it's not nice to fool with friends of the Goddess.

Nitwit:4th on the list..but first in the Goddess's heart..He wants to know if he will ever recover from the trauma from the e-mail that he received from the Yellowdog? Plus ..will he ever work out again...Nitty, just about the time you think you may have recovered from something the Yellowdog sends you...she zaps you with another one...so you will be in constant recovery....and you will work out again..you just won't enjoy it as much..

Allan wants to know if he should pack up all his stuff, put it in his car and become a gypsy as nothing seems to make sense...Allan you silly human .....you don't have want it takes to be a gypsy..they live a very hard life, usually one step in front of the law, so I think you should stay where you are...as things will start to make sense for you soon....and like the Yellowdog says about getting 'your shit together'....getting it together is a lot easier than picking it up and moving it....

Hill in the beautiful bluebonnet covered hill country of Texas wants to know if there is such a thing as a good republican and will hell freeze over....Yes, there are good republicans...they are just misguided and too stubborn to admit ...'maybe we backed the wrong horse in this race.'....and Hel has already frozen over...google Hel and see for yourself..

Cyberoutlaw wants to know since Texas hasn't sent out the greatest politicians lately shouldn't they pick their president from some place like..New York and not Giulinai....The Yellowdog said nothing good ever came out of New York..and she's partial to the idea of the next president coming from Chicago...The Goddess doesn't get into politics....There are Gods and Goddess's I have no need for anyone that only wants to do good for his country if they get paid for it..

The beautiful sweet misjudged Rube wants to know why bones tastes better after being buried in the ground for a few weeks...well, that is easy..think of dirt as Doggie gravy....and everything goes better with gravy...

BBC has no questions, only answers...and no one ever listens to him, then calls his fellow humans stupid monkeys.....big surprise..

Wicked Storm has been done wrong..done wrong to the point that the Goddess is going to have to intervene.Steps will be taken to bring justice to you Lakota Princess...Your painting of Jesus as an Indian Brave should be hanging in the Vatican...The Goddess doesn't understand why certain people refuse to except any thing but the blue eyed, fair haired Jesus...which were not in any abundance in the middle east thousands of years ago...and since I know Jesus personally, I can tell you that he looks more like the Jews in the Diamond District in New York than he does the pictures of him in every Church around the world...

and for your information Lakota Princess, HE loved your painting...

Cheesemeister is worried about her book and the website she wants to build to promote her book....She needs help and welcomes any offers and ideas...I am sure the website will come along and Yellowdog says she knows some people that might help...and then...get an agent...

Reg wants to know if Mr. S. will call her again....I think he might..but not sure it's to tell you what you want to hear....

The questions have all been answered..and I hope to your satisfaction....blessings on you my children...I am off to Aruba, Jamica...and other places that the Beach Boys sing about...I hear the rum there is almost as good as mead.....

ASK THE GODDESS, THEN GIRD YOUR LOINS..

This is the Yellowdog..The Goddess is drying her hair and said for me to start this for her....(she got caught in the thunderstorm that is circling around the general West, Texas area)...she said for me to say "Blessings on you..yada yada...on your house..your family..yada yada..."

So...ask your questions ya'll...ask your questions..have from today till Saturday am ...she will post her answers saturday evening...

MY APARTMENT SMELLS LIKE A HEAD SHOP

and I like it...
I went to town yesterday to Old Corner Drug to stock up on more vitamins, diabetes pricks, and advice from Kirk...Kirk's the man..Went to $ store for pots for my plants, and found some new incense...oh man..I love it..I got coconut, jasmine, lavender, vanilla, cherry and an assorted package...had bought a ruby colored vase for $1 at the $ store..and put all the incense in it..so now the place smells like a head shop...It's a good thing..Took the truck to get her legal, with tags and inspection sticker..while I was getting the truck inspected they checked my 2 left tires as they kept going low..then they tried to sell me a brake job...I told them not to let my age and tits fool them...that I knew the difference between a snow job and a blow job..and my brakes were fine..I think they are still picking them selves up off the floor..I love myself some times..before that the sales man was telling me his life story(I have that kind of face that people want to talk to...even if my eyes are glazed over.)and he said he wasn't used to working with customers and it was difficult for him...I said "That's because we're all assholes. I used to work with the public and as I got older I found out it was easier to say fuck you than it was to say thank you, so I quit.."....
Ok, the big question...do I say these things because I can't help myself..or do I say them to fuck with people?...or both...hm....there lies the rub..
I have started this post 4 different times..I had linked together a great funny post on these 2 articles I found on Wal-Mart(house of satan)....one was about how Wal-Mart gave 10% to charaties, like United Way, Salvation Army, Teachers of the Year Programs, etc...thought it was very interesting and liked reading that about Wal-Mart..especially since they are known for fucking over their employees...no insurance, etc..
But the best article about Wal-Mart was about their countersuit against Julie Roehm who they fired for:
Ms Roehm sat in the lap of Draft FCB executive Tony Weisman and ate from his plate during a dinner for advertising consultants, at a time when Draft FBC was seeking the Wal-Mart contract. The firm won the account but was stripped of it days later, after Wal-Mart fired Ms. Roehm and Mr. Womack(her partner in crime).
The two arranged for company-paid travel so they could be together.
The pair sought employment with Draft FBC while it competed for the Wal-Mart contract.
Draft FBC sent cases of expensive vodka to Ms. Roehm. Wal-Mart said an e-mail from Mr. Weisman to Draft FBC chairman Howard Draft suggested sending Effen vodka to Ms. Roehm, noting "she put away a bottle" during one night out.
Ms. Roehm supplied DraftFBC with confidential Wal-Mart sales information and advised the firm on how to structure its proposal.....
Now there's the Wal-Mart we all know and love....

For a little local news....Governor Good Hair passed the self-defense bill and it will take effect Sept.1
After Sept.1st...if you come to Texas..you might want to take to heart our state motto...'DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS.'....

fuckme till I reload....

JACK RABBIT MAKING LOVE TO A SKUNK:

"I haven't had all I want.....but I had all I could stand."


Hotdang....it's raining in Texas..A LOT of rain in Texas
It is either dry ........or gully washers...I like gully washers...I had some running around today then on the way back was going to stop by the library and check in and check out some books...Since it was dark and raining like a sonsabitch I had the lights on...yup, you're right..forgot to turn them off...do all my running around..grocery, $1 store, video store, drug store, then the library....While I was in library one of the ladies in there said.."You know you left your lights on?"...argh fuck...so of course when I go to leave..truck won't start...had to call Patsy from Community Grocery to come give me a jump...she sent her son-in-law instead.
So by the time I got home I was soaked to my skin as it was really coming down out there..and still is for that matter...But we need the rain..badly..or goodly..
Tomorrow is Jamie's 18th birthday...I am going to try and round her up so I can go take her birthday gift and see her new apartment. But hate to call her..when I call there's some rap song that plays for about 3 minutes and I ususally say fuckit and hang up...hope she will see it's me and call back...
I have had to cut back on my laps with Margaret..the new cholesterol medicine gives me leg cramps really bad and I already have leg cramps and with the walking it is making me miserable..up all flapping night long about 3 nights in a row..so when she came by Saturday I told her I would only be doing it for 5 days a week and 3 laps at a time and explained why...I swear when she walked off she snickered and made a series of arm pumpings...old bitch..
This is a absolutely nothing of a post..too lazy to actually do a real post and not a thing going on in my life now to post about ..so this is as good as it gets..
Hopefully I will have a better post tomorrow..found some amusing things in the DAM news...so...signing off for now...
fuckme till I'm interesting...

FUCKFUCKFUCK.......I FORGOT.......

Holy shit!...I can't believe it ...I forgot to let everyone know Babs is ok...she called me this morning about 9:30am and I swear I was sitting on the phone..but was so anxious that I gulped really fast when it rang and choaked on my own saliva....nearly choaked to death...anyhow..she is doing fine..her step-sister was taking her to the drug store to get her some drugs...She was very very happy about that...seemed very relieved that it was over with and wanted nothing more than to go home, take some drugs, pet the cat and lay down on the ...left side...and take a nap...oh and take some more drugs...So...our girl is fine...The minute I hung up the phone I burst into tears..didn't realize how scared I was for her until I heard her voice and knew she was ok...So..thanks for all your prayers and good wishes...she is gooder than dirt...

Here's a litt sumpin' sumpin' for you Babs....hope this makes your eye sight better...

BADA BIP...BADA BING....THE ANSWERS ARE:

Before the Goddess answers your questions she has a request...Babs the most beloved mini Goddess is in need of our prayers...she is going in Monday to have an operation on her right eye...it's not life threatning but I believe in covering all the bases..so I ask that you all say a little prayer( a lot of little prayers) and light a few candles for our friend. You don't have to pray to the Goddess, you can pray to Jesus, Mary, Buddha, Allah, or Fred...it's just important that the prayers are out there...thanks...


Ok.........now to business...You are not making this easy on me are you....but I will please you all..
To the Double Decker Bus guy...what a great idea you have...and he's wondering if he will be successful in his attempt to get'er going...I think that you need some publicity..make a video of you, the bus, your family and your dreams..put it on u-tube...then write Jimmy Kimmel...on ABC..he's a sucker for this kind of stuff..You go on the Kimmel show..and your golden..
Tex, Tex, Tex.....now you know that Edward Scissor Hands is a character in a movie..he has no need to scratch his ass...but I have it on good authority that Winona Ryder was more than eager to tend to Johnny Depp's every wish...even the ass wiping part...
Mimi is mad because food that she needs to eat doesn't taste good and things she loves taste bad..Didn't we cover this last week??? This is Loki's territory...he's in charge of food flavors..I would have every thing taste like Blue Bell ice cream(rocky road)..but he wants everything good to taste like crap...just to mess with you humans..he gets such great amusement from watching you shovel in broccoli and act like your being poisoned...
Tina is a klutz she says and has broken several things including a picture of the boss's kids...She has also sprained her ankle...It sounds like to the Goddess that you are punishing yourself for some undetected deed..
Maybe you're boss did something to you and it's your way of 'gettin' even'...??? unconsciously that is..self injuries can be a way of punishing yourself...(I read that some place)
Jan is wondering how many people will be killed in the first 6 months after the governor of Texas passes the 'shoot first ask questions later' law...I don't have a head count yet, but I am hoping that right now all the women that are being abused by their boyfriends or
husbands are out buying guns ...and within a week of the law passing...are taking care of business..if you know what I mean...
Buddhagirl wants to know how she will make another 2 weeks till spring break without throttling someone..same way you do every year my sweet girl..that extra glass of wine before bed...
The Most Holy Sooner has a series of questions..wants to know why the phone always rings when he is in the bathroom....? That's the trickster's doing...and if there is no one on the end of the line...it's Loki himself...laughing his ass off at you..
He also wants to know if Bush's exit strategy will go through Iran and if Cheney eats live babies while drunk on Tequila...Bush still doesn't have an exit strategy...it's hard to have an exit strategy built on lies..and I don't think he will be in office long enough to go anywhere except before the court ...and the Goddess wouldn't allow babies to be eaten alive by anyone...Cheney does whack off to pictures of the Bush twins while on Tequila...
Sooner wants to know if he sneezes, farts, coughs and burps at the same time will he explode...the answer is no....but if you climax at the same time..all bets are off.
The tooth fairy is not my department...although I do believe that when he used to leave you money in exchange for a tooth...he gave your pee pee a little tap..
Apos, wants to know if there is a such thing as reincarnation and what will she come back as if there is...yes, Apos there is reincarnation....you will come back the next time as the Dahli Lama..my blessings on you...
BBC: I answer the questions around here human..no matter your age and wisdom...even the Yellowdog doesn't dare answer my questions...and you're wrong anyhow..nana nana boo boo..
Tina_gueden wants to know why bad things happen to good people and why can't karma be instaneous...Bad things happen to good people to make them more appreciative of the good things when they come...and Karma has to work it's way around...have to give you humans time to change your ways...and do better...
Scottish Toodler wants to know what is going to happen to her..should she stay or should she go(isn't that an old rock and roll song of you humans?) I see great things for you S.T. your first book will do well, but your second book will kick some ass..and it doesn't matter if you stay where you are at, go back to La or move to another city..where you are doesn'thave anything to do with your creative ability...but then..you know that..and as for the where abouts of Sooner..? He is swilling beer and watching some sport on tv where a small group of very tall humans are chasing each other up and down some arena..no guns are involved...Plus...Rowe is on his way out..along with Gonzales...and several other top of the line players in Bush's little party..
The Wise Nit Wit wants to know if we can afford to keep the current administration in power after all they have done to your country for another 22 months..In the words of the Yellowdog....'FUCK NO'...
Costa Rica, needs to lay off the bong water..
The Wiseman The Rube wants to know if they will make alcohol that is good for you humans and won't make your heads hurt...of course...one glass of red wine with dinner.....(mead is good too)
RevJim wants to know : is reality relative or is it absolute and can it be both and at the same time...it can be both....and at the same time...but it can't be universal....(takes small curtsy)
Allan wants to know which is correct:Good things come to those who wait..or He who hesitates is lost...and can you have it both ways...They both are correct and yes you can always have it both ways...always...
Sling also mourns our good friend Larry Bud Melman..who is responsible for 'sandwitch on a stick'.
Don't weep for Larry...he's backstage with Loki at a Stones concert...
Carin wants to know why smoking meat makes it last longer but smoking is bad for your health...Smoking meat may make it last longer..but not really all that good for you...and if you doubt smoking is bad for you..go get an x-ray of your lungs...soon..
Cheesemeister...never be a fraid to question the Goddess...she thinks highly of you...ask away..
That's all the wisdom for today children....until next Thursday/Friday ..same place, same station, same channel.....my blessings on you and yours...

.......ASK THE GODDESS.......

Welcome children...blessings on you and your's.....

Before we start asking questions I would like to mention the passing of a friend...he didn't die a warrior's death, but he will be in Valhalla with the Goddess....Larry "Bud" Melman...who was a semi-regular on the David Letterman Show...He died Monday at a hospital on Long Island, after a long illness. He would stop and offer his greetings also, but he is on a rock and roll tour with Loki.....

Ask away, small funny humans..ask away..

.......MARYJO IN AMSTERDAM.......

I HAVEN'T COME ALONG WAY....AND I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING BABY

You know you have way to much time on your hands if when you are eating a bowl of alphabet soup, you search around looking for letters so you can spell out 'fuck you'...I swear to the Goddess, I did this today at lunch..I even took a picture of it and when I get the 2-3 rolls of film developled I will put them on the blog so you can see and say.."Yes, she has waaaaaay to much time on her hands."
Today's post boys and girls is going to be weird..not so much what I am posting about, but my take on it...lets see...where shall I start..oh I know...Willie has a new album out and it looks like it could be a fucking classic, if you are a old country and western fan..It's called 'Last of the Breed.'...with Merle Haggard and Ray Price..just how cool is that..? "Heartaches by the Number,""Pick Me Up on Your Way Down,", "Why Me,"(one of my favorites),and "I love You a Thousand Ways.".....sigh..I want this one...Which reminds me..I have to rewire the speakers on my $99 special(20 years old) record player...I have been hankering to listen to some of my old records..
Ok, this is one of the articles that made my mind sort of go off in different directions ...
Chiquita admits paying terrorists...Banana company Chiquita Brands International Inc. admitted in federal court Monday that it paid Columbian terrorists for years to protect its most profitable banana-growning operation..
The company pleaded guilt to one count of doing business with a terorist organization. The plea is part of a deal with prosecutors that calls for a $25 million fine and does not identify the several senior executives who approved the illegal protection payments. Prosecutors say the Cincinnaati based company agreed to pay about $1.7 million between 1997 and 2004 to the United Self-defense Forces of Columbia.
The group has been responsible for some of the worse massacres in Columbia's civil conflict and for a sizable percentage of the country's cocaine exports. Chiquita has said it was forced to make the payments and was acting only to ensure the safety of its workers.
So here's my take on it..This is an American company that is working in a country that exports cocaine, a country that is out of control because of the drug cartels and our country can't pump enough money in there fast enough to 'help' this country...and to ensure that their company employees aren't kidnapped and or killed, Chiquita pays $1.7 million dollars over a 7 year period..and to punish them...they fine them $25million...! Fuck the only difference between the drug cartel and the government is we didn't use the threat of kidnapping and murder to get the money...and we got more money than the bad guys did..So what happens to the $25 mil?...What will happen to the employees of Chiquita now that there is no payoff? What happens to the $25 mil?...Why don't they take the $25mil and use it to help get security for the workers of Chiquita Banana?...Am I nuts?...well, that's besides the point..Does this smack of Bush Administration logic...one of our countries is being blackmailed for security reasons in another country..so lets fine them 25 times the amount they were paying and cut them loose...It made better sense when I was picking through carrots and peas looking for a u for 'fuck you.'...sigh*
Now..this is the good one...you all know I love my stupid state even if it is full of stupid red necks toting Bibles in one hand and a 38 special in the other...right?
Well...here is the latest in my series of "only in fucking Texas'...
A self-defense bill opposed by prosecutors across the state breezed through the House on Monday and is expected to be on the governor's desk by the end of the week..(we all know Good Hair Perry will sign that sucker into a bill in a New York City second.)
The legislation, pushed by gun-rights advocates in several states, will allow ANY...I REPEAT..ANY law-abiding(yeah right) citizen who feels threatened by someone to kill that person without first trying to get away, prosecutors say....Just in case you didn't grasp this...anyone any time anyfuckingwhere can shoot to kill, anyone if they feel like they are being threatened...The bill is an extension of the current "castle doctrine" in Texas, under which a homeowner has the right to shoot an intruder to protect himself. The new legislation extends taht to :anywhere a person "has a right to be," according to the bill.
Prosecutors say tht means cars, jobs, parks, malls, street corners or anywhere else a person might feel threatened. Lawmakers say that interpertation is too broad. ya think? The bill makes three major changes to current law. First, it extends the "castle doctrine" beyond the home. Second, it protects a person from being sued by his attacker-or the attacker's family-for injuries if the shooter was found to have been acting in self-defense.And it creates a "presumption of self-defense" much like the presumption of innocence, but applied in deadly-force cases.
It's the third part of the bill that supporters say is most important to protect law-abiding gun owers(oxymoron) who aren't afraid to use deadly force. That's also the part that worries prosecutors and gun-control advocates.
The bill would require a jury to presume that a defendant who has hurt or killed someone was acting in self-defense as long as the defendant wasn't breaking the law at the time, didn't provoke the attack and had reason to believe tht the other person wanted to rape, kidnap, kill or rob him.
Sponsors say the bill is intended only for people who are in their homes, cars or businesses-or their loved ones are-and who use deadly force to protect against someone who is "unlawfully" and "forcibly" trying to enter the car or business to hurt them.
But prosecutors point to this section of the bill as having the potential for uninteded consequences, such as gang-style murders tht leave no witnesses and trigger-happy peole who kill a panhandler for approaching them on the street with his hand in his pocket.
They say that prosecutors rarely file charges on someone with a clear case of self-defense but that the new bill will make it easy to beat a murder rap and, in some cases, impossible to convict.The law is restoring a right Texans had 40 years ago, said Rep. Joe Driver, R-Garland(gee, a republican...what a surprise...wonder how much the NRA is puttin in his pocket?)and it doesn't stop police and DA's from investigating and building cases against murderers, carjackers, and even trigger-happy motorists with road rage.
"What the prosecutors are saying, they're just whining," Mr. Driver said. "They're not reading this bill. They're reading comic books or something....If you're driving down the road adn your're afraid someone's going to shoot you, and you shoot them, they know they can prosecute."
(wow, that was clear and concise, huh?)
Well, I don't know whether to shit or go shoot someone..
"But your honor, she was yelling and screaming and calling me a fucking republican, I had to shoot her...I knew she was one of them left wing tree hugging pagan Democrats, and was a threat to my way of life."

fuckme till my powder's dry.

.......MUTANTS FOR NUCLEAR POWER.......

This is going to be one of those rambling posts...found some stuff in the paper that amused and one that pissed me off...where shall I start???? Lets get the bad one out of the way...Crazy Ray Jones the unofficial mascot for the Dallas Cowboys passed away Sunday and that's sad...he had been right there on the front lines cheering the Cowboys along since the early 60's..He started out selling seat cushions and he would goof around and made people laugh..finally they asked him to just concentrate on intertaining the crowds..and he did ..His health started failing in the late 80's..but he continued to show up and root for 'da boys'.....I will really miss seeing him in his cowboy getup and mock fighting with the Eagles and Redskins mascots...Good bye Crazy Ray....rest in peace..

The article that pissed me off is the one about Ramy Brooks...He's a professional dog sled racer...races in the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race all the time..He's 38 years old and been doing this for a long time..I don't know what posessed him, but he was disqualified from the race because he hit each and every one of his 10 dogs last Tuesday with a trail-marking lathe, similar to a surveyor's stake, after two of his dogs refused to get up and continue running on an ice field. One of the dogs died the next day. Brooks finished the race and came in at 15th....

This is where it gets pissy for me...not only did he end up killing one of his dogs...they let him continue with the race but THEN they disqualified him....Judas fucking priest...they should have charged him with cruelty to animals, and banned him from ever racing the Iditarod again...He should have been arrested right on the spot..What kind of weasel does that to his dogs..? I hope they attack him and rip him a new asshole...

Surprise, surprise ....Carol Lam one of the eight U.S. attorneys fired was fired because she spearheaded the case against Randy "Duke" Cuningham, the former Republican congressman from Southern California who pleaded guilty to bribery and income-tax invasion.

Oh them sonsabitches...if Bush doesn't fire that Al Gonzales I hope the Senate drag his ass through the courts and put his ass in jail...fuckers..

this one is one of my favorites...

JUSTICES TO HEAR STUDENT'S FREE SPEECH SUIT.

High schooler's 'Bong Hits 4 Jesus' banned got him suspended...

The most important student free speech conflict to reach the Supreme Court since the height of the Viet-nam War hinges on a vaguely ofensive, mostly nonsensical message of protest.

BONG HITS 4 JESUS..

That's the slogan that Joseph Frederick, a defiant high school student, fashioned with a 14-foot piece of paper and a $3 roll of duct tape. His goal was party to get on TV as the Olympic torch passed through his town of Junear, Alaska, and mostly to get under the skin of his principal, Deborah Morse, with whom he had a running fued.

It worked-at least, the irritating-the -principal part. Mrs. Morse confiscated the banner and suspended him for 10 days.

In the 5 years since, a student-principal conflict has become a classic American battle spawning lawsuits and conflicting court rulings.

Now, a wide range of interested parties has assembled for what they see as an epic Supreme Court battle, which will be heard today.

The American Civil Liberties Union is on Mr. Frederick's side, joined by a diverse coalition of civil rights, constitutional law and religious organizations.

Kenneth Starr, the former special prosecutor of President Bill Clinton, has volunteered his time to the Juneau school district.(he hasn't had a job since the Clinton bashing episode)

Morse vs Frederick asks the justices to weigh the court's famous 1969 ruling that students "do not shed their constitutional rights to freedom of speech or expression at the schoolhouse gate" with more recent decisions ackowledging a school system's ability to enact rules that maintain order and protect other students from messages deemed harmful.

A district court judge relied on the Supreme Court's more recent decisions to dismiss Mr. Frederick's suit against Ms. Morse and the school board. But the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit said that the 1969 decision was the most important and that government officials cannot punish speech with which they disagree.

Mr. Frederick says he has learned much about the legal system. He sued the Juneau police over alleded harassment after the banner incident and received a settlement from the city. As fate would have it, his father, Frank, worked for the company that insured the Juneau school district; he sued after he claimed he was demoted and then fired for not pressuring his son to drop his lawsuit. Frank Frederick received a nearly $200,000 settlement...

all this because a kid wanted to be on tv and piss off his principal at the same time...What a country...

.......CHIMP HAVEN.......

A place of their own..In Keithville, La. is a 200-acre sanctuary that houses over 90 former research animals ..Most of them were born in captivity but this haven offers them their first chance to experience the wild side of life...

Chimp Haven opened in April 2005, and is designed so that the animals can move freely between indoor residences and outdoor areas. The facility isn't an attraction or a zoo, although it opens occasionally to visitors.

Most entertainment-industry chimps are juveniles. After age 6, these apes become increasinly unmanageable, growing to the weight of an adult human and developoing 7-10 times our strength. In captivity they often live to age 50. The chimp who played Cheeta is now in her 70's and living in California.

The chimps all have been fixed so that they can't breed..Which doesn't explain the 'miraculous birth of Terry by "Mother Teresa"...They had to do DNA tests on all the males to find out 'who's yo daddy'..If you would like more information about Chimp Haven or wish to donate to them(the Goddess would be most pleased)...they are at www.chimphaven.org..

So that's the news of the day...In Yellowdog Land, I am going to go to Dr. E. and get me some cholestrol medicine...then go to the library and print out some horoscopes I did for my friend C. in New York who has a new baby boy ...It's gray and cloudy here in West, Texas....and this weekend we will have BBQ cook off..hot dang..boy howdy...!..Margaret and I had our walk today...she cracks me up...when I say something a little outthere for her she drops her head, giggles and says "giiirl'.......ahhhh, makes my day....

.......THE GODDESS SAYS:

Nothing is as bad as it is painted except:politicians, hangovers, marriage and cancer..

Blessings on your hearts and homes my children..Are you ready for the Goddess's version of the truth?...Here are your answers....as you wish...

Scottish Toodler wants to know why I make the stuff she likes to eat not as pleasant as the things she has to eat...Ahh, I hate to admit this, but this is the work of Loki...he enjoys playing tricks on you humans and it's his doings that brocolli doesn't taste like chocolate..I would feel sorry for you...but then I think of all the starving children in your world...and think you must just eat your veggies and be grateful...I told that to the Yellowdog when she complained that she couldn't eat red meat any more...of course she told me to fuck off...but later on, I think she realized there were people in the world that had NO meat to eat and would be more than happy to settle for chicken and fish and to have to forego meat..Don't think about what you can't have...think about what you do have..and bless the Goddess for it..

I am sure that Sling stays up all night long thinking of these questions...where does the light go..in a room full of mirrors when he turns off the switch...Snort*chuckle....Sling....just what are you doing in a room full of mirrors anyhow?....Are you preening?......It goes no where Sling...it just stops shinning...

Cyberoutlaw, wants to know who I would rather have for a neighbor...Carl Rowe, O.J. Simpson, or Bill O'Reiley?......First of all....there is no room in my neighborhood for assholes and murderer's....To get to be my neighbor, you have to die in battle..and the chances of one of those three dying in battle are slim and none...They will join my siser Goddess in Hel....and she can't wait...

Cheesemeister:The Yellowdog is the one that can't eat red meat or drink Dr. Pepper...I on the other hand, can do as I please...I just don't do it in front of her...she has a nasty temper...As for your anxiety....I suggest yoga...it helps with stress....but I also think you should speak up more...holding in all that stress is going to make your head explode...say your piece...if that doesn't work...then go to ass kicking..

Nitwit, you may have only been number 5 on this list..but you will always be number one in my heart..

Kath:If you want your son's paper work to be speeded up..you must continue to make lots and lots of phone calls...The barking dog gets fed first....

Apos: Nancy is at work right now at the hospital...she was on her lunch break when I glanced in on her...She is pissed at her step-children and in a fit of anger, deleted her blog...I think I might be able to get her to start a new one and hide it from those ungrateful brats...The Yellowdog has her email address if you would like to get in touch with her...The Yellowdog plans on sending all of your blog address's to her so she can come visit..as she lost them all when she deleted her blog...

Tina: Virginia is beautiful..The Yellowdog worked in Manassas and liked it very much...

Tex doesn't under stand why his time at home passes so fast when his work hours pass so slowly....That's easy .......find a job you love as much as you do your play time...

The Goddess's work is done..remember...be kind, be steady, be a better person today than you were yesterday.. Always know...the Goddess loves you...

..............THE BEAR..............

"He's an old blind bear....alone in the winter woods...with only the smell of his breath for comfort.To mean to die, to lost to care.But show some caution....he's still the bear."

I If you read the Goddess's post you have found out my secret..I have high cholesterol and high triwhateverthefuck the other thing is...244 and 203..Cholestrerol is supposed to be lower than 200 and the other one is suposed to be 150...I am truly fucked...I am so pissed..plus my diabetes dosage is going to be upped from 2mg/500 to 4mg/500...I'm as onery as a alligator with a jalopena stuck up his ass..
but the good news is I have lost a total of 34 lbs...but still fat.. I am going to start walking after dinner...twice afuckingday....kiss my rosy red neck ass..I don't know whether to sing "God Bless America" or go take a shit.

I need some good news.....I have decided to only post good things from my DAMN news today...Good news in the DAM News? yabetchaass, and here it is:

House reverses Bush's sealed recordsorder... haahamotherfuckinghaha..They also voted to make Presidents donors to the library..yehaw.that cracks me up.....lets see who else wants to donate to the Dumb Ass's Library fund.....remember I said along time ago that he would get his and the Goddess would be responsible? what goes around comes around and bites you in the ass..it's starting...the shit is starting to slide down hill...as any good plumber knows..you get paid on Friday and shit runs down hill...I see a lot of shit not only running down hill...but hitting the fan....the Goddess rules..and speaking of rules..these are the
Sunshine Laws:
Require disclosure of donations to presidential libraries of $200 or more..
Make it harder for former presidents to withold presidential records.
Strengthen federal open-records law, reversing an administration directive by restoring the presumption that agencies should release records when allowed by law and when an agency cannot reasonbly foresee that disclosure would cause harm.
Strengthen whistle-blower protection for government workers, private contractors adn scientists...
Ahh, more good news... The Kinster is in Dallas to raise money for his first love, abandoned aminals.
"I always loved stray dogs better than fat cats," says Kinky, co founder of the Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch at his home in Medina, Texas, the foremost animal rescue center in the Texas Hill Country.
On March 24, Kinky and some of his musician pals will perform a Utopia "bonefit" at Poor David's Pub. The show will feature Kinky's ubiquitous Sancho Panza, Jeff "Little Jewford"Shelby, as well as Washington Ratso and Austin fiddler "Sweet" Mary Hattersley..
Similar to a plot hatched by Krammer on Seeinfeld, Kinky is selling Kinky Cigars, "handmade by Cubans in Honduras."..The smokes will be sold at the benefit for $100 per box of 25, with all proceeds going to Utopia...Written by Alan Peppard of the DAM News staff...The Goddess would be most pleased if you donated money to the Utopia Ranch..you can go to KinkyFriedman.com and get the information on his website..I think the Utopia Ranch has it's own website..I have send $5 here $10 there over the years..what I could afford...those animals live good, but they need all the help they can get..

This is one of those bad news good news ...news..
Chris Gavora, a Grapevine High School baseball player was hit in the head by a line drive and it killed him...he was 15 I think... His parents donated his kindneys, pancreas, his liver, lungs and his heart..Three weeks before his death, Chris had told him parents he wanted to be an organ donor..Be a donor...

Valerie Plame will testify before Congress...kick some ass Val...kick some ass...

This is unfucking believeable...
CIVIL UNION LAW CELEBRATED IN MEXICO CITY..
The Mexico City law, the first of its kind to be passed in Mexico, has already inspired a similar one in Coahula.The northern border state's law took effect first, in January...Both laws allow the couples some of the rights of marriage, such as inheritance and hospital visits, but not adoption or joint custody of children. They also allow couples to take advantage of anti-discrimination laws that protect them in the workplace and when seeking housing..
VIVA MEXICO....
The next two bits of good news are from the comic's section in my DAM News...I don't know if you get or read :FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE..
It is one of my favorites...it covers soo many great subjects..and people die in this cartoon...they grow up, age and die...like life..ok..here goes some explaining so you will get it...the young daughter of the core family is friends with a girl who is as she says'retarded'....so she says to her:"April, when ..people call me 're-tarded,' does that mean..that...I'm stupid?...April: 'No!Not at all.'...Have you ever checked teh signs at the airport?(this is a Canadian strip)When an airplane is gonna be late arriving the signs in French all say 'en retard.'.....
en retard means it's on its way, but it's not there yet...The little girl:So..what..they're saying ..is...I'm .on my way, but I'm not there yet? April: exactly..
April: know what's funny? Little girl: what?...April: the people who call you retarded will probably never get there at all.

and my last cartoon but best....HEART OF THE CITY about a little girl who lives with her divorced mother...the first cartoon is of Heart and her mother taking a walk in the city...then in a movie theater , then at a book store checking out books...then last square is of Heart and her mother eating icecream ...heart says:
think we'll get in trouble for skipping school and work, mom?......Mom: what's the point of life if your afraid of getting caught living it..?
so that's my advice for the day....don't be afraid to get caught living your life...at at it's fullest....
244/203.............FUCK!...evidence of my living my life and getting caught...

AT YOUR OWN RISK......ASK THE GODDESS

The Goddess is here to answer all your questions..but brace your self..The Goddess is in a pissy mood...I have had to listen to the Yellowdog moan and carry on about some blood test she took...and the results have set her off on a torrent of wailing and boohooing like some 3 year old....She said she'll never be able to eat red meat again...something about her numbers being 244 and 203...She has set a world record for using that fuck word you humans are so fond of saying...and I quote"First they took away my fucking Dr.Pepper, then my motherfucking ice cream, then pasta and potatoes...now the fuckers are going to take away my red meat..no more fucking red meat..fuck they might as well, just fucking shoot me."...and on and on and on...she just won't give it a rest...I may have to bip her ...

After listening to her all day long, I'm not in the best of moods, so remember that when you ask your questions...Goddess bless you all....

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY TO YA'LL...

This is going to be more than a Happy Saint Pat's day posting..it is also going to be full of good Auld Irish Curses...or May you be afflicted with the itch and have no nails to scratch with...

Most everyone knows about the Irish blessings:May the wind always be at your back, and may you be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows you're dead.

But the Irish are also known for their curses...The curse is as Irish as cable-knit sweaters, soda bread and Guinness Stout. I'm not talking about the small time curse that you might here on the interstate in noon-time traffic....Nay laddies and lassies...That sort of curse is what a lite beer is to a Guinness. A real Irish curse rolls of the tongue as easily as a 'top of the marning to ye'.'...an example: Six horse-loads of graveyard clay on top of you. Or: The anguished bankruptcy of the year to you. and :May your hens take the disorder, your cows the crippen and your calves the white scour. May yourself go stone-blind so that you will not know your wife from a haystack.

You don't even have to know what a crippen or white scour are to know you're in deep shit.

The word curse comes from the old Gaelic, cursachadh, meaning abuse.

This all started with the sharp-tongued Celts.Classical (Greek and Latin) authorities speak of the ancient Celts as verbally gifted and verbally aggressive.The Roman historian Tacitus mentions the shocking language-and behavior-Celtic women folk directed at invading Roman legions. Anyone attacking the Irish could expect volleys of invective as well as stones and arrows. Curses run all through Irish literature and folklore. Some cultures use totems and signs to put fear into the hearts of their enemies, but the Irish used words.The Irish so revered the power of language, that young men spent years in monastic seclusion preparing to become bards. Irish chieftains hired these bards to compose satirical poems full of invective directed at their enemies. They actually believed if they wrote that your nose was going to fall off, it would fall off...(George W. Bush...you're dick is going to fall off.)

The curse was thought to be mightier than the sword. Irish armies once employed officail cursers, usually a druid, or member of the ancient Celtic priestly class, who would stand in front of the battle line and chant curses and spells at the enemies..At the siege of Drom Damhghaire, where Mogh Ruith, greatest of Ireland's druids, not only advised the besieged army when and where to make its stand, but also "blew a magic breath, which became a black cloud." That could, surely a particularly vile and effective curse, floated toward the enemy and fell as a shower of blood. There is a Irish pub, The Irish Lion, where the management has printed the following on the menu, right above the Celtic stew, fish and chips, and Blarney puff balls(I'm not touching that one with a 6 foot pole or a 7 foot Czech):"May those who love us, love us, and those that don't love us, may God turn their hearts, and if He doesn't turn their hearts may he turn their ankles so we'll know them by their limping."..Trush the Irish to wrap a blessing around a curse.

Priests' and widows' curses were believed to be especially potent. The priest already had the supernatural on his side. The widow, in contrast, had no status, no husband, no wealth to protect her. The curse was her last recourse, and all the more powerful because of it.

The Irish classified curses into a number of catagories:The hereditary curse, intended to ruin a person adn his descendants for generations.

The 'reverting' curse bounces back from its intended target to afflick the curser.

The slua-mhallacht, or multiple curse, a series of curses strung together for maxium effect(very popular in cursing contests...hey, now there's an idea.)

The ceremonial group-curse, in which groups of people who have been wronged coordinate their curses against the malefactor.

The historic curse, directed toward the source of some old, but not forgotten, grievance.

"The curse of Cromwell on you," runs one famous Irish curse invoking the dreaded name of the Protestant Lord Protector of England whose troops savaged Catholic Ireland.

In County Cork, one could lay a curse on a whole house by backing throught the door while cleaning a boot.

While ancient curses typically were uttered in Gaelic, the Irish have composed and uttered some of the most eloquent curses in a language not of their own.

Some great curses:

A fox on your fishing hook.

The Devil swallow him sideways.

The anguished banruptcy of the year on you.

May the devil take him by the heels and shake him.

The death of kittens to you.

May she still be alive till eveyone's sick at the sight.

May the seven terriers of Hell sit on the spool of your breast and bark in at your soul-case.

May he melt away like the froth of the river fishes hate.

I high, windy gallows to him.

Whoever put me into impotent grief and took my white tom-cat from me, may the mice come in waves as his company and the rats from the kiln give him the pursuit.

To the troll Jim..."A curse of widows and orphans on you."......