STRICKLY COUNTRY'S FIRST CHILI COOK-OFF

This is Bimbo, and some girls. Bimbo finally is in high cotton. He hurt his back on the job and is waiting for the money to come pouring in..The only thing he's worried about is the 5 DUI's he got and afraid he will get a big payoff but will have to spend 4-5 years in jail before he can spend it.

Me trying to figure out what Patsy is doing..

Me figuring out she's taking my picture and complaining 'I'm not ready.'

Bimbo and his staff. I asked him if he could part the red sea with his staff. He said:"no, but I can part some legs with it."

That's Lester behind the bar. He and his family are related by marriage to me...some how..He's also a pig. Soon as the chili cook-off was over, he and his wife took all the winning chili home with them, leaving nothing for anyone else to try. The guy that won the contest had a bunch of friends come down for the contest and to have some of his chili and there was none left after Lester the Leech scarfed it up. No one would say anything to him about it..but I walked up to him and started making oink oink snorting noises. He was pissed...guess who didn't care?

Patsy Patsy Patsy showing Merle a video of Andy doing the monkey dance(her boyfriend) and it was pretty funny...

Dion who is probably one of the best pool players in West. Years ago during a drunken Westfest he grabbed me and gave me a big ole kiss and Maryjo punched him in the nuts. She was about 9 and didn't like the idea of anyone messes with her Mom..I think the guy on the right is Jimbo and his chili was the winner.

Merle the Pearl, who nearly had a nervous breakdown over the chili cook-off. He was so afraid it wasn't going to turn out and people would be pissed. I told him not to sweat it..it started at 9am and by 1pm judging they were all too drunk to give a fuck anyhow.

Some drunk who came for the chili.

The guy on the left is the winner and Clyde on the right had the second to worse chili. When they put the cup down with his sample in it..it made a thunk sound...It had no broth, no red and could put a brick fireplace up with it..

Kutch on the left with beard had the worse Chili. It was all broth and looked at lot like something you'd find in a toilet. Brown water and some meat at the bottom..It was the worse. I still wake up in the middle of the night gagging, trying to get the nasty taste out of my mouth...When I tasted it I looked up and said 'this shit sucks'...and no one disagreed with me.

Clyde and the crazy lady and Clyde's wife. Clyde used to own a bar in Leroy, just down the road, and I worked for him as a bartender for a while..those old farts loved me..I made popcorn and wore short skirts. He would let me take the money home with me every night, which freaked me out as I didn't want the responsibility of having the money with me..but he insisted..I finally got tired of him chasing me around the bar after closing and quit.
It's hard to say if the chili cook-off was a hit or not..It was pretty nippy and windy out and only 5 people showed up for the cook-off...In actuality it just gave them all an excuse to drink beer at 9am. (not that they need an excuse). Lester, me and 2 other people were the judges. I'm so bad at names, I know all of them but can't remember who's who. All I do know is next year if they have one, I'm not being a judge..that shit sucked. 2 bowls of good red does not cancel out 3 bowls of lousy chili. I had always thought there was no such thing as bad chili....boy was I wrong. After we had judged the chili and named the winners. Bimbo's chili came in second, I said we should take the judges slips and throw them fuckers away as I didn't want anyone to know how we voted. No one wants to be told his chili sucks, even when it does. But Merle said "but they want to know who took 3rd, 4th and 5th. I said no they don't. I didn't want them to know anything until I got in my truck and went home. I didn't need to be confronted by some old drunk wanting to know why I only gave his chili a 1 out of 5.(because we couldn't give a minus 5). So that was my adventure into chili judging. Everyone wanted to know why I didn't enter the contest with my chili. Then Patsy reminded everyone about the time I made chili for a benefit and it melted all the plastic spoons and they had to put it into real bowls because it ate holes in the Styrofoam bowls. But I do think next year I'll make chili as there is no way I'm eating any more of that bilge water Kutch served up. But I will ask Clyde to make me some of his chili, cause I need to patch the cracks in my sidewalk.