Brrrrrrrring!.....
Jackie:mumthphfuk...
Brrrrrring!.....sounds that only a fat ass can make hitting short napped carpet...
Jackie:sonofamotherfuckingbitch...
Brrrring!...
Jackie:Judasfuckingpriest..wait a minute..I'm coming,I'm coming..
What?....
Caller:Good-morning..this is mumblemumbe Aflmumblemumble from the "We just woke you up at 8:22Am to fuck with you and ask you a bunch of dumb ass questions...may I talk to the man of the house?..
Jackie:There are no men in the house but my lesbian wife Chenequa,our two pit bull dogs,Sadie, Mable and our canary, Princess Moa, will be glad to answer any questions you have to ask as long as you don't require balls..Now what was it you wanted?....
long silence...sound of phone being hung up...
Jackie:hee, heee...pretty fucking fast on my feet for being dead asleep and just woke up huh Annie?..What do you say to some oatmeal you little Asshole?....
I am impressed with your quick thinking. Well done!
ReplyDeleteToo bad there isn't a way to deliver twin barrels of rock salt via a phone line.
"Can I speak to the man of the house..." pfffffft. I thought we were past those days.
ReplyDeleteI need your wit and fast thinking when I answer the phone! Usually, I just get mad and hang up (especially if they call late at night) but I'm going to have to try your lines...
ReplyDeleteLately, I've been bombarded with pre-recorded messages. Those really piss me off!
LOL! No reason to be nice to anyone who calls that early.
ReplyDeleteThe man of the house can't talk to anyone. He's locked in the closet tied up until he has been punished for attempting to escape. If you want to come over here and ask your questions it's a big closet.
ReplyDeleteExcellent, I'll be borrowing that retort in the future.
ReplyDeletei always say "just a minute please" and walk away from the phone. it's then up to the stupid prick to figure out he's been left dangling.
ReplyDeletethey waste my time, i waste their time.
I'm going to have to remember that one! Beats the hell out of farting into the phone.
ReplyDeleteToo funny!!!! I wish I was that good on no coffee ... :)
ReplyDeleteThat was you??...I thought I just dialed a wrong number..
ReplyDeleteI just spit Diet Coke on my screen. To borrow your phrase (my fav among your LONG list of phrases) JUDASFUCKINGPRIEST!
ReplyDeleteYou made me think of the time my Dad answered the phone and some telemarketer heard him say:
I can't FUCKING BELIEVE you're calling. Someone just died. I'm making fucking funeral plans. Do you have NO tact?
*crickets chirping*
LOL Impressive! I can't wait for my day when I get up the strength to do that - did you at least put yourself on the donotcall registry? it works - they got em for cell phones too
ReplyDelete:)