7 WEIRD THINGS ABOUT ME

Well, fuck!...I have been picked by Christie to do another meme..same one...7 weird things about me..You all know all the weird things about me..and we all agree...on me...it ain't weird...but I'll try again to think of some new weird things...but if I run out of new weird things..I will lie and will have to pick which ones you think are really something about me..or something that I made up...

1.I have a tattoo of a eight ball on my left titty....and then when it became to look more like a tear drop as my boobs got 'longer'...I had it replaced with a Dallas Cowboy helmet with the #40 on it...for my favorite Cowboy...Bill Bates...or as I like to call him...Master Bates...

2.I'm allergic to mistletoe..not break out into a rash kind of allergy...the kind of allergy where your skin crawls and you feel like your touching something dead if you come in contact with it...It's creepy nasty stuff and I hate it..

3.My favorite automobile was my blue jeep...I loved that blue jeep...and would trade all of the automobiles that I have ever owned (even my baby blue Thunderbird) to have it back...or one just like it..

4.I was 18 years old before I knew that cunt cap wasn't the name of the hats gi's wore..the one that is like an envelope?...I thought they were called cunt caps because that is all I ever heard them called...I was 14 before I knew that cocksucker wasn't a military term for civilians.

5.I am 64 years old and don't think I have ever truly been 'in love'....I was in lust, heat, and in like..and thought I was in love..but when I look back on them...nah...I didn't love them..The one man I think I might have actually have been in love with, I couldn't get..and wonder if I thought I was in love with him for that reason...

6.I smoked for the first time when I was 8 years old..

smoked till I was about 30 or there abouts..and quit for my son who said I would die of cancer and leave him an orphan and he would be adopted by a homosexual couple...long story, that most of you already know..

7.I love the Philadelphia Eagles..

HAPPY FUCKING EVERYTHING

Ho hum, just another day....Babs walked over and I took her to Jack and Diane's for BBQ, which was ok, but we were more impressed with the new 80037 inch tv screen..It had the best color on any tv I have ever seen...So we pretended to watch Cal and the Air Force play football, and made fun of all the names for the bowls...I remember when they had like 8 bowl games and now they have a bowl game for everybody and their brother..So we decided by this time next year we were going to have the Babs and Jackiesue Bowl and charge lots of money to not only play in it but to watch it..Then we drove to the Dollar Store where we ran into Inky..who was pretending like he was helping hang up the clearance sign in front of the store...I wasn't fooled...went inside and said howdy to Sara(David's youngest daughter), and introduced Babs to everyone. Ran into one of the patrons from the library who complained that I had all the good books checked out and everyone had to wait till I read them before they could get to them...Told him I was reading as fast as I could...Then Inky's wife Anessa showed up and we talked about her drunk friend who fell on her and almost broke her arm...then Inky wanted to know if I liked milk..thinking this was a trick question I just looked at him and grinned...He let me know it was ok, to tell the truth he had an in with a guy that gave him lots of unpasteurized cows milk with a inch of cream on top of the bottle and he would bring me some..also had some homemade sausage and ring bologna that he would bring over too. Then Anessa told me how when she was a kid her mother would put the cream into a empty mayo jar and she would roll it around the floor and shake it until it became butter..Then I told the story of how I tried to get into the butter churn and it and me when down 15 steps and put a scar in the middle of my forehead that I pointed out to them...Babs is wandering around the store shopping and pretending she didn't know any of us..Anessa said she would steal me some more silver stars from the Wolf Christmas trees, but they had some just like them at the other dollar store that I could get and paint silver..So that she won't have to do prison time for stealing stars I decided that would be the best thing for me to do...We came home and Babs walked back to her apt...Then Patsy who works at the Community Grocery called and wanted to give me her car and $20 to be her and Andy's designated driver tonight..Said I would take her car, but no money, that I had always told her I would be her designated driver ...and with all the cops out tonight it was a smart thing for her to do...So I made a huge pan of green salsa cornbread, and 2 pans full of Stuffed Cabbage to go along with the pot of black eyed peas with ham...Took Patsy and Andy to Mynar's Bar, where my old boyfriend James Hand is playing.(check my blogroll to hear him)..Thought about going so I could hear him play and maybe say howdy...(he's the one that he and I used to rock the trailer out at his mama's house in Tokio)but the smoke in Mynar's is thicker than my black eyed pea soup...Plus I already had my dose of second hand smoke sitting in Jack and Diane's eating BBQ with Babs..that girl smooookes...

So....here I am, it's 7:00pm and I'm in for the night. Until Patsy and Andy need a ride..bars close up tonight at Midnight(1am on Saturdays)..so that should really rain on their celebrating come new years..huh huh!..I told everyone that I had plenty of food and if they wanted to sober up to come to the house...That should be fun.................................yeah, right...

Hope that you're new years is a lot more exciting than mine..I'm fixing to go put Mr. Brooks in the vcr and see if I can stay awake till midnight...

fuckme till the ball drops....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BABS

and welcome to West,by Goddess,Texas.....some people dropped by to say Howdy and Happy Birthday...'yo friend and neighbor...jackiesue

ARGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHFUCK

Yes, I know the game only meant something to the Redskins...that it was a meaningless game to the Cowboys..but they played like shit...they played like shit every since the Green Bay Packer game..and the other teams are playing like they are inspired...the Cowboys are playing like they expired...fuckity fuck fuck fuck...the Redskins can kiss my ass...

.......ONE QUESTION QUIZ.......

"What is 14" long and hangs in front of an asshole?"

George W. Bush's tie...

I am recycling this..I posted it a year or so back, but thought it was worth repeating...

OH BURY ME ON THE LONE PRAIRIE

Get your red hot biodegradable coffins for your green funeral...Yup, the latest green phase is eco-friendly cemeteries and biodegradable coffins.."It's composting at its best,"said Ms. Beal, owner of the Natural Burial Co., which will sell a variety of eco-friendly burial products when it opens in January,including the Ecopod, a kayak-shaped coffin made out of recycled newspapers.\Biodegradable coffins are part of a larger trend toward"natural"burials,which require no formaldehyde embalming, cement vaults, chemical lawn treatments or laminated caskets.Advocates say such burials are less damaging to the environment.

Cremation has long been considered more environmentally friendly than burials in graveyards, but its use of fossil fuels has raised concerns.

Eco-friendly burials have been popular in Britain for years, but industry experts say it's starting to catch on in the U.S.,where "green" cemeteries hosting natural burials have sprouted up in Texas,California, Florida, New York and South Carolina.

The majority of eco-friendly burial products come from overseas-including the Ecopod, which is made in the United Kingdom-although there are a few domestic makers. Options range from natural-fiber shrouds to fair-trade bamboo caskets lined with unbleached cotton.There are also more traditional-looking handcrafted coffins made of wood certified

by the Forest Stewardship Council.

The market is potentially huge. U.S. funeral homes generate an estimated $11 billion in revenue annually,and that figure is sure to grow as baby boomers age.(the two biggest business's in West are Aderholds Funeral Home and the grocery stores)

There are already specialty funerals, featuring caskets with custom paint jobs and urns with the insignia of a favorite team.(there you go....bury me in a croker sack stuffed into a refrigerator box painted blue and silver). Industry experts say eco-friendly funerals are just an extension of such personalized end-of-life planning.

Biodegradable containers cost from around $100 for a basic cardboard box up to more than $3,000 for a handcrafted, hand-painted model.

"It's hard to tell if it's a fad or if it's here to stay," said Bob Fells of the International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association."We are certainly positioning ourselves that if this is what the community wants, we are ready to serve them."...(blood sucking bastids...)(stolen from Sarah Skidmore of the Associated Press)

I see a booming business here...If Jerry Jones was smart he and the other owners of the teams would each start their own eco-friendly funeral business...Get your own NFL burial...Get buried in a coffin decorated in your favorite teams colors and you get your own personalized autographed football..They could build a cemetery right next to the stadium, and bury them on their ends facing the stadium ...so they can look out each Sunday and watch the game..I think I am going into the natural funeral business building paper mache coffins...

I need a hobby...I have way to much time on my hands and articles like this will just end up getting my ass in trouble...

FROM THE GODDESS TO YOU ALL

I bless you all

.......YA THINK?.......

"And he puzzled and puzzled til his puzzler was sore.Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought,doesn't come from a store.".................................Dr. Seuss

A SMOOTH JAZZ CHRISTMAS

Sometimes my bright ideas aren't so bright,and Goddess knows my intentions are always good. But sometimes I just bite off more than I can chew...and then other times I bite it off, chew it up and spit it in the river..I'm not sure how this bright idea is going to turn out..when I find out, you guys will be the first to know..So what was this brilliant idea?....Make homemade Cocoa and homemade marshmallows, put them both into Christmas mugs and give to all my friends...

So...here's the story...Went to the House of Satan and bought all the stuff I would need..came home got all organized(yes I know that is a concept that will be hard to picture...but it does happen sometimes)...and started making the homemade cocoa...Had my little recipe that I had stolen from the Tyler Ultimate cooking show on the Food Network...Mixed in my powdered milk, my cocoa, cinnamon,and chopped up 12 oz. of bitter chocolate...mixed it all up(see right here is when things started to follow my usual pattern and began to fuck up) and put 1/2 cup of the mix in little cellophane bags and put them in the a fore mentioned mugs..didn't seem to make as many as I thought it would..but hell, it's the first time I ever made it..so what do I know..???You will soon see I don't know jack shit about following recipes...I decided that even though that cocoa was not on my list of things I should eat, I thought what the hell, just have one...So I heated up the water, dumped my 1/2 cup of homemade cocoa and stirred it all up..poured it into a mug, took a big sip and every pore and orifice on my body slammed shut...Guess who forgot to put the sugar in?...Yupper, the little Christmas elf me..(I can say little as I weighted myself and dropped another 4 lbs.)So I had to take all the little bags and dump them back in the bowl and add the sugar...bag the shit back up and put back in the mugs...Much better!
I spent most of last night bitching about how even I can figure out a way to fuck up cocoa and calling everyone of my friends to see if anyone had a stand mixer...nary a one...So this morning I started in on the homemade marshmallows..Ruined the first batch of gelatin as I put in all of the water, instead of separating it to 2 1/2 cups...Go to the store, buy more gelatin and back to the kitchen...I needed inspiration..so I put on my Christmas albums..Dave Koz and Friends is giving me a jazzy Christmas right now..Since I had to do all the mixing with a hand mixer, this meant standing on my feet, whipping this marshmallow batter for 15 minutes until it was ready..then poured it into a pan dusted with 1/2 cup each of powered sugar and cornstarch...dusted the top and now it sets ...hopefully becoming marshmallows...All I know is if this crap tastes like crap, my friends better drink it and say it's the best they ever had or I will bip them into a coma..I am soooo fucking thoughtful.
This is what I listened to while I did my Julia Child impression....Linda Ronstadt,Andy Williams, Bing Crosby,Dinah Shore,Tennessee Ernie Ford,Bill Haley and the Comets,Peggy Lee,the Moody Blues,the Isley Brothers,Elton John,Mahalia Jackson,Judy Garland,Harry Belafonte(when I was a kid I had a mad crush on him and Johnny Mathis), Johnny Mathis,Gene Autry(yup singing Rudoph the Red Nosed Reindeer),Brook Benton, Jackie Wilson,and various other artists....I have heard every one sing Jingle Bells including Bill Haley and the Comets...Think it's time for some Janis Joplin....I'm out of here..going to go make my lunch and then get ready to go to David's x-wife's house for Chinese Christmas..oh...I baked a pecan pie too...eat your heart out Paula Deene..

MUCH LATER

So I go to David and Debbie's house...there is enough food to feed the town of West...It was loads of fun..and we did the Chinese Christmas and I ended up with a red robe..it's the longest, fluffiest, softest robe ever..If I lay it down Annie jumps on it and won't move..David is the best for getting me gifts that he just knows I will love...and he was right on again..Got a vintage framed photo of Roger Stauback and Tom Landy on the field at Texas stadium...with little blurbs beneath the picture with info on them...It's fucking fantastic.. It now resides next to the Ring of Honor Picture of Charlie Waters..He had also given me a picture of Troy Aikman, but somehow between my old house and the apt. it disappeared..I think some how it got left behind. I had put a bunch of stuff by the fence to go to trash and think I laid it down there to put in truck and it never made it..fuckity fuck..' Ok..the marshmallows came out perfect..they were delicious..and were a big hit..The cocoa was ok...not as good as I think it should have been, but not bad..just not perfect...But everyone was amazed that I actually made homemade marshmallows...me too...After the party I came home and got ready to go to Wolf's again to see the Cowboys play Carolina..It was smoky as usual, but the place looks fantastic..They have it decorated all in silver and blue...and I stole a silver star from one of the trees,and just wish they had a blue star because I woulda stolen it too...I drank a gallon of water and spent most of the night in women's room peeing..On the way back from one of the trips I stopped to watch a play by Carolina and they completed a long pass and this guy jumped up and started clapping and yelling..and I had a out of body experience..I walked up to him and with the palm of my hand, bipped him right up side the head..and walked off...and I don't mean a love tap..I mean he's head moved..He never blinked...just sat there..As I'm walking off, I'm thinking.."Are you fucking nuts?...you don't even know this guy, he could have turned around and knocked you on your ass."... Maybe he was as shocked by the bip as I was by the fact that I did it..Jeez, I thought I only did stupid shit like that when I was drunk....guess not..I have this feeling though that he sat in his chair the rest of the game and silently rooted for the Panthers...The game was ok..we won, but it wasn't earth shattering and to top it off, T.O.got hurt...he could be out for the next game..But today Green Bay lost to Chicago so that means we have home field advantage for all the play off games..

I just came back from rescuing Claudette again..every time she gets out of the car she fucks something up and the lights flash on and off and the horn beeps....I have to go out and fix what ever it is that is wrong..Well folks...I'm off to make some cookies and another pecan pie for the Bratprince and his folks..I would like to take this time to wish you all the best of the holiday seasons...and hope the new year brings you nothing but joy and happiness.

and for me...A super bowl win...

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS

Bah, fucking humbug!...Ok...there I said it.

It's not even Christmas yet, and I'm already sick of it..think it was a mistake putting the Christmas tree up so early...and having to re wrap all the packages because Annie keeps ripping the paper off them is getting a little old..But the good news is that David came over and put my desk together and now I really feel like a growdup..My dining room table looks nice with my refurnished mismatched chairs..I sorta kinda straightened up the book case that I put up so all the books wouldn't end up on the floor or in boxes in the closet and shed..After I sorted the dining room up, Annie had to come in and smell everything..If I bring anything into the house she has to sniff it..not just a little sniff..she sniffs every square inch of it..If I go to town she has to come out and smell the truck from one end to the other,she's especially fond of the exhaust pipe..It's like she finds out where I went and what I did by sniffed the truck out..she is one weird cat..

Tonight is the winter solstice..the shortest day of the year..Dallas is having a celebration ...They have done this for the last 15 years...I think this is a pretty big deal among the pagan folk..and while I am a pagan..I don't adhere to any brand..It's just me and the Goddess..

We had the apartment complexes Christmas party and Margaret said grace...at the end when everyone said amen..I said 'a woman'...17 gray heads snapped around at me...Sometimes I just can't help myself...I also said "Thank you Goddess."...Margaret laughed..she knows me well enough by now that I just like to fuck with people...When I told her I was so pissed about the Cowboys loss that the only think I posted on my blog was fuckity fuck fuck fuck..she laughed and said:"I would have just said 'oh shoot'..." So far nothing I have said or done has caused her to flinch, raise an eyebrow or act upset over...But guess she didn't get to be 76 without learning a few things.

I have to go to the House of Satan tonight to get all the stuff for Christmas stuff I have to make..I never put things off till the last minute like I have this year...Have to make 2 pecan pies..one for the Christmas party at David and x-wifes house and the one I make every year for the Bratprince's family..I was going to have a 'get together' here at the apt and make mulled wine, apple cider and home made chocolate with home made marshmallows..but the idea of all those people(even though they are my dearest friends and I love them to death) in my house was starting to freak me out..So instead I am going to make the homemade cocoa and marshmallows and put them in little cellophane bags and put in a Christmas mug...and take them along with their gifts..That way they get the cocoa/marshmallows and I have my peace..Plus now I don't have to clean the house again...

Babs will be down Christmas Day and be moved into her apt. by Thursday...How cool is that?...I think we still have some vacancies in case anyone wants to move here also...My selling point is 'it's 1957 here and we like it that way'..

I will do the annual Christmas letters to Santa from the kids in West tomorrow..bad spelling and all...

The Cowboys play Carolina tomorrow night on NFL channel..which means I have to go to a bar to see the game..I may go to the old Capital (now Jack and Diane's) as they have terrific bbq and that might help take the sting out of another loss...nah, all the bbq in the world couldn't help ....sigh*..

The little cartoons are care of Kalibitch, one of my new readers and fast becoming a favorite..you have to check her out..

Going to go finish reading my book..Nancy the new librarian ordered a bunch of new books and I have been reading like a mother fucker...Think I've read 16 books in the past 10 days..Yellowdog and new books...now that's my idea of heaven....

MEME FOR CHRISTMAS(stolen)

I went by brightyellergun's to see what he was up to and he steered me to a new blog..and I have a new roll mate..she is very very funny..she's Canadian,is strong,cusses like I do..well, no one cusses like I do..and did I mention she was funny?...check her out..nineteensixtyeightrox.blogspot.com

Any how I stole her meme..so here tis:

CHRISTMAS MEME

When people say Christmas you immediately think:oh fuck...I'm going to be broke by New Years..

Favorite Christmas memory:was when we lived in Hawaii and I got my first bike..Blossom Bailey Roycroft..I loved that fucking bike.. when we left Hawaii, I wasn't allowed to bring it with me as the military shipped us by Navy plane and there was no room...I was not only pissed..I was broken hearted...I had a lot of adventures on ole Blossom...Me and my parakeet Pete taking off and going to the beach and having the AP's searching high and low for me..yup...good times.

Favorite Christmas song/carol: that's easy..Little Drummer Boy..and my favorite version is done by Tennessee Ernie Ford..For those of you whippersnappers who are too young to know who he is..Google him ...

Favorite Christmas movie:also very easy..

A Christmas Story....the best and my very very favorite..if I have to watch it's A Good Life one more time, I will snatch someone bald headed and bip them into another world..

Your favorite Christmas character..:hmm..

I would say, the star...cause if you don't have the star...whatd'ya got?...A messy birth in a barn..The star brought the 3 wise guys,angels and a host of animals..and that little drummer boy..

Favorite ornament/object..that's easy too..years ago Jamie and I were decorating for Christmas and I had this sleigh, don't even remember where it came from..and she painted it like Santa's sleigh, red and white and put snow flakes all over it..I use it every Christmas and usually use it to hold my Christmas cards..but this year I put my stuffed Christmas bear in it..which was given to me by the Lakota Princess Nancy...

What are your plans for Christmas?...The Saturday before Christmas I am going to my bestest friend David's ex wife's house and have our gift swapping and doing the Chinese Christmas thingy..How did the idea of swapping, stealing and taking the gift back become known as Chinese Christmas?....anyone know?

After that, I'm not sure what I'm going to do..will see the granddaughters..but not sure I want to go to Thom's and imacuntthedaughterinlaw's house for a round of ass kissing, phony display of affection for a $50 gift card...so may just stay home...

Oh...yeah, another reason why I am suspicious of Christians..?...How could good Christians allow the birth of their saviour be turned into such a crass display of commercialism?...just asking..

I pick kalibitch,billy pilgrim,nitwit,tex and Alan to do this meme..that should be really good...

by the way that cute young man with Santa is my heart adopted Grandson...It's Buddha_girls cute and adorable son Robert.

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKITY

FUCK........FUCK..........FUCK!

no....I don't want to talk about it.

THINGS I RECEIVE BY EMAIL

no that second one is NOT me....although it could be...