....MOJO...

I received an email from MOJO today..she said someone told her she had a mouth like a sailor with Tourettes Syndrome. I've never been so proud...

THE GODDESS SAYS:

Crunch time is here...so brace yourself for your answers.

Billy Pilgrim, no it's not a fucking lamp, I think it's called a floor lamp.

Sage wants to know if she will be able to hold back her laughter and herself during the Vice Presidential debate. Of course not, how could you? I'll be rolling on the floor with laughter my self, watching Biden tear her a new ice hole.

Woozie wants to know why he's gay. This is a easy question. Each human is given 3 separate lives. One life as a male, one as a female and one gay. It's to give you insight into other people and their differences and make you more understanding so that you will be a complete soul when you go to Valhalla. Some people don't get it even after 3 lives, and they just go straight (no pun intended)to Hel and freeze their asses off for eternity.

You have already been a man and a woman, so after this life you'll enter Valhalla and sit at the table by me. Although Loki wants to sit on your other side..seems he's very fond of you .

Lost in Colorado: wants to know what is the unified theory of gravity. Finally a question worth of the Goddess. Beats the fuck out of me. I didn't use a blue print when I created everything..it was sort of slap dash...which explains the duckbill platypus, I think I was hung over the day I came up with that idea. Plus there was some talk about putting a woman's breasts on the back to help men steer while dancing, but decided to use them as feeders instead.

Buddhagirl wants to know when the Yellow Dog will be well. Well, being a term not generally associated with the Yellow Dog, but she is going back to work Tuesday.

Anne Johnson wants to know the leader of the club for you and me....M ....I ....C...K....E...Y. ..M...O...U...S....E. But you all knew that didn't you?

Peejay wants to know why her boobs aren't as perky as mine. Because I'm the Goddess and you're not.

Jan is still pissed at me for being so snippy with you last time and wants to know a good question. She then came up with this one:"Does the Goddess pass gas, you know ...fart."

Well, of course, you can't eat as much cheese and meat as We do(yes, the Royal We) and drink as much as We do without fating...What do you think all those black holes are in space. My farts. But a Goddess's farts don't stink, they smell like new grass. Or that's what Odin tells me.

Elizabeth wants to know when the Yellow Dog will feel better, so I asked her and she said 'When Obama is in the White House.'..

Lily Strange just wants good health for her son and the Yellow Dog......................done.

Josh, wants to know if he should quit his job because they fired his friend. With the state of the economy on this world I'd make sure you had another job before you quit this one. I think everyone should work at a job that makes their heart sing. Life is much too short to slave at a job that sucks out your soul. Remember you only have 3 lives.

Joy wants to know if Sarah Palin is a real person or a barbie doll with accessories. I'm not sure you could call her 'real'. She's human...but she's going to be one of those that the 3 lives aren't going to be enough to cleanse her soul. She's going straight to Hel.

That Rude Girl wants to know how long it will take Sarah Palin to start trying to get rid of McCain if they make it to the White House. First of all, they're not going to the White House, but if I was McAsshole, I'd get a food taster.

Regality3 wants to know how much responsibility I take for smelly navels and bad backs. Zip, zero, zilch, nada, none. It's not my fault your navel is so nasty you spend all your free time bent over picking lint out of it.

BiPolarlife 's mom is coming and she wants to know if she should be good and listen to her whine about the men she's dating, or just get her drunk. I'd get her drunk and fix her up with a new man.

I have to go now...Dancing With The Stars is on and Loki promises to trip up some of the dancers and I can't wait to see Cloris Leachman gallop across the floor.

Blessings on you my children...go in peace and sin no more.

REDSKINS 26-COWBOYS 24

FUCKITYFUCKFUCKFUCK~

BLOGGER ALERT

Ok, you all know how if I like someone I will urge you to go check them out..I did it with the Godsarebored and Brightyellergun and you weren't disappointed...well, now you have to go check out this dude...I don't know how he found me to leave a comment on the Paul Newman post but he did, and I laughed out loud and spit hot tea all over my screen and keyboard. So I went and checked him out...he may be sooner in disguise, nah..but sooner would love him too...I will tell you nothing about him, excep that I read about 4 of his posts and then left him a comment :"ok, it's official, I fucking love you."..
so go check out 'the mighty dyckerson'...trust me...you'll be glad you did.
http://mightydyckerson.blogspot.com/

....PAUL NEWMAN...

Paul Newman............rest in peace.

Slap Shot is my favorite sports movie........

ASK THE GODDESS

Ok, I promise to be nice this time...but it's hard..I expect better questions from you humans..I'm here on a medical alert..the Yellow Dog is still sicker than Odin after a 4 day weekend. So while I nurse her back to health..here's your chance to ask me anything you want....Be back Monday with your answers...

I bless you...

I SICK...STUMBLE'S TO KEEP YOU BUSY

sorry, still sick...coughed up my left lung and the nails from my toes. I still feel like shit...and look worse.fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

this is what is written on the bandido's motorcycle club's card.

COWBOYS 27- PACKERS16

Not that it really matters, but it's the first time that we have beaten the Packers at Lambeau Field. I don't care about stuff like that...I just like the big W for a win..

I'm still sicker than a dog...cough till I throw up, cough till I choke..really nasty stuff. I finally gave in and shut all the windows and turned the ac back on...I ran out of cough drops today so went to work and got 2 more bags..makes 4 bags of drops...5 boxes of Kleenex, and a #5 wash tub full of chicken soup..I walked in the door hacking and coughing and sounding like the devils voice in the Exorcist, and Tom said I should stay home till I'm better. I swear I have missed more days of work at this job then I have at all of my other jobs put together..Think it's the direct contact with people and handling all that nasty money. I'm off to bed..Just thinking today that I have 2 anniversary's coming up in November..my 65th birthday and November the 9th will be 18 years since I had a drink...sigh*..I think I just saw my life flash in front of me, and I was drunk through most of it.

...CEDAR FEVER....

is kicking my ass...I'm going to be forced to shut the windows. Every time a cedar tree gets it on ...I sneeze, cough, and snot runs down my nose. It's not a pretty sight..so enjoy some stumbles while I recover.
fuckme till it freezes.

by the way..the very last one is for BillyPilgrim.
The kilts ones are for the ladies and the gay guys..enjoy..

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JACKIE

So I'm off work after doing my 4 hours of time at the good ole Family Dollar and I'm on the way to the West Elementary School, as the kids had an assignment of doing models of any business in West, and there were a couple of Family Dollar Stores in the mix and I wanted to go see them for my ownself. Of course I get stopped by one of the numerous trains that trundle through town about 15 times a day. I figure well, what the hell, while I'm sitting her I'll do my vaginal strengthening exercises, just in case I do get laid I'll be able to participate in the catch and release program. Catch him.....let him go..Catch him...let him go...catch him...let him go..That's what I keep saying in time with each squeeze..squeeze in...catch him...relax, let him go...Some times I really do amuse myself.

I go to the school which is exactly the same as when I used to take Jenny and Jamie to school and pick them up...I told them I was there from Family Dollar to see the models the kids had made of our store. They were so excited that I would go up there to see them. Let me tell you...I was just so impressed..There were about 50 of them...all lined up along both sides of the hall...Models, of KD's BBQ, Family Dollar, Czech Stop, Czech American Restaurant, Sulak's, Community Grocery Store, City Hall, Greg May's Auto Sales, etc. It was fecking amazing. Some of them were just little cardboard boxes painted with the stores name on them..But some of them like one of the Greg May's Auto Sales was huge, with 15 or 20 different cars in the lot in front, and most of the business's had cars parked in front, and the had grass, trees, people in the stores..It was so cool. While I was standing there oohing and aahing, a bunch of kids came out and were standing in line to go outside for recess and I asked them if they had made some of them and they said yes, and I started clapping my hands and said bravo, bravo...congratulations, you are just so talented and I'm so excited about how great it all looks...They were giggling and laughing so proud of themselves..and I heard one say, look it's the Family Dollar lady, and one of them said 'That's my Aunt Grandma.'...So now the kids that used to call me Aunt Grandma have kids calling me Aunt Grandma...Which let me tell you...is pretty fecking cool..

Charlotte the apartment manager brought me over some red chili's and okra from her garden and I made a batch of okra fritters. She was amazed..said she would never have thought to mix okra and fritter mix to make them..I love the cooking channel, which gives me great ideas and then I redo them my way. This may be my best batch yet..If any one's interesting in making them, email me and I'll send the recipe, 'cause they do kick ass.

I have cedar fever. The winds are blowing(15 miles or so) and they are coming from the mountains and the cedar trees are red, which means I'm a sneezing, coughing hacking walking talking snot rag. I have sore throat, congested chest, stuffy, runny nose.(never been able to understand how you're nose can be stuffed up and runny at the same time) I'm sneezing, coughing and spitting up things that look like the staring role in 'The Blob'. To say I feel like hammered shit is an understatement. What pisses me off is I can't take anything for it as it makes my blood sugar go up...fuckity fuck fuck fuck!.

I went by Caritas, because they were having books on sale for 1/2 price..I'm such a sucker for a book sale. Tom said I have traded my addiction to booze and drugs to books...Wonder if there is a 12 step program for book junkies. Any how I bought a book on 9-11 and terror (can't remember the name and already donated it to the library) and was autographed by the author..for .50cents...whoot. I got 2 books on Stenciling, a book on making home made pillows, one on natural remedies, one on good eating for good health, book on holiday touches for country homes, Live From New York, an uncensored history of Saturday Night Live(for .50fuckingcents), 6 plays by Lillian Hellman, The Center of Everything by Laura Moriarty, Atlantis by Thomas Greanias, and a bunch of pop up books for the library..One was on dinasours, one was 5 mini books of pop up Christmas stories, and one was Christmas Traditions for kids..And one on Lion cubs..$16 ...well, I also paid .25 cents for a tiny silver bowl that I'm going to put Annies food in..I can't wait to read the book on Saturday Night Live.

I'm going to go grill some fish, veggies and salad for dinner..I'm so thrilled at the thought of more fish I don't know if I should spit or jackoff. I'd leave you with that picture in your head, but the entire time I have been doing this post, I've been doing my catch and release exercises...squeeze, catch...relax ...release...catch ...release...catch...release..catch..

release.