.......CHEF....JACKIESUE.......

I have been up since about 5am...had my breakfast with 3 glasses of water and then took my energy drink that Shady Lane sent me...not too bad..so will see how it works....I have been cooking and freezing...So far I have made sausage/eggs breakfast burrito's and shoved them in the freezer...Going to make a meatloaf so I can make sandwiches...will freeze individual slabs. Then I am going to make some sausage/refried bean burrito's and freeze them...Also will make another batch of bbq sauce..and freeze it..and to top it off will make a big batch of chinese style salad to munch on...Just need to go get some fresh mushrooms ...Anyone hungry yet?
I was going to post about something I had read in the DAM NEWS this morning..but was sorta depressing and after the story about Anthony Benesh's untimely death yesterday I had better post something less gruesome...So....food...everybody loves food...So if you were going to croak and could have anything in the world as your last meal what would it be? Who would you have at your last supper? We all know you would want your family, kids etc. there..but forget about them..they are already going to be there..who would you pick for your last supper..living or dead...pick as many as you want..I hate it when you are limited to a set number...so...your last meal and your last guests...I will tell you what I would have and who I would like there after you all have posted on this...you can either post on your blog or you can just leave a comment...what ever bakes your cake...
fuckme till I'm crispy on the outside and juicy in the middle

.......USELESS NEWS.......

That's the name of the little newsletter that I receive 3-4 times a year from Trixie, the Golden Retriever that Dean Koontz belongs to ..She say's:Summertime and the livin' is easy. Bliss To You. Is Me, Trixie Koontz, Who is Dog...She gives a run down on Daddy's new book which happens to be called "The Husband." and sounds like a good one..
She has a list of Dog Wisdom,(for the summer) some of which are:Encourage beer drinking at summer picnics. Drunks drop more food.
Probably picnic cooler does NOT contain dog-eating lizard. Dad trying to keep me away from frankfurters. Probably.
Before swimming in pool, eat tacos and beans. Extra gas makes you buoyant. Eat grass, throw up. Doesn't sound like fun, but is.If Dad catches you driving convertible, claim cat made you do it at gunpoint.
My favorite little tid bit from Trixie is that"Dog is my species, profession, and hobby.I am dog 24/7. Once wanted to be cow until discovered how limited is cow diet, mostly grass, hay, and weeds. Cows can't eat ice cream because ice cream is made from milk, so would be like one step from cannibalism or something.Not to mention hamburgers. As dog, my duties are make people feel loved, receive belly rubs and treats, be cute, be funny, write bulk of dad's newsletter, and continue research on time machine in which have already sent neighbor boy back to Jurassic era, scaring pee out of him, left time machine a reeking mess.
This is why I love Dean Koontz, not just the great books, but his great dog, Trixie.If you are also a Dean Koontz fan and would like Trixie's newsletter write:Dean Koontz
USELESS NEWS
Post Office Box 9529
Newport Beach, Calif. 92658-5929
Trixie will be glad to add you to their mailing list..

Along with that I also received a package from Shady Lane. She sent me the free Austin,Texas paper The Austin Chronicle, because there is an article on the shooting death of a friend of ours..Actually she knows him better than I did, as he was about 14-15 the last time I saw him. Seems like Anthony Benesh had decided to be even more of an asshole than his regular dayly activities.He tried to open up a Hell's Angels chapter in Austin, Texas. Which if anyone knows anything about The Bandido's...they own Texas...there is only one BMC in Texas, other than their sister clubs. The Hell's Angels don't want to fuck with the Bandido's...So Anthony was riding around on his motorcycle sporting Hell's Angels colors and a fake Angels flaming head logo...naughty naughty Anthony. This is the sad and scary part..Tony had been inside a New Jersey style Pizza place in Austin, with his 2 sons..he walks outside to take the kids home and some one uses a high power rifle to shoot him right in the head, blowing brain matter over both his sons...drops dead right at their feet...Everyone including the cops think it was the Bandido's that put the hit on him..but they (Bandido's) said it would have brought too much heat down on them, as it has and they would have probably kicked the shit out of him, but would not have killed him like he was killed and not in front of his kids...(yeah, them bikers are so considerate)and say the Hell's Angels did it, knowing it would throw the heat on them..Well, who ever did it, will have to live with the knowledge that they killed a guy right in front of his 2 sons..ages 9 and 11.
Shady Lane said no one was surprised that someone killed him, just surprised the way it happened and in front of his kids. Tony was just a shade off normal...very very smart guy(44 years old) but just about as whacko as they come...
Lane also sent me a new book by a good author...Elizabeth Lowell..called Running Scared...and $35....she said: pretend we went and had lunch, what did you order? I probably had Thai Salad. She is just the best...Going to tell her I had beef, noodles and broccoli...She also sent me a couple of packages of A-Advocare, v-16 energy drink.A vitamin and herbal supplement drink...She takes Sparks which is a pill form of energy supplement..but caffine in it and with my inability to sleep as it is..don't need more caffine.
Will take it first thing in the am...if I take it now, will be up all night ....yeah, like that would be the first time...
Well, we have had thunder and dark clouds since yesterday..but so far..now rain...which sucks, blows, and bites...We need rain....lots of rain...
Seems like everyone had a great holiday weekend, but I would have to say it sounds like Kevin had the best time...although that t-bone Junebugg had sounded pretty good...It was too hot for me to do alot of cooking so I made easy, mostly heat free meals. Tuna salad, Spagatti, corn on cobs, greenbeans with red potatoes, and did cook up one chicken breast so I could have an excuse to make homemade bbq sauce...which if I do say so ......was pretty fucking good..But now I am off to the library..If I am finished with my "The Jesus Papers"...I will do a recap for you...as it is very interesting and I recommend it highly...unless you are big into Jesus, and then maybe not..
It's going to take me 2 trips....but I am hauling ass......

DUBLIN, TEXAS.............115TH BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday to my favorite city right after West, Texas. Dublin, Texas is as most of you know the only place left that makes Dr. Pepper, using the original recipe that made it my favorite drink when I was a kid...No Nehi for me...can't make me drink Coke, RC or that nasty Pepsi. Big Red was not my style...just my 10-2-4...Dr. Pepper. To celebrate its 115th birthday Dublin will have a festival and has put out a new book. Dublin, Texas is 125 miles southwest of Dallas, and has the oldest Dr.Pepper bottling plant in the world. It still uses cane sugar(not corn syrup) to sweeten the soft drink.The Road To Dr.Pepper, Texas by Karen Wright(State House Press $16.05)tells the history of the renegade bottling plant. Birthday events start June 9. You can contact them at:Dublin Dr. Pepper.com
Nectar of the Goddess....
If I ever win the lottery I am installing a huge fountain in the middle of town and have it stocked with the little 61/2 oz bottles of Dr.Pepper..I'm a Pepper....wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too....Years ago they had a great Dr. Pepper commercial that ran for a long time ...it was the Hunchback of Notre Dame with his hands tied behind his back, staked out on a dais in the center of town...he was miserable looking and after about 2 minutes he cried out"Dacta Peppa...Dacta Peppa..."...I was in tears..."someone for the Goddess sake....give the poor man a Dacta Peppa."...every since then I have been known in the family as 'she who crys like a baby at commercials'.It was art man..it touched me ...
I would go drink me a Dr.Pepper now..but am still on the 73 gallons of water a day diet.. Nancy said her Dr. said that women of our age(old) shouldn't drink more than 6-8oz. glasses of water a day as we could drown our liver..I figure if a quart of tequilla and a case and a half of Lone Star didn't drown the fucker...9 glasses of water wasn't gonna hurt me.
.Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too...Dr. Pepper...
fuckme at 10-2-4

.......MY DADDY AND HIS BROTHERS.......

My Daddy and all of his brothers fought in World War II...I personally think when the Germans found out the Roycroft brothers were coming they all threw down their rifles and surrendered.If you ever met my Dad and his brothers you would see where I get my weird sense of humor from.Absolutely nothing was sacred..You were expected to make fun of and find humor in everything..if you didn't you were found unworthy.Will try to remember some stories about them and their activities..first...the crew..there was my Daddy who was the oldest Frank Russell Roycroft, but everyone called him Bill.His brothers Isaac( everyone called him Joe), Wesley (everyone called him Jack, and who I and about 5 other cousins were named for), and Bob and eveyone called him Hick(because his sister, the pistol packing Leola said his head was as hard as a hickory nut)..The reason they all had one name and were called another is because of the fight between my grandparents, who we all called Daddy Red and Big Mama. They couldn't agree on what to name the kids when they were born..so they ended up naming them what Big Mama wanted to name them, and called them what Daddy Red wanted to name them...It made perfect sense to them.
During the war before Daddy was sent to Germany, he and all of the other brothes were stationed in various bases in Texas and Oklahoma.Their main goal in life was to get bootleg whiskey across the Oklahoma border into Texas...My mother and aunts all made several trips on the bus to Oklahoma and back to Texas with pints of whiskey stashed in their purses, suitcases and where ever else they could carry them. Mother said she smelled like moonshine for months after they moved to Arkansas. One of the brothers signed a jeep out in Daddy's name and went awol with it. They adventually found it in the region of Lubbock. No charges ever were pressed against anyone as they could never prove which one of them forged Daddy's name and actually stole the jeep.I am sure to this day it was Uncle Jack..but no one ever confessed..Hell, for all I know, Daddy did it and blamed it on the brothers...I know whiskey was involved...
When all of the brothers came home on leave, they would stage these huge penny ante poker games...and it was ugly..they all cheated, lied and did what ever they could to win the money...During one game all the uncles and aunts were sitting around the kitchen table playing poker and my Mother had on lose house slippers..and one was just sort of hanging by her big toe..and my uncle Hick slipped it off sat and farted in it..then put it back on Mother's foot, then said:"damn, Helen, your feet sure stinks."..Mother immediately took her shoe off and smelled it...and gagged.My Mother was known for her lack of humor when it came to her, and was so pissed, raising all kinds of insulted hell..while everyone was all distracted by her wails about her insulted self..uncle Hick ran off with all the money on the table..He said later, it wasn't planned, but considered it a golden opportunity and thanked my Mother for being such a no sense of humor bitch..
Daddy was sent to German and then France....he never spoke about it..even his favorite grandkid Thom couln't get him to tell him what happened..Our family is from Mesquite,Texas..and my Daddy had sent a letter to Big Mama about his arrival in France. She sent it to the hometown newspaper The Mesquite Mesquiter.....in it, Daddy said that "War is hell. When we got to France, we found that the German's had taken all the wine with them.."...That's my Daddy...
So for all their bootlegging and jeep stealing..each and everyone of the Roycroft Brothers fought for their country...Thanks Daddy, Uncle Joe, Uncle Jack and Uncle Hick...They are all gone now..but the pride their families feel for them will never go away..and their children and grandchildren and great grandchildren...would want them to know how proud we are to have had them fighting for us all those years ago...We are better each and everyone of us of it..

BLAME THIS ONE ON BABS..SHE MADE ME TELL IT

Normally when I go outside to get the Dallas Morning paper it is still dark outside and I can prace around in the moonlight with no worry about anyone catching a glimce of my fat ass and bouncing titties. I can wear my night/tshirt and drawers and dash and grab or slow stroll to the truck and retrieve my paper from the bed of my lil' ole pickup...I had called Gus and asked him if he could toss it in the bed as it made it easier to fetch than having to crawl on my hands and knees under the truck or wander up and down the alley looking for it..he said...yupper..so I am happy with the arrangement...which leads to my story.
I didn't go to sleep till almost 6am and didn't get the paper in before I went to sleep..so when I fell out of bed at 1:30pm I was still groggy and disoriented, but knew I had to get my paper...after I pee, it is the first thing I do...So I peed, and then stagged out the front door. Not thinking about the fact that it is not 6am, that it is 1pm. Watching my feet as the porch has assorted bowls for cat food, water and bird seed. I carefully make my way down the stairs and slowly tip toe(as I am barefooted)..across the yard..Now here is where the story goes funny. I am still undressed in my West Headhunters tshirt and white cotton hanes drawers, but it matters not to me as I am in 6am getting paper mode. I continue across the yard, go through the gate and reach across the bed of the truck to fetch my paper..I turn and I am looking across the fence at my neighbors yard which is full of people having a Memorial Day BBQ. You could have heard a mouse fart. No that was me, when I reached across the bed of the truck to get my paper...So there I stand in my tshirt which barely covers my tits, more or less my ass, clutching my paper to my heaving tits as I am a little winded from the walk and stretch. Well, I have been known to handle most situations and wasn't going to stop now.So I held my head up, walked through the gate, closed the gate, all the time keeping my ass in general direction of the alley, and tiptoed back across the yard, still clutching my paper. Walked up the porch, opened the screen door, stepped inside, turned only my head to the neighbors who are still eerierly quiet, and said:"Happy Memorial Day."..and went inside, shut the door, walked over to the tv,still clutching the paper, turned the sound up as loud as it would go to cover my hysterical laughter..and theirs...which by the sound of them hee hawing it up outside, it didn't work..
Ahhhhhh, jeez...getting to be where I have NO fucking privacy.

STOW THIS ONE IN THE "NO SHIT, SHERLOCK".FILE

BUSH POLLUTION PROGRAMS NOT WORKING, REPORT FINDS...
(Duh,motherfuckers)The Bush administration's voluntary(yeah, that always works with a bunch of greedy fuckers...the honor system)programs to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by industry have yet to deliver promised results, accoding to a report issued Thursday by the Government Accountability Office.(all of you who are stunned and amazed by this report, hold up your hand......ok, you..you...and you...back on your meds..I keep telling you, it's 2 evry 4 hours, not 4 every 2 hours)
The 51-page report, which was requested by Sens. John McCain, R-Ariz., and John Kerry, D-Mass., highlights shortcomings in two projects aimed at encouraging the private sector to cut emissions linked to global warming. The Environmental Protection Agency sponsors "Climate Leaders," while the Energy Department oversees "Climate Vision."...which in Washington politics speak means, 'watch the pea, I'm moving the cards around..keep your eye on the pea. Now where is the pea....??? oops, wrong...we win you lose...'
Both encourage polluters to cut their greenhouse gas releases, but in each case, according to the study, the administration has failed to ensure that participating companies set firm reduction targets or meet their stated goals.
NO? REALLY? OH, MY STARS, WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT.
Jeeeeeeez Louise.... fuckme till smoke comes out my ass...
As my sweet dearly departed mother would say:"I don't know if I should shit or go blind."...........
These fuckers have always been forced to do anything to reduce polution and their greenhouse gas realeases...Put guns to their heads, hold their kids for ransom and threaten to take away their tax breaks and they still won't do it..so what does forest gump do? "Ok, folks we're going to put you on the honor system...you have to promise me and no crossing your fingers now..huh huh...promise me you will cut back and reduce polution.OK? You promised now..so I will check back with you in a year or two, and you 'good ole boys' show me what you can do...Oh, and don't forget ya'll are expected at the Ranch for bbq and a benefit to raise money for the Republican Party...so bring your wallets..heee heee."
Shit like this can ruin your Satuday's...fuckity fuck fuck fuck..!!

.......SLOSH.....SLOSH.........SLOSH SLOSH..SLOSH

The sound you are hearing is me ...I started the 3 glasses of water per meal and water in between meals diet..I actually think it might be working. I get full faster and eat less. I also have a path cut through the carpet from chair to bathroom, and make that funny sloshing sound when I walk.The best part is I now have the cleanest kidney's in West.be back..have to pee..
ahhhhhh, feel so much better..
I said that I would do laundry today, but I lied..but Babs already knew that.I just checked out my tshirt drawer and unless I decide that wearing my night/shirt tshirts is a bad thing, I have enough tshirts to last 2 more weeks. Have plenty of sheets but running low on towels..so may just do a load of towels...or.........just not bathe for 2 weeks..hey,if the French can do it..why not moi?..
I still haven't got the lawn mower to start after the first time..so lawn still looks like crap. My plants are doing well, but other that one lone scrawny little jalopena (which was hotter than a motherfucker) I have no veggies ...rats..but damn the plants look good..just barren..
Ok, enough stalling..apos gave me the letter P and have to use 6 words beginning with P that say something about me...you all know what the first P word is don't you....with out giving it much thought...here goes

Pussy- but you knew that didn't you..yes, P is for Pussy..and yes I do have one..it is just out of commission for any trenching..the cobwebs would prevent any action in the nether regions of my loins...only action down there is ridding itself of all the water I have been drinking..it's only fuction is for outies, not innies..
P is for Parent...which I suck at.
P is for perservere...which I have and will continue to do, just to piss off the republicans.
P is for prayers...which I believe in and do alot of...for my friends, for friends of my friends..for family and family of friends..mostly I say this one prayer over and over and over again..Please Goddess, smite him...bip him...take him out..actually it's more like a mantra...smite him..bip him...take him out...smite him..bip him...take him out...go team...
P is for piss, which I am full of with a dash of vinegar on the side.
P is for puzzles..I love puzzles..I do 3 crossword puzzles a day, in pen...I have an old crossword puzzle dictionary that I have had for 30 years..I keep adding new words to it that the dictionary doesnt have..I think I would like to make my own crossword puzzle dictionary someday..I also believe it is perfectly OK to cheat if need be..
jeez I hope that is 6 cause I am done for..can't think of another P word that would work for me..oh yeah....One more...
P is for prick...as in my 3 exhusbands..and neil and bob from crapster...
I would like to leave you with this one bit of wisdom....the higher up the circus monkey climbed the pole...the more ass he showed..
ya'll have a nice weekend...and come back and see us...ya'hea?

.......IN NEED OF ANGER MANAGMENT????.......

I am posting again, cause I am bored but mainly because I did something so stupid today that I had to share it with you..as I am not one of those weak sisters who is afraid to expose my stupidity to the masses...for when I do something really fucking stupid...well, it just makes me proud..
So, I am in town doing my 4th Wed. of the month, shopping, bill paying and general fucking around..as you know the town of West is split by the railroad tracks...the court house, judge, drs.office's, my bank, tiger shop, me..etc.are on one side and the main shopping area of West is on the other...so I am on the shopping side, just leaving Marty's and I see a train coming..now I am like a kid about trains. I like to wave to the engineer..sometimes they wave back..it's cool and I enjoy it...so I am in the truck heading the same direction as the train and I wave at the engineer....he waves back..then I notice that the engine is painted in red white and blue and says George Bush Presidential Library on it.... Oh fuck, I fucking lost it...drove down Main street beeping the horn, giving the finger and screaming obscenties at a man in a train who can't hear a word I'm saying, but is pretty sure I'm not happy about something..I actually ran a stop sign(thank God the cars were stopped for the train)and when I finally ran out of road and the train was nearly out of sight, I got out of truck and continued to scream at it as it disappeared in the direction of Dallas..fuckity fuck fuck fuck...After a few minutes I realized I must have looked like a total idiot and looked around and no one..not a soul would even look in my direction...it was like they took a silent head count and decided there weren't enough of them to control me if I was really off my rocker and needed to be subdued or maybe tazered...I looked up and at Nemecek's Meat market there were about 3 people that I know and they really know me...just standing there laughing their asses off...fuckers...when they saw that I had noticed them, they went back in side, back to beating their meat..
So I think I may have anger managment problems..whad'ya think?
I called David o.. and told him they were advertising the new movie about the old movie The Omen, and it was coming out on his birthday ...which is 6-6-6...and that I was not going to have anything to do with him a week prior to his birthday and a week after his birthday...his reply???"I don't give a fuck."...and you wonder how he became my best friend.
When I was at Food Mart getting my cheeseburger stuff and was taking to Adam M...I was just so proud of that kid...he is such a sweet kid...and so are the other kids that work there. Jeff who has been there forever..and isn't really a kid is my favorite..He is always wearing some heavy metal tshirt, and hair is either orange, purple or shaved....or all three..It is hard to be a heavy metal kid in a town of redneck's and preps...
Oh, speaking of David..he called me earlier and said that Tina his exgirlfriend is coming to Jessica's graduation and David's current girlfriend(not really a girlfriend, she is his fuck of the week) is going to..I wasn't going to go as it will be at football field and those benches are really hard on my back.but think I will go just to see what kind of shit I can get started with them...hu hu...I told David I couldn't remember his current fuck's name and that was a sign that I didn't like her...he said "good, cause you're not fucking her, Iam....." I guess he has a point...
ok, I have rambled on long enough...going to go finish my book...Babs said thanks to her I am on top of the blogs for today on Bogmad...told her that made me happy as I liked being on top..
fuckme till I(do you know how hard it is to keep coming up with weird, funny, stange, or relavent things here????hard..)
so fuckme till it's easy...

.......MISC.AND WEST NEWS

Holy shit...Prince was on american idol....I love Prince...Prince is cool...Dionne Warwick was on it too...she has so much botox shot into her face, you can bounce quarters off her cheeks...woman is older than dirt and doesn't have a wrinkle on her face..that and the fact that you can put a roll of half dollars up each nostril..damn...what ever happened to aging gracefully? Meat Loaf was on too..the older and fatter he gets the more he looks like Michael Moore..Lost .it gets any more confusing,am running away from home...I don't know what the fuck is going on now..and they keep bringing in new people, places and damn...Im confused...Don't know what I am going to do this summer ....just Jackshit till next season...
ok, the West news...thanks to Babs going on about damn cheeseburgers I had to make a run to Food Mart to get ground beef, buns, and stuff to make cheeseburgers...also got some fresh green beans and fresh red potatoes. Will cook them up tomorrow...and for my panic over the cheeseburgers I have to wait till tomorrow as I had chicken thawed out..fucking chicken..Judas Priest, I still have about 8 chicken breast left..cluck...cluck..
West graduation is this Friday. David O's daughter Jessica is graduating and I am so proud of her..120 kids are graduating this year, and since it is still 1957 here there was one Hispanic kid and 3 African-American kids..But damn they are all so sweet faced and have the rest of their lives in front of them...All of the kids have their pictures in the paper, with parents buying special ads to wish their kids congradulations...Pretty cool..
The West Haven Rest Home(old farts home) is having a memorial eventFriday too.They will have a little parade of the old farts in their wheel chairs, although most are walking...Then they will have the blessing of the flag by the Rev. Ed Karasek.A 21-gun salute is going to be preformed,and Taps will be played..They will have a choir sing songs and a memorialspeech, plus plaques will be given out to West Veterans and a military band will play. The old farts will have a great time..
the Longhorn Club plans horse show June 3rd.(and we won't be eating them Kevin...heehe)..It will be held at the West Fair and Rodeo Grounds.We don't have a catholic high school, so St. Mary's 8th graders will graduate and then go to West High School next year.
Two couples are engaged..Rebecca Ann Laubert is engaged to Lawrence Kudelka. Krystal Renee is engaged to Michael Edward McMahon.I have to tell you these are the most wholesome 4 kids I have ever seen..Could be in commericals for milk.We had one marriage with Michele Leigh Hurtt marring Larry Michael Sykora. No babies ....none..but Zachary Kinkule celebrated his 3rd bithday.Mr.and Mrs.Robert Urbanovsky celebrated their 35th anniversary.Donna Beckham is still playing in the bars around town touting her new CD.
The Sykora family are having a family reunion..and let me tell you there are a whole mess of Sykora's....I mean A LOT of them...oodles, scads...a bunch..Damn. Jerry's Chicken Shack is selling shrimp dinners...hooyboy...
Oh, missed a birthday...Eric turned 13....happy birthday Eric...
The Mashek's are having family reunion also...Czech's...every where Czech's..what the hell is a Irish Viking doing in a town of Czech's???? a story for another post.
While I was at Food Mart I took advantage of their sales..ground beef on sale for $1.49 lb...fat juicy tomatoes for .79c lb. and briskets on sale $1.19lb. but I am thinking about that..between the 3 lbs of gr. beef and the fucking chicken...will hold off on the brisket..plus I am hoping it will go down by next weeks sale...(fuck the mav's lost)
Ok, I have saved the best for last...The Trojans beat Lake Worth and will play Abilene Wylie tomorrow.I talked to one of the players Adam M. and he said they had better pitchers, fielders and hitters but they were worried about getting over confident and having a big head, so they were trying to down play it...Adam works at Food Mart and is one of those 'yes,mamm, no mamm' kinda kids...The kind you hope will date your daughter or in my case granddaughter..But Jamie is probably to wild for him...plus she is still dating that loser Zach...dipshit.Oh the scores were 5-4 against Lake Worth, and 8-7.There is a great picture of Adam M. sliding safely into home plate.He scored the first run of the game.Leading hitters were Boyd, Adam, Harris, Hanzlicek, Morrison and Taylor with a single each.(first game)Leading hitters for second game were Harris,3 singles, Adam 2 doubles, Hanzlicek, 2 singles, Orler, a double, Boyd, Neil and Morrison with a single each...They will be playing semifinal playoff series. If they keep this up they will be going to state...I cannot tell you how excited and proud we are of these kids....go big red.....
well, that's all the good news from my little home town...and for all of you that havent't czeched us out....go to westfest.com...and see what all the fuss is about...

KENTUCKY DERBY WINNER FOR DINNER????

I wasen't going to post about horses going to slaughter cause it freaks out NIT WIT and LEO, but after seeing that beautiful horse break his foot in the Preakness, I thought it might be a good idea after all.Twenty years ago jockey Bill Shoemaker rode Ferdinand to win the Kentucky Derby and then he also went on to win the 1987 Breeder's Cup Classic. Ferdernand also was named older male of the year.Four years ago Ferdinand ended up in Japan slaughtered for food. The horse wasn't sick, he was just unsuccessful as a stud.I hate to say anything good about a Republican but in this case I will. Ed Whitfield a Republican congressman from Kentucky has been trying to close down and halt all the slaughtering of horses just to satisfy Asian and European palates. Last fall it looked like he had got a ban on slaughtering horses in this country.A practice that shouldn't even exist as we don't eat horses and other than money there is no reason why we should be supplying those who do.But due to some slick lawyers, duplicitous organizations such as the American Quarter Horse Association and a few who-gives-a-shit elected officials, especially in Texas, there are three horse butchering companies operating legally in the United States. Two of them are in Dallas-Fort Worth's backyard..Dallas Crown in Kaufman and Beltex in Fort Worth. It looked like they were going to be put out of business when Congress cut off funding for U.S. Agriculture Department inspections of the plants.Without inspections they wouldn't be allowed to produce.But the plants said they would pay for the inspections and the USDA said that would be ok, and a federal court agreed in March.
It is estimated that more than 91,000 horses were slaughtered last year in those three slaughtering plants, all of which are owned by foreigners that eat horses. There is no more than a guess as to how many were racehorses, but some who are fighting the plants have suggested as much as 10 percent of the total killed were once enteretaining track-goers and bettors.
Another star of the track we know of? The only horse ever to beat two Triple Crown winners, Exceller in 1978, was chopped up in Sweden in 1997.
So like I said, I wasn't going to mention it until I saw what happened to Barbaro during the Preakness. Lucky for him he is interested in the fillies and maybe he won't end up on some French assholes plate served with a wine sauce.It could still turn out bad for him, as he may like the fillies, but if he doesn't produce some good colts, he could end up in one of those plants too. Other than writing your congressmen, representatives, Senators,and the Governor, I don't know what we can do..Maybe go there and burn the fucker to the ground..if some Frenchmen accidentally get turned into crispy critters? Well, we can serve him on a plate instead of horsie...

CATCH PHRASES AND OTHER SHIT

I found this article in my DAM NEWS yesterday and thought it was cute/funny/weird enough to pass along...
TOP CITY SLOGANS
1.WHAT HAPPENS HERE, STAYS HERE...LAS VEGAS
2.SO VERY VIRGINIA..CHARLOTTESVILLE, VA.
3.ALWAYS TURNED ON..ATLANTIC CITY, NEW JERSEY
4.CLEVELAND ROCKS...CLEVELAND
5.THE SWEETEST PLACE ON EARTH...HERSHEY,PA.

TOP TEXAS SLOGANS(SO THEY SAY)
1.WHEN YEE-HAH MEETS OLE...EAGLE PASS
2.KEEP AUSTIN WEIRD...AUSTIN
3. LOOSE YOUR HEART TO THE HILLS..KERRYVILE
4. THE TOWN WITHOUT A FROWN..HAPPY
5.WHERE THE STARS COME OUT TO PLAY ....FORT DAVIS

OTHER SLOGANS
1.NAMED FOR THE TURN OF A CARD..SHOW LOW, ARIZONA
2.THE TOWN TO TOUGH TO DIE...TOMBSTONE, ARIZONA
3. WHRE THE ODDS ARE WITH YOU..PECULIAR, MO.
4.THE ALIENS AREN'T THE ONLY REASON TO VISIT, ROSWELL, NEW MEXICO(LIVED THERE...TWICE....IT'S THE ALIENS)trust me...it's the aliens
5.WHERE NATURE SMILES FOR SEVEN MILES...SPRING LAKE, MICHIGAN
6.WHERE THE TROUT LEAP IN MAIN STREET...SARATOGA, WYO.
7.PEOPLE SAY WE'RE OLD-FASHIONED. WE HOPE SO...VIRGINIA CITY, MONT.
8. YOU CAN DO BETTER IN CANDO..CANDO, N.D.
I think Texas has a great catchphrase..."Texas:It's like a whole other country."(yeah......Mexico)
I like Don't Mess With Texas....hear that you illegal alien assholes..?????

But my favorite story is.......well, kinda awful ..but since I am a sick puppy and make no excuses for it....I found it funny.and typical Texan..
In Fort Worth , Texas an argument between two brothers over a peice of chicken led to one brother stabbing his brother to death.
Michael W., 17 brought the chicken home and his brother Marcus W. 21,swipped a piece. The fight was on and Marcus grabbed a knife from the kitchen and stabbed his brother in the chest and left temple. Marcus was arrested on a murder charge. The police didn't know if the brothers had a history of fighting.(like thata would make it better????)
Wonder if it was Church's, KFC's or Popeye? I can just see the new commerical for Popeye's..."Don't worry about having someone stab you for our chicken, get the giant bucket size, there will be enough for everyone...even that crazy ass brother of yours."
I'm going to hell....I am sure even the Goddess has a limit to the shit coming out of my sick mind. Yupper....going to die and go straight to hell...do not pass go, don't collect the $200 ...just go straight to hell...
fuckme till Icome with a side of mashed potatoes..

.......CALL 911.......

If no one hears from me by tomorrow afternoon...I finally got the lawn mower going and even though the yard is very small, the grass was very high and David's lawnmower is about 2 times the size and weight of mine..I mowed less than a half of the yard and my back is killing me, my face is red...(and it is really cool outside), I can't breath and feel like some one has whupped my ass..I figure by the time I finish mowing the rest of the yard, they will find my dead body drapped across the lawn mower out in the middle of the yard..Fuck, I am so out of shape, I couldn't whip my weight in republicans...(yeah, right)...I have never been that out of shape..
The paper was just filled with shit for me to bitch about..I'm so excited...this is going to be hit and runs as there are so many..damn, I don't know where to start..
Ok, the Iraqi army trainees are in a world of hurt. A U.S. Army Lt. said "they all failed." (a physical fitness test of push-ups, sit-ups and a 2 mile run)One Iraqi who only managed 13 push-ups said it was because he had two wives and was exhausted from a night of pleasure.At least this test they all completed the two-mile course. The first test some of them slipped off to their barrcks while the others ran. Then they sneaked back out and finished the final few hundred yards. As far as the physical fitness tests, they ranged from laughingly bad to relatively competent. Capt. Chris Waddell from Brazoria, TExas said they were good enough to fight any Arab army.
On a recent courtesy call on Col. Majeed the meeting was interrupted so the Col. could take calls on his cellphone, holding loud and jocular conversations. Comical functionaries, presented by the Col. as trusted aids, made flourished entrances and exits, complete with foot-stomping salutes. It played like a Arabian version of Hogan's Heroes.An Iraqi ministry of Defense official entered with a pistol in the waistband of his outfit, one that would not be out of place in a 1970's disco. He steered the conversation around to his search, so far unfullfilled, for an American woman to be his fourth wife. Since most of the recruits are not exactly ready for life ammmo, they point their AK-47's in the air and shout "Bang!Bang!" One of the trainers was so perplexed with the behavior of one trainee, they thought he had Down syndrome. Last week 2 Iraqi armies fired on each other, killing one soldier and one civilian.
HOw long did Forest Gump say we would be there?...fuck if they don't care any more than that then why the fuck should we???? Let our people go...home...now...yikes..

Classified military spending has reached its highest level since 1988, near the end of the Cold War, a new independent analysis has found.Classified, or black programs now appear to account for about $30.1 billion, or 19%, of the acquistion money the Defense Department is requesting for fiscal year 2007."In terms of where the money is actually going, it's quite speculative. I think security is being used as a pretext for greater secrecy across the board," Mr.Aftergood said.....gee, ya think???? Probably paying for all those people to listen in on my conversations...and reading my emails and blog...if you're reading this you dipshit asshole, kiss my red neck ass...
Damn, between mowing the lawn and getting all worked up over this crapola I am going to have a stroke..
But I will end it on a high note..The Finnish metal rockers won the Eurovision song contest. The annual kitsch extravaganza, known for its bland dance music and bubble-gum pop, that sees acts from 24 countries is held on tv and millions watch.
But in a stunning upset for the contest that launched the Swedish group ABBA, a Finnish metal band with moster masks and apocalyptic lyrics won.
Combining crunchy guitars, a catch chorus and mock-demonic imagery, the band Lordi is reminiscent of U.S. 70's stars KISS. Band members never appear withought their elaborate masks and makeup.
Regarded by many as the contest good taste forgot, Eurovision is adored by fans of camp everywhere.
Since 1956, it has pitted European nations against one another in pursuit of pop music glory. Previous winners include '60's chanteuse LULU,ABBA....victors in 1974 with "Waterloo"..and Canada's Celine Dion, who won for Switzerland in 1988.
Ms. Dion and ABBA went on to glory..as did Olivia Newton John, who lost to ABBA while competing for Britain in 1974. Other winners have sunk without a trace, victims of the "curse of Eurovision."

I saw a picture of them...and they do make me think of KISS...Lordy Lordy Lordy....ain't life great?
fuckme till I boogie oogie oogie.....

.......WEST STATION WEEK IN REVIEW.......

Actually not much going on in West this past week, but since I'm too depressed over losing Rocky that I am not powered up for a full steam rant over the bullshit the bushshitites have perpertrated..so I will do a low key catch up on West.
The color barrier has been broken on the West School Board..Crystal Anthony won a seat on the board among all them Czech's...oh this is going to be fun to watch...I am sure that Mrs. Anthony is a perfectly nice lady, but her skin color is a deeper richer tone than the Czech's already on the board..all I can say is..it's about time..and I will be waiting to see what kind of excitement this will bring...oh my..this could be fun.
Two members of a Central Texas motorcycle club were in West last week to help kick off Motorcycle safety awareness Month during May in the city..The two lady's that are representing the motorcycle club are...not your typical biker chicks..One of them is older than me and the other is ....masculine..They also alerted people to the fact that there are more women on the road on bikes and manufacturees are building their bikes to fit women more and more every year.(So keep an eye out for them)
We had 2 sweet sixteen birthdays..and Callie Hutyra celebrated her 4th..Lindsey Buice married Travis Volcik on May 13th. We had one birth ..Emma Renee Hutyra weighed 8lbs, 8oz. and not to be unkind..but she is not...cute...Sure hope she outgrows that nose..
We had two go to meet their maker...I wish that I had started keeping count of the sexes of the people that die here..but I think there are more men croaking than women..and the men are youger than the women..the men are usually 60-70's...the women are 80-90 and in the 100's....
50 years ago they broke ground on the West Czech-Movarian Brethren Church.It is now called the West Brethern Church and is at the same location.
Does anyone know who Donna Beckham is?..She is releasing her new cd and having a CD release party at West Fraternal on June 2nd, then at the Shadowland on Memorial Day weekend. She was at Mynar's Bar tonight...she's a busy girl.
Jennifer's Academy of Dance is having their 14th dance recital and will be showing "Jungle Boogie"....and the best news of the week and rest of the summer is....the Playdium Pool opened up yesterday. They will be open from 10am to 8pm..season passes are 17-under $100, 18 and over $125. Our pool is the 2nd largest pool in the state of Texas...and the most amazing thing is when they built it over 50 years ago the guy that poured the cement for the pool gave each batch the taste test...and if it didn't taste right, it didn't get poured..and there has not been one patch or repair in the pool. Not too shabby...I want to go there and see if he will cut me a rate for 1 hour swimming every morning before the crowd comes in..But the guy that owns the pool is the largest asshole in the city of West...He is also the biggest racist asshole in the city too. Which means that I will probably get pissed over something he says or does and get thrown out of the pool...but is worth a shot...it's good exercise for me..and early enough in the morning that the sun won't kill me...
Good news/bad news for the West Trojans and the Lady Trojans..The Lady's lost but the boys won and will play Lake Worth in quarterfinal this weekend..They played one game Friday and one game Saturday..Damn, I wonder if they won..well, find out next week..The West Track and Relay kids did really well, we won medals in every event..
Mynar's Bar is looking for a bartender....I wonder if......nah....better not.
New listing on a 3 bedroom brick house on 1 acre land for $98,900.
that's about all the new from West.
Even though I am 99% sure Rocky is gone, I am thinking about putting an ad in the paper and see if anyone has tried to adopt him...Everyone seems to think he got picked up by someone who has adopted him...First of all he won't let me touch him most of the time, and the chances of him letting anyone pick him up is pretty slim...and if some how they got him to their house?...well, they wouldn't have him in there for long...He will rip the door off..he doesn't like to use a liter box and if they keep him from going outside to go to the bathroom, he will shit in their shoes..He is like The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers fat cat...he will shit in their sleeping bag, shoes, or down the back of their shirt..so he would be home by now for sure..The only time he ever stayed away this long was when a pack of dogs were killing cats..they got him pretty bad, and came home over a month later, but he was short 2 fangs and alot of claws and tore up pretty bad..now he dosen't have ANY fang teeth and I don't know how much damage he could do anymore..gum them maybe...
well, it's almost 6am..should think about going to sleep..somehow I can't play games on pogo anymore...not sure why or what is wrong, but still waiting for tech support to get in touch with me..
have a great Weekend...we will here in West, by the Goddess,Texas.

.......ROCKY RACCOON.......

NOW SOMEWHERE IN THE BLACK MOUNTAIN HILLS OF DAKOTA
THERE LIVED A YOUNG BOY NAMED ROCKY RACCOON
AND ONE DAY HIS WOMAN RAN OFF WITH ANOTHER GUY
HIT YOUNG ROCKY IN THE EYE
ROCKY DIDN'T LIKE THAT HE SAID I'M GONNA GET THAT BOY
SO ONE DAY HE WALKED INTO TOWN
BOOKED HIMSELF A ROOM IN THE LOCAL SALOON
ROCKY RACCOON CHECKED INTO THIS ROOM
ONLY TO FIND GIDEON'S BIBLE
ROCKY HAD COME EQUIPPED WITH THE GUN
TO SHOOT OFF THE LEGS OF HIS RIVAL
HIS RIVAL IT SEEMS HAD BROKEN HIS DREAMS
BY STEALING THE GIRLS OF HIS FANCY
HER NAME WAS MAGILL, AND SHE CALLED HERSELF LIL
BUT EVERYONE KNEW HER AS NANCY
NOW SHE AND HER MAN WHO CALLED HIMSELF DAN
WERE IN THE NEXT ROOM AT THE HOE-DOWN
ROCKY BURST IN AND GRINNING A GRIN
HE SAID DANNY BOY THIS IS A SHOW DOWN
DANIEL WAS HOT HE DREW FIRST AND SHOT
AND ROCKY COLLAPSED IN THE CORNER
DA, DA, DA, DA, DA
NOW THE DOCTOR CAME IN STINKING OF GIN
AND PROCEEDED TO LIE ON THE TABLE
HE SAID ROCKY YOU MET YOUR MATCH
AND ROCKY SAID, DOC IT'S ONLY A SCRATCH
AND I'LL BE BETTER
I'LL BE BETTER DOC AS SOON AS I'M ABLE
AND NOW ROCKY RACCOON HE FELL BACK IN HIS ROOM
ONLY TO FIND GIDEON'S BIBLE
GIDEON CHECKED OUT AND HE LEFT IT NO DOUBT
TO HELP WITH GOOD ROCKY'S RIVAL
OH, OH YEAH, YEAH
DA, DA ,DA, DA


RIP:ROCKY 5/06

.......BUSHSHIT...IT ALL SOUNDS LIKE BUSHSHIT TO ME.......

I am going to make my prediction here...on who gets the bid on the contract to build fences around our borders...The top three companies to bid are the three largest defense contractors among the companies that said they would submit bids within two weeks for a multibillion-dollar federal contract are:LOCKHEED MARTIN, RAYTHEON AND NORTHROP GRUMMAN.So I went googling...The Chairman, President and Chief Executive Office of Lockheed Martin is a guy named Robert J. Stevens. who served on Forest Gump's Commission to Examine the Future of U.S. Aerospace Industries.(what ever the fuck THAT is)Lockheed Martin also is number 35 on list of top 100 contributors to the Republican Party. Until 1996, the were mainly major contributors to the Democrat Party..but they went from 60% to the Democrats and 41% to the Republicans...to 37% to the Democrats to 63% to the Republicans.In 1998(gee, I wonder what happened in 1998 to sway them over to the Republicans side) they went to 34% Democrat to 66% Republican. I couldn't find either Raytheon or Northrup Grumman on the top 100 list...So what do YOU think????? A sweep by Lockheed martin? I would think so...The contract would be worth $2 billion over the next three to six years.So any one with skills that could get them a job with LM..I would run to Maryland and fill out my job application now...
More Bushshit news...A former Republican National Committee official was sentenced Wednesday to 10 months in prison for his role in the jamming of New Hampshire DEmocrat's telephones on Election day 2002. James Tobin, the third person sent to prison in the case, was found guilty in December of harrassment by telephone. Prosecutors had asked for 10 years behind bars. Mr. Tobin was convicted of attempting to arrange more than 800 hang-up calls that jammed get-out-the-vote phone lines set up by the Democratic Party and the Manchester firefighter's union for about one hour. Republican John Sunu defeated then-Governor Jeanne Shaheen for the Senate that day in what had been considered a cliffhanger.

OK...so how many of you even heard about this???.That a crime had been committed and that it effected an election's outcome???Gee, does anyone but me feel like a mushroom? You know cause they keep you in the dark and feed you Bushshit...Do you think there are more cases like this that didn't even get this far? How many election outcomes were fucked with by Republican 'helpers'?
Fuckme till my circuits are jammed..

.......LETTER TO KING ABDULLAH.......

BEFORE I GET TO MY LETTER TO THE KING OF DICKHEADS, I WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS MY COMMENT FROM TROLLMEISTER....PLEASE READ SIDEBAR...BECAUSE YOU MUST HAVE ACCIDENTLY MISTAKEN ME FOR SOMEONE WHO GIVES A SHIT..


Ok, so there's this article in the DAM NEWS today....and in it King Abdullah has told editors to stop plublishing pictures of women because they could lead young men astray. The King's directive, was made in a meeting with local editors and caused quite a stir as the monarch has been thought to be a quiet reformer since he took office in August.Recently newspapers have published pictures of women...always wearing the traditional Muslim headscarf..to illustrate stories. The stories are generally about women's issues. The King thinks publishing a woman's picture is inappropriate.
"One must think, 'Do they want their daughter, their sister, or thier wife to appear in this way' Of course, no one would accept this," the newspaper OKAZ quoted King Abdullah as saying.The King has broached topics such as women evenually driving. His instruction to editors indicates that Islamic conservatives remain a powerful force and a brake on reform.
The country adheres to a strict interpretation of Islamic law. Women are not allowed to vote or run in municipal elections..the only type of balloting permitted in the kingdom.
The King also called on editors to stop printing stories that protray the country in a negative light.All media in Saudi Arabia are either state-owned or state run..
Damn, now we know where Forest is getting all of his ideas...hmmm think I will start refering to Forest Gump as Forest Abdullah Gump now.I have a message for the women of Saudi Arabia.....

..RUN...RUN FOR YOU LIVES...RUN NOW..


Yeah, like that will happen...
But it gives me the best reason to cease our dependency on oil from these fuckers...why put money into the coffers of these assholes..??Every time you stick that nozzle into the tank of your car..picture a country full of women...women just like us...being told they can't vote, drive a car, wear what they want, have their picture taken for the lousy newspapers,put their lives in jeopardy if they pick the wrong man to fall in love with. I don't think I will ever forget the film clip of the princess getting her head cut off for commiting adultry. Think about the country of Dubai where they call them 'Guest Workers' but they are actually slaves.Where because of pressures from Human rights organizations the 'guest workers' are not allowed to work outside in tempertures of over 100 degrees and the average temperature is 103-108..the papers and weather casters are forbidden to give the temperature as anything other than 99 degrees..If you never read another article from any magazine you must read this one on Dubai...or as they call it the Capitalist Dream on Steroids. Expanding faster, taller, bigger than any other country on the plantet,spawning schems of impossible luxury such as Falconcity of Wonders, Sunny Mountain Ski Dome, and a manmade archipelago called the World, the emirate has become a juggernaut of tourism, finance, and Information Age business, where everything...crime...religion...terrorism..takes a backseat to profit.Remember folks 11 of the 19 hijackers came to the U.S. from the emirate, taking off from Dubai in groups of two or three and flying to Miami, Orlando, and New York City, and about half of the attacks' $500,000 budget was wired to the U.S. from Dubai. Al-Qaeda money parked in Dubai has been linked as well to the to the 1998 U.S. Embassy bombings in Kenya and Tanzania.
Does that stop American business's from setting up shop there....fuckity fuck no....one good reason is ...no taxes...on anything...none, zip, nada, none..(Rod Stewart just paid $20 million for his own island there in The World...he bought Scotland. You can name each island what ever country you want...although ther are no Africa or Israel islands)
Vanity Fair this month has some of the best articles ever...One by Anderson Cooper on the horrors of Katrina. (side note....damn he's good looking..who cares if he's gay..he's hot)Parts of Douglas Brinkley's book New Orleans:Diary of A Disaster. Hollywood article on the private investagator who worked for all the studios,agents, stars etc. and now is in jail and all of Hollywood is waiting to see if he names names...and a very interesting article on Dick Cheney...You know his name is enough to make me believe in the Goddess...how great is it that he is what his first name is... A Dick...They talk about how when he started out he was soft, and now he is hard...what difference does it make?Soft Dick, Hard Dick...he's still a Dick....
fuckme till I Like Dick..

THE GOOD ...THE BAD...THE UGLY

THE GOOD:The signitures were turned in for Kinky Friedman and Mrs. Strayhorn and she had 223,000 signitures while Kinky turned in 169,574. He said the reason she had more signitures was because she got all her ex-husbands to sign..They only needed 45,540 signitures."Fix your bayonets now, because the new Texas revolution is coming,folks." Mr. Friedman said to his supporters...I will vote for Kinky because I want to get good hair Perry out of Texas. But I still don't trust him because of his too close ties to Forest Gump...

THE BAD:Ok,this is the "his balls are so big he can't cross his legs" catagory...Governmor of Kentucky, Ernie Fletcher said he will complete his first term and seek a second one despite an indictment on Misdemeanor charges that accuse him of illegally rewarding political suporters with state jobs.(anyone want to guess what party he belongs to???fucking republicans). He was charged Thursday with conspiracy, official misconduct and violating a prohibition against political discrimination. A conviction could lead to jail time and his removal from office, according to the attorney general's office.
Judas fucking priest..don't they have any pride or remorse? ok, I got caught being a crook...but I am still going to be Governor of the state and fuck you if you don't like it..guess he figures if forest gump can do it and get away with it..so can he...fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

THE UGLY:Access to detainees disputed..U.S. says it doesn't have to yield to international Red Cross in all cases.
Taking issue with the International Committee of the Red Cross,the State Dept. said Friday that the U.S. is not obliged under the Geneva Conventions to provide the committee with access to all prisoners under U.S. jurisdiction.(and why the fuck not???)
Department spokesman Sean McCormack commented in response to criticism about U.S. policies by Red Cross President Jakob Kellenberger.
Setting aside his normal practice of keeping his views confidential, Mr. Kellenberger said in a statement that he deplored the Bush (aka forest gump)administration's refusal to alow Red Cross access to prisoners being held in secret facilities.
"No matter how legitimate the grounds for detention, there exists no right to conceal a persons whereabouts or to deny that he or she is being detained,"he said.
Mr. McCormack said the Red Cross has access to the majority of prisoners under U.S. jurisdiction.
But, he added, "There is a certain subcategory of individuals who have forfeited their protections under the Geneva Conventions and there is no obligation to allow access to those individuals."
The U.S. has classified as "enemy combatants" some detained individuals who are regarded by officials as terrorists. The status confers fewer legal protections than prisoners of war receive under the Geneva Conventions.
Prisoners in this category "have been afforded treatment that is consisten with our international obligations.All the people that are being held by the U.S. government are treated humanely," Mr. McCormack.(yeah, right)
I think McCormack lies through his fucking teeth..and would not buy a used car from him and cerainly wouldn't believe anything he said..We have already seen x-detainees on tv and read about them in the paper, where they were held with out anyone knowing where they were for 2 years...only to be released with a pat on the head a kick in the ass and a hearty Hi o' Silver..
There have been so many wrongs that I don't think they will ever be set right...call your congressperson, Senators, etc. and tell them to vote to impeach them motherfuckers...too late for censure...we need to wipe the slate clean...hit the road Jack and don't come back no more no more no more...NO MORE..

SOLDIERS OF FOREST GUMP'S WAR

It's bad enough the sunsabitch lied about the reason we went to war, keep extending their tour of duty 2-3 times, have insufficient body armor, and lack proper materials to protect their humvee's..now they have added another insult to our soldiers trials...
U.S. militry troops with severe psychological problems have been sent to Iraq or kept in combat, even when superiors have been aware of signs of mental illness.
The Hartford Courant cites records obtained under the federal Freedom of Indormation Act and more than 100 interviws of families and military personnel, reporting numerous cases in which the military failed to follow its own regulations in screening, treating and evacuating mentally unfit troops form Iraq. Twenty-two U.S. troops committed suicide in Iraq last year, accounting for nearly one in five of all noncombat deaths and the highest suicide rate since the war started. Some service members who committed suicide in 2004 and 2005 were kept on duty despite clear signs of mental distress, sometimes after being prescribed antidepressants with little or no mental health counseling or monitoring, the Courant reported.
Is that not the most disgusting and vile thing you have ever heard..??????? Oh, Goddess...smite them fuckers...bip them into outer space.. Stomp 'em wet and walk 'em dry..Find out who is responsible for this horror and fry them..fuckity fuck fuck fuck.....bastids...

The good news is..I learned something new....did you know that during intercourse, the male rhinoceros ejaculates nearly once a minute for an hour and a half...then goes for about 10 years before he even wants to look a female rhinocerous again.
which goes to explain the picture of the rhinocerous on the right of my posts...

by the by Babs..thanks for the subliminal thoughts you sent out about M&M's...I made a special trip to store to get some peanut butter M&M's....it was like I could hear the little yellow, red and orange M&M's calling my name.......and they were using your voice...the Goddess will get you for that....until then I will eat them..

Rocky still A.W.O.L....bastid..

.......MOTHERS DAY SCHMUTHERS DAY.......

Happy Mother's Day you mothers...I got a phone call this morning from Nancy(Dancecloud)and she wished me a Happy Mother's Day, which is about as sweet as you can get...Then Patsy, who works at Community Grocery Store called me about 9pm drunk and wished me a Happy Mother's Day, so I'm assuming her's didn't go well either.
I talked to Danny, damn I was supposed to call him back..forgot..I'm brain dead...he wished me a happy md also..his play went terrific by the way and is working on it to send it out to other reginal theaters..Hope it is a big hit everywhere..couldn't happen to a better or more deserving person.. I also got some great Mothers Day wishes and cards from Babs and Denise and wishes for a Happy Mothers Day from other blogger friends...thank you so much..they really meant alot to me...My Nephew Phillip and his wife Lorra came by and took me to lunch at the West Station Cafe and Spitoon Bar..we ate upstairs and it was really nice...I love them both, they are yellowdogs like me and Lorra is as radical as I am, but with out all the fuck's...They gave me an antique hat box with an antique hat in it...I laughed my ass off...I haven't wore a hat (other that straw cowboy hat) since I was a girl scout and wore those little beanie things. I looked at the hat and said..."I don't think so." But I love the hat box...We had typical Texas lunch...chicken fried steak, taters, salad and green beans..with lots of iced tea...I really did enjoy it and they have made plans to come down for the Westfest.That will be lots of fun..to take someone new to the fest...first time is always the best..Lord I used to raise some hell when I drank and went to the fest...They have huge beer tents with all the beer and you buy tickets for pivo(beer) and turn the tickets in for beer...I could drink a lot of pivo...plus all the foods, good lord the food...I think the best part of going to the fest was seeing people that I probably hadn't seen since the last fest...listening to Brave Combo play Smoke on the Water, being drunk enough to think that doing the chicken dance was cool..ha...
ANYHOW.... I had a great day with Philip and Lorra. Your know the old expression you can pick your friends and pick your nose but you can't pick your relatives?.....Well, I would have picked these two..
Rocky is still A.W.O.L...I hope he is still getting laid and not croaked out there someplace..he has been gone for almost 5 days(tomorrow)..and I'm thinking that is about how long he is usually gone when he is out Tom Catting...little fucker...I swear if he doesn't come home this time I am not getting anymore animals..really....no I relly mean it..no more cats,no more dogs, no birds except for them wild ones out in the yard...no snakes, or any gerbils or anything that eats or shits...they break your fucking heart...bastids...
I just heard the best news on tv......TOM CRUISE'S LASTEST M.I. 3, IS TANKING...brahhahahahahahahahah!!!!Is doing less than the other 2...went from $40somthing the first weekend to less than $25 this weekend...take that you over hyped,manic mother fucker...take note...we think you suck as a human being and we are not paying big bucks to go see your fucking movies...nana nana boo boo...stick your head in doo doo...that was just a little wake up call from the Goddess....I think that would be called one of her cosmic bips...
or as I like to say...Bippity doo daa....

SUBPOENA???? WE DON'T NEED NO STINK'N SUBPOENAS

Our pussy phone companies...broke the law... broke the fucking law...don't care what they say...they can't cover this shit up..20 years ago Congress made it illegal for phone companies and computer service providers to give the government rcords of who their customers dialed or e-mailed.The law doesn't make it illegal for the government to ASK for such records but DOES make it illegal for phone companies to divulge them.The government obtained the records from AT&T, verizon and BellSouth but was turned down by Denver-based Qwest Communications. The Electronic Communications Privacy Act of 1986 was passed when cellphones and the Internet were emerging as new forms of communications. Section 2702 of the law says these providers of "electronic communications shall not knowingly divulge a record or other information pertaining to a subscriber or customer....TO ANY GOVERNMENT ENTITY." So you spineless asskissing fuckers..it is simply illegal to turn over caller records without some form of legal process, such as a court order or a subpoena, and they didn't have either..What the fuck were you thinking...??? Did you really think America has over 10 million people that are a threat to us..and working with some terrorists group? Oh excuse me.as far as forest gump is thinking, we do...their called Democrat's you dumb fuckers...
ok...what else...Oh man, you are going to love this....When forest had dinner last month on the Stanford University campus at the home of former Secretary of State George Shultz, he spent a great deal of time talking to people about a think tank at his library when and where ever it is build.(please Goddess, not at Baylor)Now just how absolutely ludicrous is that...the most illiterate person to ever hold the office of president wants a think tank at his Presidential Library..fuckme till I conjugate verbs. Who is going to run it? Goofy?....yuck yuck..I be the head of da libary..yuckity yuck yuck yuck...otay....and the spokeperson will be Jon Lovetz..the liar from Saturday Night Live...yea........that's the ticket....some shit is so stupid it looks made up...but i swear to the Goddess..it's true...forest gump is so stupid he probably thinks a 'think tank' is a salt water tank with a school of fish in it...
fuckme till I neil and bob...
if your reading this email forest, kiss my fat redneck ass..and that goes for you rooster whipped wife too..

.......PHONE CALL.......

RING..RING.....RING
NEIL:HELL-O
BOB: HEY NEIL, IZAT YOU?
NEIL: UH..HUH..WHOZ THIS?
BOB: IT'S ME.BOB.
NEIL: OH, MAN..GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU...HOW YA BEN?lAUDEN AND YOU STILL HOOKED UP?
BOB: YEA,MAN..WE'RE HOOKED UP.HOW ABOUT YOU AND AZREL, YOU GUYS HOOKED UP?
NEIL: NAH, WE BOMBED OUT.
BOB: TOO BAD MAN...I THOUGHT YOU 'WERE' DA BOMB.
NEIL: NAH, SHE LEFT ME FOR AL KADEN, MEMBER HIM?
BOB: OH, NO, MAN HE WAS A REAL BUST, SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
NEIL: HEY MAN, I WOULD TALK MORE BUT I HAVE TO HIT THE ROAD AS I HAVE A LOT OF GROUND TO COVER ON MY NEW JOB.
BOB:WHAT'S YOUR NEW GIG?
NEIL:I WORK IN CONSTRUCTION DEMOLITION, AND HAVE A JOB TO DO IN D.C. SO NEED TO HIT THE ROAD.
BOB:WELL, IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU, SORRY ABOUT AZREL AND HOPE YOU BLASTING JOB GOES WELL IN D.C.
BYE BYE
NEIL:THANKS, NICE TALKING TO YOU TOO. YOU STILL WORKING FOR THE PHONE COMPANY?
BOB:YA, LAYING WIRES UNDERGROUND FOR NEW COMMUNICATIONS.
NEIL:GREAT, MAN WISH YOU CONTINUED SUCCESS...BYE BYE...
click.
click.


click.

Neil and Bob have mysteriously disappeared but are thought to be in a cell in the basement of a prison in utah.

thanks George.

.......GETTING BACK TO BASICS.......

When I first started out blogging it was with the purpose of pissing people off...it was my goal in life, which my daughter seems to think is a bad thing..it's a downer and shows my mean spiritness.... it shows who I am by the mere fact that I actually have a goal of pissing people off...well, after almost 33 years you think she would have figured out that I am not a cheerful, happy go lucky everything is right with the world and ain't life just fucking beautiful kinda person....I am more of a bend over asshole, here it comes kinda person..Some how along the way I stumbled and fell into the trap of "you like me ....you really like me." Let me tell you that is a bitch...cause although I don't give a shit if you like me or not...it is kinda nice when you do...and I started posting things I thought you would like, would make you laugh and would make you come back again and again.I started to be like one of those late night tv hosts...doing one liners, topical humor and stupid pet tricks...well, folks this ain't no dog and pony show...yes, I am funny and topical and keep you posted on local and world events...but I sorta lost my fire...cause I figured out..you can't piss people off and be liked...and some how..being liked was becoming more important that pissing people off..What I did find out is there are enough people out there that think like me(now there is a really fucking scary thought)that instead of pissing people off...they were agreeing with me...which I loved as it gave me hope for the world..and even thought forest gump's popularity is down to 29 fucking percent(is that wonderful or what?) those are the 29 fucking percent I want to get to and piss off...the rest of you can sit on the side lines and watch the fireworks..so what I am saying is:...instead of one little funny well thought out post on life..I will be back in the saddle riding rought shod over that fucking 29 percent who still think ole forest is the right guy for the job and may post 2-3 posts a day, like I used to,ass kicking posts....so listen up, the lightning bolt tossing Goddess is back...so slam your ass against the wall...here I come..balls and all.....THE BITCH IS BACK.
NOW!!....life is good...
fuckme till lightning shoots out my ass...

I AM MAD AS HELL..AND I AM NOT TAKING IT ANY MORE...U FUCKERS

Well, don't know about you but I sure as hell feel better...But I know that I either have to stop watching the news, reading the newspapers and reading magazines...or I am going to have a home grown stroke..I am going to have one of those strokes where they will be picking peices of my gray matter as far away as Oxnard, California. My stroke will be so massive that people will remember where they were when it happened...My stroke will register 9.3 on the Richter scale. A lone volcano on a tiny island in the pacific will fart smoke and ash for a week. Birds will forget how to fly and drop like stones to the groud, rise up..look around, and think 'what the fuck?' and fly north for the winter. My stroke will cause a hurricane to whip and lash it's ownself into a frenzy, with no need of global warming.My Stroke will cause Michael Jackson to turn black and sing like Al Green.Tom Cruise will take a fist full of zanax and come out of the clostet wearing a pink lace,2-peice panty and push up bra from Victoria Secret's.Tom Hanks will give back the Oscar he won for Forest Gump and admit "It really was a stupid movie"...My stroke will be so strong, that the Tower of pis will straighten up.Philadelphia Eagle fans will admit the Dallans Cowboys are a better team than there's... Jack NIckelson wil get religion and quit fucking skinny white girls..The entire Indian population will decide it is stupid to be starving to death and have the streets full of all them fucking steaks, er, sacred cows...We're taking major stroke here...a stroke of biblican standards, to the extent that Jesus, Muhammad, and Buddah will admit that THE GODDESS really rules all..
get it? Im pissed..the piss that has been building since forest gump stole the first fucking election and had balls enogh to steal the second one too and not EVEN act like he was embarrassed about it or pretend that it didn't happen. Building since he and his cronies lied to us about the war and we have lost over 2,000 of our very best.He has fucked the American people and the world and said"Hey, I'm the decider, the fixer, the President of the United States and if you don't like it...too fucking bad..I'm here and I am not going any where, any time soon. So you all go fuck yourselves..ya'ea?"
Global warming, wars, hunger, polution, poverty, loss of jobs,desctuction of the ocean, our forests, leveling mountains in the Appalachians for coal, violating all of our laws, freedoms and senseablities.Spy's on us, lies to us and then smirks at us and says "I did it for your own good."...
I'm gettin a pain over my right eye..I think I'm flitting around the edges of a stroke..so before I do and you all are forced to say "thar she blows," I am going to go take 2 extra strength somthing, drink a Dubin Dr.Pepper and have a big bowl of Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream...
fuckme till I snap, crackle and pop.....

.......WEST, TEXAS NEWS OF THE WEEK.......

Yup...it's that time again..another weekly report on the exciting adventures of the citizens of West, Texas...and guess what? You can fight city hall...We finally pissed and moaned enought that they are going to have a city meeting with West citizens about the stupid stop signs along Pine Street...The meeting is May 22nd and I will be there as it will be held at 6pm and will not interfere with Prison Escape and 24...(incidently...Lost was kick has this week)
More good news,as the city has also decided to have fireworks at the 4th of July celebration that we are throwing..Unless there is a burn ban...but I guess they figured out that we don't need no stinking insurance in case of burns from the fireworks..It will be held at the Rodeo Grounds and will have a childrens area which wil include three inflatable devices(no not dolls, those jumping thingies), a sand pit, train ride, covered wagon ride, face painting along with other activities.Children will be able to wear arm bands (after momma coughs up $3) and ride all the rides for the entire day.Food booths will be limited and have to call Chamber of Commerce to see about availablity.If you want to sell arts and crafts the booths are $20 for Chamber members and $50 for no-members.That seems a little steep to me.
During the May 15th Sports Banquet they are going to be inducting athletes and coaches into the Hall of Fame..Our first..over 100 individuals will be inducted.The banguet will be held at West Fraternal Auditorium.
I love West..listen to this..starting May22nd and going through June 4th, the city will be conducting a clickit or ticket campaign...In other words..they will be busting everyone that doesn't have their seat belt buckled..But they are warning you when it will be and how long it will last..so then you can go back to not using your seatbelt..huh huh...Because let me tell you..no one in this town with the exception of my granddaughters uses their seatbelts..oh and mothers of small kids...they do buckle up...but these little old gray haired ladies are not going to mess their dress up with some stupid ole seatbelt just to go to Donna's to get their hair done..and let me tell you ..there are a group of little ole Czech ladies who go to lunches, garden club meetings and get their hair done every Thursday..and they aren't going to like being told what to do ..even if is a cop.....they will just call Judge Pareya's wife and complain and she will have the Judge take care of it..Besides these old farts don't go over 12 miles an hour..I know. I get stuck behind them all the time...
We may not have a lot of traffic..but what we have of it..is slow..
We are having a blood drive, a tractor pull and a cheerleading clinic coming up...
We had one marriage ..Tiffany Anne Thompson marrie Zachary Lynn Bolton. Amy Rose Girard is engaged to Lawrence David Linder. Jake Janek celebrated his 8th birthday and his sister Emily celebrated her 5th. Brett Joseph Holloman was born April 26th and weighed in at 8lbs, 8 oz.Cole Fisher Bryant was born on March 27th and wighed in at 7 lbs.13 oz.Oh and Kaycee Churchill celebrated her one year birthday. Henrietta informed me that we have 4 sets of triplets, and more than a dozen sets of twins..So maybe it is the water..although Henrietta assured me it isn't..Bill and Laurann Grimm are celebrating their 50 wedding anniversary..Five people died this past week...and one of them was John Earl Maler. Who if you can keep up with the 'kinfolk...kinfolk..everyone's kinfolk' count is sort of my kinfolk...by marriage..Remember when I said I ran into old friends Ricky and Sarah Maler last week at Community Grocry Store, their daughter is the one with cancer of the tongue..??? anyhow John Earl is Ricky's dad and a sweeter man you will never meet...All them Malers are good sweet people..Holding the viewing tomorrow from 6-8pm..damn I hate them things..I missed Doc's but since this one is family I guess I will have to go...Will go right before 8pm thought...won't stay long...
The Trojans won their game and are in the playoffs..hot damn..
The Lady Trojans won their game and advance to regional quarterfinals.....Iam really proud of them...HERE WE GO BIG RED...HERE WE GO....the West High track athletes are going to state meet in Austin...We're doing good this year...can't wait for football season...someone said we would have a good team this year..
That's all the news from West..David O. came by and tried to start the lawn mower...it wouldn't crank..we decided grass 4 feet tall wasn't that big of an eye sore....when he was leaving he told me when he had to start his lawn mower he gave up as he couldn't get it to start..but his 16 year old daughter Sara went out there and started it right up..told him he should have sent her to start my mower if that was the case...He told me that 3 of the buildings at his work got the doors ripped off and 2 trailers flipped over and wipped out and took out all the fencing too. I forgot that his work is right down from Cocap-Cola...Some places in Waco still don't have electricity...See you next week with more news from West, by
Goddess, Texas...ya'll come back and see us...ya'hea?

.......NOTES FROM THE UNIVERSE.......

Damn those seven dots...I wish I could remember who sent me the information on notes from the Universe..I think it was Toodles, but I have slept since then and can't remember..All I do know is..I love it..every day I get a note from the Universe...I will include the two I have received so far..as they actually hit the old nail on the head..here 'tis..

WHEN YOU SEE THINGS THAT PAIN YOU,JACKIESUE,
THAT SADDENS YOU, OR THAT MAKE YOUR HEART ACHE,
REMEMBER....YOUR'RE NOT SEEING ALL.
I HOPE YOU NEVER NEED THIS ONE.
ALL LOVE ..THE UNIVERSE

AND TODAY'S IS:
WHILE IT'S OFTEN FASHIONABLE TO DWELL UPON WHAT
MIGHT HAVE BEEN, JACKIESUE,WHAT'S USUALLY
OVERLOOKED, IS THAT REALLY AND TRULY, IT COULDN'T HAVE.
BECAUSE, INVARABILY, ANY ROMANTICIZATION OF HOW THINGS
"MIGHT HAVE BEEN," ARE BASED UPON FICTIONALIZED
VERSIONS OF THE PAST..
UN HUN...
THE UNIVERSE..
I wonder what un hun means....
and will close this post with a little ditty by ole Dorothy Parker...which fits the occasion for me also..

L'SNVOI

PRINCES,NEVER I'D GIVE OFFENSE,
WON'T YOU THINK OF ME TENDERLY?
HERE'S MY STRENGTH AND MY WEAKNESS GREAT
I LOVED THEM UNTL THEY LOVED ME..

OK...ONE MORE BY DOTTY

THOUGHTS FOR A SUNSHINY MORNING

IT COSTS ME NEVER A STAB NOR SQUIRM
TO TREAD BY CHANCE UPON A WORM.
"AH, MY LITTLE DEAR," I SAY,
"YOUR CLAN WILL PAY ME BACK ONE DAY."

fuckme till Im worm bait.