PISSING PEOPLE OFF

I am sooo proud of myself..I managed to piss off arthor the blogster guy...well, he may not be pissed off but he is peeved...send email mentioning that i couldnt get into my blog to read comments and said what thafuck? and got back email asking me if I thought it was proper to use the f work in an email. said of course it was, it was only a word and it wasent like I was doing it on his desk ...no reply....hmmmmm. someone does not have a sense of humor...or im a twisted sick puppy and should die along with kenny.

QUESTIONAIRE

WITH OUT THE QUESTIONS... i got up at 5:30am this morning
i dont like jewerly too much but like topaz and touquoise(sp)
the last film i saw at the theatre was the vampire lestat with brad pitt...
my favorite tv show''s are: 24, lost, medium, boston legal, nypd blue(gone), third watch (gone) and i love to watch pbs a lot...american dreams is one of my favorites on pbs
my middle name is sue...but all my kin folk call me jackie sue..one name which is how it is done in the south...so i just made it one word...
my favorite cuisine is bbq, mexican, italian and tex-mex my least favorite food is turnips..icky my favorite chip is freto's the cd i am listening to right now is by a local singer that i used to have sex with...long long long long long long long,etc. ago...james hand.... i drive a 96 mazda truck my favorite sandwitch is carl's jr. beef with peppers and cheese, yummmmmmy the characteristics i least like is...hmmm. i dont like people that voted for bush... favorite item of clothing??? my huge assortment of tshirts if i could go anyplace in the world i would go to ireland.. my bathroom is red white and blue..with the texas flag for a shower curtain..really.. the color of my pants...?? what pants i would retire to east texas if i had to move from west, texas favorite time of day is 3am if there is a good movie on.. my most memoriable birthday was my 40th..got drumk at ladies night and got into a fight with a bunch of Baylor seniors and kicked the crap out of about 3 of them..the others ran home to their mommies The last thing i ate was a bowl of ice cream last night about 8pm if i was a color of a crayon i would be pussy pink my favorite flower is bluebonnet who really cares what detergent i use coke or pepsi? get real ...dublin dr.pepper i do not wish on stars... i wish on planes my shoe size is a 7 i have 2 dogs trooper and puppypuppypuppy. and one cat rocky racoon when i was a kid i wanted to be a catcher for the brooklyn dodgers what i was meant to be doing now is what ever the fuck i want to be doing now...wanna make something of it...? the first thing i notice about people is if they look me in the eye when they talk to me i have no siblings. i was an only child..except for my 1/2 sister who is deceased.. my favorite toy as a child was my catchers mitt not summer not winter...spring i like hugs more than kisses vanilla not chocolate i live in a tiny little house last time i cried was sun. night when i watched the last sammari the dogs are under my bed i have visited mexico and canada i have lived in over 20 cities at least.. favorite movie...e.t.., gone with the wind, kill bill 2, and the quarterback princess beach my longest friends are maryann who i have known for over 40 years..then slick, lane, david, mike etc. that i have known for over 30 years. the names of my kids are in order of birth:david michael allen brown, thomas ronald brown, and maryjo denney my usual bed time is ..3-4am

BETTY BOWERS

Don't know if anyone is familar with betty bowers website but if you are not...please check her out..i laugh so hard at this crazy bitch and have used her to piss off more relative than any website there is...except for the george w bush is the anti-christ website..that one really makes them crazy..anyhow this weeks email from her is her rant on Tom cruise and his manic appearance on Oprah''s show...
I think you can get to her website by going to bettybowers.com..let me know if you check her out and what you think....she rocks...

SAVE THE MUSTANGS

Any one interested in adopting wild horses or burros there are several websites...
www.adoptahorse.blm.gov
plus on june 10-11th marshall city arena is having adoptions also..
wish i had room for some mustangs and a few asses... but my house is barely large enough for my horsesass..

HUNTER S. THOMPSON

Well, they are going to shoot ole hunter out of a cannon. Or at leas his ashes...I love ole Hunter and am going to miss his wit and meanness. He is one of the few author''s or just peeps in general that all of my family like...Each one of us has our favorite Hunter book..I like them all and have read everything of his since he wrote for Rolling Stones... byby you goofy bastard...

INDY 500

well, i watched my first indy 500 today...only because there was a woman in the race...and by goddess, she almost won the damn thing...i was so confused..i was going back and forth between kitchen(makeing green beans with bacon and new potatoes) and the tv and she went from being ahead and having only 4 laps to go to being 4th...what the fuck..??? my friend david said she was running out of gas....well, that makes no sense...she drives for paul newman and david letterman..and he had 2nd and 4th place cars..pretty cool...
well, my part of the country finally got the rain we needed...was so welcome...but everyone is pissed cause its on the memorial day weekend...heehee..the goddess has a great sense of humor...
there was an article in my favorite newspaper the dallas am news about rock and roll drug stories..keith richard said his favorite doing drug story was when the stones were in their dressing room back in the 70''s or 80''s and were doing bad things and their manager came in and said the police are here and they all flushed their drugs down the toilet...and about that time sting,andy summers and stewart copeland walked in the door..THE POLICE..
my friend david and i have been discussing politics...and we have come to the conclusion that what is wrong with our country is no one caters to the middle of the road of either party...so if the democrats have any hope of having a shot at being in power we need to start kissing some ass and catering to the middle of the roaders...actually both parties should work on that...huh,retired thoughts..??
there is a rap band that is playing in kelleen, texas..they are all soldiers that have served in iraq...the name of the band is live in iraq...i dont like rap but think i will buy their record, cd, tape what ever the fuck they have now...i like what i have heard so far..
went to video world in the big city of west and got 5 movies for $5 for a week...see if i can remember all 5 of them..hmmmmm. that was about 3 hours ago and cant remember one name of one movie...old farts desease...

SPRING NEWSLETTER FROM TRIXIE

Received my spring newsletter from Trixie, Dean Koontz''s yellow golden retreiver...it says....
"is me, Trixie (who is dog). Is thursday. How was your day? Mine was good. No mange.No fleas. Good blwel movement. I go to vet''s office every thursday, get bath and sometimes trim.Like to smell good. Every morning, after long walk, Mom brushes and combs me for 30 or 40 minutes, sometimes Dad. Don''t mean to say Mom sometimes brushes and combs Dad. Mean to say that sometimes Dad is the one brushes and combs me. I Trixie, never brush and comb either Mom or Dad. Mom doesn''t need brushed and combed. Das needs it but just can''t sit still. He is hyper, can chase ball whole afternoon and still wants atention al thruough dinner. Sometimes Mom and me tie one end of tug toy to doorknob, close door, put other end of tug toy in Dad''s mouth, and he keeps himself busy for huors. We are lucky Dad writes books. This keeps him busy for hours, too, otherwise he would drive us crazy. Dad (who is not a dog) has new book in stores on Tuesday, May 24th, 2005.

then goes on to tell about new book which sounds really good. called velocity...this bartender gets a note that says you dont take this note to the police and get them involved, i will kill a lovely blond schoolteacher womewhere in napa county. If you do take this note to the police, i will instead kill an elderly woman active in charity work...you have 6 huors to decide.....sounds pretty damn good...im going to get librarian to get it for us...meaning me...i used to write and receive mail from dean koontz when he first started out, but then he got so popular than he doesnt have the time so i get the seasonaly newsletter from the dog now...there are always lots of cute pictures of trixie..who just happens to be one of the cutest dogs ever...if you want to subscribe write to Dean Koontz
Useless News
Post office box 9529
Newport Beach, calif92658-9529
im all excited cause he is doing a second book for Odd Thomas...one of my favorite books by him....
ok, did my ruby rocks good deed for the day telling a dog story....

BALLARD STREET FAVORITE

surveying the day, walter is thinking of taking a knee...

I AM MUCH HAPPIE WHEN I AM BITCHING

first of all...no one''s noticed im not using all caps any more...so fuck you..
then i get an email from one of my forest gump hating friends eve who lives in anna cortes, washington...here ''tis..
this is a quote from forest gump his own self..
"See, in my line of work (fucking over americans, my quote) you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
please someone kill me now...
then to make it worse im reading the dallas am news...and thi is what i read..
"U.S. seeks access to web provider customer data..."...ole forest wants the federal appeals court to restore its ability to compet internet service providers to turn over information about their customers or subscribers as part of its fight against terrorism...."..fuck me ..i''ll never smile again..
once them fuckers get in here, they will be hauling my ole fat ass off to jail as a "terraist"..as i speak unkindly about king forest gump the idiot...well, who wouldnt if they had an ounce of brain power...then fucking rapist, molesters and pedophiles are getting viagra thru medicare...fuck killing me...let me kill somebody...
our soldiers are having their parents buy them flak jackets as the army doesnt have enough. they are having to use scrap metal to reinforce their humvee''s...forest says we need the money so he is closing down military bases all over the country and one of them is reed amry hospital where all soldiers go to get new arms, legs, etc...fuck me..i''ll never love again...
and to top it off, we needed rain...and we got rain so hard it bend my tomato plants over sideways...the thunder scared the dogs and i left the window on the truck down again, sonofabitch..and seat is wet..so will have a damp ass for 3 fucking days..
and.......my son let me take some of his movies home to view...and troy sucked the big one...only good part was i got to see brad pitt''s ass, and a fine ass it was....saw meet the fokkers...and when my son who is 39 gave it to me he said: mom, this is the best movie ever...(i said no, kill bill 2 is ) he said never mind, this movie is great..and barbara striesand has the most beautiful breasts on an older woman i have ever seen."..i said..how many old lady breasts have you seen thom?" he said after seeing her''s i wont see anymore...and he''s right she''s got great tits..
saw national treasure which i really did like...and shrek2 which was ....ok. but loved antonio banderas''s puss in the boots...now that is funny...i''d like to see his ass...the only way i''d like to see forest gumps ass is when he pulls his head out of it..

howard gleichenhaus....blogster

dont know if any of you forest gump haters have discovered this guy yet..but he is so smart and just blows me away with his blogs..check him out...

GOOGLED ME

THAT IS FUCKING SCARY...PLUS I GOOGLED JACKIESUE...AND IT IS THE SAME...DONT THESE PEOPLE KNOW I''M WANTED IN SEVERAL STATES AND ON SOME CRIMES THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT...IF I DROP OUT OF SIGHT, MY EX MOTHER-IN-LAW FOUND ME....BITCH...

BALLARD STREET, ON LINE

THANKS to barbaraw47 i have found ballard street on line...its not the same..but its worth it...ballard street doesnt make me fall down laughing..it just makes me feel good, i giggle at some, chuckle at others, but they never fail to make me feel just a little better when i am done..thanks babs..you be the queen....

WEST TEXAS NEWSPAPER

west puts out a newspaper every wed...and this week it had all the graduating seniors pictuers. there were about 120 of them..and im looking at them and they all have those sweet little faces...all eager and ready to get their asses creamed when they go out the school doors...but as im looking at the three pages of the smiley little faces something keeps bugging me and i cant figure out what it is ...then ureka...it hits me...they are alllllllllllll......white....not one shiny little black face in the bunch...doesnt mean we dont have any black kids graduating because they flunked...we dont have any black graduating kids because there arent any...there were 2 kids with hispanic names...(just where the fuck is hispain any how)this town is pleasantville texas... except its not black and white...its just white...
then as iam reading the west newspaper.. i see an ad for a carnival cruise..and i swear to the goddess im not making this up...its a polka cruise...they have a dance contest, some thing called a kroj contest, dumpling instructions, and polka dances 24/7..be still my fucking heart....way too much excitement...there was also an ad for a new business..a family fitness center...yeah, right..im going to rush right down there and sweat to the oldies...please someone come to texas and kill me if you ever hear me mention excercises, diets or losing weight...im not interesting in meeting men to fuck..so who cares if im fat...
i havent been to sleep yet..been up all night..between the thunder, barking dogs, mewing cat and too much dr.pepper(bought a sixpack of dublin dr.pepper and jittery as a motherfucker)so deceided to use this little cheap speed trip to good use...
so i get the dallas am paper, which reminds me write them again and tell them jackiesue wants her fucking ballard comic back ...i send out at least 8 emails a week but so far nada...anyhow, im reading the paper and sadly but true...earnest t. bass croaked...remember him from the andy griffith show?? i actually remember him from the show of shows too with sid caeser....and then the guy that played the father of arthur''s bride to be in the movie authur..he croaked too. he also played on dallas...and then to make it the "they always die in three''s" merchant of merchant and ivory of the movies...howards end and room with a view..he croaked too...so lets have a moment of silence for them..ok, that''s enought...

COMPUTER IS ON QUALUDES

Am I dating myself with the qualudes remark? Do they even make them any more? Does any one but me remember the old song from the late 70''s about "she''s on qualudes again..?" only lines I can remember is about her falling down the hall bumping into the wall and dry humping the coffee table...anyhow, about the fucking computer...
I dont have internet service at the house as I am still trying to figure out how to live on my simi-survors benifits from the great uncle sam...so I go to my best friend David''s house and use his computer and he has aol. which I have always had and really like. But I''m convienced that all the servers are conspiring with each other to get us all onto broadband and faster hook ups...When i hit submit post or submit comment or anything at all ...it takes fucking forever....I know that they want us to get so pissed off we will all pay more to get better and faster service...well, fuck ''em....all but 6 and save them for pall bearers... I think as many people that use the net and all the servers, instead of it being more expensive, it should be cheaper....and by goddess, I''m writting my congressman about it...writing the governor, the senate and the house...Would write the president but he''s probably taking a nap, playing games or riding his fucking bike...I bet you didnt think i could start out a rant about slow computers and end up spewing venom on the president did you...hee, hee..... it was so easy..you should have seen it coming...

HECKLING LAURA

Well, I would love to say I feel bad that the Jews and the Palastines heckled her while she was doing her asskissing tour of the middle east, but I would be a fucking liar...sending her to do his dirty work is really pretty tacky...she''s lucky they didnt toss a hand gernade in her area...then there is ole c. rice running around alternating between kissing ass or kicking it..as hated as we are around the world thanks to King Forest Gump if I had boocoos money I woulnt travel for fear of being whacked as an ugly american...i would wear rubyrocks tshirt that says "fucking the world tour 2004..with pictures of bush, cheney, rumsfeld, rice etc. on the front...." or i didnt vote for the asshole so dont be mad at me...Then to top it off we have the senate, congress and all elected officals pressing the bills about gay marriages and abortions...fuck me people..lets pass some bills on cheaper perscriptions, higher wages, things that make a difference in our eveyday life...i could care less if gays get married...if i thought it would get me cheaper perscriptions i''d marry a woman . couldnt be any worse than the three asshole men i married....

GOING TO GO TO THE COUCH NOW

ALL YOU DEAN MARTIN FANS WILL REMEMBER THAT ONE...WELL, I NEED TO KNOW ONE THING AND THEN IM GOING TO BED...WHICH STATE HAS THE LARGEST STATE CAPITAL BUILDING?? I KNOW LA HAS THE TALLEST STATE CAPITAL..BUT I THOUGHT TEXAS HAD THE BIGGEST AND NEED THIS INFO SO I CAN RUB IT IN ON THE AUTHOR ROBERT CRAIS...WHO WRITES GREAT MYSTERIES... HAS A DETECTIVE KIND OF LIKE SPENCER BUT BETTER...FUNNIER...AND SMARTER....HELP

JACKIE OF ALL TRADES MISTRESS OF NONE

While blogging to soonerfan about having sex with mork, i mentioned that i had worked at paramount studio...made me think about all the jobs i have had that i had absolutely no experience for and how i kept them....i worked as a cocktail waitress when i left my first husband the raving asshole...i had never been to many bars and didnt know jackieshit about drinks. first order i had was a "boiler maker". i thought man, that is the most exotic sounding drink i have ever heard, (only knew 2 besides beer,screw driver and saltydog) and wondered if the bartender would know how to make it..so asked the bartender...do you know how to make a boiler maker?? and he looked at me for a minute and said..."its a fucking shot of whiskey and a glass of beer, you stupid cunt?..." thus began a great friendship with the bartender... i worked my way up to bartender and like to have killed my fist customer when she ordered a grasshopper... i thought i knew how to make it...she said it tasted too minty..so i fucked with it some more and she said now it is really minty... after about 6 tries. some one noticed that i hadnt put in any creme de coco, was just creme de mente and milk...i ketp adding more creme de mente... then i worked as a cook, bartender, waitress..which i figured out i was capable of doing as i had been a wife for 7 years...then i had a chance to go to work at a lumber co...(calco lumber in austin, texas) even though i didnt know jackieshit about that either. but im a fast reader...i would get customers that wanted paint and would run to the paint dept and start reading all the labels til i found what they wanted...in 7 months i was the asst. manager...then i got a chance thru a friend of mine to go to work at paramount studios in la...so left texas and went to hollywood... i became a prop maker..never done carpentry work in my life...but did that until the boss made me an offer i could refuse... we had finished working on the set for a tv movie and i had a chance to go work on popeye, or to texas for urban cowboy..boss handed me a house key and a peice of paper with an address and directions to get to it and said all i had to do was show up and i could pick my next job..asked what would happen if i didnt fuck him...he said byby....and i went back to texas...went to work at a paint store...then went to work at a payless lumber co and was dept. manager of the paint dept. then my daddy died and left me some money and i deceided to become a full blown drunk instead of a part time one...when the money ran out i went to work for a traveling book store...traveled all over putting up temporary book stores and tearing them down...afte 7 months in san francisco...i said fuck it and came back to texas...went to work in book dept at hastings and about 3 months in to my job, i fucked up my back and its been surgeries and no work every since... got tired of dicking around with ss for disability so took my early survivors benifets and now am simi surviving....just anothed day in the land of gumps...

KING GEORGE

I have been giving it a lot of thought and no longer going to refer to george w as king george...going to start refering to him by his real name...Forest Gump....

CONSIDER THIS:

If you can start the day without caffine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and he grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you anytime,
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on your when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment
If you can ignore a friend''s limited education and never correct him
If you can resist treating a rich friend bettern than a poor friend,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs
If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics, then my friend, you are almost as good as your dog....

I FEEL LIKE HAMMERED SHIT

And that is not a good thing...old saying of my mothers....spring has sprung, fall has fell, summer is here and its hotter than hell...and almost 90 out..have a puddle of sweat between my chichi''s and could float a duck there..
but one must remember : the strong take from the weak, but the smart take from the strong...

JOHN PRINE SONG

SOME THINGS GET BETTER WITH AGE..LIKE JOHN PRINE SONGS... LYRICS...."YOUR FLAG DECAL WONT GET YOU INTO HEAVEN ANY MORE....
THEY''RE ALREADY OVER CROWDED FROM YOUR DIRTY LITTLE WAR...."
AMEN, JOHN, AMEN...

SLUTS

My best friend david oden goes golfing allllllll the time...i do not golf..i have humungous tits..that is a handicap that no golfer can overcome...you cannot swing a golf club around the girls... but he plays golf with several couples and one of the wives had tshirts made up for her girlfriends...it says:S.L.U.T.S. Which stands for southern ladies up to something...
i have been following soonerfan78 and blogdreamz(??) blogmaster tale and i think they have switched their meds...but i have laughed sooo hard..i peed myself...who is writing part3? I want a hand in this, but im not clever enough to do the pictures..I still havent figured out how to scan some pictures to show you all....and cant wait to do so ..so you can see my weird family and pets...i will put names on them so you wont get them confused...

REARRANGING MY ROOM

I have to rearrange my room. i have a small bedroom but even so that is where i spend most of my time. eitehr there the bathroom or kitchen. when I was having so many surgeries i was in bed most of the time so i had tv set up by the bed with a big chair for me to roost in when i got better and well enought to move some..so i thought one side table next to the chair would be enough for me and my "stuff"...the 2-3 books i am reading, my crossword puzzle dict. with crossword puzzles, my glasses, my remote, my drpepper, my pad with pen so i can write down all my brilliant thoughts and funny shit i see on tv...(joe walsh was hysterical night before last on craig fergurson)plus a little xena stone jar with my pens, emery board, tweezers, nail cutter, book marks, the little budda that my daughter gave me and anything else i may feel is important to me at the time...west newspaper, articles i have torn out of the paper, receipes, some cd''s, just stuff...well, that little table is now not big enough... i keep knocking over my drpepper when i reach for the remote, i lose my reading glasses down the side of the chair every time i stand up which is often as i pee about every 45 minutes...(all that damn drpepper) and i cannot get one more thing into my xena jar without it bursting out of her ass. so the question is...do i get a bigger table or move some of the "stuff".. to the area around my computer..???i mean am i really going to use that q-tip after it has been in that xena jar for 2 weeks and has blue ink on it...why do i have tweezers there? i dont use half the crap.but think i should have to have it close by cause im to lazy to get up and go get it...suppose i could move it and just get it if i need it when i get up every 45 minutes when i go pee...ah, fuck it ..going to get a bigger table...

ATTITUDE BY CHARLES SWINDOLL

"The longer I live, the more I realilze the impact of attitude on life.Attitude, to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successess, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company....a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past..we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90%how i react to it.."

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

Ok, here goes..going to try this one more time..
I wont be able to get it exact..but close...but then close only counts in hand grenades, horse shoes, halitosis, red lights and dancing..

Am i the only one that isn't into the desperate housewives...when i was married...(all 3 times) I Would have kicked someone's ass for calling me a housewife..i was not married to the house...chained to it sometime..but not married to it..and even thought i was married to 3 different men i never felt desperate...my first husband and father of my 2 sons snatched me out of high school and married me at 16, stayed for almost 8 years before i got tired of being called names and being put down all the time...my last day with him i said,"your right..i am stupid..because i have stayed here and put up with you for 7 years...but no more...your out of here..."...
paid for the divorce... went to work as a waitress and bartender as it was the only thing i could do as i had never worked before...and they made more money than office workers... I met my 2nd husband naturally in a bar, he fell in lust and I thought he was kinda strange..but ended up marring him the same time i tried my first hit of purple barrel acid...when i came down I was in reno, nev. married to a guy that i couldn't remember what he looked like and kept going up to strange guys asking them if i had married them last night...that marriage lasted a little longer than the acid trip...went to roswell, nm to be near my dad and got my divorce there(paid for it too) as he had been married 11 times before and he wasn't sure he had divorced all of them...my grounds for divorce were..the only thing we did in bed together was read and only thing we had in common was we both liked the cookie monster on sesame street...we only had sex twice..first time was ...well, we were married and figured how bad could it be...( I was 26 and he was 19 years older than me)well, it was pretty bad...still had on his sox, tshirt and boxers were around his ankles. second time was a shorter version of the first..and it was less than 2 minutes...
third time..well, he was the father of my beautiful redheaded daughter and don't want her reading on line about him...but needless to say....I'm here, he''s not...and i am still not desperate... so there in lies one of the many stories that make up jackiesue....

LOST BLOG

Well, i got a email from gary at support and the blog is lost...rats... so i will tonight try to recreate it and put it on tomorrow...also to all you small cap lovers and evil doers...i will stop using all caps..i wont use advanced text editor anymore either...ya, hear that gary. you schmuck..whats the good of having it if it loses your blogs...yes, that is me whinning...and i hate whinning. so will jus suck it up and redo it...make me a better person..strengthen my resolve, put a smile on my face, give me a better attitude, ahhh, fuck it ..like niki..ill just do it...

dont trust the advaned text editor

I got to feeling bad about my all caps...(sorry, but im an all caps kinda gal)and thought well, i''ll use the blogster''s advanced text editor...and did a great, i mean really great blog on Desperate Housewives..my 3 marriages, etc...and it is now i supposed intertaining dust dots in the netherworld...cause it didnt get posted on my blog..I thought i had saved it, but thought wrong...as they recommend saving it in case it gets lost...well....doh...lost both of them..so will wait a few days and if it doesnt show up, i will try to recreate it...yeah, right...
so while i was remembering the 3 husbands and rating them asshole 1, 2, and 3..i started thinking about great or not so great cars i had...my favorite (beside my little blue jeep that had to get traded in when i started having grandbabies...) was a 49 dodge.. i had moved to new mexico from oregon with my two sons to live near my daddy(only child) and needed to buy something cheap...this was in 1971...and some friends that came into the bar where i worked had a car they called the dove hunter car. they only used it when they went dove hunting...so i snapped it up for $50...the airconditioning was brought to you by the hole in the floor board right between seat and the foot pedals, which made it pretty tricky to drive, but i adjusted.. summer time i got heat from the exaust and winter i got cold wet rain splashing up my legs...to start it, there was a wire that looped around the steering column and had a toggle switch on it..there was a button on the dash and you had to step on the gas, hit the button and toggle switch at the same time for it to start..and it always did..it never ever failed to start..if you wanted to listen to the radio you had to take your fist and bang as hard as you could at a certain spot on the top of the dash about 4-5 times...tada...music...i had to air up the tires every morning before i took the kids to school or went to work..and every time i went over railroad tracks too fast, when the car would settle from its bump, dove feathers would float all around the inside of the car..the guys wanted to know if i had gave dove hunter car a new name and i said yes i had..i called her wonder mother....cause i always wondered how the mother ran...when i moved to another city in new mexico with asshole #3 i sold her to my girlfriends daughter as a school car for $50... she was a freshman and drove it all thru school till she graduated...put new tires on her, fixed the hole in the floor board,fixed the radio and when she graduated she gave it to her younger brother for his school car... lost touch with them, but wouldnt surprise me if it is still runnin...

BALLARD COMIC

ONE OF MY FAVORITE COMICS OF BALLARD. IS A GUY SITTING IN A CHAIR WITH HIS ARMS FOLDED AND LAUGHING...LITTLE HAR, HAR, HARS ABOVE HIS HEAD..THE CAPTION READS..:MICHAEL GETS A KICK OUT OF HIMSELF....

IN THE IMORTAL WORDS OF FRANK BARRONE...HOLY CRAP

I GOT ON HERE ABOUT AN HOUR AGO AND HAD 1992 BLOGEYES...WHICH I THOUGHT WAS PRETTY COOL...JUST NOW LOOKED AND THERE WERE 2045...DAMN YOU GUYS...IS IN RAINING WHERE YOU ARE...??? IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUT SIDE...GO GET SOME SUNSHINE...I AM...AND THANKS FOR READING....

BALLARD COMIC STRIP

YOU HAVE ALL READ ME BRAGGING AND GOING ON ABOUT MY DALLAS MORNING NEWSPAPER AND HOW MUCH I LOVE IT AND QUOTE IT OFTEN...BUT I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PISSED AT THEM RIGHT NOW I DONT KNOW WHETHER TO SPIT OR GO BLIND..THEY HAVE TAKEN ONE OF MY VERY VERY FAVORITE COMIC STRIPS (A SQUARE BOX ONE ACTUALLY)FROM A DAILY TO A ONE TIME SUNDAY EVENT...SO I HAVE BEEN STEADILY SENDING THEM EMAILS TO : COMICS@DALLASNEWS.COM AND THREATENING TO KICK THEIR ASS, TAP DANCE ON THEIR FOREHEAD, COTTON EYED JOE ON THEIR RIB CAGE AND ATTACK THEM PHYSICALLY WITH SPIT BALLS... SAID I WAS GOING TO HAUL MY ASS( NO MATTER HOW MANY TRIPS IT TAKES) TO DALLAS AND TRY MY DAMNDEST TO MAKE LIFE MISERABLE FOR THEM... TOTALLY IGNORE ME...ASSHOLES...SO IM THINKING....IF NO ONE HAS ANYTHING TO DO FOR THE NEXT DAY OR SO ....COULD YOU SEND EMAILS TO THEM AND TELL THEM JACKIE IS GETTING DEPRESSED FROM HER LACK OF BALLARD....FIGURE IF ENOUGH CRAZED PEOPLE EMAIL THEM THEY WILL PUT IT BACK...THEY REPLACED IT WITH SOME THING CALLED BLEACHERS... A TOTALL WASTE OF TREE KILLING I EVER SAW...
I HAVE COLLECTED BALLARD COMICS AND SENT THEM TO FRIENDS AND RELATIVES FOR YEARS... SO IM IN MOURNING.....I WANT MY BALLARD..........DICKWADS....

DING FARES

I HAVE DONE ALL THE FLYING I WANT TO ..THANK YOU VERY MUCH..BUT IN THE TRAVEL SECTION OF THE DALLAS MORNING NEWS I FOUND THIS GREAT ARTICLE...( I LOVE MY DALLAS MORING NEWS) AND IT IS A WEST SPECIAL THINGY...SEE HOW TECHNICAL I CAN GET.... ANYHOW YOU DOWN LOAD DING AND OCE YOU TO AN ICON WILL REMAIN ON YOUR TASK BAR AND YOU''LL HEARA "DING" AND SEE AN ENVELOPE ON THE ICON WHEN NEW FARES ARE LOADED...THE GUY SAID HE HAS SEEN DING FARES AS LOW AS $27 ONE WAY FOR TRAVEL BETWEEN DALLAS AND AUSTIN, HOUSTON OR SAN ANTONIO. TAXES AND FEES ARENT INCLUDED ... THEY COME AT ANYTIME... SO FOR ALL YOU PEOPLES LOOKING FOR CHEAP AIR FLIGHT..HERE TIS.... CHECK IT OUT ON WWW.SOUTHWEST.COM...

NOT GOING TO GO REDNECK ON POLITICS

ALTHOUGH I AM REALLY PISSED AT KING GEORGE TRYING TO SHOVE THESE NOMINEES DOWN OUR THROATS...THAT BOLTON GUY IS A HUGE HORSES ASS...BUT WILL SAVE THAT WHEN FOR WHEN IM DESPERATE FOR AN ANGER RELEASE...HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY...THE CHANGING OF THE EARTH''S CLIMATE AND OUR HAND IN IT...THIS WAS IN DALLAS SUNDAY MORING PAPER...
NORTH AMERICA:THE RESIDENTS OF SHISHMAREF, ALASKA VOTED TO MOVE INLAND TO AVOID RISING SEA LEVELS, SCIENTIST PREDICT THAT BY CENTURY''S END, NAPA VALLEY WILL BE TOO HOT TO GROW WORLD-CLASS WINE GRAPES.ROBINS, SWALLOWS ADN RED FOXES HAVE APPEARED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN NW CANADA. THE LONGEST EL NINO OF HTE 20TH CENTURY WAS 91-95. IT WAS FOLLOWED BY ONE IN 97 WHICH BLEACHED 10% OF THE WORLDS CORAL REEFS.GLACIER NATIONAL PARK HAS LOST 1/23 OF ITS GLACIALS IN THE PAST 150 YEARS. LARGE COASTAL CITIES SUCH AS HOUSTON GENERATE ENOUGH HEAT TO CREATE THEIR OWN RAINSTORMS. U CAN NOW PLAY GOLF IN CANADA''S FAR NORTHERN NANAVUT PROVINCE BUT WARMER SPRINS ARE SHUTTING LOCAL ICE RINKS EARLY. SWARMS OF 25LB. JELLYFISH NATIVE TO AUSTRALIA INVADED THE GULF OF MEXICO IN 2000.
SOUTH AMERICA:BOLIVIA''S CHACLTAYA GLACIER, ONCE THE WORLDS HIGHEST SKI SLOPE, HAS BECOME TOO ROCKY FOR DOWNHILLERS. THE RATE OF DESTRUCTION OF THE AMAZON RAINFOREST. WHICH ABSORBS VAST AMOUNTS OF CO2 DOUBLED IN THE LAST DECADE..
EUROPE: GERMAN SKI RESORT THAT HOSTED THE 36 WINTER OLYMPICS MUST NOW USE SNOW MACHINES TO STAY OPEN. SUMMER HEAT WAVE KILLED 35,000 IN WESTERN EUROPE 2003. IN 2003 THE DANUBE RIVER HIT ITS LOWEST LEVEL IN 100 YEARS. REVEALING THE MASTS OF SUNKEN WW11 WARSHIPS.
AFRICA: IN 97 HUMDREDS OF AFRICAN STORKS MIGRATING TO EUROPE GOT CONFUSED BY UNUSUAL SPRING WEATHER, TURNED AROUND AND DIED OF EXHAUSTION IN TURKEY. LAKE CHAD ONCE COVERED 9,650 SQUARE MILES IN 63 NOW IT COVERS LESS THAN 500.. THE SNOWS OF KILIMANJARO ARE VANISHING..
ASIA..OH FUCK IT...GET THE IDEA....
THE POINT I THINK IM TRYING TO MAKE IS ..WE ARE KILLING THE GOOSE THAT LAYS THE GOLDEN EGG...IF THIS CONTINUES, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WILL BE EXTINCT..US....THEN THE WORLD WILL GET BACK TO DOING WHAT IT DOES BEST....CONTINUE ON....AND WE WILL HAVE TO START ALL OVER AGAIN AND CRAWL OUT OF THE SWAMPS...
REALLY SCARRY...OH KAY...HAVE A NICE DAY...HEEHEE

library volunteering..

i love working at our little library..for a small town we have a great library. thanks to henrietta, she begs and borrows money to get books, computers,movies, audio tapes..she is so good at it..but she lacks people skills with kids.she is 3 days older than dirt and has lost her patience with teenages..but when im here they will come in and bs with me about stuff and i will steer them to things i think they would enjoy.. have several that are reading now that never did before.got one hooked on books on cars, trucks etc. and one girl now has become a real regular reading the harry potter books. i think a kid that reads and loves to read has a large head start on the world..some lady came in with 3 little girls from about 4 to 9 and they just checked in 17 books. she reads to them at naps and at bedtime... so cool.. well, it is starting to pick up so better look busy..have to recommend james lee burke to a mystery reader..also robert crais...

THE ELEPHANT WOMAN

WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT LOOKING LIKE MY NORMAL SELF AND WOKE UP THIS MORNING LOOKING LIKE THE ELEPHANT MAN...SOME THING KEEPS BITING ME AND MAKES MY FACE SWELL...I GET A LUMP THE SIZE OF A GOLF BALL ON THE LEFT SIDE OF MY MOUTH AND ABOUT THE SIZE OF A MARBLE INSIDE MY LIP AND THEN IT SWELLS....LIP IS SO SWOLLEN IT ACTUALLY DROOPS..LAST ABOUT A DAY...SO IM IN HIDING TILL IT GOES DOWN...LOOKS LIKE SOME ONE WHACKED ME A GOOD ONE IN THE MOUTH..BUT EVEYONE KNOWS ME WELL ENOUGHT TO KNOW IF THAT HAPPENED I WOULD BE IN JAIL FOR DOING SAID PERSON IN...BUT CANT FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK IT IS THAT IS GETTING TO ME..HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR ABOUT A YEAR..STARTED WHEN I GOT THE TWO DOGS AND THOUGHT IT WAS THEM, BUT NOT...THOUGHT IT WAS CAT..BUT NOT...THINK IT IS THIS TEE TINEY LITTLE BROWN FLYING THING..SMALLER THAN A GNAT AND A FRUIT FLY AND SILENT..MAKES NO NOISE WHEN IN AIR..AND SO LIGHT THAT DONT FEEL IT WHEN IT LANDS ON ME...I HAVE SPRAYED SO MUCH BUG KILLER AROUND THAT THE ANIMALS ARE TAKING ON A GREEN GLOW...AND IM GROWING ANOTHER TOE.BUT IT IS ON MY HAND...REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF.
I AM WORKING AT OUR LITTLE LIBRARY TOMORROW SO HOPE THE SWELLING IS DOWN BY THEN..DONT WANT TO SCARE THE KIDS...I LOVE WORKING AT THE LIBRARY..PARENTS COME IN WITH THEIR KIDS AND THE KIDS CHECK OUT BOOKS BUT PARENTS DONT..SO I MAKE IT MY LIFES WORK TO FIND THEM A BOOK THAT I KNOW THEY WILL LIKE AND WILL ACTUALLY READ...SO FAR IM BATTING ABOUT 70%...THAT WAS THE FIRST THING I DID WITH MY GRANDDAUGHTERS WAS TAKE THEM TO THE LIBARY.WAY BACK WHEN THEY WERE 2=3 YEARS OLD..GOT THEM LIBARY CARDS WHEN THEY WERE 4 AND THEY ALL ARE STILL BIG READERS...I CHECK OUT ABOUT 45-60 BOOKS A MONTH... HENRIETTA THE LIBARIAN SAID I HAVE CHECKED OUT OVER 10,000 BOOKS SINCE I MOVED BACK HERE IN 94...HAVE TO GO BUY DOG FOOD ...HOPE NO ONE NOTICES I LOOK LIKE THE ELEPHANT WOMAN....

THE DAMN GAME

IS MAKING ME NUTS... ALL MY FRIENDS AND RELATIVES ARE PISSED AT ME FOR GETTING THEM IN ON IT..I HAVE GOT TO THE PART WHERE THE KID IS DANCING ..SUPPOSED TO CLICK ON THE X..WHEN HE STOPS DANCING..I EITHER DO IT TO MANY TIMES OR NOT ENOUGH... WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS....WILL FIND A WAY TO GET EVEN WITH LANE IN AUSTIN FOR THIS ONE...CEPT WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS... SO ....I''LL THINK OF SOMETHING...

SPAM

I FIGURED OUT THE SPAM..I HAVE A YAHOO ADDRESS. AND IF I SIGN UP FOR ANYTHING ON LINE..I USE THAT ADDRESS SO ALL SPAM GOES TO IT...ALL YOU BILLS, BOBS, KENNYS, JEFF''S AND SUE''S...SELLING ME PENAL INPLANTS, VIAGRA, HOROSCOPE READINGS, INSURANCE AND WHAT EVER ELSE THERE IS ....NANA NANA NA NA....

MY EMAILS, BUDDIES AND SPAM

I HAVE ABOUT 50 PEOPLE ON MY EMAIL ADDRESS LIST..LESS THAN HALF ARE KINFOLK THE REST ARE PEOPLE I HAVE MET ON VARIOUS SITES..POGO, MILITARY, PEN PAL(NO LONGER), FOOD, AND NOW BLOGS...MOST OF THESE PEOPLE ARE NOW LIKE ANOTHER FAMILY FOR ME...I HAVE MARY WHO LIVES IN DENVER THAT I MET PLAYING SOLITAIRE ON POGO ABOUT 3-4 YEARS AGO..SHE IS LIKE A SISTER TO ME TO THE POINT I INTRODUCED HER ON LINE TO MY COUSIN WHO LIVES IN PENN. AND THEY ARE NOW DATING..HE HAS VISITED HER IN DENVER 5 TIMES NOW..IS THERE NOW I THINK...SO IM A MATCH MAKER TOO..SHE HAS HAD A BAD SCARE FROM BREAST CANCER, BUT IS DOING GREAT NOW AND SO GLAD ABOUT THAT...HAVE A EMAIL BUDDY ROSS THAT LIVES IN SYDNEY AUSTRALIA AND HE IS REALLY A GREAT GUY...WE MET ON PEN PAL SITE...AND NOW I KNOW ABOUT HIS WIFE, IN LAWS, SON AND DAUGHTER. SO IS A DALLAS COWBOY FAN (WE ARE EVERYWHERE) AND HIS DAUGHTER IS GETTING MARRIED NEXT YEAR..HE IS ALSO A SCORPIO LIKE ME. BESIDES ALL THE STUFF WE HAVE IN COMMON...HE HATES BUSH TOO..HAVE A GREAT FRIEND NOW EVE WHO LIVES IN ANACORTES, WASHINGTON, A MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE. SHE RUNS A DAY CARE HAS 2 SONS IN COLLEGE AND IS A VERY FUNNY LADY...THERE IS ROBIN IN ARLINGTON WHO ACTUALLY STOPPED BY MY HOUSE FOR A SHORT VISIT ON THE WAY TO AUSTIN TO VISIT HER DAD.. DONT USUALLY GET TO MEET EMAIL BUDDIES...THEN THERE IS CHAD WHO IS VERY SMART AND VERY FUNNY AND HATES KING GEORGE TOO. WHAT IS FUNNY ABOUT CHAD..IS..I HAD SENT HIM SOME BUSH BASHING EMAIL BEFORE THE ELECTION AND HE MEANT TO SEND IT ON BUT HIT REPLY ALL AND SENT HIS EMAIL FROM ME TO ALL THE PEOPLE ON MY EMAIL LIST...AND NOW HE EMAILS 2 OF MY COUSINS AND EVE IN WASHINGTON...SO SLOWLY BUY SURELY MY EMAIL FRIENDS ARE BECOMMING FAMILY...ISNT THE INTERNET WONDERFUL.. I HAVE ALL THESE NEW FRIENDS...AND NOW MAKING EVEN NEWER ONES WITH MY BLOGS....THERE IS A GODDESS AND SHE LOVES YOU ALL...

A GAME TO MAKE YOU CRAZY

MY GIRLFRIEND SENT THIS TO ME...AND I SENT IT ALONG TO MY EMAIL BUDDIES AND THEY ARE ALL THREATENING TO HAVE ME WACKED...I CAN GET UP TO 10 OF THEM..MOST HAVE GOT ALL 13 BUT ONLY ONE HAS GOTTEN OUT OF THE ROOM...IF THIS KEEPS UP..I MAY START DRINKING AGAIN.. HERE IT IS
http://flash.qbol.net/pl;p/youxi/images/04042203.swf

QUEEN OF THE ASSHOLES

MAN YOU GUYS ARE SO COMPLIMENTARY... OF COURSE IF I WAS GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE I WOULD HAVE TO BE THE QUEEN...I AM FROM TEXAS AFTER ALL AND WE RAISE THEM BIG HERE...I MAY BE THE QUEEN...BUT GEORGE IS STILL THE KING....
WHEN I TOLD MY FRIENDS THAT I HAD BLOGGED ABOUT ME BEING AN ASSHOLE, THEY ALL VOLUNTEERED TO GIVE EXAMPLES...MOST OF THEM WERE FROM WHEN I WAS A WALKING TALKING RAVING ALCOHOLIC...(SOBER ALMOST 14 YEARS)...LIKE THE TIME I WAS SITTING IN A BAR AND SOME GUY WAS DRUNK ENOUGH WHERE I WAS LOOKING PRETTY PRIME AND KEPT TELLING ME WHAT HE WOULD DO TO ME IF I WENT HOME WITH HIM..AND HOW GREAT HE WAS IN BED, AND IF I WENT HOME WITH HIM I''D THROW ROCKS AT OTHER GUYS. ETC...AFTER LISTENING TO THIS FOR ABOUT 45 MINUTES..I SAID ...ARE YOU REALLY REALLLY REALLY THAT GOOD IN BED...AND HE SAID YES, HE WAS...AND I SAID WELL, IF YOUR THAT GOOD..WHY DONT YOU GO HOME AND FUCK YOURSELF....
THEN THERE WAS THE TIME...WELL, YOU GET THE IDEA...THERE ARE PLENTY MORE, WAY PLENTY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM...

H. ALLEN SMITH...MY HERO

I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF HIS SINCE I WAS ABOUT 9 YEAS OLD AND READ RHURBARB....HE WRITES GOOD...LOVE HIS TITLES...:LOW MAN ON THE TOTEM POLE, LOST IN THE HORSE LATITUDES, WIKIKI BEACHNUT, PIG IN A BARBER SHOP. ALSO WROTE ONE OF THE GREATEST CHILIE BOOKS...HE WAS ONE OF THE COOKS AT THE FIRST TERILINGUA CHILIE COOK OFF BACK IN THE 50''S...BUT THIS LITTLE DITTY THAT IM GOING TO COPY OUT FOR YOU IS ONE OF MY FAVORITES....HOPE YOU ENJOY...

CHOOSING A MONARCH BY H.ALLEN SMITH
BE IT KNOWN THAT IN THE ANCIENT KINGDOM OF SIAM A MOST INGENIOUS METHOD WAS EMPLOYEDIN THE SELECTION OF A RULER. IT WAS NOT ONLY A MARVELOUS SYSTEM BUT, IN A SENSE, A DEMOCRATIC ONE.
THE OLD KING DIED, AND A NEW ONE HAD TO BE CHOSEN. THE FIRST STEP WAS TO DISPATCH ANNAMESE SCOUTS INTO EVERY CRANNY OF THE KINGDOM IN SEARCH OF CANDIDATES FOR THE THRONE, SUBJECT TO A SERVERE TESTING.
NOW ANOTHER CONTINGENT OF SCOUTS, FROM THE LAWA AND YAO TIN, WENT FORTH UPON THE LAND IN SEARCH OF OF THE FIVE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAIDENS AMONGST THE POPULACE..YOUNG WOMEN OF STUNNING BEARTY, INCREDIBLE SHAPELENESS AND UNTRAMMELED PASSION.
WHEN THE FIVE YOUNG MEN AND THE FIVE GORGEOUS GIRLS HAD BEEN CHOSEN, THE GREAT DAY WAS ANNOUNCED. THE CONTEST WAS HELD AT MIDDAY IN A GREAT ARENA AND THE PEOPLE OF SIAM GATHERED FROM FAR AND WIDE TO WITNESS THE CEREMONY. THE MOMENT HAD COME FOR SELECTION OF THE LORD OF LIFE, DESCENDANT OF BUDDAH, SUPREME ARBITER OF THE EBB AND FLOW OF THE TIDE, BROTHER OF THE MOON, HALF-BROTHER OF THE SUN, POSSESSOR OF THE TWENTY-FOUR GILDED UMBRELLAS, SPITTER IN THE GOLDEN SPITTOON.
THE FIVE STOUTLY HANDSOME YOUNG MEN LINED UP NAKED ON THE FIELD. TWENTY FEET IN FRONT OF THEM STOOD THE FIVE LOVELY YOUNG WOMEN, EACH NAKED AND EACH CARRYING A BRASS POT FILLED WITH FINE HONEY. WHEN ALL WAS IN REDINESS, THE ROYCAL GAKLUK, CLAD IN CRIMSON PANUNG SMOTE A MIGHTY BLOW ON THE SUKHOTAI DRUM AS A SIGNAL FOR COMMENCEMENT OF THE CEREMONY. LESSER TIMPANI THROBBED IN THE BACKGROUND AS THE FIVE GIRLS MOVED FORWARD WITH GRACEFUL STEP. EACH TOOK HER POSITION FACE TO FACE WITH ONE FO THE YOUNG MEN, THEN DROPPED TO HER KNEES, AND WITH HER RIGHT HAND TOOK HONEY FROM THE BRASS POT ADN BEGAN SMEARING IT LIBERALLY, AND CARESSINGLY OVER THE YOUNG MAN''S LOWER ABDOMEN;AT THE SAME TIME SHE EMPLOYED HER LEFT HAND IN LITTLE PATS AND CARESSES OF LOVE. FIVE STOUT BOWSPRITS STOOD FORTH FOR ALL TO SEE.
WHEN EACH CANDIDATE HAD BEEN GIVEN AN ADEQUATE COATING OF HONEY, SUFFICIENT FO BEGIN ATTRACTING SWARMS OF LARGE SIAMESE FLIES, THE SUKHOTAI DRUM BOOMED ONCE AGAIN AND THE GIRLS STOOD UP. ANOTHER SIGNAL AND EACH BEAUTY MARCHED AROUND HER YOUNG MAN, STOOD DIRECTLY BEHIND HIM, AND THEN AGAIN DROPPED TO HER KNEES. NOW EACH GIRL ON SIGNAL REACHED THROUGH THE STURDY LEGS AND TOOK HOLD OF THE PROUD BOWSPRIT AND, TUGGING WITH MIGHT AND MAIN, BENT IT DOWNWARD AND PULLED IT BACKWARD THROUGH THE LEGS AND THEN UPWARD.
ALL WAS READY. THE ROYCAL HAKLUCK SWUNG HIS GREAT KLETKI AGAINST THE DRUM, AND EACH GIRL LET GO, AND THERE WERE FIVE SIMULTANEOUS AND LIGHTNING LIKE SWICHES AS FIVE BOWSPRITS CRACKED AGAINST THEIR OWNERS ABDOMENS.
THE ONE THAT KILLED THE MOST FLIES..THAT WAS THE NEW KING...
HENCE THE NAME OF THE GREAT CAPITAL CITY.............BANGKOK...
OK, SO HE WENT ALONG WAY FOR THE JOKE...
I WROTE HIM TO TELL HIM HOW MUCH I LOVED HIS BOOKS ETC, AND WE WROTE FOR YEARS.. UP UNTIL HIS DEATH IN THE 80''S... I MISS HIS WIT...AND HOPE HIS FAMILY DOESNT SUE ME FOR PRINTING THIS WITHOUT PERMISSION...CHECK HIM OUT..MOST LIBRAIES MIGHT NOT CARRY HIM. BUT CAN FIND HIM IN USED BOOK STORES FOR AROUND $4 OR SO...MAN HE WAS FUNNY

I TOLD YOU I WAS AN ASSHOLE..HERE'S THE PAPER TO PROVE IT

I RECEIVED THIS FROM A GOOD(REALLY HE IS A GOOD FRIEND) THE OTHER DAY...
CIRTIFICATE OF UPGRADE TO COMPLETE ASSHOLE
IS AWARDED TO :JACKIESUE DENNEY
IN RECOGNITION OF YOUR OBNOXIOUS ATTITUDE, ABILITY TO PISS PEOPLE OFF, COMPLETE ASININE JUVENILE BEHAVIOR AND TOTAL DEDICATION TO TOTAL ASSHOLENESS, YOU ARE BEING UPGRADED FROM HALF-ASSED TO COMPLETE ASSHOLE.IF ANYONE FOR ANY REASON, DOUBTS YOUR STATUS, JUST BE YOURSELF..

SEE, AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS JUST KIDDING....JAC

YES ITS ME AND IM PISSED AGAIN

WHEN I WAS A KID MY DADDY WAS STATIONED AT HICKAM FIELD HAWAII...WE LIVED THERE FOR 3 YEARS..BEST TIME OF MY LIFE...WE HAD A PARAKEET NAMED PETE,ENDED UP HAVING HIM FOR 9 YEARS...HE COULD SWEAR LIKE 7 DRUNK SAILORS....HE WOULD SAY IN MY MOTHERS VOICE...YES, ITS ME AND IM PISSED AGAIN...YOU SONOFABITCH...WITH A LOT OF STRESS ON SONOFABITCH...WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT WHEN I HEARD ABOUT THE PASTOR OF THE CHURCH IN WAYNESVILLE, NORTH CAROLINA...WHO TOSSED OUT 9 MEMBERS BECAUSE THEY DIDNT SUPPORT THE PRESIDENT.....
WELL DOH......
NOW HE IS BACK TRACKING SO FAST HE SOUNDS LIKE THE CHIPMUCKS SINGING JINGLE BELLS...
JUST ABOUT THE TIME I THINK THE DUMBEST PEOPLE I HAVE EVER HEARD OF LIVE IN EITHER TEXAS OR FLA. ALONG COMES GOOD OLE N.CAROLINA..THANKS YA''LL FOR TAKING THE HEAT OFF OF THEM FOR AWHILE...
WHY IS IT THAT CHRISTIANS ACT THE LEAST CHRIST LIKE...JESUS WHO WAS A GREAT PROPHET SAID THE MOST PROFOUND STATEMENTS, LIKE LOVE THY NEIGHBOR...NOT LOVE THY NEIGHBOR UNLESS HE THINKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU DO YOU SIMPLE MINDED JACKASS...
WELL, EXCUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE ME FOR BEING UN CHRIST LIKE ON THIS OCCASION...BUT I HOPE THEY FIRE HIS ASS AND SEND HIM PACKING...MY ONLY FEAR IS ...HE''LL MOVE TO TEXAS....BANG MY HEAD...

OLD FARTS IN AGREEMENT

I CAN REMEMBER DOING SOME MILD PETTING IN THE FRONT SEAT OF BILLY MCLISH''S CAR TO SOME GREAT OLDIES AND GOODIES...THIS WAS THE 50''S AND I WAS THE ONLY DAUGHTER OF A M/SGT IN AIRFORCE SO I DIDNT DO HEAVY PETTING...I WAS AFRAID MY FATHER WOULD KILL US BOTH IF HE FOUND OUT..I ALSO REMEMBER SOME REALLY DIRTY SONGS..LIKE WORK WITH ME ANNIE....AND THEN ANNIE HAD A BABY CANT WORK NO MORE....NOW THAT HAD DIRTY LYRICS...NOT LOUIE...ONE COMMENT WAS THERE WERE OTHER VERSIONS OF LOUIE AND THEY SWITCHED THE WORDS AROUND. I PROBABLY STILL COULDNT UNDERSTAND THEM...AND PARDON ME, BUT IF THEY ARE GOING TO GET DOWN ON THE MUSIC THAT SOME HIGH SCHOOL BAND MIGHT PLAY...THEY MIGHT WANT TO LISTEN TO THE WORDS OF SOME OF THE SONGS PLAYED AT THE PROM....AND SOONER FAN HAD A GREAT OBSERVATION...ABOUT THE CHEERLEADING LAW...DOES THAT APPLY TO THE DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS???? AND WHAT ABOUT THOSE FAT GUYS FOR THE MAVERICKS..NOW THAT IS TRULY OBSCENE...
WISH YOU ALL WERE IN TEXAS FOR THE AUSTIN CITY LIMITS MUSIC FESTIVAL ON SEPT.23-25TH...LISTEN TO THE LINE UP....COLDPLAY, WILCO, OASIS, THE BLACK CROWES, THE ALLMAN BROTHERS LYLE LOVETT, LUCINDA WILLIAMS( I LOVE LUCINDA),JOHN PRINE, BUDDY GUY, AND ROBERT EARL KEEN..JUST SOME OF THEM...I ALSO WANT TO GO TO 4TH OF JULY PICNIC IN FORT WORTH WITH WILLIE AND THE GANG...BUT I HATE TO TRAVEL ANY MORE...ESPECIALLY IN AUSTIN..MY LORD, THE TRAFFIC..WE FINALLY GOT A TRAFFIC LIGHT IN WEST AND EVERYONE HATES IT...IF WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR MORE THAN 8 CARS WE ARE PISSED..OR AT LEAST I AM...BUT YOU SHOULD SEE US AT A FOUR WAY STOP...NO YOU GO FIRST, NO YOU GO FIRST...NO IM IN NO HURRY..YOU GO AHEAD AND GO FIRST...SO FUNNY..I LIKE THE FACT THAT EVEN IF THEY DONT KNOW YOU PEOPLE WAVE, OR TIP THEIR HAT OR SMILE AT YOU ...AHHHH. REDNECKS...

ONLY FOR OLD FARTS

A MIDDLE SCHOOL IN MICH WERE TOLD THEY COULDNT PLAY :LOUIE, LOUIE AS IT HAD DIRTY WORDS...MAN OH MAN....SO FOR ALL YOU OLD FARTS THAT THINK THE WORDS WERE DIRTY BECAUSE WE COULDNT UNDERSTAND THEM...HERE THEY ARE...
CHORUS:
LOUIE LOUIE,OH NO
ME GOTTA GO
AYE-YI-YI-YI, I SAID
LOUIE LOUIE, OH BABY
ME GOTTA GO
FINE LITTLE GIRL WAITS FOR ME
CATCH A LITTLE SHIP ACROSS THE SEA
SAIL THAT SHIP ABOUT, ALL ALONE
NEVER KNOW IF I MAKE IT HOME
CHORUS
THREE NIGHTS AND DAYS I SAID THE SEA
THINK OF GIRL, CONSTANTLY
ON THAT SHIP, I DREAM SHE''S THERE
I SMELL THE ROSE IN HER HAIR
CHORUS
OKAY, LET''S GIVE IT TO ''EM,
RIGHT NOW!
GUITAR SOLO
SEE JAMICA, THE MOON ABOVE
IT WONT BE LONG, ME SEE ME LOVE
TAKE HER IN MY ARMS AGAIN
TELL HER I''LL NEVER LEAVE AGAIN
CHORUS
LET''S TAKE IT ON OUTTA HERE NOW
LET''S GO!.....
AND NO MATTER WHAT SPEED YOU PLAY IT...ITS STILL NOT DIRTY...
DAMNIT....

SOUND BITES...

NOT ALL REPLUBLICANS ARE ASSHOLES...
NOT ALL ASSHOLES ARE REPLUBLICANS...
I AM THE REIGNING QUEEN OF ASSHOLES...THANK YOU VERY MUCH..
I HAVE BEEN COOKING SINCE I WAS 16 YEARS OLD..I FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO MAKE GOOD UNLUMPY GRAVY..USED TO BE I WOULD TELL PEOPLE THE LUMPS IN THE GRAVY WERE DUMPINGS... BUT NO MORE ..I MAKE EXCELLENT GRAVY NOW..AND WHY IS THAT...BECAUSE I MAKE IT EVERY NIGHT TO PUT ON MY DOGS DRY DOG FOOD...I AM SUCH A SCHMUCK
I TRULY BELIEVE THAT ANYONE THAT VOTED FOR BUSH 2 TIMES AND STILL THINKS HE IS DOING AN OK JOB....HAS A SERIOUS CHARACTER FLAW...
MY FAVORITE TSHIRT SAYS: ''ITS A HIPPY THING, YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND''
MY SECOND FAVORITE TSHIRT SAYS:''WHAT WOULD WAYLON DO?'' IN REFERENCE TO MY MUSICAL HERO, WAYLON JENNINGS..
MY 3RD FAVORITE TSHIRT SAYS ON THE FRON:''MAKE 7''
AND ON THE BACK IT SAYS:''UP YOURS...''..
DOESNT TAKE MUCH TO MAKE MY GIDDY WITH LAUGHTER..LIKE WED NIGHT ON DAVID LETTERMAN WHEN THE TWO ARMADILLO''S STARTED SCREWING ON HIS DESK...I LAUGHED SO HARD, I PEED MYSELF...
THURSDAY WAS NATIONAL PRAYER DAY..SO TO MAKE MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS HAPPY..I PRAYED...AND I PRAYED...AND I PRAYED SOME MORE...BUT KING GEORGE WAS STILL PRESIDENT
SO SINCE THAT WAS A BUST I PRAYED...I PRAYED..AND I PRAYED SOME MORE...THAT ALL THOSE RIGHEOUS CHRISTIAN RIGHT FOLK GO TO MEET JESUS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE..IM STILL WAITING
RECOMMENDED READING..KINKY FRIEDMAN''S GUIDE TO TEXAS ETIQUETTE... I LOVE KINKY...HE IS RUNNING FOR GOV. OF TEXAS AS AN INDEPENDENT..IM VOTING FOR HIM...CANT FUCK UP TEXAS ANY MORE THAN BUSH AND PERRY HAVE.
IM SUCH A SAP..WATCHED THE HALLMARK CARD MOVIE OF THE WEEK WITH ROSIE ODONNELL.AND CRIED AT EVERY ONE OF THE HALLMARK CARD COMMERCIALS....WHAT A WUSSY I AM
I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH ELVIS''S WIFE PRISCILLA..SHE AGED MUCH BETTER THAN I DID..BUT SHE IS YOUNGER AND HAS HAD MORE SURGERIES THAN ME...
I BOUGHT A DIET/HEALTH BOOK, A TAI CHI DVD AND BOTH ARE STILL IN THE SHRINK WRAP..NEXT TO AN EMPTY BOTTLE OF DR.PEPPER AND A HALF EATEN BAG OF PRETZELS..
IF I HAD TO HAUL ASS......IT WOULD TAKE TWO TRIPS
I GO TO THE LOCAL CATHOLIC CHURCH AND LIGHT CANDLES FOR MY FRIENDS AND PRAY OUT LOUD TO JESUS''S MOTHER...MAKES THE LITTLE CZECH LADIES SO NERVOUS THEY NOW ALL SIT IN THE BACK ROW...IF THEY MOVE ANY FARTHER AWAY FROM ME..THEY''LL BE IN THE PARKING LOT..
I COULD NEVER HAVE A ROMANCE WITH A GUY THAT DIDNT KNOW WHO THE CISCO KID WAS
IN TEXAS WE HAVE AN EXPRESSION THAT FITS KING GEORGE TO A T..."ALL HAT AND NO CATTLE"
ON THAT NOTE IM GOING TO READ YOU THE MOTHER''S DAY CARD I GOT MY MY 31 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WHO LIVES FAR AWAY IN THE CITY BY THE BAY..SHE IS IN RESIDENTIAL REHAB FOR ALCAHOL..
SHE SENT A BEAUTIFUL CARD AND INSIDE SHE WROTE:"MOM, SORRY I AM SO FAR AWAY FROM YOU ON YOUR SPECIAL DAY. THANK YOU FOR BEING MY MOM AND GIVING ME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE..THANKS FOR RAISING ME TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND FOR PASSING ON YOUR STRENGTH AND HUMOR. I WOULDNT BE STARTING OUT MY NEW SOBER LIFE IN SAN FRANCISCO IF YOU HADN''T RAISED ME THE WAY YOU HAD. I AM ABLE TO LIVE OUT MY DREAM BECAUSE OF THE STRONG WILL YOU INSTILLED IN ME..I THANK YOU FOR ALL THESE THINGS AND SO MUCH MORE BUT MOST OF ALL THANKS FOR BEING MY MOM..."
WELL..I WEPT...HOP ALL YOU MOTHER''S OUT THERE HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY......

LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN..

living in west by god, texas is kind of like being in the year 1957 allllll the time...there are good things about it and some not so good things about it..
one of the good things is the lack of big crime...usually the crimes are knocking over mail boxes, stealing cars for job rides, stealing gas from cars... but because of the world we live in..drugs have come to west... and chrystal is its name...meth, speed, crank, what ever they call it...and it is i guess so easy to make that instead of an occasional bust for possesion or selling..it is for making it...i have a friend of my kids that is in a federal jail now waiting for trial and will probably get 10-15 years... and he is a smart kid...just got hooked on it and went from using to selling to making...and has a 16 year old that is following in his footsteps... the family business...just scarry...
the people that live her have lived here all if not most of their lives..this is a 4th and 5th generation town...great grandparents came over from czechoslovia, germany and other neighboring countries...the old folks are dieing out or in the west rest haven..they still speak czech and most of the kids do but the grandkids dont...they like me can say beer (pevo) and how are you...hell, im irish and can speak some czech...i have 2 part czech granddaughters...the grandparents and parents are very racial...look down on blacks and mexicans.. which i find extremely funny as when they get old and go to west haven most of the rn''s and help are black or mexican...hee..hee..see how they like those people they looked down on for years, being the one responsible for wipping their butt and seing that they are taken care of...but the biggest irony is that the grandkids are not .they managed to skip the racial gene...there are no problems at school with race...a wonderful thing...and they date black kids and have their babies...cracks me up...really hard to hate someone that is black or mexican if it is your grandbaby...
i like living here for lots of reasons, but mostly because of the feeling of belonging..even though im not czech i was by marriage and have in law''s steps and friens all over the place..have lived her off and on for almost 30 years... lived in waco for about 10 years but was here most weekends when i drank and raised hell...then i went to work for a book company that put up temporary book stores across the country...worked 6 weeks and had 2 off..was a great job for me as i love books and liked to travel...but spent 7months in san francisco and worked from 9am to midnight 7 days a week and by then i was ready to come home and west was home to me...
but now with the kids grown and living in waco and only one grandkid here in west, i find myself with an itch again...but at 61 1/2 with a history of 4 back surgeries there isnt a lot i can do..so i watch the news, read my paper and find things to bitch about...that is as close to happy i can get...
finding blogging has been sooo much fun...i did this to piss people off and like eveything else i do..fucked up...people like me...they really like me...(sorry couldnt resist)...so now im off to town to go where eveyone know''s my name, the name of the dogs and the cat and all my kids and grandkids... like of like CHEER''S... only with out the beer....

KING GEORGE'S JESTER...

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS...BRING OUT THE JESTER...QUEEN LAURA BUSH JUMPED UP AND DEFLECTED SOME UNWANTED HEAT FROM THE MEDIA AND THE DISGRUNTLED PEOPLE AROUND THE COUNTRY.. I GUESS THEY THINK WE ARE SO STUPID THAT WE WILL BE MOVED BY A PRESIDENTIAL WIFE BEING A DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE..I DONT THINK SO..GOING TO TAKE MORE THAN A FEW SNAPPY JOKES WRITTEN BY A SPEECH WRITER TO MAKE ME FORGET THAT MOST OF THE POOR KIDS IN TEXAS AND MOST PARTS OF THE COUNTRY DONT HAVE HEALTH CARE, THAT THE SCHOOL SYSTEMS ARE EITHER BROKE, HAVE TEACHERS THAT LACK THE PROPER SKILLS TO TEACH TODAYS KIDS, OR THAT KING GEORGE''S IDEAS FOR SOCIAL SECURITY ARENT BEING ACCEPTED BY THE GENERAL POPULATION, EXCEPT FOR HIS BANKING BUDDIES...THAT BECAUSE OF HIS EXTREME RIGHT WING VISION FOR AMERICA PEOPLE ARE MORE AFRAID OF 2 GAY PEOPLE MARRING THAN THEY ARE ABOUT GETTING A JOB, THAT HIS VIEWS ARE SO EXTREME THAT EVEN THE REGULAR REPLUBLICANS ARE GETTING DISENCHANTED..HE WAS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS AND ALL HIS ASSHOLE BUDDIES IN TRAVIS COUNTY(WHERE AUSTIN IS) DIDNT VOTE FOR HIM FOR PRESIDENT...BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THAT...WHEN WE CAN DRAG OLE LAURA OUT WITH SOME FUNNY SOUND BITES AND TRY AND MAKE US NOT NOTICE THAT THE KING WEARS NO CLOTHES...BACK TO BANGING MY HEAD AGAIN....

CROWN PRINCE ABDULLAH, RULER OF SAUDI ARABIA

IS A SEXIST PIG...AMONG OTHER NASTY NAMES I CAN THINK OF...THE PRINCE CAME TO TEXAS TO SEE HIS HAND HOLDING ASSKISSING BUDDY KING GEORGE... AND THIS IS WHAT HE DID IN DALLAS WE LOVE ANYONE WITH MONEY TEXAS...HE TOOK OVER 120 OF 143 ROOMS AT THE MANSION OF TURTLE CREEK A VERY POSH MOTEL... AND MOST OF THE SISTER HOTEL CRESCENT COURT.. HE LANDED AT LOVE FIELD IN TWO BOEING 747''S.
AND BECAUSE A PLACE THAT HAS BEEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR PRESIDENTS, ROYALS AND OTHER DIGNITARIES HE HAD THEM MAKE SOME MODIFICATIONS IN HIS ROYAL SUITE...THE ENTIRE BATHROOM WAS RIPPED OUT AND REPLUMBED SO A BIDET COULD BE ADDED AND NEW MARBLE FLOOR.A WALL OF PLASMASCREEN TV''S WAS CONSTRUCTED SO THE PRINCE COULD WATCH 16 CHANNELS SIMULTANEOUSLY.. OLE PRINCE ''S PERSONAL LUGGAGE CONSISTED OF 200 PEICES.THIS WAS UNPACED BY HIS STAFF AND IMMEDIATELY SENT OUT TO BE IRONED,...1,600 PEICES IN ALL...THE HOTEL STAFF DID THIS LITTLE JOB IN 5 HOURS... A $1,000 ROOM HOUSED HIS WARDROBE...ANOTHER GUESTROOM WAS TURNED INTO A BARBERSHOP JUST FOR THE PRINCE..NO WIVES MADE THIS TRIP AS IT WAS STRICKLY BUSINESS..YEAH, RIGHT..THE PRINCE BROUGHT ALONG HIS PERSONAL CHEF, ALONG WITH 3 SOUS CHEF WHICH SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH GOT ALONG WELL WITH THE STAFF OF DEAN FEARING WHO HAS BEEN AT THE MANSION FOR 20 YEARS... SUNDAY DINNER IN THE MAIN DINNING ROOM WAS HELD FOR KING GEORGE AND HIS PRINCES. OIL EXECUTIVES FROM EXXON MOBIL AND CONOCOPHILLIPS, RAY HUNT, WHOSE DALLAS -BASED HUNT CONSOLIDATED HAS MAJOR HOLDINGS IN SAUDIE ARABIA''S SOUTHERN NEIGHBOR YEMEN. ALSO ATTENDING WERE U.S. AMBASSADOR TO SAUDIA ARABIA, JIM OBERWETTER, A FORMER SENIOR VICE PRESIDENT FOR GOVERNMENT AND PUBLIC AFFAIRS AT HUNT CONSOLATED.
WHILE THIS WAS GOING ON THE ENTOURAGE OF LACKYS HIRED A FLEET OF CARS TO SPREAD THE WEALTH BY GOING TO NORTH PARK CENTER, THE GALLERIA AND BEST BUY...ONE DRIVER SAID THEY LOADED UP ON ELECTRONICS..
BUT BECAUSE THIS WAS A BUSINESS TRIP, THEY DIDNT TIP WELL..THE BILL FOR THE 4 NIGHT STAY AT THE MANSION RAN UP TO $500,000 OR MORE DEPENDING ON THE RATES NEGOTIATED BY THE SAUDIE government and the cost of additional services such as food and beverages..room service started at 9am and ran constantly until 1am...dean fearing was quoted as saying.."iver never seen people eat like this in my life. in the 20 years at the mansion, ive never seen anything like it"
included in this little jaunt is the number of dallas police officers used both on and off duty.(wonder how much that cost the city of dallas??)and even ole clinton dropped by as he and the prince are ole hand holding asskissing buddies too...
and during all this handholding, asskissing meeting did they come to an agreement on the price of oil?????? you bet your ass....not a fucking thing will change...them thats got...gets....and fuck the rest of us...
ok,im going to go bang my head on the wall now...love and kisses..from the land of oyl...

HEART OF TEXAS SNAKE HANDLERS

YUP, THERE ACTUALLY IS A GROUP OF GUYS THAT PUT ON RATTLESNAKE SHOWS...I THINK THE IDEA IS TO EDUCATE PEOPLE ON WHAT TO DO IF THEY RUN INTO A RATTLESNAKE...YEAH, RIGHT..I HAVE KNOW MOST OF THESE GUYS FOR ALMOST 30 YEARS AND I WOULD BET MONEY THEY WERE ALL DRUNK SITTING AROUND TRYING TO THINK OF SOMETHING STUPID TO DO. AND SOME ONE SAID.."LETS PLAY WITH SNAKES"...WHERE UPON THEY ALL FORMED THE HEART OF TEXAS SNAKE HANDLERS AND EACH GOT A TSHIRT WITH A BIG RATTLER ON IT AND THEIR NAME...ONLY IN TEXAS..THE REASON WHY I BRING THIS UP IS THAT ONE MIKE(SNAKE) WHO BELONGS IS ONE OF MY DEAR GOOD FRIENDS AND HAS BEEN SINCE MY 32ND BIRTHDAY...(WE CELEBRATE A SCORPIO BIRTHDAY)..WENT TO A SHOW (YEAH, THAT''S WHAT THEY CALL THEM) AND LET HIS 16 YEAR OLD SON TANNER GET IN THE PIT WITH THE RATTLE SNAKES AND HIS WIFE SARA IS READY TO DO A BALLECTOMY ON HIM...LET ME TELL YOU WHAT THEY ACTUALLY DO AT THESE SHOWS...(YEARS AGO THEY WERE ON THAT''S ENCREDIBLE AND EVEN WENT TO ITALY TO PUT ON A SHOW)...THEY HAVE THIS HUGE FENCED CAGE CALLED THE PIT..JUST WIRE AND WOOD...THEN THEY TAKE ALL THESE RATTLESNAKES THAT THEY HAVE CAUGHT ON SNAKE HUNTS OR THAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE RANGLED UP FOR THEM...DUMP THEM IN THE PIT AND THEY WALK AROUND IN THERE BAREFOOTED...TO SHOW YOU HOW IF YOU EVER COME UP AGAINST SOME 50 OR SO RATTLESNAKES, AND YOUR BAREFOOTED, YOU''LL KNOW WHAT TO DO...THEN THEY HAVE SOME ONE BRING IN A COUPLE OF SLEEPING BAGS AND THEY HAVE SOME GUYS LAY DOWN IN THEM AND THEN SOMEONE WILL TAKE THE HOOK LIKE THING THEY ALL HAVE, PICK UP A DOZEN OR SO SNAKES AND PLACE THEM GENTLY ON TOP AND AROUND THE GUY IN THE SLEEPING BAG..THEN THEY ZIP HIM IN...THEN HE STARTS TO BACK OUT OF THE BAG WITH ALL THE SNAKES ON HIM...THEY ALSO HAVE ONE GUY WHO TAKES ONE THAT IS ALL COILED UP AND THEY PUT IT ON HIS HEAD AND HE PUTS HIS COWBOY HAT ON TOP OF IT...THEY TAKE THE SNAKES AROUND AND SHOW THEM TO PEOPLE, LET KIDS PET THEM WITH HEAD HELD TIGHT AND AWAY FROM THEM...PLUS THOSE JACKASSES WERENT SATISFIED WITH JUST THE RATTLESNAKES THEY ALSO HAVE COBRAS...AND MIKE IS ONE OF ABOUT 3-4 THAT ...BRACE YOURSELF...KISSES THE COBRA ON HIS HEAD....THERE HAVE BEEN SEVERAL COBRA BITES FROM THIS LITTLE TRICK, BUT NO DEATHS...PLUS THEY GET BIT ALL THE TIME...THE HAT TRICK GUY GOT BIT ON TOP OF HIS HEAD, MY FRIEND MIKE GOT BIT ON HIS HAND AND WAS REALLY BAD FOR A WHILE...SO AS YOU CAN SEE, SARA, MIKES WIFE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO BE PISSED AT HER HUSBAND FOR LETTING THE 16 YEAR OLD IN THE PIT...SHE SHOWED ME THE PICTURE AND IT IS MIKE AND TANNER BACK TO BACK WITH LAP AND LEGS FULL OF SNAKES...AND NO THESE SNAKES HAVE NOT BEEN MILKED FOR VENOM...I HAVENT SEEN MIKE YET BUT I CAN BETCHA HE DONT GET ANY NOOKIE FOR ABOUT 6 MONTHS...IF EVER...SO THAT IS WHAT IS GOING ON IN TEXAS...AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY???