HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR

How can I tell you how much you all mean to me with out becoming gushy...?...I can't...I love each and everyone of you like your were my own..even if you're close to my age..You entered my heart and grabbed a holt of it, so now you are mine..You have told me about your family and I have told you about mine..I have opened up my heart and told you all my secrets(well except for that dream I keep having about Paul Newman) and you didn't let it scare you away..you came back for more. I have told you about every part of my life year by year and did it to music..and yet, here you still are nearly 3 years later...I'm so grateful...don't know what I'd do without you. I am constantly pissing my family off and they in turn quit speaking to me...but if I've pissed you guys off...you still stayed..and came back for more..so on the cusp of a brand new year I'd like to send you a big ole West, Texas hug...full frontal and with lots of squeezing...each and every one of you make up.....my heart...and in the immortal words of Billy Pilgrim...I fucking love you sonsabitches.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABS

today is my adopted daughter Babs birthday....go by and wish her a happy happy...be careful she's pretty pissy..she's still trying to quit smoking....

http://howtogoinsane.blogspot.com/

THE ANSWERS

Some very very varied questions..mostly about things you could ask your neighbor. You humans...I'm here to offer you my expertise and you ask me about the weather..Sweet blue haired cats of Valhalla.............sigh*
Utah Savage wants to know if she dies will her book sell. Goddess thinks you have enough talent that you shouldn't have to resort to an early death. Besides think of all the fun you'd miss out on the book tour and your appearances on all the morning talk shows. The Goddess likes the Savage..she makes fart jokes, and fart jokes are good in the eyes of the Goddess.
Paul(sooner) sent a e-mail and said all he wanted for Christmas was a piece of ass and a pair of socks and neither fit. Wanted to know if this was a sign he had a pecker like a cheeto. Of course not pencil dick, of course not. In another e-mail he said he had a pecker the size of a baby's arm. The Goddess thinks if this was true he'd be getting a lot more ass than he does.
Willym is concerned that the Yellow Dog is back drinking because of the Tabu farts. This is just a ritual that she does when she has Tabu Powder...it goes all over her ass and then when she farts?...little Tabu farts..It entertains the cat. Then Willym asks Do people really believe it when a little man with beady eyes who prances around in a long white, lace and brocaded dress; lives with a whole bunch of other men, who wear black, red and purple dresses, in a really overdecorated version of OZ (the city not the prison)guarded by hunky young men in puffy yellow and blue stripped pants, black knee stockings and silver buckled shoes talks about rain-forests and homosexuality?..There is no accounting for religious beliefs. If you had your choice..would you rather believe in a Goddess, who believes that you are truly created equal. That to be a good pagan all you have to do is lead a good life and set a good example for your children? If you do you will go to Valhalla. Or believe in ....well, the Christians version of God and Heaven. The choice is as always...up to each individual.
I'm U. sent an e-mail asking what is in store for 2009...I think this planet will be here for many many eons to come..I'm not so sure about it's inhabitants.
Anne J. wants to know who stole the cookies from the cookie jar....well, the fairies of course.
Ted is under the impression that the Goddess and your God have a relationship...far from it..God hasn't come out of his room since Jesus have him a Wii for his birthday 3 years ago. But Jesus and the Goddess do split a keg of mead once in awhile.
Green tea has weather questions..will it stop raining, will the sun shine again?...What? I'm the weatherman?...Watch the 10 pm news tonight..you'll get your local weather results.
Tsduff wants to know if she'll get a dog again. The Goddess hopes so. Pets bring so much into a persons life. Plus there are so many animals out there that need loving homes. Adopt a pet, the sooner the better..She's also asking weather questions..
Thor's back teeth...read a paper, watch the news, google local weather...don't bother the Goddess with weather questions, or I'll start getting involved and send down storms, the likes you've never seen before.
Rainwolf....more weather....Blessed Valhalla...buy an umbrella or stay at home.
Lily says hello to Eartha Kitt...Eartha Mae is putting on her cabaret act for all the gay warriors in Valhalla and too busy to reply.
Buddha girl is having problems with getting Robert to sleep in his bed. Goddess says......you're the adult..he's a 4 year old. Make some rules and laws and enforce them. Instead of giving him something to entice him to do your wishes...try taking something away when he doesn't.
She also expects me to properly punish the Yellow Dog for sending Robert a microphone with a speaker. Are you kidding? I helped pick it out...wait till you see the guitar she's sending.
Nitwit wants to know why he should believe in me instead of the invisible man on a cross or some guy promising 72 virgins? It's all about what fits your soul...Whom ever you believe in will be there for you. Some of us Deities are more forgiving than others and ask little in return. The Goddess wants you to be a good person, be kind to others, and lead a good life. She doesn't expect you to go to buy a new suit, go to a enclosed building and pray through an intermediary for salvation. The great outdoors is the Church of the Goddess.The choice is yours as it has always been.
Rosemary wants to know why licorice is bad for her when it tastes so good. Develop a taste for something that is good for you...like celery and spinach dip. What is this? Third grade...? of course winter is necessary. and so are wrinkles...How else is anyone to know how well you have lived your life.? the Goddess never wants to keep anyone as an underling....she wants strong and willful subjects. Cougar material? Why have a boy when men are so much more entertaining..
Nitwit:in reply to your answer "huh?"....my reply?..."Exactly."
Woozie, the Goddess doesn't care about sports, but I have spent the past 2 days trying to convince the Yellow Dog it's not a good idea for me to smite the entire team of the Dallas Cowboys ....At one point I had to hide the keys to her truck so she wouldn't drive to Valley Ranch and 'kick all their asses.'....
She's miserable.
Jan wants to know what would embarrass the Yellow Dog. She said getting caught in a lie. Which is why she doesn't lie anymore about anything..So what ever you do...don't ask her if those pants make your ass look big.
I think the Yellow Dog has plans to take up sewing now that the football season is over for her.
Utah Savage ....you are so correct. The Goddess expects questions deserving of her special knowledge..not Oprah questions.
Joy wants to know if raising goats is a good thing...???? And are they spawned by Satan. First of all ..goats are good..they are especially good with rosemary and garlic. Second of all..there is no Satan...There is, I repeat.....NO SATAN.
Evilgnome...Baby strollers?...You have a chance to ask the Goddess any question in the world and you ask about rude mothers and their baby strollers?....Ball up man.....tell them to leave those things in the SUV where they belong and use a grocery cart like everyone else..Odin's left nut, really.
Christi wants to know if watching MMA make her into naked men and violence.. Nothing wrong with naked men fighting with the Goddess...it happens in Valhalla all the time.
So...the question/answer time is over..and as before you have left me wondering what you were thinking..????
I'm going to go to a neighboring planet in another galaxy and see what kind of questions they have for me..Go in peace my children..Blessings on you.

fuck

WAITING FOR MY CHRISTMAS

I'll have a very Merry Christmas if the motherfucking Cowboys beat them motherfucking Eagles. nuff said.
Babs and I spent Christmas together...I called her up and said come over and I'll make you scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast. Then we opened our presents. I got her 2 new sleeping pillows and a throw for when she naps on the couch, a mini-chopper, and some other stuff...Her birthday is the 31st and got her one of those fake little fish tank/nightlights, which is cute as I got one for me too. Also got her a kitty cat cookie jar full of oatmeal/raisin cookies. She got me this beautiful goddess necklace on a cord, which I absolutely love..it's so pretty...and she got me a Tabu set of perfume, powder and lotion, and other stuff. My sister-in-law(X) from first husband, who we have reconnected after 40-plus years send me 2 bottles of Tabu perfume..How she remembered that it was my favorite perfume after all these years, is beyond me. Vicki(Junebugg) sent me a pair of cashmere socks...which makes my feet grin from toe to toe. I got lots of candy, which I don't need and candles which I never have too many of.I have been baking cookies and pies for the manager of the Dollar General since last Christmas, I made her a pecan pie and some chocolate cookies and she got me a Rachael Rae Cookbook and some candy. When I thanked her she said she wanted to get me something because I had touched her heart by doing all the baking for her. Now how sweet was that?..

Babs and I decided instead of having a big turkey dinner, we'd have 'nothing homemade' Christmas...We had ring bologna, rat cheese, crackers, smoked oysters, Vienna sausages with jalapenos, ham, jack cheese, nuts, cold asparagus, etc. just junk...Plus we rented 4 movies..we saw Wanted which was...ok, but not as good as I thought it was supposed to be, The Dark Knight, which was an hour and a half too long and I nearly drove Babs nuts with the sound. The sound editor of that movie needs to have his ass kicked..When it was dialog you couldn't hear them, so I'd crank it up to hear them and then the action would come on and it's so loud the windows were rattling. But Heath Ledger was pretty awesome, and I think he was pretty cranked up ...all that lip licking kind of made me nervous. We checked out Hancock, but didn't watch it..We watched Mama Mia and I don't want to piss anyone off, but next to Forest Gump that was the dumbest movie I ever saw and I hope to never have to sit through anything so mind numbing boring again in my entire life..fuckme, I'll never sing another ABBA song as long as I live.
Tom is gone from the store and I have a new 'part time' store manager..Sharon, who is...very sweet and a hard worker and I enjoy working with her, but she is only going to be here for another week and then I don't know who we'll get. I just do my job and let them sweat all that shit. I had big plans for cleaning house this weekend, and all I did was read..Finished 3 books and took the most of the tensile off the tree and that's about it. Will do some laundry today, but I'm not straining myself. I still haven't put the sewing machine together..no one told me the fuckers were so confusing...It actually comes with a instructional disc to set it up...feck..wonder if anyone has an old fashioned sewing machine they'd like to trade for this new spangled one..???
I went to both $ stores and took advantage of all the after Christmas sales. Bought a bunch of decorations for next year. In case anyone is interested all the Family Dollar stores have all the toys that are $9.99 and over on sale for 40% off. Christmas decorations are 50% off.
There was one bit of interesting news in my DAM paper. Out of New Orleans. A same-sex couple in California has won a federal court ruling that their adopted son's Louisiana birth certificate must bear the names of both adoptive fathers. The facts are so clear that no trial is needed, U.S. District Judge Jay Zainey wrote. Louisiana's Office of Vital Records must give full faith and credit to the New York State court in which Oren Adar and Mickey Ray Smith of San Diego adopted the boy, h ruled Monday. Hey Kevin, wonder if you can go to court and have both your names put on the kids birth certificates too?..
Maybe this will open some doors for you and Ron? That would be terrific.
Well, I have to go do some laundry and roast the turkey and get all ready for the Cowboys game tonight...Cross your fingers for me..'cept for Anne, who is a Eagles fan, so I know she will be sticking pins in a voodoo doll dressed like a Cowboy.
Hope everyone had happy holidays and a wonderful new year.

ASK THE GODDESS

I'm bacccccck!...I had to make a short trip to pick up Eartha Mae, she's as much of a warrior as any Marine I know. Everyone was putting on their best duds to greet her, and George Carlin even put on clean underwear. I thought while I was here I'd stop by and see what the Yellow Dog got for the Christian Holiday, Christmas. She's doing a naked dance in the living room. She got 4 bottles of Tabu perfume and every time she farts there are little puffs of Tabu powder shooting across the room. Something about Tabuing her naked ass. I'm sure you all must know what she's talking about.

I'm here to answer all your questions...again, please no political questions or anything about sports. That's the Yellow Dogs speciality...I don't care about politics or sports. So remember that. I'll be back as soon as I carry Eartha Mae home. Be back Monday. My blessings on you..........

CAUSE THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO

Q: What is christianity?
A: It is the belief that a two-
thousand-year-old jewish zombie
can make you live forever if
you symbolically eat his flesh
and telepathically tell him that
you accept him as your master,
so he can remove an evil force
from your soul that is present
in humanity because a rib-woman
was convinced by a talking snake
to eat an apple off a magical
tree in a wonderland.

EARTH KITT

Without a doubt the sexiest woman ever...I saw her on the Ed Sullivan Show when I was a kid, and she did Santa Baby and I thought my Daddy was going to climb through the TV set and my mother was just mesmerized ....She was just the best. If you never got to see her perform, you don't know what you missed.
http://www.youtube.com/whttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RlzYaDRxX4atch?v=tQ5VaBgXzuM

MERRY CHRISTMAS

this is my favorite Christmas carol. I actually like the version by Tennessee Ernie Ford the best, but I couldn't find it anywhere. This is my second favorite version. I remember watching this on TV and thinking 'what the fuck'...?...But it's really pretty..
I would like to take this time to wish all of you the very very best in the coming year...George "Forest Gump" Bush is gone and we have a new leader ...So to all of you I say:TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.... so don't fuck it up...love and kisses...jac
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zMhSjDqvRs

I HAB A CODE

Finally get rid of the fucking cough from hell, and woke up this morning with a head cold...Head is stuffed up, sneezing, nose alternates between running and being stopped up..or stopped up and still manages to run...I had to work an extra hour today..Tom is no longer our manager, they shipped him to Valley Mills in Waco, and Inky refused the managers position(said by the time he worked the 70-80 hours on 'salary'. he'd be making less than he's making now as a ass. manager with 40 hours. Plus he has a bum leg and it's killing him.He's been working 18 hours a day for over a week and he was ready to just hand in his keys and quit. So Sharon came in today and will be here for 2 weeks until they find someone to take us ..haahaa..She said when she asked about Tom's crew he said 'Jackie's a worker...a really really hard worker.'..nice!
All I want to do is get well. I'm so sick of being sick..Going to call Dr. E. tomorrow and see if he can't give me the antibiotics that he had given me but give it to me for 2 weeks and a refill. 10 days don't do jack-shit.
I have tried to come around and the posts on your blogs but I'm in a semi-coma or walking dead, so I'm sorry that I didn't get to them all. I will catch up in a day or two..I hope..All I know is I feel like hammered shit. If I'm not back in action by Christmas...a very very merry fucking Christmas to you all..

HOW I REALLY FEEL

now, really....I don't fucking wanna talk about it...fuckity fuck fuck fuck..................fuck

I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

period.

FINISHING UP WITH THE LAST BATCH OF STUMBLES

thought I would go ahead and finish up with all the stumbles I have stock piled and then go stumbel some more. Have a great weekend.. If my Cowboys win Saturday night..I'll be a great weekend for me..even though it's going from 75 degrees to 21...Jeez, the weather in Texas keeps getting weirder and weirder..

STUMBLE TILL YOU DROP

I got my my Christmas present early...About 2 years ago I went on zaba search and wrote a little message saying I was looking for my old friend Roxanne WL...and I swear, I thought oh well, that's the end of that and forgot all about it. Roxanne was one of my very best friends when I lived in Portland, Oregon. We worked at the Palm Gardens together, raised hell together, were room mates for a while. Kept in touch, fell out of touch, got back in touch and fell out of touch..This last time for 30 years. Well, I get a reply from Gail, who is Roxanne's husband's sister. She

took the information and called Roxanne and said guess who is looking for you. So we are going to hook up this week end..She lives in Prescott Valley, Arizona. Is that not rocking or what?...I am sure when I was doing the yearly activities of the world, me and music I mentioned her quite a bit..So you old timers will know who I'm taking about. But let me tell ya...I'm so happy.......I'm going to go take some more cough syrup...hot dang..fuckme I'll never dance again. I'll do a whole post on what is going on with her. Gail called me to make sure the phone number was correct and she said Roxanne didn't smoke or drink any more..So we have that in common..wow..You just can't know how excited I am over this..Gail is now my new best friend for hooking us up. Wow...fucking wow...