CAUSE THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO

Q: What is christianity?
A: It is the belief that a two-
thousand-year-old jewish zombie
can make you live forever if
you symbolically eat his flesh
and telepathically tell him that
you accept him as your master,
so he can remove an evil force
from your soul that is present
in humanity because a rib-woman
was convinced by a talking snake
to eat an apple off a magical
tree in a wonderland.