IS THIS THE BEST YOU CAN DO?sigh.....

I have been a busy Goddess, the Yellowdog has friends that have had some losses. I would like for them to know their loved ones are sipping Mead at the grand table in Sessrumnir...George Carlin has made it his job to be the welcoming committee and trying out his new stand-up act on them. I'm proud to tell you that he has a solid 45 minute set on the Tea Baggers alone.
But I'm back now and ready to answer your questions.

Jan wants to know if there is other life forms our there or are you all there is. What a joke, you on Earth are like the Farkle Family from Laugh In. Your the joke of the Universe. All the inhabited planets have actually taken up a pool to see who gets the closest to picking the date you blow your self out of the solar system. The one with the closest date gets a free 2-week vacation cruising around the planet Lyzripgig., now they know how to run a world..there is one law, do no harm. There is peace in the valley on Lyzripgig. More later on this lovely place. But I will have to admit, they don't give me the laughs you folks do.

Lisa, Lisa Lisa. Yes, they are real. Every thing about Goddess is real. The Yellowdog asked a favor from me for you. I'm supposed to let you know the importance of your being. To let you know that you have worth, that you bring joy, that you can have joy. But you do need more of my help.
Know that the Goddess loves you and is always there for you. All you have to do is make the first step and ask for me.

Shrinky has a interesting question. Where do flies go in the winter. They are still there, they
have a hibernation-like state called 'diapause', and they just hibernate till it's warmer. How many times have you walked into a room and have a fly fall off the ceiling on you?...Hibernating.

Francie, you bring me such joy. Flowers are lovely gifts for the Goddess, but Goddess would rather you made a donation in her name to a Charity for Wounded Warriors. When they don't make it I come and take them home. But when they stay they need all the help they can get from everyone.

Kulkuri wants to know why they ask for name and password when he comes here. Everyone wants to know that including Yellowdog and Goddess. As Yellowdog says.."Beats the shit out of me."

Ah...Ted...There are more horses asses than horses because it's the nature of you Earthlings to just be horses asses as often as you can. Goddess is just surprised there aren't more of them.

Billy the Pilgrim most loved friend of the Goddess and Yellowdog..Good question ..but no the
nephilim couldn't patch a tire, they are so dumb. They are not a creation of Goddess. They are creations from the Boy Wonder, and he seems to enjoy beauty more than brains, and the
nephilim are lovely to look at but as Yellowdog says, "Dumber than a box of rocks."

Female:really? really?...sigh*..no

Jadedj, yes Jehovah has a penis..even he has to pee. He eats, he drinks, he walks, talks and rides a bicycle. So of course he'd have to pee.

Bob, you have to be a believer but I could go for a Big Red, you buying?

Allan, so sad. This is how the Earth is going to go out. This is just the beginning. Japan will recover, but not for many many years. Just about the time it will take for another accident, or maybe not so accidental.

Kathleen wants Goddess to bip someone for her..Bip....................sent.

Wendy wants to know if her coworker is going to have a melt down and can she watch.
Well, my suggestion is ...help her along..fuel to the fire so to speak.. Nudge nudge wink wink..
Why wait for the Goddess to help her along..? Give her a nice gentle 'shove'.

Daisy Deadhead(don't you just love that name?) wants to know if we're going to continue evolving or are we done. Done..like toast.

Anonymous (I'm thinking Yellowdog's good buddy Sooner)
wants to know if Jerry Jones is cursed. FUCK NO.. if you had his money would you think you were cursed?

Battlee43..I feel for you buddy..finally get tickets for your favorite football team after 15 years and the owners and players are fighting and the owners lock them out(I got this information from Yellowdog)..she says..she's hoping, wishing and praying to me that they both fold and get back to the business of football...I don't think it will last a year..greed is pushing them to a closure.

Well, Goddess is off to Libya ..seems like I will be needed there. Not something I'm looking forward to. How do you people on this planet manage to allow such crazy people to get into power and then stay there for 40 years.????? You are not ruled by the Christians beliefs you so loudly scream about. Allowing someone like him be in control and sell him arms just to make money. Money won't get you into your Christian Heaven, and neither will all those bumper sticks and flag decals on your SUV.
Go in peace.............love your Goddess.

YOU RANG?

Rosemary, Rosemary, Rosemary. Goddess doesn't need to teach you spells. First of all I'm not a witch, I'm Goddess and I made you a strong woman..I'd advise you to tell Steve to either start picking up after himself or he'd find him spending a lot more time in Hotels. Yellow Dog says to try Biotin for your hair. I would think making your counter tops the screen saver on his computer might get the point across. People don't want to read about what is really going on in the world. Starving babies dying with out every having clean water, war, animals going extinct because there is money in pollution. So they'd rather watch mind numbing stories on MJ, Jon and Kate(who should have those kids taken from them...I wouldn't let them baby sit my blue cats). World peace? Who knows, I just put you here, it's up to you people to play nice.

Sage Bitches will rule every day. You should know that. Maybe if you took Homer out into the yard and played with him and his favorite toy for awhile and then let The Bitch have it..he might be aggressive enough to take it back and might like the feeling of being the Alpha Dog..But then again?..You can teach 'Balls'..you either have them or you don't.

Debra, Swine Flu is Piglet's revenge. My Chariot has a little sticker that says 'TRUST IN THE GODDESS, SHE'LL PROVIDE.".

Ts?..rescue two dogs, one Beagle and one sweet ole Pitty Bull Dog.

Nitty, favorite of the Goddess. Yellow Dog and I are so glad you're back with us. I have to admit, I let Yellow Dog interfere with my Goddess duties. I was prepared to take you to Folkvang, when Yellow Dog pleaded on your behalf. So Goddess slammed the door on you and sent you back. But if it helps any, Yellow Dog gave up chocolate for you.

Buzzardbilly, you silly girl. Earth people prove to be a horror movie every day, so need for me to go any place else. Yellow Dog says her favorite scary movies are Rosemary's Baby and The Exorcist. Why? I think she likes seeing God taking credit for getting rid of the Devil, when she knows there is no Devil.

Gruvkitty, you earth people aren't jerks for bombing the moon, you're stupid and lazy. With the money, time and ingenuity it took to shoot the moon with a rocket, you could have cleaned up every river in the United States and made it more drinkable. Goddess is very tempted to bip someone..and hard.

Wendy, Oreo needs a home and you need a cat. Rescue the cat and see if you can't find Oreo a good home on Petfinders.

Mr. Intense Guy, you make my heart break. You are such a good kind loving man to have such tender feelings for Yellow Dog. She just needs to heal a little more. The right dog is coming her way and when it gets there, she'll be ready. I can't understand a world with out being able to eat Reese's Peanut Buttercups. I can eat and drink all I want and never have to worry about calories, fat or carbs. Yellow Dog on the other hand will eat absolutely no carbs all day so she can have a 1/2 cup of Blue Bell Ice Cream. So..you might try that.. People that buy clothes and 'snuggies' for their animals should be bipped into a coma.

Goddess can't understand why it's important for Christians to put the stamp of their God on every thing. Are they afraid they will forget?

Ken, Yellow Dog has a great expression. "If you beat around the bush all you get is a beat up bush"...Tell the Virgo's to man up and pay attention or the Goddess will wreck havoc on their house. I like a man that wants to sack villages for me. I may have to take you before your time just so we can rumble together.

Rox Gerry Goffin and Barry Mann wrote the song and I like the Platters version the best. Who put the snow on the ground? It's to early? Goddess did and don't question my judgement, or you could have snow 3 feet deep by the middle of the week.

Sooner....because I said so. I think I already answered the rocket to the moon question. The people in charge would rather take the easy way to get fresh clean water than clean up the water they already have..

Future, it's just instinct. They smell clean and throw up on it.

Rainwolf, Goddess is always in a snit. As long as Earth People keep trying to kill the planet and each other I will always be in a snit. Goddess doesn't approve of gambling, but She likes the numbers 3 15 39 48 17 9. They will win some place. Not sure if they will be in your state, but in some state.

Billy I can't for the life of me understand why he continues to wear that silly dress all the time. Goddess wears sweats when She's laying around Folkvang on rainy days.

Hi Joy...'sup?

You didn't embarrass yourself this time. There were some good questions and Goddess is most pleased. I would like for each and every one of you to try and be a better human. Smile, keep me in your heart, help your fellow humans even when they don't ask for help. Go through your closets and take some of those clothes that you keep saying you'll wear when you lose 10 pounds and donate them to people who have no clothes. You know the minute you give them away you'll lose the 10 pounds, then you can buy something new and not something that's been hanging in your closet for 3 years. Who wants to wear something that is 3 years old even if it does fit.????

If you can't afford to rescue a cat or a dog. Donate some money or buy some food, and take it to your local humane society. Cat liter, old blankets, towels, pet toys. They need it all. Instead of watching TV and seeing how much Michael Jackson's glove brought at auction, take that hour and go volunteer at the Library or Retirement Home. Bake a pie, cake or some cookies and take it to the Fire Station or the Police Dept. There is still time left for you to change the wold..It all starts with one step. I bless you.

THE ANSWERS

Some very very varied questions..mostly about things you could ask your neighbor. You humans...I'm here to offer you my expertise and you ask me about the weather..Sweet blue haired cats of Valhalla.............sigh*
Utah Savage wants to know if she dies will her book sell. Goddess thinks you have enough talent that you shouldn't have to resort to an early death. Besides think of all the fun you'd miss out on the book tour and your appearances on all the morning talk shows. The Goddess likes the Savage..she makes fart jokes, and fart jokes are good in the eyes of the Goddess.
Paul(sooner) sent a e-mail and said all he wanted for Christmas was a piece of ass and a pair of socks and neither fit. Wanted to know if this was a sign he had a pecker like a cheeto. Of course not pencil dick, of course not. In another e-mail he said he had a pecker the size of a baby's arm. The Goddess thinks if this was true he'd be getting a lot more ass than he does.
Willym is concerned that the Yellow Dog is back drinking because of the Tabu farts. This is just a ritual that she does when she has Tabu Powder...it goes all over her ass and then when she farts?...little Tabu farts..It entertains the cat. Then Willym asks Do people really believe it when a little man with beady eyes who prances around in a long white, lace and brocaded dress; lives with a whole bunch of other men, who wear black, red and purple dresses, in a really overdecorated version of OZ (the city not the prison)guarded by hunky young men in puffy yellow and blue stripped pants, black knee stockings and silver buckled shoes talks about rain-forests and homosexuality?..There is no accounting for religious beliefs. If you had your choice..would you rather believe in a Goddess, who believes that you are truly created equal. That to be a good pagan all you have to do is lead a good life and set a good example for your children? If you do you will go to Valhalla. Or believe in ....well, the Christians version of God and Heaven. The choice is as always...up to each individual.
I'm U. sent an e-mail asking what is in store for 2009...I think this planet will be here for many many eons to come..I'm not so sure about it's inhabitants.
Anne J. wants to know who stole the cookies from the cookie jar....well, the fairies of course.
Ted is under the impression that the Goddess and your God have a relationship...far from it..God hasn't come out of his room since Jesus have him a Wii for his birthday 3 years ago. But Jesus and the Goddess do split a keg of mead once in awhile.
Green tea has weather questions..will it stop raining, will the sun shine again?...What? I'm the weatherman?...Watch the 10 pm news tonight..you'll get your local weather results.
Tsduff wants to know if she'll get a dog again. The Goddess hopes so. Pets bring so much into a persons life. Plus there are so many animals out there that need loving homes. Adopt a pet, the sooner the better..She's also asking weather questions..
Thor's back teeth...read a paper, watch the news, google local weather...don't bother the Goddess with weather questions, or I'll start getting involved and send down storms, the likes you've never seen before.
Rainwolf....more weather....Blessed Valhalla...buy an umbrella or stay at home.
Lily says hello to Eartha Kitt...Eartha Mae is putting on her cabaret act for all the gay warriors in Valhalla and too busy to reply.
Buddha girl is having problems with getting Robert to sleep in his bed. Goddess says......you're the adult..he's a 4 year old. Make some rules and laws and enforce them. Instead of giving him something to entice him to do your wishes...try taking something away when he doesn't.
She also expects me to properly punish the Yellow Dog for sending Robert a microphone with a speaker. Are you kidding? I helped pick it out...wait till you see the guitar she's sending.
Nitwit wants to know why he should believe in me instead of the invisible man on a cross or some guy promising 72 virgins? It's all about what fits your soul...Whom ever you believe in will be there for you. Some of us Deities are more forgiving than others and ask little in return. The Goddess wants you to be a good person, be kind to others, and lead a good life. She doesn't expect you to go to buy a new suit, go to a enclosed building and pray through an intermediary for salvation. The great outdoors is the Church of the Goddess.The choice is yours as it has always been.
Rosemary wants to know why licorice is bad for her when it tastes so good. Develop a taste for something that is good for you...like celery and spinach dip. What is this? Third grade...? of course winter is necessary. and so are wrinkles...How else is anyone to know how well you have lived your life.? the Goddess never wants to keep anyone as an underling....she wants strong and willful subjects. Cougar material? Why have a boy when men are so much more entertaining..
Nitwit:in reply to your answer "huh?"....my reply?..."Exactly."
Woozie, the Goddess doesn't care about sports, but I have spent the past 2 days trying to convince the Yellow Dog it's not a good idea for me to smite the entire team of the Dallas Cowboys ....At one point I had to hide the keys to her truck so she wouldn't drive to Valley Ranch and 'kick all their asses.'....
She's miserable.
Jan wants to know what would embarrass the Yellow Dog. She said getting caught in a lie. Which is why she doesn't lie anymore about anything..So what ever you do...don't ask her if those pants make your ass look big.
I think the Yellow Dog has plans to take up sewing now that the football season is over for her.
Utah Savage ....you are so correct. The Goddess expects questions deserving of her special knowledge..not Oprah questions.
Joy wants to know if raising goats is a good thing...???? And are they spawned by Satan. First of all ..goats are good..they are especially good with rosemary and garlic. Second of all..there is no Satan...There is, I repeat.....NO SATAN.
Evilgnome...Baby strollers?...You have a chance to ask the Goddess any question in the world and you ask about rude mothers and their baby strollers?....Ball up man.....tell them to leave those things in the SUV where they belong and use a grocery cart like everyone else..Odin's left nut, really.
Christi wants to know if watching MMA make her into naked men and violence.. Nothing wrong with naked men fighting with the Goddess...it happens in Valhalla all the time.
So...the question/answer time is over..and as before you have left me wondering what you were thinking..????
I'm going to go to a neighboring planet in another galaxy and see what kind of questions they have for me..Go in peace my children..Blessings on you.

WASTE OF THE GODDESS'S TIME

If I live forever(which I will) I will never understand how you can have a chance to ask a Deity questions and not come up with anything better than you have...Odin's teeth, surely next time you'll come up with a question that will make it worth hanging around this planet that is starting to resemble a trash heap. Don't you people know how to clean up after yourselves?

Robin, Robin, Robin..Here you have a chance to ask a Goddess a question and you can't come up with anything?....Thor's drawers girl.

Anne wants to know what pantheon she must join to spend eternity with George Carlin, and all I can say is... just follow the laughter...

The Michael wants to know if he can see the other tit. Men...if the Goddess could think of a way for you humans to reproduce, I'd do away with most men...If I showed you both tits Michael you'd go blind. A little Goddess goes along way.

Rox wants to know who will win big brother 10. Who cares. The Goddess doesn't watch TV, except for Dexter.

Travis wants to know why the Gods allow Jerry Jones to live. Why don't you ask the Gods Travis, the Goddess doesn't do sports.

Rebecca wants to know how to stop the kids from calling early in the morning and wanting her kids to come out and play. The Goddess doesn't do finesse...Pick up the telephone and scream into it, you better not call again before 11am or you'll rip out their tiny beating hearts and feed them to the dogs.

Billy Pilgrim wants to know if the nasty Tibetans will disturb the peaceful Chinese Olympics. The Goddess some times gets very angry at the people on this planet, but wiping out a tribe of people for no good reason, only gets the Goddess into destroy mode herself. It's not nice to mess with the Goddess.

Rainwolf wants to know who will play Dorothy in the remake of The Wizard Of Oz. The Goddess doesn't care. Movies schmovies.

Old Enough To Moan:not soon enough. War and Love is the Goddess's realm...but she wishes you peace from pain.

Joy wants to know if there is any hope for the human race or if they will just disappear from the face of the earth. Personally the Goddess is much surprised that you people on this planet haven't already disappeared. I'm not sure there is any hope for you. Greed, avarice, hunger for power...not the best of traits to have for survival. Soon only the mighty few will be in control of the weak..and there will be many of the weak. You treat your planet like a garbage heap, you kill, main, rape, destroy what you can't have and get fat off of the profits of others..Some times I wonder why the Gods and Goddess's just don't erase you and start from scratch. Maybe because they know you will do it to yourself.

Sage.............yes.

Tex has a political question, and the Goddess doesn't do politics. She doesn't care. You people are fucked no mater what you do...It's to late to take back the reins from the power hunger people in charge.

Nitwit needs to know what vice he can adopt to find a new zest for life. Giving is a good vice..

Sling, the Yellow Dog says no pony...but I've seen the surprise and it's a good one.

TSDuff has a question from Garden Jack, and tell Garden Jack that he will have to grow a dick before he can find Garden love.

Unokhan:Frank Zappa.

Lily wants to cuss out people about the gas prices. Yeah, that'll help..Get a bike, walk to the store. Car Pool...Take fewer trips.

Just tell the people to quit poking holes in the planet and to use more of their own energy in place of trying to produce more. The Goddess doesn't understand you people...all of you people..your ancestors walked this world for thousands of years and it worked for them. Get up off your over fed asses and use your feet and legs to get to one place or another, before your planet is all used up.

Angel has a sex question. Finally something I'm good at. Why do you feel the need to 'ask for sex'...The Goddess made woman to take sex..not ask for it...All men want sex, you give it to him, he'll be happy ...There is nothing wrong with lots of good healthy sex..just don't have any babies..this world has enough people..

Jan, you have too much time on your hands..No one cares how long a man's hair will be if he doesn't shave, or how long a woman's hair under her arm would be if she didn't shave. One man could live to be 80 and it's going to be longer than a man who only lives to be 40...sigh*..another wasted question.

Scottish Toodler wants to know if she should use her power for good or evil. This world has enough people using power for evil with out more. Do the right thing.(the Goddess likes Spike Lee's ideas)

Mrsb wants to know if it would be wrong to curse the woman who talked during Hell Boy 2...Hell Boy 2..???? Is Loki back?..

The Goddess recommends bipping not cursing..or bipping with cursing.

On the recommendation of another Goddess I'm going to Reading Terminal Market to get some Philly Cheese Steaks for the Vikings. I hope the next time I take your questions you will have something better to ask, or I'll sic Loki on your asses..

Blessings on you my children.

THE GODDESS SPEAKS

Sling, Sling, Sling. The Goddess wants you to know that women only go through menopause once, but they start the pre-menopause about the age of 12 and it continues along right up until the end. The Goddess also thinks if this Oprah had as much faith in herself as she did the authors of all those books, she might not have a weight problem.
Mrsb is one of those undervalued and under appreciated people...a teacher..The Goddess is sending her courage and strength, plus I'll whisper into the right ears that all teachers need a raise and more money for teaching supplies..Some times they just don't listen..But the Goddess knows the value of all teachers and a good teacher is worth their weight in gold.
Buddha_girl is another under appreciated teacher and the Goddess and the Buddha send her courage and strength, mostly to keep from killing her students parents.
Winston, being the owner of a pecker doesn't give you any special rights and if you want to keep peace I'd learn to put the seat down or someone might jerk your pecker off, and I don't mean that in a good way.
Lav has several questions..Why do men want what they can't have?..I think we're back to that pecker again, most men seem to think with it and they follow where it leads them.
Women are ruled by emotions and envy and jealousy are strong emotions, so I'm assuming the ones your referring to can easily be taken care of..and I'm sure you can think of a way to get around them. Back to that pecker again..girls just want to have fun and boys just want to use that ole pecker.
Lakota has the answer..............humor!
BigTex asks a political question which along with sports is the Yellow Dog's area of expertise, but I do know that Loki is responsible for your current president..he is the trickster you know and for some reason he thought having George Bush as your president for 8 years was pretty funny..I think the trick is wearing a little thin.
Joy wants to know what to do with a sack full of Iris's...Dig a hole, stick them in the dirt and water them..They are tough flowers and should handle it.
Rebecca has a great question. Why do people find breastfeeding displeasing, but think nothing of having near naked women, in magazines, TV and movies. Most of your world thinks a nursing mother is a beautiful natural event, but only in American do they find it distasteful...Think it has to do with being founded by Puritans. But the Goddess thinks they should loosen up.
Sage has another great question. Why are the right wing spending $5 million dollars and more to prevent gays from marrying when there are starving children all over the country.????? The Goddess is dismayed and sadden by the importance these people put on a natural occurrence, which is love. Love between 2 people of any sex is a natural event. Each and every citizen of your world should be allowed the same benefits and treated the same. How can sex between same sex couples be more important that feeding children? Someone needs to get their priorities straight. Hopefully and soon this will change.
Buddha_Girl there is no good reason on this planet for anyone to send such ugly pictures ...to anyone, at any time...The Goddess will bip him.
Anne, a fellow pagan wants to know why people call the Goddess and the other Gods and Goddess's myth's when we are as real as the God in the Bible. Actually we are more real...we were here first and we will be here long after..Goddess's were here first and worshipped long before they ever came up with a Christian God, or a Muslim God. They stole our pagan holidays and made them Christian holidays. But the thing I am the most upset about is they made women evil, and not to be worshipped just to make Jesus a God. Not nice to mess with the Goddess. Notice it's Jesus hanging on the cross, not the Goddess.
Allan, no one will fire you from your job for blogging. They like you, they really like you.
Tex, there is no reason to electrocute unwelcome visitors at your door...If the Jehovah's show up, tell them to come on in, they're just in time for the sacrifice and your short one. The rest?..Do like the Yellow Dog does and put up a sign telling them to go the fuck away.
Unokhan wants to know Nina Simone or Gil Scott-heron?....I loves you Nina..
Christi wants to know if America is in recession and how to turn it around. I am so busy carting warriors to Valhalla I haven't had time to keep up with recessions...but I know it's bad and the only way it will get better is if you do what they did during WWII...sacrifice...cut back, save, spend less, and give up your gas guzzling toys. Not just for a few months, for a few years.
Nitwit wants to know when it's open season for rednecks who think the world revolves around them. Every one knows the world revolves around the Goddess. So I'd say it's open season all year long.
Old enough to moan wants to know why he wants what he can't have and why can't he have it..I think we're back to that pecker again.
Billy Pilgrim wants to know Pac Man or T.O.? Which one's going to turn into an asshole first. I had to ask the Yellow Dog this one and she said it was a 3-way tie with Jerry Jones.
Lost in Colorado wants to know if it's possible to be without Internet at home. The Yellow Dog said she couldn't so I'd say no.
Joy, it's blowing in Texas too, and if the Yellow Dog didn't have such big tits she'd be playing in the dirt at Tex's house.
BBC, the Yellow Dog said to go fuck yourself.
Phone freak............your name and your question says it all..You need to get a life, on another planet, in another universe.
Mrsb, the Goddess blesses you.
Rude girl(who really isn't )wants to know when the economy will turn around..when everyone realizes it's up to them, and to quit waiting for someone to save them. Everyone needs to quit spending money like a sailor on leave. Buckle up, sacrifice...sacrifice..
That's the end of questions and answers.......I'm off to Valhalla. I will miss you and look forward to spending time with you again. Goddess bless you..one and all..