JACKIE OF ALL TRADES MISTRESS OF NONE

While blogging to soonerfan about having sex with mork, i mentioned that i had worked at paramount studio...made me think about all the jobs i have had that i had absolutely no experience for and how i kept them....i worked as a cocktail waitress when i left my first husband the raving asshole...i had never been to many bars and didnt know jackieshit about drinks. first order i had was a "boiler maker". i thought man, that is the most exotic sounding drink i have ever heard, (only knew 2 besides beer,screw driver and saltydog) and wondered if the bartender would know how to make it..so asked the bartender...do you know how to make a boiler maker?? and he looked at me for a minute and said..."its a fucking shot of whiskey and a glass of beer, you stupid cunt?..." thus began a great friendship with the bartender... i worked my way up to bartender and like to have killed my fist customer when she ordered a grasshopper... i thought i knew how to make it...she said it tasted too minty..so i fucked with it some more and she said now it is really minty... after about 6 tries. some one noticed that i hadnt put in any creme de coco, was just creme de mente and milk...i ketp adding more creme de mente... then i worked as a cook, bartender, waitress..which i figured out i was capable of doing as i had been a wife for 7 years...then i had a chance to go to work at a lumber co...(calco lumber in austin, texas) even though i didnt know jackieshit about that either. but im a fast reader...i would get customers that wanted paint and would run to the paint dept and start reading all the labels til i found what they wanted...in 7 months i was the asst. manager...then i got a chance thru a friend of mine to go to work at paramount studios in la...so left texas and went to hollywood... i became a prop maker..never done carpentry work in my life...but did that until the boss made me an offer i could refuse... we had finished working on the set for a tv movie and i had a chance to go work on popeye, or to texas for urban cowboy..boss handed me a house key and a peice of paper with an address and directions to get to it and said all i had to do was show up and i could pick my next job..asked what would happen if i didnt fuck him...he said byby....and i went back to texas...went to work at a paint store...then went to work at a payless lumber co and was dept. manager of the paint dept. then my daddy died and left me some money and i deceided to become a full blown drunk instead of a part time one...when the money ran out i went to work for a traveling book store...traveled all over putting up temporary book stores and tearing them down...afte 7 months in san francisco...i said fuck it and came back to texas...went to work in book dept at hastings and about 3 months in to my job, i fucked up my back and its been surgeries and no work every since... got tired of dicking around with ss for disability so took my early survivors benifets and now am simi surviving....just anothed day in the land of gumps...