GOOD GIRL

http://www.dailyhaha.com/_vids/intelligent_dog.htm

you'll have to copy and paste this..but it's well worth it..js

THE POPE IN HEAVEN

The Pope arrives in heaven, where St. Peter awaites him. St. Peter asks the Pope who he is.
The Pope : I am the Pope.
St. Peter: Who? There's no such name in my book.
The Pope : I'm the representative of God on Earth.
St. Peter: Does God have a representative? He didn't tell me...
The Pope : But I am the leader of the Catholic Church...
St. Peter: The Catholic church... Never heard of it... Wait, I'll check with the boss.
St. Peter walks away trough Heaven's Gate to talk with God.
St. Peter: There's a dude standing outside who claims he's your representative on earth.
God : I don't have a representative on earth, not that I know of... Wait, I'll ask Jesus.
(yells for Jesus)
Jesus : Yes father, what's up?
God and St. Peter explain the situation.
Jesus : Wait, I'll go outside and have a little chat with that fellow.
Ten minutes pass and Jesus reenters the room laughing out loud. After a few minutes St. Peter asks Jesus why he's laughing.
Jesus : Remember that fishing club I've started 2000 years ago? It still exists!

.......WEST NEWS.......

Have to start right off with the great news that the Bold Springs Baptist Church is having 2 meals during this coming week. Yesterday that had baked chicken and dressing, green beans, mashed potatoes, corn, dessert and tea. July 20th will have hamburgers with all the trimmings..I see they have the right phone number this week. Last Monday it was wrong and instead of being able to call and order it and pick it up, people just swamped the place and those poor ladies were about to jump ship. First they ran out of lettuce, then they ran out of buns(just as I got there to order our burgers) so I had a long wait and used the time to take some pictures and chat with Vivian who takes the orders. She was about to run screaming out the door. I got to say howdy to Miss Pauline who's mother is the one the Mary E. Howard Multi-Purpose Center is named after. You might remember me talking about Miss Pauline before. She's the one that I help with rides for her groceries. I pick them up and take them home and she rides her 'scooter' down the street. I left before her once and she damn near beat me home. They don't come any sweeter than her.

I am going to do a post on just the ladies of Bold Springs hamburgers and the history of the church and the center. It's very interesting and they are pretty amazing.

West Library thanks to Nancy H. the librarian and her initiative in getting the grant money started the Tale Tellers for the Library. It is such a success that the program got state recognition.The Central Texas Library systems July newsletter features the West Public Library's Tale Tellers in an article that describes what they do and the times they do it. The newsletter was mailed to over 300 state library websites statewide. Nancy has done such a great job since she took over after Miss Henrietta passed away. She still talks like she's going to quit next week, and makes jokes about how she doesn't like kids and can't understand why they all want to join up and do all this stuff with her. I smell bullshit..ha..and tell her so. She loves those kids and loves seeing their potential. She was a high school teacher for many years..Wish I had a teacher like her. She truly cares.

Cottonwood has a picnic planned for Sunday. The SPJST LODGE6 is having their 112th Cottonwood Picnic with a friend chicken and sausage meal with all the trimmings. Take out orders and large plates are priced at $7 each and small plates $5. The West over 40 Dance group is having a dance tonight at West Fraternal Auditorium. Admission is $6 per person and the music will be provided by Texas Heartbeat....I just noticed something...it says for further information, call Jacque Beavers....I swear....that's not me..and I am sitting her biting my tongue to keep from making a smart ass remark about her name ...but I won't.

Main Street program is having a photo contest for teens and adults. The categories are:pets, landscapes, people, floral, sports and others. Prices are to be provided by Padgitts in Waco and Arlington Camera in Arlington. It cost $5 for each entry. I'm thinking about entering. Have to decide what I want to take a picture of...I'm thinking people. Might go up to the Retirement Center and take some snaps of the old folks hands. All I have to use is Babs digital, but if I do good, maybe I could win a camera. Tada!..yeah, right. ha

The West Shilling Pipe and Steel Junior Girls Softball team has scheduled a fundraiser tomorrow at the Farmers Market from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.They are selling BBQ sandwiches with chips for $5. The proceeds will go to aid the girls in their trip to the state playoffs in Early, Texas. Oh yeah, they won...that's so cool. Hmmm, BBQ sandwich to help out the girls Saturday or Monday at Bold Springs for hamburger. decisions ...decisions..

There is a great article in the West News about 3 generations of Valedictorians..The grandma was Valedictorian at Lott High Schook in 1961, her daughter at West in 1987 and her granddaughter at Robinson High School in 2009. That's great.

Christina Nix married Kody Kolar were married April 3rd. Pamela Malar is engaged to Tracer hand and will marry this July 25th. Tracer is the son of James Hand, you know.old boyfriend, great singer..Check him out on his website. If you like Hank Williams, Sr. you will love James Hand. He's on my blog roll.

Tatum Kendall Kasberg was born on May 11, and weighed 7 pounds, 15 ounces and 20.5 inches long. He has a born to be an Aggie cap on..So cute.

Seven people passed away. Some familiar faces in the crowd. Some were younger than me..that always makes me twitchy...

Filly's N Phish Restaurant and Bar has 1/2 price daily specials Monday thru Wednesday and a daily senior discount...Longnecks for $1...I think I'll pass on the longnecks but this coming Wednesday I'll treat Babs for lunch and see if I'm considered 'senior enough' for them..haha.

I'm posting all the pictures of the softball winners teams. They just look so cute and wholesome.

West has a new Auto Supply ...they have freon on sale..need to get some for the white charger. But my heart belongs to Ace Auto. First of all the owner drives a tanish gray Studebaker, forget what year...and I fucking love that truck. Plus the guy is damn near the best looking guy in West. He's too young for me and think he's married..but damn...he's fine.

Kade Rogers went fishing with his grandpa Christ Rogers and friend Andy Curry(son of a bitch, I just noticed that's Patsy Patsy Patsy's Andy...and he promised me fish the next time he went..busted Andy...now I not only know you went..you and everyone caught 9 damn fish weighing up to 10 pounds..I'm calling his ass the minute I finish this post. Buttroy. I want my stripper...

West Food Mart has peaches on sale for .69 a pound..I bought some yesterday and they were really good..Not the big fat ones like we usually have but after the drought, guess we'll have to take what we can get. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhman...Bing cherries are $1.99 a pound and I found out that they are one of the fruits with the highest amount of carbs..sigh*.fuck.

Sonic is accepting applications, which means they will be opening soon. Every time I drive by I want to holler out the window at them..'hurry the fuck up'...torn between doing that and getting out and hugging the building.

Great business opportunity for some one..Pizza business in the Czech Republic. They have 3 successful pizza restaurants for sale in Brno, Prague and Velky Tynec..Plus the Village Bakery is still for sale. All offers accepted. Community Grocery has leg quarters on sale for .69 cents a pound. and limes 10 for $1...I'll go get some of those..I like them in my tea and my Family Dollar fruity water that I'm so fond of.

They had a party last Sunday for Father Ed celebrating his 20th year as the parish priest for West. They had it at the KC Hall and Jeanette K. in her little news column said he danced every dance and had requested his two favorite bands to play, the Red Ravens and the Jujka Brothers. This is Father Ed on the right with the new Father Will..Father Ed looks like he might have had a pevo or two.

Well, that's all the news worth printing..come on down and visit with us..ya'hea?

ALMOST HOME INVASION AND CORN DOGS

So, I'm sitting in my recliner wanting the second running of Saving Grace last night, it's about 10 till twelve. I'm sitting in the recliner wearing nothing but my drawers...I'd taken a 'very very hot bath' and changed the sheets and that was as far dressed as I had gotten. I hear this light tepidity tap on the door, it was the kind of knock that Babs makes..really quiet(Babs informed me when I told her this story that she doesn't knock quietly..that I'm so damn deaf that I only hear it quietly) and I think 'fuck...now I have to go get dressed..I yell 'just a minute' and run to the bedroom to throw on a t-shirt...I go back and throw open the door and there is some guy standing on my porch...sticks his face right up to the screen and sort of looks around and says' I'm sorry to bother you so late, I'm Shawn (Shane?)from apartment 6' and points over his shoulder to the apartments behind him, 'my wife had a car wreck, and I came back and went through all my money, even the dimes and quarters, and I want to know if I can borrow $11..'...I say 'I don't keep money in the apartment.' and shut the door and locked it..which had fucking been unlocked...because I never fucking lock the door until I go to sleep...fuckity fuck fuck fuck...I could see a car behind him and here it running, but it was parked directly behind the truck so couldn't see a license plate and only could have seen it if I went out on the porch, and I wasn't going out on the porch, even if I had been wearing more than my t-shirt and drawers.. I emailed Babs about it and she said I should call the police. I'm thinking what if there is a guy over in apartment 6 and I call the cops on him because he's stupid. I mean he never even said what he wanted $11 for ...So I waited till this afternoon when I could find David the maintenance guy and asked him who lived in six and he said Mrs. P. and she has no kids, grand kids or family at all. So fuck...I went to the police station and retold my tale..I told the cop that I think he was expecting a frail little old lady to come to the door, but in stead he got half nekkid Jackie in her 'WEST TROJAN HEAD HUNTERS' t-shirt...(That didn't dawn on me till a little while ago and that cracked me up)...Plus if I had been the little ole frail granny, they were expecting, it might have been a different story. Hey dipshits...I didn't get to be a widder woman by calming taking shit..I fight back. So that's my exciting news for the day, which right up until then had been a kick ass day..Babs came by and we went to Pizza House so she could eat dinner. I had already eaten and thought I'll just drink some tea while she eats..yeah, right..I had a corn dog..and let me tell you folks..it fucking rocked..it was the corn dog supreme..really..But then we have never eaten anything at Pizza House that wasn't just about perfect..Ohh, the best part..on the way to Pizza House we spot Tony(one of the few guys in the apts.) walking..he has no car, so we stop to give him a ride..We pull up next to him and I roll down the window and yell 'hey, you interested in a 3-way?'..(we're damn near at the Methodist Church) Lucky for me, Tony's a Christian with a sense of humor..He was(not sure he is anymore since his wife divorced him) a Deacon for Bold Springs Baptist Church. He's from England and been here since the 70's..On the way back it had gotten dark, and Babs didn't have her contacts in so I said I'd drive her SUV...which is an automatic, twice as big as my little truck and had goosy breaks.I think she'll remember to wear her contacts next time. I'm so used to shifting, that every time I slowed down or sped up I'd shift gears..from first to neutral..or third..Plus I wanted to pull into the almost completed Sonic and hug the building. Also I'm about 5 inches shorter than she is and even when she pulled the seat up my feet just barely touched the pedals.. She was pretty glad to arrive safely at the apartments.

The West Paper is going to have a amateur photograph contest..I think I'm going to enter it..Cost $5 to enter each picture..should be able to do that. Ok..I'm going to do a post on this past West News Paper..all the teams pictures are in the paper and we kicked some baseball ass. Not to brag..but we have some very talented kids in sports..

Ooop..gotta go lock the door...

4TH OF JULY 2009-STRICKLY

By the time I had stuffed 6 lbs of jalapenos and taken them to the bar it was nearly 6 p.m.and all the drunks gone home to crash and burn..Patsy was there with Andy and while not drunk..they were very happy. I had sent her the free pussy and beer for breakfast post and I think it finally dawned on her that maybe Jackie's doing something interesting out there and holy shit, she's talking about me.
So I told her how to get to the blog and to type in patsy patsy patsy in the left hand corner and all the stories I had written with her in them would show up and she could read them. I'm assuming she's not pissed at what I wrote or I'm sure I would have heard. This is Patsy Patsy Patsy with her boyfriend Andy. Who is just the sweetest guy ever. He treats her great and is good to her kids and belive me...I don't know of anyone who deserves the good treatment any more that P3. She is one of my favorite people in the world. Plus she cracks me up.

Our darling Inky. He let his hair grow out some and quit bleaching it and I think he looks very cute. I'm glad he grew the beard, now we don't look so much alike. Especially since I let my hair go back to it's natural color...I swear he looks more like me than my own kids do. I had taken some pictures of Julio, but man, let me tell you...it's hard to get a clear shot of a wobbling drunk 'meskin....There was a great one of him with his gimme hat on side ways toasting me with a beer...but he was bobbing and weaving and was too damn blurry to see anything. I'll have to go earlier and catch them sober..like 7 a.m. hahah.

I was going to take pictures of the jalapenos but I forgot and was going to have Andy take a picture of me and Patsy but they were jacking with me so much I forgot..They almost convienced me that this big beautiful couch was theirs and they were going to take it to the dump and if I wanted it I could have it..took me about 5 minutes to realize ...it wasn't Andy's truck and damn sure wasn't their couch..Assholes.

Next time I'll get more and better pictures..

MONDAY MORING STUMBES..now cheer the fuck up!

For Lady Shark.

For Sling!

For Justmom.

For Anne!

for Babs!

for buddha_girl!

to all of my best friends in blogger land.

For Jan.




for Jan!

for Tex, I think they are all in Oklahoma

for Billy...from Ruby!

to alllll of you..snort*

For Sage!

For Ted.

For Willym and L.

this is the one I had intended to go on facebook, but it put something else up..so...here tis'..

Pom.

I HEART JOSH HAMILTON

he finally has his shit together..and he plays for the Texas Rangers...and today? He hit 28 home runs in the Home Run Derby...hot dang

FINDING NITWIT

I had called Nitty's hospital room a couple of times and got no answer and just figured they had taken him out side or were doing hospital type things on him..Then one day I called and a lady answered and said he wasn't in that room any more. I remembered that Rose had said they were going to be moving him to another hospital. So I called the house and got no answer and finally got the grand daughter who informed me that Grandpa was at another hospital and Grandma was at bingo..I called back and got the lovely Natalie's mom and she gave me his new phone number and after a lovely chat where I identified myself as YELLOWDOG GRANNY, she thanked me for the little bikini I had sent for Natalie and yes, she sure knew who I was. (she used to tease her Dad about my being his Internet girlfriend. I kinda like that..ha..Anyhow, I got to talk to Nitwit(Steve) and he's doing better. He is able to eat mushed up crap for food..think everything goes into a blender...He said he's still weak, and the stuff he has to do to get stronger is wearing him out. But he's better...He's BETTER.... hot damn...It was so great to finally be able to talk to him and have him respond..Instead of that silent cackle of laughter when I talked dirty to him . His daughter had said he had a room mate and he might answer the phone. I said I'd call and start talking dirty to him and if he hung up I'd know I got the wrong guy...she thought that was pretty funny. So I'm happy...And don't forget to drop him a card every now and then. Babs and I are running into problems as there are only so many get well cards in West and I think we're going to be duplicating them soon. I may have to make my own 'get your ass out of bed' cards.

I have decided that if the citizens of West find me...they will have to take me in all my fucking glory.

I am 65 1/2 years old...be 66 in November...I have been saying fuck you since I was 4..the chances of a running paragraph from me with out at least one fuck are pretty slim, and I kinda like it that way. I can have a conversation with out saying fuck..I do it all the time..really...now quit laughing I'm serious here.. There are actually people that have never heard me cuss...Like....Dr. E., Dr. Tom, Kirk(my go to guy pharmacist), and ...........well, I think that's all..Usually if I blurt out something tacky, it's 'holy shit'...But if the people of West, happen to stumble here they will find a tacky ole broad who loves her town and speaks of it and it's citizens with love and warped humor.

If they don't' get it...fuckem...

Today is a jam day...Granny is jamming..I have my CD jacked up...I have listened to Across the Universe, sportsmash music, (wild thing, mony mony, love shack, etc.), James hand, Janis, Hank, Barry White, Willie, and I'm listening to Gangsters Paradise by Culio now...I really like that song.

I was really dancing around the living room to 'love shack' and Annie was trying to get around me and I kept dancing around her and wouldn't let her by...she thinks I'm nuts..But I'm having my music moment..Have 2 CD's of 50's rock and roll, it's going on next..Had to take Barry out, he's too sloooooooooooooooooooow...I'm ready to boogie uggie till I can't boogie no more..which for me is about 30 minutes...

OHHHHH..I almost forgot..my super duper buddy Intense guy(IGGY) sent me a p-38 and a terrific little card...In case you don't know what a p-38 is, I'm enclosing a picture. When my Daddy was in Germany and France during WWII he like all GI's had a p-38 and he carried it from day one till he got out of the service. He kept it...finally one day he gave it to me..I carried it on my key chain for jeez, 15 years or better. Until my oldest son son my car keys with my p-38 on it. Oh my Goddess, did the shit hit the fan. Dave was afraid to come home for days and spent most of it trying to find them, because he knew what that p-38 meant to me. So somehow I mentioned it to IGGY and he sent me one...a Korean era one, don't care I have it on my key chain...I can't tell you how thrilled I am with it..and the cutest card I have ever received. When I was at the mail boxes to get my mail I saw the package from him and I just squealed...'Oh, he sent me my p-38'...I had to explain to the startled old ladies what a p-38 was and showed them. One of them said, 'knowing you I figured someone had sent you a gun.'...hmmm...

Life is fucking good....

Y'ALL ARE SPECIAL.....

I don't care if you lick windows,
take the special bus or occasionally pee on yourself.
You hang in there, sunshine – you're fucking special.
Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad,
is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Today's Message of the Day is:
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here, we should dance.

I got this in a email today...It always makes me laugh...so sending it out to all of you..let you know you are all special to me...not football helmet wearing special..but terrific friend special.

Was also going through my pictures on line and found this great picture of Nate, the 110 pitty bull dog with the heart of gold. This is the dog that when he found a drunk in our yard, instead of attacking him and ripping him apart like some pit bulls would have done, herded him out of the yard like a sheep. He and Mimi would bump the drunk into each other and just pushed him out the gate. This is the ferocious pitty bull dog that when I had all 4 of the grand daughters over almost had a nervous breakdown figuring out how to guard all of them and keep them safe from the doors, where in his mind anyone could come in and hurt them. I heard them yelling from the living room and went in to find that he had herded them into the corner of the room and wouldn't let them move..They would try to move and he would body block them. Then he just laid down in front of them and stared at them..daring them to move..I have a picture of him somewhere I'll find and show you..It's of him after they had left..and he's sitting on the floor with the top of his body just laying up against the door...just totally wiped out. He slept for 6 hours straight ...don't think he slept the entire time they were here. But my favorite Nate story is the one when a cop showed up one day looking for some Hispanic kid that had committed a crime (the house next door is the one he should have gone to..for many reasons.) and I had a huge sign saying beware of dog, a dog house big enough for a cow to sleep in and dog crap big enough to let you know..'ain't no prissy poodle living here'..So the schmuck knocks on the house in the 'I'm the law, you better open up.' knock and got Nate so worked up that when I opened up the door he bolted past me and pinned the cop to the side of the house. He had both paws on his chest, his big head right in the guys face and barking the 110 pound pitty bull dog bark.(which is basically all he ever did.)(his tail was wagging like crazy too.) The cop is screaming "I'm a cop, I'm a cop"..and was flashing his badge at me. I laughed and said "Don't show me the badge, show Nate, he's the one that has you pinned to the house."...I wouldn't make Nate get down till I was pretty sure the guy had peeded his pants. When I told him to get down and behave, Nate ran out in the yard and grabbed his big furry toy and brought it back to the cop for him to play with him. I'm not sure but I think that cop still has nightmares about Nate's hot breath an inch from his nose. I miss ole Nate. I had named him Nate after the only Cowboy at the time(Nate Newton) that wasn't under indictment for drug charges. Dammed if after Nate died, Nate Newton got busted for drugs. I want another dog so bad..I want another pitty bull dog and want to name it DUDE.... some day...We've had weather advisory for 2 days...which means 'don't go outside it's too fucking hot.' The temperature is about 103 and the heat index is from 105-110. Which is why Babs and I went to do our shopping early this morning while it was a little cooler..Think it was almost 90...We went by $General and I got a big ole welcome and a hug good-bye from Jennifer the manager..Babs laughed and said she's hugging you so you'll remember to bake her something this winter. I also got to see the 'chip guy' from Family Dollar, and miss seeing his cute little buns on Monday and Friday. So I gave him a little pat on the ass for old time sake. Life is good. They should make a movie and call it "Young Buns" and have nothing but the chip, bread, delivery guys in it..Wearing their little shorts and their cute little buns...jeez, I'm turning into a dirty old lady...enough...it's Friday, I have to go watch my soaps. Have a good weekend..and say out of the heat, rain, cold, and wind.

PLUMBERS CRACK

I had problems with my hot water heater...was leaking water all over the place..so they came and replaced it..First you have to know that I live in a retirement apartment complex, with government connections..These are really nice apartments..really..So when something goes wrong..they fix it as fast as possible. But with water heaters, because these are old farts and yes I fall into that category(sorta) the water temperature has to be set at a certain temperture and some of them have circulation problems and can't tell when the water is scalding. I don't have that problem and I love nothing more than a hot bath or hot shower..really hot..with steam..when they set it at 140 degrees, it barely gets hot and won't even cut the grease on my chili pot. So my water was still not hot..I complained to Charlotte, she finally told me the plumber was fixing the air conditioner in the apartment behind me..and to go talk to him myself..I could hear her laughing as she hung up the phone. She knew this was going to be ugly and funny..at least for us..not so much for the plumber..So I slung the girls into a bra, threw on t-shirt and shorts and went to find the plumber. He's sitting on his ass in front of the air conditioner and sweating like John McCain on the Letterman Show. I expressed my displeasure at the lack of hot water coming from my 'new' water heater and wanted him to either get me a new one or fix the one I had so it would

put out some fecking heat. He explained to me the 'inspectors will come by and be upset if they find it hotter than it's supposed to be.' I said I was sixty five years old and had all the fucking friends I needed, and wasn't interested in cultivating a friendship with the inspector.. At at the ripe old age of sixty five I was very capable of sticking my hand under running hot water and saying 'Ouch, motherfucker, that's too hot.' and removing my hand..After laughing for a seeming long time, he assured me when he fixed the air conditioner, he'd go by and turn up the heat on my water heater. Daddy always said.."The squeaky wheel gets oiled first.." guess that goes for water heaters too.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

100 people get the swine flu and every one wants to wear a mask.

Over a million people have aids, and yet no one wants to wear a condom.