A OKIE RANT..you know who it is.

Yes I AM a Jackwagon

A BYGAWD Jackwagon Grand Master Nimrod of the Eleventeenth Order

Jerryworld, Skeletor(Jerry Jones) relinquishes his power, ...again

Well, the anointed one is finally gonna get his chance, and I think it is a positive move for me as a fan, because Jason Garrett uses the word "football" a lot when he gives a press conference, as opposed to a recently departed coach who now has a dream job in Houston,... roflmao at his press conferences, ...him-hawing, clearing his throat a lot, and stating "It is what it is"...in a defeated hopeless broken way. And you know, I actually like Wade Phillips, he is an excellent coach with an impeccable degree, and he is an established "elite" Defensive coordinator. Too bad Skeletor had him check his spine at the coat closet at Valley Ranch.

Jerry "Skeletor" Jones, named aptly for his extremely TAUT facial skin, says that Jason will have control of all personnel decisions, as in coaches and hiring and the Draft.

GET REAL, maybe two months before he pulls the trigger on a draft pick or a free agent, "it is his destiny , Luke." He will "suggest" that Jason "consider" his "opinion" on "ALL"staff hirings, lol.

The Cowboys got a lot of issues. They are much better off with the change that has been made, but they are an aging team with critical flaws.

The secondary (corner/safety) and the offensive line ARE "offensive."

They also need another defensive end/backer, and a true slot/scat back receiver to help take pressure off of Romo in check-down mode.

Here is my Jerryworld Litmus Test:

Name the Dallas Cowboys players that are currently in the top three at their position? ,,,waiting..CHA-CHING!

Two...Jason Witten at tight end and Demarcus Ware at def. end backer. Two on the whole roster. They are old and there are lots of holes to fill, it will be interesting to see the roster changes in the off-season, I am envisioning a coupla firing squads in Jerryworld.

The following opinion is conceived because I am a jackwagon, and not because I am a Sooner fan as well. HA.

One quick thing about the burnt orange in Austin,... what the fuck happened?

Mack, poor Mack.

"Dagnabbit, let Chizik get away to Iowa State, and now he coaches the National Champions at Auburn...and now Muschamp has flown to Florida. He was my Head-coach-in-Waiting, the boosters are staring at me....nobody LIKES me....Dagnabbit.."

Well, don't worry, they will be back....with or without Mack, but he better win this season, oh yes..

You know, if I were Mack Brown, I'd just cheat like some of the other schools.

Shit, Ohio State had players in their bowl game that exchanged tattoos for signed memorabilia, and Auburn's Heisman Trophy winner's Dad ALLEGEDLY tried to sell his son's talents to Mississippi State. Priceless.

They got hall passes.

The NCAA and the BCS are shams, and they are entities that decide who goes to the bowl games, and they in turn reap the biggest profits from our fan-based dollars. Millions, BILLIONS.

The athletes that give up their bodies and privacy don't get DICK for compensation, except for an education. Unless they leave to go pro, ...if they are smart they go back and get that degree. Most do not.

Until then, it is the National media, the school's media coverage and spin savvy, and the athlete's talent that will help them possibly get drafted or signed by a sports agent. Very few lucky ones are gifted enough to achieve this fame, and they better have another career to fall back on when they retire, or they will join me in Jackwagonville.

Who in the fuck decides who gets on the NCAA or the BCS Bowl Committee, huh?

THEY DO, because they simply can. With all the separate "bowl employees" all making a shitload of money, the NCAA and the BCS spread it out with the media and the Corporate Sponsors, and it goes on and on, March Madness, College World Series, etc.etc....

I want a fucking election, because I am gonna pull a "Donald" on these shitheads. It's about time for a playoff that will compensate every school and conference, and reward those teams accordingly that make the playoffs/ tournament/ bowl circuit.

Everybody gets happy, erect nipples and lil pudgies for all, cool beans.

JS,

I hope I have not offended you, yorn or anyone in particular, I am a jackwagon, and it was time to bitch like an old lady with bunions on her "guinea-horn'.

May the bird of paradise drop a golden nugget on your windshield, and may you find it before some sumbitch beats ya to it.

By the way, it is coldern Sarah Palin's cooze up here.

Up yours, and your little dog too.

Love and rockets.

Paco Moreno

A SOONER RANT..

Elvis
Apparently, Elvis more than likely died due to constipation, rather than heart arrest ...his doctor confessed that he actually appeared "bloated and overweight" in concert, but it was mostly due to the fact that Elvis was FULL OF SHIT!
Now, this is a sure sign of the coming APOCALYPSE,... the de-frocking of a demigod myth that Elvis was eating like Oprah and died of heart problems, and the truth be known he used to take EPIC dumps at Graceland,... massive Earth Axis shifting grindage that ran Priscilla out of the house and made her daughter jump into Michael Jackson's spindly arms.....THAT'S how bad it was.
Elvis Presley died of chronic constipation, it has been claimed.
The rock 'n' roll legend, who died on the toilet in 1977 from what has always been believed to have been heart failure is said to have refused surgery which would have relieved him of the problem, according to a doctor close to the star.
Doctor George 'Nick' Nichopoulos was with the Viva Las Vegas singer when he died, and believes his refusal to deal with the problem killed him.
He said: "We didn't realise until the autopsy that his constipation was as bad. We found stool in his colon which had been there for four or five months because of the poor mobility of the bowel.
"He would get embarrassed. He'd have accidents onstage. He'd have to change clothes and come back because of the way we were trying to treat his constipation."
According to Dr. Nichopoulos, Elvis suffered from a hereditary condition called bowel paralysis, and the autopsy revealed his colon was five to six inches in diameter, compared to the usual two to three inches.
Speaking to Fox News about the release of his book The King and Doctor Nick, he said: "If they had done the colostomy then, he'd probably still be here."
Goddammit,... leather jump suits and being cool do not hide the fact of a nine foot colon, that is confirmation of the impending big fire, for sure. And by the way, his old lady was hot and his daughter was too, but a nine foot turd is neither sexy nor worthy of a tour bus.
And he is dead, and he will valiantly fight to remain dead for eternity.

SEX WITH ANOTHER'S ONE
When you fuck around ( insert guilt) and don't get caught, I guess it just has to remain un-said,... a dirty lil pair of underwear "shitcovered" in the trunk of the "2'nd" car in your family unit.
Now, you can blame it on Oprah, or oil prices, or lack of Orgasms, but if you fuck around on your partner, eventually it will be public knowledge. Sometimes it can be turned into a parade, or A JIHAD!
Now, with this being said, Tiger Woods, Jesse James and Tiki Barber have all traded out of their respective relationships for "A DIVORCE DECREE FROM HELL", one of such imminent horror and misery that they should all "by decree" line up like lemmimgs and jump into a huge wood chipper on Saturday Night Live, after Betty White turns them down for dinner. And kicks them in the nuts.
Now , that's entertainment, and I hope that Conan O' Brien kicks Jay Leno's ass on Jimmy Fallon's desk, using Oprah's fat ass used as a 300 pound war hammer, "doubling as a black hole, a planet eater". I hate them all, because they are shoved into our living rooms without our final approval, and if we pay for this right of viewing, why can we not choose our own programming, as stockholders and investors.
And fuck The View, and anything involving starving children and ex-TV stars.

Funny, Bush don't look so bad ...now.
He mows his yard, and weed eats and picks up his paper every morning.
... his old lady talks about how he drank like a fish, and she explains how the Gulf Oil Spill could become Obama's "Katrina"....I found it interesting how she explained that his controversial "fly-over" of hurricane damage was actually a calculated move, to ease traffic and logistic security concerns during early post-Katrina damage "fly-bys" in Air Force One.
To present a motorcade in flooded New Orleans would have been stupid at best. Which is why Laura suggested they do not do this. And G-DUB was lookin' for weapons of mass destruction. He oddly found one at the mouth of the Mississippi.
One positive note, the Texas Rangers were fairly successful when he owned them, and he had two pretty hot daughters.
BUT,
HE HAD CHENEY, and this can never be forgiven. Dick "BIRDuntin' Head Shootin' Cheney.

NFL NEWS
Ben Roethlisberger's dick surrendered to authorities, and is in protective custody under a straight-jacketed crotch sling NASA device, monitored via sensors and erection wave GPS SEISMIC PENIS enhanced monitoring equipment, endorsed an approved by Roger Fucking Goodell.
Prolly a good thing,.that encephalitic headed concussed motherfuck don't know his dick from a jelly bean, and if he did he most likely wouldn't GIVE a fuck anyways.
In a bold act of patriotism, Lawrence L.T. Taylor committed rape with a minor to keep the N.F.L. on it's proverbial toes. "Een tho' ah'm retarred, I got's to do my part, know what I'm sayin?"
Dancing with the Stars goes to court and tangos his way to preseason.
I got no take on the draft, it is too early to tell, I just wish I could have been in Jamarcus Russell's shoes, 39 million fucking dollars and 3 years of going to Vegas and eating like Jethro and coming to camp with an ass like Oprah's ...shit.