I'm a liberal pagan living in West, Texas. Yes. That West, Texas.

Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Thursday, February 15, 2007

THE GODDESS HAS ENTERED THE BUILDING


Blessings on you my children....I am here,along with the Yellowdog to answer some questions for you...I hope that I will be able to enlighten you with MY wisdom and her sense of humor.
So, lets get right to it...

1.Jeremy wants to know why do fools fall in love? Because they don't know any better Jeremy, but with age comes wisdom and soon they will know better...They will still fall in love but at least they will know what to expect.Back in my day when someone broke my heart, I tied him to the wheels of my chariot and my blue kittens hauled his ass to Hades..It's not nice to mess with the Goddess.


2.Sling would like to know what's really going on and that's pretty basic Sling.Live is going on.Life goes on with rhythm and a good solid beat. It's easy to dance to if you get it right.Be a dancer Sling...enjoy life..


3.Apos would like to know if she is going to pass her physical to get her green card so she can come to the United States to be with her "Little Fat Bastard." Only if you stop huffing and puffing on that strange grass you humans find so desirable...You'll be able to smoke that stuff soon enough..I know that(hey, Yellowdog...what's the word I want for her neighbor?...oh, of course.)asshole that lives by you is hard to take even in small doses..but you can smoke pounds of that stuff and he's still going to be an asshole.


4. Oh, dear!..Zero has more than a few questions and all seem to be about women..Why is it you men have so much trouble with your women? I don't think Thor or Odin would put up with what the modern man puts up with..Alright Zero,the reason why all the women you fall in love with are crazy is because you are to young to be falling in love..You're not experienced enough to pick out the good from the bad..So you go for the one that will make you miserable..Patience my dear Zero, the one for you will come when you stop seeking her.No, she doesn't love you...but when you least expect it..the right one for you will come..


5.Nitwit, my you humans have some very strange names..but this one seems to be one of the Yellowdog's special friends and is concerned about some complete moron getting elected to the Presidency..Well, this I can tell you..the current President is not a 'complete moron'...I don't think he's capable of being a complete anything..except a complete asshole..I really do like that word...I always liked bunghole but asshole seems to fit better in this case.

6.Ruby...ah yes, Ruby..the man with the lovely sweet misunderstood dog..Ruby is concerned that a man named Kinky Friedman lost an election and that all dogs in the know must have voted for him..Which is part of the problem Ruby...dog's votes don't count unless your a republican..Then they count.Like Yellowdog told him, 'It doesn't matter if you have good intentions, if your head is up your ass.'

7.Flo: This lady is concerned with something called fonts, size and color of this blog. This blog belongs to the Yellowdog and she seems to be pretty content here with things as they are...and I don't see how that should concern me..But I did go to the place where you call home...with the exception of a picture of a very pretty human baby, I think that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
next.......

8.Cheesemeister just wants me to know she is happy with the Yellowdog and says she is a wise-ass..Yes, Cheesemeister most parts of her are very wise..Except for her vagina.it's made some serious mistakes over the years..

9.Cyberoutlaw: My you humans are very concerned with who's running for President and other offices...maybe if more of you had voted you wouldn't be in the mess you are in..But no, Nolan Ryan should not run for president..Yellowdog said for me to tell you that "just because he can pitch a perfect game, doesn't make him presidential material..'

10.Allan wants to know who is stalking him...Why, me of course.You are a very interesting person Allan and I like the music you play on your radio...Yellowdog says.."check him out."

11.Jan, Jan, Jan. You sure do ask some personal questions of the Goddess..I lost my virginity to my husband Od...who disappeared on our honeymoon...I was distraught and I wept and wept and wept..Finally I put on my falcon coat and flew around the world looking for him and found that one of the jealous God's had punished him by banishing him to the sea. By the time I got to him he had been turned into a horribly disfigured monster and soon after some one killed him...This was unexceptionable to me and I insisted that he be allowed to go to Valhalla even though he had not died in battle..I am allowed to make visits to him of a sexual nature, if you get my meaning, so even though he is dead, we still kept up our relationship.Of course he respected me in the morning and respects me still. I am the one that made it possible for him to enter Valhalla ...plus, as Yellowdog might say"I'm a great piece of ass."

12.Oh sweet Pixie..Why are we here?....You and the rest of the humans are here for my amusement..you do make me laugh so...like the time you learned how to ride your bike..that was great fun..

13.Buddha girl, who is named after one of my great friends...The Buddha...sends blessing to you all and to the little red headed man child named in his honor. Buddhagirl, you will most assuredly chase down that asshat and no you will never be able to put those drops in that child's eyes with out sitting on top of him...He's a strong willed man child who is not going to be easy to harness...The Yellowdog wishes that you and the redheaded boy would come down for some Czech festival that is held at Labor Day..Something about 'booging till you puke'...sounds like a pagan ritual.

14.Jblue wants to know if the aliens built the pyramids. Why is it when something wonderful and beautiful is discovered you want to find someone else to credit for it?...No, man kind build the pyramids..and all the other wonders of this world...You humans don't give yourself enough credit..
The aliens did make Bill Gates though..

15.Kath, if the weekends were any longer, you humans would never get any work done.You need to get up earlier, that might help..Why is yellow? This is a direct result from your humans...our word for yellow was 'Yegostrnofthsun'

16.Cyberoutlaw, is intersted if the state of New York can whip the ass's of the state of Texas..Yellowdog wants to answer this one....she says:"fuck no"...

17.Mimi is a very funny girl...She wants to know why you say 'take a shit and take a piss,' when you are actually leaving a shit and leaving a piss.' Hey, you humans made your language, and changed what the Goddess had written. You're the one that changed yellow from yegostrnofthsun....you made up some very strange words...I mean really ...'w-bn 'nk hmjt 'zt b-kl qsjt 'l gblm b-mqmm...that is Phoenician by the way..Who talks like that?...Mimi...it's up to you to start the change...next time ...tell people...'I'm going to go leave a shit, be right back.'...Every journey starts with one step...or a shit in this case..

18.Toodles is asking a question for her sister...another question about your President...Oh Thor!...You're president can't write a book ...in any form...it would take an entire storm of ghost riders to write his life story..Besides, who would read it?...She also wonders if he will be here till the end of his term..Unless your party of democrats grow balls, he will be here till the end..
Happiness....happiness is not hard to find...but you humans have become spoilt, you think owning things is the key to happiness. It's not..You spend so much time working to make money to buy things to make you happy that you have forgotten why you are here in the first place..To make this planet of your's a better place for the ones that come after you..Take pleasure in the world around you ...if it's not to your liking then you must work to change it...I made you so you would bring me joy..and being joyful does that..Owning lots of shinny toys shouldn't make you happy, making this planet a safe and clean environment for your children and your grandchildren will make you happy...and then..I will be happy.


19.Tina tossed in a question at the end of the night. Bush will get impeached in your democratic party decides to do their job...but I don't think they can agree on anything so things will probably go on as usual.
When you die....if you are good you come to my house...if you die in battle you go to Valhalla, if your bad...you go to Hades..easy peasy...
I must go now...one of the duties of being the Goddess is escorting soldiers who have died on the battle field into Valhalla, and thanks to your President I have many brave soldiers to tend to...

My blessings on you my children...make me happy...be joyful..

and don't forget to vote...


the Goddess has left the building..

Monday, February 12, 2007

FREYA THE GODDESS



Her first husband was called Od (or Odur) but he deserted her, and there after she wept golden tears of grief at all opportunities..such as there were, for her life thereafter was one of unbridled promiscuity. Counting her various conquests is no small matter, but we can list her brother Frey, Odin and other gods, a man called Ottar, not to mention four very important dwarfs...When LOki cast certain doubts upon her virtue, it is hard not to agree with his accusations.
She was part of a bet between Loki and Thor for sexu
al favors, she got soooo pissed her fury was spectacular so the gods gave that one up..Freya's exploits with the four dwarfs involved her directly...She was exploring the world one night when she came across the smithy of four dwarfs called the Brisings. They were in the process of making a necklace of such exquisite beauty that Freya could hardly believe her eyes.There was nothing that the goddess would not do to possess that treasure: when the dwarfs declared that she could have it only if she spent a night of lust with each of them in turn , she readily assented.Loki had followed her and rushed to tell Odin of her prostitution and the king of the Aesir was furious as he longed for Freya himself, so to find out she was sporting with the dwarfs hurt him grievously..plus he was pissed at Loki for telling..s He told Loki to get the necklace..She was wearing it and passed out in sexual bliss when he tried to get it..She was laying on top of it and he finally turned his self into a flea and bit her to get her to turn over and he took the necklace..She went straight to Odin to find out if he had any thing to do with the theft..and if he was...well, she called him a very dirty name..He said she was calling him names but if she had not debased herself by whoring with the dwarfs in order to obtain the necklace she wouldnt be where she was, and to get and keep the necklace which she really really wanted she had to agree as part of her respoinsiblities the spreading of warfare and misery.So to keep the necklace she agreed..
Freya, as noted, was no paragon of virtue. It might have been expected that she should have been reviled for her secuality..especially in a primitive society, where women are commonly expected to be both chaste and willing, she was one of the most importand and respected members of the Norse pantheon.
She was also the goddess of sex. Daughter
of Njord and twin sister of Frey, her chariot was pulled either by her boar Hildisvini or by a number of cats. She owned a falcon coat which she used to fly around the world, in the guise of that bird.Horses were involved with her cult, for reasons it appears, of orgiastic sex. Besides her role in terms of sex and beauty she had a somewhat grimmer aspect, because she often led parties of Valkyries down to fetch the dead from battlefields, bringing them back to her hall so they could enjoy all the benefits of the afterlife.
So this is my Goddess. The Goddess of sex, fertility and war...my kinda Goddess...
Each Thursday you will be able to Ask Freya the Goddess any question that you like...and she will answer you...Just leave a question as a comment and she will answer them..I will post them the next day...

May the Goddess bless and keep you safe from the far right..