THE SKY IS FALLING

A very large spy satellite has lost power(no one knows exactly when or how this happened)and could strike earth in late February or early March. The satellite, which can't be controlled, could contain hazardous materials, and it's unknown where on the planet it might come down.The officials who related this story spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret.(yeah...its so secret, you blabbed to anyone that held a microphone in your face, you dipshit)

The spacecraft contains hydrazine, which is rocket fuel. Hydrazine, a colorless liquid with an ammonia-like odor, is a toxic chemical and can cause harm to anyone who contacts it.

This uncontrolled re-entry could risk exposure of U.S. secrets.(like me sitting here in my underwear typing this post)

The spacecraft weighs about 20,000 pounds and is the size of a small bus. it would create 10 times less debris than the Columbia space shuttle crash in 2003.(which was scattered over parts of Texas)

Jeffrey Richelson, a senior fellow with the National Security Archive, said the spacecraft likely is a photo reconnaissance satellite.(didn't they just say that this is a national secret?..yet we have a jerkoff from the national Security Archive spilling his guts) Such eyes in the sky are used to gather visual information from space about adversarial governments and terror groups(like the people that talk smack about George W. Bush in the US of A.), including construction at suspected nuclear sites or military training camps. The satellites also can be used to survey damage from hurricanes, fires and other natural disasters.(yet, why is it I feel like that satellite is full of pictures of everyone in the Democratic party and every liberal group in America...including me in my underwear?)

So...lets see...we have a spy satellite that is out of control, contains hazardous materials, has been off the grid for over a year, it's a national secret and yet here I am doing a post on it...Yupper, the sky is falling alright..and it's a national fucking secret..so don't tell anyone...

But when someone hands me lemons...I make lemon meringue pie...so I think we should take advantage of this golden opportunity...If and when we know exactly when and where this satellite is going to smack down, we should gather up all those end of world predictors and place them gently in the middle of the area...It's called making good use of a golden opportunity...ya, wanna go to Jesus?...well, here's your chance..And if and when you see Jesus?...tell him I said howdy...