I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Saturday, June 21, 2008

CHRISTIANS..gotta love 'em

A grumpy old man walks into a local First Baptist Church and says to the secretary, “I wanna join this fucking church.”
The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, dammit. I said I want to join this fucking church!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.” The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor’s study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office and the pastor asks, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”
“There IS no fucking problem!,” the man says. “Looky here, I just won $200 million bucks in the fucking lottery and I want to join this fucking church to get rid of some of this fucking money.”
“I see,” said the pastor. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?”


Nit Wit said...

Funny how a prospect of financial gain will change those convictions in a hurry. It's the only thing that religion and big business have in common.

That Rude Girl said...

Very funny, but unfortunately, also very true! Didn't you know you can buy your way into heaven, and most churches are more than happy to help you get there...for the right price!

sageweb said...

So true. that is a good laugh. I wish I could remember these jokes so I could say them out loud.

Anonymous said...

This is why I'm a heathen!

Big Pissy said...

I've seen this before...still makes me laugh every time I see it. ;-)

billy pilgrim said...

i think a rabbi would so the same.

Ted said...

Oh God, that's funny!
Unfortunately, it's also very accurate.
I've stated repeatedly that religion is AT BEST a business that offers its services for hire. It goes downhill from there to mind control and various coercive/manipulative stages of spiritual bribery and tyranny.
It has nothing to do with the Word of God, or the God who authored it, all Funny-mentalist claims to the contrary notwithstanding.
My favorite Democrat said it best: "Religion is for people who are too lazy t' believe the Bible." - Will Rogers.

"As scarce as truth is, the supply will always be in excess of the demand."
-Josh Billings

Sling said...

I love that fucking joke! :)

jan said...

The university in our town accepted a lot of money from a man who was beneath their linguistic expectations until he got out his checkbook. Now there is a wing of a building named for him. Universities can be whores too.

McRaven said...

hahahaha I can hear your voice and Texas accent as you tall that joke! I love you. :)

Doralong said...

Ain't it the truth..

Big Tex said...

Funny because it's true. Even funnier because that's how most Baptists talk when they're not in church.

Woozie said...

Why would he want to get rid of two hundred million dollars?

Josh said...

The free market will SAVE US ALL! :P

BBC said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
yellowdog granny said...

nitwit:when it comes to money, no one is beyond kissing ass for it...
rudegirl:yeah, scary how close to the truth it is..
sage:do like boy about town does. he copies them and hangs them above his desk..or he says he does..hahah
rox:another reason why I'm a pagan...money?...we don't need no stinking money..
bigpissy:yeah, it's old, but still funny..
billy:or a politician..
ted:glad you got a laugh out of it..
sling:i know..it's just so....smooth...ha
jan:yah, money talks bullshit walks..
doralong:sad but true..
mcraven:yeah, it's a great joke to tell..ha..
bigtex:well, don't know about that..but probably..
woozie;i'm not sure, but makes a better joke than $500 ..
josh;well, as least we'll be saved..

Travis Erwin said...

I love this joke. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it after the day I'm having.

Anne Johnson said...

If the bitch was giving him a hard-on, it would have been even better for the pastor.

Ted said...

woozie: Can you say TAX DODGE?
josh: Beavis would have said "What a dumbass." to that remark, and I'd be hard-pressed to refute him.

catscratch diva said...

Never, in my entire life on this Earth, have I ever heard anything so true.

Sad...but true.

angel said...

lol... only you!

Cheesemeister said...

My kind of fucking church!

I have a far stupider joke.
The pastor's wife goes to the butcher shop and asks what the daily special is. The butcher says "it's the Damn Ham."
"Shame on you, Butcher, you shouldn't be talking that way to the pastor's wife," she says.
"But that's really what it's called," says the butcher. "And it's really good."
So the pastor's wife buys some.
While she is cooking it, the pastor comes in.
"What's for dinner, Dear?" he says.
"Damn ham," she says.
"I'm shocked that you of all people would swear at a man of God," he says.
"I'm not. That's what it's called," she says. "And the butcher says it's really good."
The family is sitting down to dinner. The pastor takes a bite of the Damn Ham. It's so good that he eats it in a couple of bites.
"That really is good!" he says. "Honey, will you pass me some more Damn Ham?"
"Well, hell, Pop, if we're going to cut loose, why don't you pass the fucking potatoes?" says the pastor's son.

Yeah...I know.