I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Friday, September 11, 2009

RANDOM MUSINGS FROM THE VOID

Stuff from Sooner's brain.

JERRYWORLD

The 8'th wonder of the world, the mega Cathedral of Football Splendor that Skeletor (Jerry Jones) has built is worthy of it's envy. It is the darling of the N.F.L. and has the Official STAMP OF APPROVAL via Commandant Roger Goodell,... a massive spectacle of steel, concrete and architectural beauty that is worthy to stand only in Texas, the only state that is basically a country that would just be fucking okie-dokie seceded from the other 49 shitholes.
Now, I kinda got a problem with some of the prices to enjoy this festivus
"It adds up fast when a half-pan of baby-back ribs costs $115, a 12-pack of Bud Light $54 and a bottle of Jack Daniel's $60. "

Dallas Morning News
01:28 PM CDT on Tuesday, June 2, 2009
By GARY JACOBSON / The Dallas Morning News
http://us.mc826.mail.yahoo.com/mc/compose?to=gjacobson@dallasnews.com

Now, let's throw in a 90.00 cheese pizza, CHEESE, and I kinda got it figured out how they will be able to afford to raise the HUGE MONOLITHIC VIDEO SCREEN that they fucking hung too low.
Plus the fact that my team got beat and my Q.B. got his ass handed back to him in a sling,...I am wary of this place.
I hope that the Cowboys are able to make it all worthy on the "1 point whatever-the-fuck BILLION" it took to build this Monument.
One cool thing, you can get a cheap hotel room, take a taxi to the game after getting tanked up at Hooter's, and get in for 35 bucks and be in the end zone with access to concessions and the outside villa/concourse/moneymaker.
A cheap dude's way to tailgate.
Haven't done it yet. I am saving up my money to buy those fucking Cowboys.

Crazy people are so cool...
I watched a technique at work today that was really cool.
When a crazy person is disrupting your place of business, walk up to them and talk to them......but take control of the situation by asking them questions, because while they "think" to engage with you, the other employees can formulate a game plan to shift his/her/crazy person's wrath into an exit strategy.
"Mam, we cant install your $1238.39 tonneau cover because we have technicians that are a day behind already."
TRANSLATION
First off bitch, you drive up and start honking your horn and preaching about how you are handicapped and your children hate you and "I NEED SERVICE NOW!", never even leaving your running vehicle.
You have lipstick on your eyebrows, eye liner on your lips, and a tampon necklace.
You are dressed in about 6 layers of clothing, the outer wrap consisting of a cowboy hat, a red Mexican poncho
over woolly yellow pajamas, and high heels.
Your vehicle is filled with plastic swords, rocking horses and makeup, BAGS of makeup. And you yodel, speak in tongues, and preach with the fire of a serial killer. I love the big Barbie head that is covered in temporary biker tattoos, shaved and oiled like a "Miami Ink" severed head in the passenger seat.
Man, I love my job.

THINGS THAT DON'T ADD UP
As much as I want to believe that there is a Bigfoot, a Loch Ness Monster and an Abdominal Snowman, I will not bet on them in Vegas to ever be caught or have scientific evidence supporting their collective existence. However, I can swear on my mother's grave that I had sex with a female Bigfoot at a seedy bar in Dallas in 1987.

Our budget sucks, we owe trillions and yet we keep spending more money.
My Dad always said, "Boy, don't spend it if you can't afford it, dumb ass!"
Makes good sense.
How about we start spending money in our own borders, allow everyone the choice of their existing health care coverage or Federal plan, and spend the money used on our WAR on Social Security, Veteran benefits, Medicare and Education, ...start collecting on all of our debts owed to the US over the years of recovery
and restructure distributed everywhere, ... except where it is most needed.....HERE! The interest accrued alone would make us "shittin' in tall cotton".
Nope, let's just bomb a scrubby Middle Eastern mountain range into a cratered Middle Eastern mountain range.
Robo calls on my phone that assure me that my credit card consolidation solution will make me get a bigger dick.
Promises of a "More Enjoyable" Sexual life with chemical ingestion that could give me a skillet-handle erection, one that could possibly be eternal, thus embarrassing at my funeral, to say the least.
When the wind blows, my dick gets hard, lol.
If I use this particular Insurance company I can just drink and drive and save money and live in Vegas and I will have a stack of money that has a set of FUCKING EYEBALLS on it. Or I can deal with Flo and buy the shit in a sterile white room in a fucking box. And I wonder which way she sways, she is the Queen of Androgyny.

9 comments:

texlahoma said...

I remember one night in 1987 everyone just kind of stopped and said "Wow, what was that?"
Now I know what it was.

Josh said...

The Abdominal Snowman

:)

So Not Wishy Washy said...

Muse away. Love it.

themom said...

Now....tell us how you REALLY feel! You go girl..get it off your chest. Eat more bacon!! LOL

themom said...

Oh and by the way...it's nice to see your little weather girl with her umbrella UP! Keep on dancin'.

texlahoma said...

That room that Flo works in reminds me of the afterlife for some reason.
Like they're waiting for a shuttle to heaven.

Ted Amadeus said...

*LMMFAO!*
Hot damn, sooner's back in town.
10-4 on the Sports Mansion...As long as it's paid for by the time they decide to demolish it and build a bigger bugger.
That's what we're doing up here with baseball stadiums, and it's a clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

this is the work of my friend Sooner..from, you got it..Oklahoma..
I heart him

Anne Johnson said...

A plague on all modern stadiums, with their modern prices! I hope they all simultaneously implode on the next Friday the 13th -- no fans inside at the time, but maybe a few owners.

Oh well, nothing beats having the old game blaring from a radio in the back yard while you do that pesky Sunday yard work. With your $3.50 six-pack of Bud handy in the cooler.