NEW RULES BY BILL MAHER

i know this is illegal and they can throw my ass in jail for printing stuff from his book..but i yafta...its just too funny..was on page 14 and had already laughed out loud at each and every page...
bawl game ..new rule..
stop wallowing, several years after 9/11, ball parks still insist on a giant seventh inning buzzkill with a somber rendition of "God Bless America". There's a thin live between loving america and stalking it..Please, we've already said the national anthem now let me honor america the right way:by getting drunk on over priced beer and yelling obscenities at millionaires on steroids..

AROMATIC TRANSMISSIONS
no, we don't need a hummer cologne. Yes, hummer is now also a men's fragrance. They say the scent is a masculine combination of leather, sandalwood and a bald man's tiny cock.It's also great cologne for gay guys:you put it on and , before you know it, your're rolling over.

BUSH WHACK..NEW RULE
George W. Bush must stop saying he owes all his success to Laura. George Bush owes all his success to his daddy, his daddy's rich friend's, trust funds, legacy admissions, the national guard, the supreme court, Karl Rowe, Dick Cheney, and AA.

CHIEF WANNA BE..NEW RULE
If you have to tell me what fracture of you is N. American, you're not really an Indian.There is a word for people who claim to be one-quarter Indian...Puerto Rican...

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR..NEW RULE
Don't talk to me about desperate housewives..If I had the slightest interest in other people's sex lives, I'd be a republican.

ONLY BEGOTTEN SON
NEW RULE

If you have to have to set up a big screen tv and show the daytona 500 to get people to your church in Fredericksburg,Tenn. then your flock is not worshipping Jesus, their worshipping Dale Earnhard, Jr. and there's a difference:one is the son of God, and the other died on a cross for your sins..

ok that is enough of a teaser..go out and buy the book..you can read it in under 2 hours....and laugh your ass off.....