I'm a liberal pagan living in West,Texas..yes that West,Texas

Sunday, March 04, 2007

.......IT ALL STARTED WITH A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.......





Last Wednesday I got up early as the management had arranged for our apartments to be sprayed for piss ants...For those of you who don't know what piss ants are...good for you, cause they are some pain in the ass little fuckers...Tiny wee fuckers and love to swarm over opened cans of cat food and assorted other treats..So I'm up and there's a knock at the door...think aha...the bug people...nope..it's the lady next door Claudette..She says:"You want to go to Caritas?"...I'm thinking ok(Caritas is a used store that is like Salvation Army) I have nothing to do but hang around and watch them kill bugs...so I kiss the cat, grab my purse and I'm off...We're going to go in her car...some where in the back of my pea brain is a little voice saying:"Hey stupid, isn't she the one that wrecked 2 cars?".....My other little voice is saying:"Shaddap...we're only going to Caritas here in West...how dangerous can it be?"....We get into her car and she starts it and it dies, she starts it and it dies, she starts it and it ...well, you get the picture..finally she starts it, guns the engine so loud and long people were coming out on their porch to see what the fuck was going on...I am still thinking...we're only going 2 miles..we're only going 2 miles...
She immediately starts a process of driving which consists of a lot of jerking the wheel and sudden bursts of speed followed by slamming on the brakes...my mantra is now 2miles up..2 miles back...She drives to the Czech stop and fil
ls up the gas tank...hmmm....we're only going 4 miles round trip..right?...Then she whips the car in the frontage road lane and heads for I-35...........oh fuck!....I say:"UH....I thought we were going to Caritas." she whips the wheel back pulling us out of the path of a semi.."Oh, we're going to the one on 5th and Mary...in Waco...(after much wheel jerking, speeds up to 80 miles an hour, most of which was done in the on coming lane, she remembers that it is 15th and Mary and we are fucking lost.)I finally get us to the right place as I used to deliver Jones-Blair Paint down in that area..On the ride to Waco (where I have both my feet mashed on the floor board and a double hand death grip on the seat belt)..she tells me that Caritas has a store where if you are illegible you can get food, clothes, house wear, etc. for free..I'm thinking they better be giving me porter house and a fine fucking Bordeaux for this trip from hell...We get there at 9:30am......we got out of there at 4fuckingpm...I got a frozen chicken, canned vegetables, soups, shampoos, soap, toilet paper, beans rice, noodles, peanut butter, jelly, a huge sack full of home made bread, butter, 6 ears of corn on the cob, a plastic bag the size of a suitcase full of smashed frozen onions, a canned boned chicken, and a package of kotex. 7 and one half fucking hours in a room with 80 people( I was 66)...and each one of those people had 3 kids hanging on to them and screaming at the top of their lungs...When will parents learn that standing across the room screaming "if you don't stop that I'm going to slap the shit out of you"...to your kid will not actually make them ...'Stop that'...I was torn between actually smacking the kid and smacking the parent..Well, I know that this is a great program for families with kids and I am glad that they have it, but in the parking lot were beamers, suv's, Lexus's, and shinny new trucks...also several people were selling their groceries for cash...I will fight Annie tooth and nail for her cans of Friskies before I go back there...fuck me till I say "next".....
The only good thing about the entire day was we were both hungry when we got out of there and we went to Sonic and I got a corn dog, small ff, and small Dr.Pepper...It may have been the best thing I have ever eaten in my entire fucking life...When I opened up my little sack with my corn dog and saw there was no mustard...I snapped...I jacked that window down, stuck my head out and roared:"Hey, lady...I didn't get any mustard with my corn dog."....Three car-hops were right there with my mustard... I spread it on the little pape
r envelope it came it and ate the whole thing, paper, corn dog stick and all...I licked the paper bag it came in..I saved the ff for when I got home...but I stuck my nose in the little carton it came in and alternated between smelling the ff's and sucking on the cubes of ice to get all of the flavor of Dr.Pepper that I could..Which kept me from freaking out that Claudette drove in the wrong lane almost all the way home..

Tuesday when I had worked at the library for Henrietta I got out at 7pm and didn't feel like cooking dinner, so thought I would go to the old bar where I used to hang out as it is not a bar and they make BBQ and is supposed to be terrific...So I pulled into the parking lot and went through some major flash backs..this being the place where I spent a good percentage of my time sucking down beers and making my own drinks with my BYOB of Rum, Whiskey, Vodka and the occasional bottle of Tequila....I remembe
r waking up in my little blue jeep and was confused..got out of the jeep and went inside and asked Jerry the owner:"How long as it been since I was here last(we would bar hop all over town)? and she said about 2 hours...why? I said:"Cause I woke up in the jeep from where I had passed out and didn't know if I was coming....or going.."
So you can see I wasn't thrilled about being there, but most food places were closed and that BBQ smelled so good..In I go...and I wasn't 3 feet inside the door and people were yelling and screaming and laughing and OH MY God, HOLY Shit and I DON'T BELIEVE IT... fuck..I thought it would be a new crowd..but it was the same old bunch of drunks...Patsy who works at the Community Grocery was there with another old drinking buddy girlfriend..So I had a Dr. Pepper and a bbq sandwich and let them talk me into coming back this past Friday for ladies night...Only on the condition that I don't have to be a lady I says....which really made them laugh..
Saturday at 7pm I made my grand entrance...to the X-CAPITAL, X-STRICKY COUNTRY, -THE DEPOT AND Currently now:JACK AND DIANE'S BBQ..Wearing my old Stricky Country T-Shirt ...the said t-shirt being 20plus years old, I wasn't going for style...It was pretty much like I had stepped into a time warp....Dingy Debbie was there, JD was there(he was 10 the last time I saw him), Patsy, Gary the Budweiser Driver, Santiago the pool player, Pat the painter, brother of old friend, and many many more..Mostly new faces as I think the rest croaked..David is gone, Tennis Shoe is gone, Agnes is gone, Tommy is gone, Red is gone, lot of them gone...But the only two that are still here and not drinking ..are me and Santiago...I don't want to say that I didn't have a good time...but ..........I didn't have a good time...I played pool and considering that I haven't played serious pool in 15 years..I did ok...I racked more than I broke, but I didn't embarrass myself...but by 11:30 I was more than ready to go home...the smoke was killing me, the inane drunk conversations were boring me to fucking tears...Plus Gary kept trying to get me into the back of the Bud truck..I finally told him, Gary, if I wouldn't fuck you when I was drinking..what makes you think I will fuck you if I'm sober??? He just grinned that hey I'm drunk and ain't I cute grin that men think will get them out of a head slap..It didn't bother me hanging around them while they drank and I was not..what bothered me is that at one time I thought this was the best time ever...or not so much that it was a good time as it was what I did and what I knew...The only good part of the night was 2 different people wanted to know what I was doing in the retirement apts as I am not old enough...I said I'm 63..I'm more than old enough..both though I was in late 40's or early 50's...a sure sign that they need to cut back on the beer...I also had some kid (19-20) ask me if I wanted some dip..and I said "NO thanks, I just had a bar of soap."....he looked at me and said, "what does that mean?" and I said"it means I have already had something nasty in my mouth so I don't need any dip."...he thought that was hysterical and went around and was telling everyone what I said.. At least that Jackie story didn't have me drunk and saying fuck a lot..


So that was my adventure for the week...that's not even counting the attack of Annie against a black bird and it got lose in the house and I had bird, bird feathers and a wild pussy racing through the house...oh...and I won some kind of thinking blog award..me and cyberoutlaw and 3 other blogs...how cool is that...I will post about it Monday or Tuesday...Cause I'm kinda proud of it...
Fuckme till I dip...

19 comments:

mckait said...

you are one wild yellow goddess!and a brave one... lol.

This all sounds like a nightmare!

give me a good book and a long quiet day any time, instead of ..well.. the long drive into the bowels of what sounds like hell...

now the food with old friends had possibilities...

i think you spent the evening with more old friends than I will ever even know. I keep to my self a lot.

Anyway, I am glad to see you posting, as I had begun to think that you had been abducted by aliens or right wing conservatives.

Mouthy Girl said...

I officially want a corn dog slathered with mustard. I also want some Sonic tater tots. Forget the fries, sister!

People who swear at their kids at the top of their lungs should have me nearby to swear at THEM. See how they like it THEN! Idiots.

As for the people selling the free food they picked up: I WANT TO SMACK THEM SILLY. Period. Fools.

Pixie said...

What a nightmare I have never seen a piss ant why are they called piss ants?
Ages ago I remember WP calling someone online one and though he had made the word up LOL.

Heidi said...

I am dying of laughter right now.

I know exactly what a "piss ant" is. We have one in office right now, plus been around a few in high school. Also had some real ones in my apartment a few years agao when they hitched a ride on my broom after I swept my balcony.

I'll go with Claudette if you don't want to. I love free stuff!

Jan said...

This is the only blog I know that can make a trip for free food and a corn dog into a hysterical adventure. Looking forward to hearing about the wild pussy and thinking blog award.

jan from Poodle etc.

the rube said...

jeez, a busy week. and you even had time to put a curse on that prick cheney. maybe next time you can finish him off.

Lauren said...

I have to go with buddha_girl. . . Slap the shit outta the parents. . . The kids will get the message. . .

I very rarely let someone else drive, because most people I know don't understand the concept of concentrating on the task at hand. . . Worse, they usually think it's the "other guy" who is the idiot. . . Claudette sounds like my worst nightmare. . .

OK, so you spent 7 hours to collect all that "free" shit. . . Was it really free?? I know how much my time is worth. . . And having to listen to screaming brats just ups my hourly rate. . . LOL!!

JACKIESUE said...

kath:If I had known before hand we were going to Waco and what we were going to do..I would have taken a book..I never go any where that I am going to be there longer than 15 minutes with out a book...ever..
buddha: there were a lot of things that went down that day that burned my ass...but the corn dog did help.
Pixie: piss ants are this teeny tiny wee little ants, they are almost invisible..and think they are called piss ants as that is what people say when they see them..pissy ants..which is why when I see them I call them fuckants..people can be piss ants too...
Heidi: you're more than welcome to go with Claudette..just remember ..she wrecks cars...lots of cars..free shit ain't no good if your in traction....
jan: will post about the blog award tuesday...did 6 loads of laundry today and my ass is kicked...glad you liked the ride..
ruby rocks: yeah except I missed on the blood clot...I said send big dick's little dick a blood clot..wrong leg...dang..
lauren: I really don't yet know if it was worth it or not as most of it I gave away as I had just gone to the store and bought everything they gave me for free...don't know if i will go next month or not..screaming kids make me want to punch parents...

Nit Wit said...

I almost neve go anywhere in a car as a passenger. I tend to be a real asshole when someone else drives, and that's with people who drive well.
I would be to lazy to go anywhere anymore so I only drive about 10 miles a week.
I know what you mean about the old bar buddies. years ago I quit drinking but still went to the bar as the first wife worked there and I competed in dart tournaments. after a while I really got tired of the people.
I think it started a few years earlier when I was a bartender.
I just had a sandwitch before I read your post and I have corndogs and tatertots in the freezer. I should have read your post first.

Ol' Lady said...

at least your trip to Waco wasn't uneventful :)
any chance gettin ya to up the size of yer font? I had to get a lookin glass to read it :p

Unknown said...

Sounds like Claudette drives like my youngest sister. I refuse to get in the car with her!
And what the heck was you doing eating fries! And getting bread and rice? And KOTEX??????

I know what you mean about drunks. The only person who thinks drunks are entertaining are other drunks.....

JACKIESUE said...

nitwit: I am a lousy passanger too. But for once I was so terrified that I couldn't speak out..and her attention span is about 8 seconds and was afraid to distract her by screaming..."Oh my god, we're going to die.".
old Lady: i screwed up on the font..I hit the wrong one and didn't notice it until it had posted...I need a larger font and I don't know how to do it...none of the ones they offer on the post are really large enough..and I'm using large print..fuck...
Junebugg: they knew I was diabetic, but they didn't seem to care..they gave me all sorts of things I can't eat..and pads..I had a hysterectomy in 1985...
Drunks are a pain in the ass, this coming from an ex drunk..

mckait said...

who are some of your favorite authors?

JACKIESUE said...

james lee burke, dean koontz, crais, patterson, vince flynn,sue grafton, etc...

Josh said...

Jesus, what a tale. Good luck passing that corn dog stick! ;)

mckait said...

I have read some koontz,some grafton, some patterson..

I always have a book with me, too.
I will take one with me tomorrow..
as I have to be there at 8 30, but my surg. is at 9:45.....lol

I am trying very hard to use my library again, instead of always buying .. even when you pick them up used, or at the bargain racks of the half price book store, it adds up.

I also like Alice Hoffman,Charles deLint, Chris Bojalian, Jodi Picoult, Alice Walker..and more.. I am not a fan of chic lit...or romance...but if that is all i can get my hands on at that moment, I will read it..
So I try to stay stocked up on decent stuff..

Cherlee's said...

Congrats on your award hun you deserve it! You should write a book of your adventures it would be a bestseller. I'd be the first in line to buy it! As always thanks for sharing!

Me said...

ROTFLMAO!!

Allan said...

Wowza! What a day. You ate the STICK?
Yeah, hanging w/ the drunks sorta loses it's charm don't it?