I don't mean to say I'm actually FUCKING Martha Stewart, (I'm not going to break my no sex streak of 22 ye
ars for an old broad who's done time)..but that I'm like well, uh...a Jackiesue version of Martha Stewart...got it?
West, Texas has h
ad a few days of gully washers...and river washers for that matter..The Brazos is over flooding it's banks in places..it damn near sank our River Queen, the paddle wheel boat restaurant. Water was in the lower floor of one of the river restaurants and washed out many bridges and flooded some homes..We go 9 months with no rain..then get a years quota of rain..in 2 fucking days...Gotta love it...But after 2 days of thun
derstorms, tornados, high winds, and lightning we have had 2 days of glorious sunshine, and high 70's weather...Bluebonnets every where...I are a happy redneck...So yesterday since I couldn't plant any of my new plants or repot anything because of our version of Noah's flood..I did it yesterday...I planted my 2 pineapple plants that my nephew Phillip gave me..he gave me four, but gave one to Margaret and Claudette...I was going to send 2 of them to Lane but she threatened to kick my ass if I did..so M % C got them...then I repotted my aloe vera which was so over grown it was sad...planted some nasty urchins, some more ivy, some sunflowers, and just generally acted like I knew what I was doing..I was so impressive that Margaret and Claudette came out to watch me...we had a little chat while I played in the dirt...I took a bunch of the lose suckers from the aloe vera to the laundry room as I didn't have room for them...one lady took them all..She weighs about 300 lbs and is in one of those 'scooters' and man, she really zips around the parking lot in that thing..she fell in love with Annie and was convienced she could get her to come to her...I told her I would give her $1,000 if she could get her to obey her..she 'kitty kitty kittied and Annie Annie Annied' till she was hoarse..Annie came as far as the end of the truck..and just sat and stared at her...every one in a while she would lick her ass to show her contempt for the human..but she never moved...just stared at her..I was laughing my ass off..
Thursday Claudette and I took my truck(never getting in the her car again...ever)...and went to Caritas...we went early and only had to wait about an hour..I got some great things but judas priest..enough bread to put me into a coma...and a case of tomatoes..not canned tomatoes...fresh red ripe tomat
oes...fuck!..so I gave Claudette some(everyone got them but Claudette and she was pissed..heehee)...gave Margaret some and gave Jamie and her Mom some...I still have over 60 tomatoes..so I made a huge pot of tomato soup..which by the way was excellent...then I made some pico de gallo which I had on a turkey wrap and it rocked..still have tomatoes...so then I 
made a huge pot of salsa..which no one is ever going to be able to eat as it is so hot that my lips are still sore from tasting it last night..and I like hot salsa..but this is......well....I know what Johnny Cash was singing about when he did Ring of Fire...my asshole last night..I still have tomatoes...
Babs who is still high on pain killers gave me a list of things to do with the tomatoes, like run over them with the truck and tell everyone it was a cat...(april fools)..bathe in them...make tomato juice, tomato paste, sauce, etc...and mentioned something about teaching them to attack...speaking of Babs..she called last night to let me know how she is doing...she's up to one hour of computer time now..so she's making progress..
but we were gi
ggling and laughing like 6 year olds...I swear we need to grow up..ha...no way....
So...back to the tomatoes.....I am going to take some and make some bbq sauce and some Italian Sauce..or at least that is my plan...although the way I'm going through the pico.....I may just make another batch of it...damn it's good...I bought a lb. of jalopenas and about 12 onions...all I need is some cilantro...no cilantro in West...dang..
Between working in my little garden and doing all the canning and cooking...I'm fucking Martha Stewart....
yupper...I am....
funny things I found in the paper:
"I don't have sex with my monkey.That's crap."...
Bobby C
rawford, Jr. owner of a rhesus monkey, who claims he was falsely accused of pleasuring his pet primate....
this absolutely needs no input from me..it can stand alone...
More than 2 tons of marijuana was found in a hidden compartment of a tractor-trailer coming into the Unite
d States from Mexico at El Paso,Customs officials said...Where the fuck do you hide 2 tons of marijuana in a tractor-trailer?....
TAlk ABOUT A PANTY RAID...
Garth Flaherty, 24, was charged with 12 counts of bur
glary after police found as many as 1,500 women's undergarments...enough to fill 5 garbage bags...in his Pullman, Washington, home....
Maybe he should consider sending some of them to Brittney .....
Australian group says toad nearly 2 lbs..in Darwin, Asutralia...An enviromental group said it had captured a "monster" toad the size of a small dog. With a body the size of
a football and weighing nearly 2 pounds, the toad is among the largest ever captured in Australia..
OK....the first thing I thought of was...man...now them's some frog legs...when's dinner?
Then my favorite...
THE MOUSE THAT STOLE DENTURES..
Wate
rville, Maine..There's a mouse in Bill Exner's house that he says he has captured three times. Each time, the mouse escaped, and the last time the rodent made off with his lo
wer dentures.
Mr. Exner, 68, said he and his wife, Shirley, scoured his bedroom after the dentures disappeared from his nightstand.
"We moved the bed, moved the dressers and the nightstand adn tore the closet apart," he said." I said, 'I knew that little stinker stole my teeth'...I just knew it."
They found a small opening in a wall where they suspected the mouse was coming and going, and their daughter's fiance, Eric Holt, stepped in to help.
"He bought a crowbar and hammer adn he sawed off a section of wood and pulled up the molding and everything," Mr. Exner said."It was quite a job."
They retrieved the dentures, and Mr. Holt suggested his future father-in-law boil them in peroxide and whatever else he could find to disinfect it.
The mouse apparently isn't done. It frequently comes out and stares at Mr. Exner, his wife said..
"He's taunting him--- I swear he's taunting him," Mrs. Exner said..
Didn't they make a movie about this mouse?...I'm not so sure that I would want to be kissing Mr. Exner if I was Mrs. Exner, with them teeth in his mouth..I don't care WHAT they used to clean them with...eek!..
Well, f
olks....I hope you all are having a lovely day where you're at...Even if it is a beautiful day in your neighborhood...mine is better....I have bluebonnets...
ars for an old broad who's done time)..but that I'm like well, uh...a Jackiesue version of Martha Stewart...got it?West, Texas has h
ad a few days of gully washers...and river washers for that matter..The Brazos is over flooding it's banks in places..it damn near sank our River Queen, the paddle wheel boat restaurant. Water was in the lower floor of one of the river restaurants and washed out many bridges and flooded some homes..We go 9 months with no rain..then get a years quota of rain..in 2 fucking days...Gotta love it...But after 2 days of thun
derstorms, tornados, high winds, and lightning we have had 2 days of glorious sunshine, and high 70's weather...Bluebonnets every where...I are a happy redneck...So yesterday since I couldn't plant any of my new plants or repot anything because of our version of Noah's flood..I did it yesterday...I planted my 2 pineapple plants that my nephew Phillip gave me..he gave me four, but gave one to Margaret and Claudette...I was going to send 2 of them to Lane but she threatened to kick my ass if I did..so M % C got them...then I repotted my aloe vera which was so over grown it was sad...planted some nasty urchins, some more ivy, some sunflowers, and just generally acted like I knew what I was doing..I was so impressive that Margaret and Claudette came out to watch me...we had a little chat while I played in the dirt...I took a bunch of the lose suckers from the aloe vera to the laundry room as I didn't have room for them...one lady took them all..She weighs about 300 lbs and is in one of those 'scooters' and man, she really zips around the parking lot in that thing..she fell in love with Annie and was convienced she could get her to come to her...I told her I would give her $1,000 if she could get her to obey her..she 'kitty kitty kittied and Annie Annie Annied' till she was hoarse..Annie came as far as the end of the truck..and just sat and stared at her...every one in a while she would lick her ass to show her contempt for the human..but she never moved...just stared at her..I was laughing my ass off..Thursday Claudette and I took my truck(never getting in the her car again...ever)...and went to Caritas...we went early and only had to wait about an hour..I got some great things but judas priest..enough bread to put me into a coma...and a case of tomatoes..not canned tomatoes...fresh red ripe tomat
oes...fuck!..so I gave Claudette some(everyone got them but Claudette and she was pissed..heehee)...gave Margaret some and gave Jamie and her Mom some...I still have over 60 tomatoes..so I made a huge pot of tomato soup..which by the way was excellent...then I made some pico de gallo which I had on a turkey wrap and it rocked..still have tomatoes...so then I 
made a huge pot of salsa..which no one is ever going to be able to eat as it is so hot that my lips are still sore from tasting it last night..and I like hot salsa..but this is......well....I know what Johnny Cash was singing about when he did Ring of Fire...my asshole last night..I still have tomatoes...Babs who is still high on pain killers gave me a list of things to do with the tomatoes, like run over them with the truck and tell everyone it was a cat...(april fools)..bathe in them...make tomato juice, tomato paste, sauce, etc...and mentioned something about teaching them to attack...speaking of Babs..she called last night to let me know how she is doing...she's up to one hour of computer time now..so she's making progress..
but we were gi
ggling and laughing like 6 year olds...I swear we need to grow up..ha...no way....So...back to the tomatoes.....I am going to take some and make some bbq sauce and some Italian Sauce..or at least that is my plan...although the way I'm going through the pico.....I may just make another batch of it...damn it's good...I bought a lb. of jalopenas and about 12 onions...all I need is some cilantro...no cilantro in West...dang..
Between working in my little garden and doing all the canning and cooking...I'm fucking Martha Stewart....
yupper...I am....
funny things I found in the paper:
"I don't have sex with my monkey.That's crap."...
Bobby C
rawford, Jr. owner of a rhesus monkey, who claims he was falsely accused of pleasuring his pet primate....this absolutely needs no input from me..it can stand alone...
More than 2 tons of marijuana was found in a hidden compartment of a tractor-trailer coming into the Unite
d States from Mexico at El Paso,Customs officials said...Where the fuck do you hide 2 tons of marijuana in a tractor-trailer?....TAlk ABOUT A PANTY RAID...
Garth Flaherty, 24, was charged with 12 counts of bur
glary after police found as many as 1,500 women's undergarments...enough to fill 5 garbage bags...in his Pullman, Washington, home....Maybe he should consider sending some of them to Brittney .....
Australian group says toad nearly 2 lbs..in Darwin, Asutralia...An enviromental group said it had captured a "monster" toad the size of a small dog. With a body the size of
a football and weighing nearly 2 pounds, the toad is among the largest ever captured in Australia..OK....the first thing I thought of was...man...now them's some frog legs...when's dinner?
Then my favorite...
THE MOUSE THAT STOLE DENTURES..
Wate
rville, Maine..There's a mouse in Bill Exner's house that he says he has captured three times. Each time, the mouse escaped, and the last time the rodent made off with his lo
wer dentures.Mr. Exner, 68, said he and his wife, Shirley, scoured his bedroom after the dentures disappeared from his nightstand.
"We moved the bed, moved the dressers and the nightstand adn tore the closet apart," he said." I said, 'I knew that little stinker stole my teeth'...I just knew it."
They found a small opening in a wall where they suspected the mouse was coming and going, and their daughter's fiance, Eric Holt, stepped in to help.
"He bought a crowbar and hammer adn he sawed off a section of wood and pulled up the molding and everything," Mr. Exner said."It was quite a job."
They retrieved the dentures, and Mr. Holt suggested his future father-in-law boil them in peroxide and whatever else he could find to disinfect it.
The mouse apparently isn't done. It frequently comes out and stares at Mr. Exner, his wife said..
"He's taunting him--- I swear he's taunting him," Mrs. Exner said..
Didn't they make a movie about this mouse?...I'm not so sure that I would want to be kissing Mr. Exner if I was Mrs. Exner, with them teeth in his mouth..I don't care WHAT they used to clean them with...eek!..
Well, f
olks....I hope you all are having a lovely day where you're at...Even if it is a beautiful day in your neighborhood...mine is better....I have bluebonnets...
