JOKE

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled,
'Now, back off or I'll kick the s - - t out of all of you!'
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
'Couple of minutes ago.'

thanks to Clance'

JOKE

A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?" One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog." Of course, the reverend was taken aback. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie." There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the reverend was beginning to think he'd gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, he wins, give him the dog."

MY POLITICALLY INCORRECT JOKE OF THE WEEK

Panchito and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Panchito answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic on da ladies' cotton panties."
The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor", she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job,the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week...
When Panchito found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled labor but diesel fitters are skilled." "What skill?" yelled Panchito. "I sew the elastic on da panties, then Pedro puts dem over his head and says,"yeah, diesel fitter."

LITTLE JACKIESUE?

~ One day my mommy was out, and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room reading the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.
Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

this is just a joke..but it could have been true...

EXTRA ...EXTRA..READ ALL ABOUT IT..

It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame has converted to the Muslim faith and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.

IS IT FRIDAY YET?

JUST FOR THE GIRLS..

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died,
he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away."I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years,
my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

JUST FOR THE GUYS

I APOLOGIZE FOR THIS BEFORE YOU EVEN READ IT

A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:

"FREEZE, MUTHAFUCKA!!"
I guess there aren't many farms in Detroit .

ANOTHER JOIKE

Q: Did you hear that Viagra now Comes in a nasal spray?
A: It's for Dickheads

A GROANER AND A 'OH MAN'....

Dear TIDE ,
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better!
About a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, I gotta go - I have to write to the Hefty bag people.

ANOTHER JOKE

THE GIRLS
Tillie - Maude - Gertrude
These three old ladies and their dogs were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

ANOTHER JOKE

People have been sending me jokes to cheer me up...it's working..

GOLF PANTIES
The Swede's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirtup and reveals her lack of underwear.
'Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any skivvies?', Ole demanded. 'Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to
afford any.'
The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says, 'For the sake of decency, here's a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear.'

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ballon the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies.
'Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why
not?'She replies, 'I can't afford any on the money you give me.'
Patrick reaches into his pocket and says , 'For the sake of decency, here's a 20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!'

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
'Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where ta friggin hell are yer drawers?'She too explains, 'You dinna give me enough money tabe able ta affarrd any..'
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says,'Well, fer the love 'o decency, here's a comb.....Tidy yerself up a bit.'

SHITS AND GIGGLES

For all those guys who are King....................... Until their wife gets home.

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender,"Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.""Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?""When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees.""Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"She said,"Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-shit."