.......I FEEL LIKE HAMMERED SHIT.......

Tuesday I had chicken for dinner...late Tuesday night, my stomach said...'uh..this shit is bad' and proceeded to spew it out from both ends for about 3 days..I was dizzy, had spots in front of my eyes,feverish,nauseous,cramping so bad I thought:'well, fuck it..just kill me now'..I couldn't walk, talk or do anything..I tossed up stuff that had been in my stomach since 1986....When I finally was well enough to call the Dr. and I described my ails..he laughed and said:Maybe you should go to the emergency room..

I said if I'm so sick I can't drive 5 minutes to your office what makes you think I would make a 40 minute ride to the Hospital?..dipshit..he was laughing at me in the way I described my throwing up and crapping out my anal canal...he thinks I'm so funny that he automatically laughs at every thing I say..which did not make me feel any better...laughter is not the best medicine if it's not you laughing..So with 3 days worth of the biggest pills I have ever seen in my life I am at least well enough to stand up straight and leave the bathroom...Which is why I haven't been around to read any of your blogs..I did some in spurts but missed a bunch..and I hate that...but will catch up this weekend...after I do laundry..which you all know I hate to do anyhow..I would rather someone took out my spleen with a grapefruit spoon..

I had my hopes dashed yesterday...I put an ad in the West Paper for lost white male cat and said where he was last seen, described him, etc..and yesterday I got a phone call from some lady who lives in the apt's behind me...she said she saw him night before last..so I went over there and then found out the cat she saw was a white and yellow cat...fuck...so..still no Asshole...will be 2 weeks Sunday...If he was just out getting laid..he should be dragging his ass back home by now..the not knowing is what is killing me...but man..Annie is so happy...she is the way she used to be...all Royal and affectionate and funny...playful and sleeps with me again..she cuddles right in the crook of my arm and stays there all night long...so that's nice..but miss the little fucker..

Wednesday..the lawn guy was weed eating around my porch and I heard this loud thunk...and thought well, he hit the house with a rock..was deep into a good book and still not feeling so hot,so didn't get up and check on it...later on that night when I opened the door to let Annie out the bottom half of the glass screen door shattered into a gazillion pieces all over the carpet and porch...scared the shit out of me..thought for a second I thought one of the x-in-laws was taking a shot at me..then I realized that the thunk I heard was the rock hitting the door...and you know he could have been able to see it from outside...so I called manager and she gave me the phone number of the guy(why I had to call him I don't know..as I thought that would have been something she would been responsible for ..????)..so called ...and called ...and called...finally about 7:30 I reach him..I explain it to him and he's not exactly bending over back wards to be helpful..Can't understand why the apt. doesn't replace the door...first of all the apt. didn't put the door in..the old tenant did..they don't put up screen doors...so they could care less about my screen door..he wants to know what I want from him...I am trying to keep from asking him where he lives so I can come do this in person so when I do snap he will be within ass kicking distance.I said..I want you to do the right thing..your helper(his son) broke my screen door...I want the glass picked up and the door replaced...I get mutter mutter...yadda yadda..finally he said he will be over at noon today to clean up the glass, but doesn't know when he can replace the door..I am going to see what happens and if he doesn't fix the door or replace it in a week...I'm going to have to go Jackiesue on him....it won't be pretty...I actually am looking forward to it.

The other thing that is really keeping me up at night is the European donor sperm scare...man..how frightening is that????

What it boils down to is if you are an American looking for donor sperm to produce a blond, blue-eyed Scandinavian baby...you may have to get the American version..as there is a ban on sperm from all European countries with exposure to mad cow disease ...Since May, 2005 the Food and Drug Administration has blocked donors from all over Western Europe.While some sperm banks had enough frozen stock(under the circumstances..

I think that's a funny term)to cope with demand, they now face shortages.No body is happy about this.."The consensus in the United Kingdom is that this is a silly ban," said Dr. Allan Pacey, an andrology expert at the University of Sheffield."There's no evidence to show that mad cow disease can be transmitted in human semen."

Dr.Gianpiero Palermo, and associate at Cornell University's Center for Reproductive Medicine, said it shouldn't matter anyhow..."There's absolutely no difference between American and European sperm," he said."If you are looking for a specific type of donor, we can find whatever genetic qualities you want in the U.S."..

'Yeah.....our sperm is as good as your sperm...nana nana boo boo...'Jeez, if we can't get the blond/blue-eyed babies from Denmark..does that mean we will have a rash of brown haired/brown-eyed babies?...Oh wait..we already have them..their called illegal aliens..