I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Friday, September 28, 2007

.......I FEEL LIKE HAMMERED SHIT.......





Tuesday I had chicken for dinner...late Tuesday night, my stomach said...'uh..this shit is bad' and proceeded to spew it out from both ends for about 3 days..I was dizzy, had spots in front of my eyes,feverish,nauseous,cramping so bad I thought:'well, fuck it..just kill me now'..I couldn't walk, talk or do anything..I tossed up stuff that had been in my stomach since 1986....When I finally was well enough to call the Dr. and I described my ails..he laughed and said:Maybe you should go to the emergency room..
I said if I'm so sick I can't drive 5 minutes to your office what makes you think I would make a 40 minute ride to the Hospital?..dipshit..he was laughing at me in the way I described my throwing up and crapping out my anal canal...he thinks I'm so funny that he automatically laughs at every thing I say..which did not make me feel any better...laughter is not the best medicine if it's not you laughing..So with 3 days worth of the biggest pills I have ever seen in my life I am at least well enough to stand up straight and leave the bathroom...Which is why I haven't been around to read any of your blogs..I did some in spurts but missed a bunch..and I hate that...but will catch up this weekend...after I do laundry..which you all know I hate to do anyhow..I would rather someone took out my spleen with a grapefruit spoon..
I had my hopes dashed yesterday...I put an ad in the West Paper for lost white male cat and said where he was last seen, described him, etc..and yesterday I got a phone call from some lady who lives in the apt's behind me...she said she saw him night before last..so I went over there and then found out the cat she saw was a white and yellow cat...fuck...so..still no Asshole...will be 2 weeks Sunday...If he was just out getting laid..he should be dragging his ass back home by now..the not knowing is what is killing me...but man..Annie is so happy...she is the way she used to be...all Royal and affectionate and funny...playful and sleeps with me again..she cuddles right in the crook of my arm and stays there all night long...so that's nice..but miss the little fucker..
Wednesday..the lawn guy was weed eating around my porch and I heard this loud thunk...and thought well, he hit the house with a rock..was deep into a good book and still not feeling so hot,so didn't get up and check on it...later on that night when I opened the door to let Annie out the bottom half of the glass screen door shattered into a gazillion pieces all over the carpet and porch...scared the shit out of me..thought for a second I thought one of the x-in-laws was taking a shot at me..then I realized that the thunk I heard was the rock hitting the door...and you know he could have been able to see it from outside...so I called manager and she gave me the phone number of the guy(why I had to call him I don't know..as I thought that would have been something she would been responsible for ..????)..so called ...and called ...and called...finally about 7:30 I reach him..I explain it to him and he's not exactly bending over back wards to be helpful..Can't understand why the apt. doesn't replace the door...first of all the apt. didn't put the door in..the old tenant did..they don't put up screen doors...so they could care less about my screen door..he wants to know what I want from him...I am trying to keep from asking him where he lives so I can come do this in person so when I do snap he will be within ass kicking distance.I said..I want you to do the right thing..your helper(his son) broke my screen door...I want the glass picked up and the door replaced...I get mutter mutter...yadda yadda..finally he said he will be over at noon today to clean up the glass, but doesn't know when he can replace the door..I am going to see what happens and if he doesn't fix the door or replace it in a week...I'm going to have to go Jackiesue on him....it won't be pretty...I actually am looking forward to it.
The other thing that is really keeping me up at night is the European donor sperm scare...man..how frightening is that????
What it boils down to is if you are an American looking for donor sperm to produce a blond, blue-eyed Scandinavian baby...you may have to get the American version..as there is a ban on sperm from all European countries with exposure to mad cow disease ...Since May, 2005 the Food and Drug Administration has blocked donors from all over Western Europe.While some sperm banks had enough frozen stock(under the circumstances..
I think that's a funny term)to cope with demand, they now face shortages.No body is happy about this.."The consensus in the United Kingdom is that this is a silly ban," said Dr. Allan Pacey, an andrology expert at the University of Sheffield."There's no evidence to show that mad cow disease can be transmitted in human semen."
Dr.Gianpiero Palermo, and associate at Cornell University's Center for Reproductive Medicine, said it shouldn't matter anyhow..."There's absolutely no difference between American and European sperm," he said."If you are looking for a specific type of donor, we can find whatever genetic qualities you want in the U.S."..
'Yeah.....our sperm is as good as your sperm...nana nana boo boo...'Jeez, if we can't get the blond/blue-eyed babies from Denmark..does that mean we will have a rash of brown haired/brown-eyed babies?...Oh wait..we already have them..their called illegal aliens..

15 comments:

Cyberoutlaw said...

Hope you're feeling better. And the guy who broke the glass should have to gargle with holy water after Cheney washes his butt with it, LOL!

the rube said...

what a lovely picture you paint.

humans are always giving us dogs old smelly meat and then they act surprised when we leave a mess on their rug or lawn.

jan said...

Sorry about the gastric problems. I would say something funny about it, but I'm sure you would be in no mood after what you have been through. I'm sure your landlady wanted you to confront the sob in your own jackiesue way.

Nit Wit said...

So, if a women uses that foreign sperm to make her bouncing little Arian she will turn into a Mad Cow?
Hell, by the time he's 16 he will have purple hair and wear sunglasses all the time so you can't even see his eyes.
I know how you feel. When I tell my doctor that my ass hurts and all the blood they take for tests has made me anemic he has a good laugh and prescribes more pills..
Mail must be slow in Texas, hope I put enough stamps on it.

Winston said...

Glad you're feeling good enough to crawl around now. Did you get that Shit Creek picture from me? If so, then fuck you for not having the decency to give me credit. If not, then fuck you for not having the decency to steal from me. ;-)

Smile, I'm just feeling feisty because my Tennessee Vols and my Tennessee Titans cannot possibly lose this weekend. They both have bye weeks...

Tina said...

wow, it is funny how you describe it but so sorry you are feeling bad :( you should be on the upswing soon! You been reading blogs in "spurts" haha not sure you wanna say it like that considering.... heheeh

Feel better babe :)

yellowdog granny said...

cyber:and the schmuck still hasn't come cleaned it up ...I am calling the police monday and going to tell them as they destroyed property and have done nothing about it..I consider it vandalizm...and then Im going to see about hauling his ass into small claims court...will hire someone to clean it up(will need a shop vac) and replace the door..then he will have to pay for all of that plus court costs...teach him to fuck with me..
rube:sorry..I get a little descriptive..Annie has a little piece..and she usually loves grilled chicken..but she wouldn't eat it..should have know then it was bad...
Jan:yah, im much much much better...and the reason the manager didn't want to call him is she fired the last gardeners and hired these guys..who are her 'friends'..and didn't want to confront them...
nitwit:yeah no matter the hair color or eye color...its going to be a pain in the ass when it reaches the age of 9..
still nothing in the mail...maybe monday...I'm all a twitter...
winston:ooooooh shit!..I did steal it from you...either you or appalaciangreens..can't remember now...but I meant to mention where i got it..sigh*...
lucky for you on the bys...nice they are doing it on the same weekend...now you can root for the cowboys with me..snort*
tina:after i reread it i wondered who would be the one to notice the spurts bit...figures it would be you..hahahahahah

Winston said...

Who are the Cowboys? Oh, you mean Jerry's kids. Nope, long as they've you and TO, they don't need the likes of me. Guess I'll have to stay over on the AFC side of the pasture and pull for my boy Peyton and his ponies or my old team the Steelers and Big Ben.

BBC said...

"If he was just out getting laid..he should be dragging his ass back home by now."

Or he got in a fight with another tomcat that was looking at the same pussy and is hurt bad and lying low somewhere trying to heal.

But the question is why haven't you had him fixed so that he can't make more kittens?

There is no such thing as illegal aliens, other than in humans minds. There are only citizens of a planet. And boarders should not be an issue to any Goddess. Hugs.

Sue said...

Hope you are feeling better now, and that L.A. is found soonly.

Anne Johnson said...

One wonders what BBC is like in person.

Tomcats will wander far and wide in search of pussy, and then suddenly and inexplicably turn up at home again. There was one in my neighborhood, and the other day I saw him on the other side of town. Unmistakably the same cat.

Now this sperm donor bullshit. Anyone who wants to be blonde and blue-eyed can do it just by getting some hair color and those icky contact lenses.

Doctor laughing. I get horrible cases of poison ivy. I went to see my doctor when I was covered with blisters, and the jackass laughed at me. It was the only time he cracked a smile in 20 years. The guy I'm seeing now is not as smart but a lot more empathetic.

buddha_girl said...

1. I'm surprised you didn't go Jackiesue on that lawn fucktard the first time around. Can't wait to hear how he tries to weasle his way out of this one.

2. There's nothing quite like a case of food poisoning. Nothing.

3. I've got sperm in my house that can produce brown-eyed redheads. What do you think I can get for some of HG's swimmies? Do tell! I can always hawk his stuff on ebay.

kath said...

jac! I have been thinking of you... I have been ... wel.. busy and out of sorts..

I see that you have been too...
I am crushed to hear about your little angel.... dear gods, I don't know what I would do :(

I hope that he comes bounding in through your broken door any minute now....

so sorry that you have been so ill..

:(

I hope to call soon...
when I am less crazy, maybe
take care of you

sending energy your way and the kitty's too..

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

I hope you're completely recovered now, Yellowdog.

As for your window, we once had a rock fly up and smash the siding of our house in when someone was mowing. It looked like someone took a hammer and beat the siding in. It took over a year for the mowing company to fix it, but they finally did.

I would just keep calling and harassing the guy. Then he'll hurry and get you a new window because he'll be sick of all the phone calls!

angel said...

oh my word - is the donor sperm thing supposed to be funny??!? its hysterical!!!
i'm sorry asshole is still gone, but i am glad you're feeling better!