I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Friday, September 14, 2007

.......LIFE WITH A CRAZY.......






Cat makes getting up in the morning very interesting....and just a little scary..
The little "Asshole" has been so disruptive during the am hours around 5-5:30 that I have had to lock him out of the bedroom so I can sleep.
Which means when I get up, I never know what I'm going to find..books all over the floor,paper scattered from room to room, the rug in the kitchen is draped across the back of the couch(still don't know how he managed that)..all the plants are dug up and dirt every where..toilet paper is shredded and scattered all over the house..and the butter I keep out on the counter has lick marks, and there are little patty paw prints all over the counter..He goes into the entertainment center and scatters my movies and Cd's of music every where..the 45's from the record pile are all over the carpet..This morning I found all my pictures and the frames I had put out to use were all over the dining room floor and he had ripped to shreds one of my favorite Indian baskets..I have never seen an animal live up to his name like this one. He has figured out how to get the doors open for the cupboards under the sink, which means I have garbage scattered over the area that would have normally been covered by the rug but it's in the living room..Most of this goes undetected as he is a silent house wrecker..except that now he has discovered the door stop...there is one in the bedroom, the living room and one for the bathroom door that opens into the hall way
right by my door...so I get woke up to 'twaaaaaaang'....3 second pause..
'twaaaaang'...3 second pause..
'twaaaaaaaaang...
twaaaaaang...
twaaaaang.'
1 second pause..
'twangtwangtwangtwangtwang'
..you get the picture..I started out with the spray bottle with just water..then I went to
1/2 water, 1/2 vinegar...now it's all vinegar and he could give a flying fuck..I can squirt him about 8 times really fast right in the face and he just strolls off..only time he acts like he's afraid of it, is when he thinks it's some sort of game..I try and figure out what I ever did in my past 63 1/2 years to deserve this little fucker in my golden years...but there are too many things to count...but still...give me a break..I went in to the kitchen the other morning to make my daily oatmeal and stepped on the carpet and there was a yowl and I nearly fell on my ass...the Asshole was under the rug sound asleep...and I didn't see him..him being UNDER THE FUCKING RUG...I can't take a crap without him attacking me from behind my Texas flag shower curtain..and he likes to sleep on the back of the toilet so that when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night(I never turn the light on)..I don't know that he is on the back of the toilet until he attaches all 4 claws to the back of my head and goes 'meoooooow'..all I can say is it's a good thing I am where I am ..as he scares the shit out of me..Little fucker..and I swear after he does that he is laughing his ass off..
Other then that?....life is normal..

15 comments:

Sling said...

...and yet,I notice you never once mentioned getting rid of the little asshole.
There's something endearing about the incorrigible little bastard I'm guessin'. ;)

jan said...

Continuing to call him Little Asshole is a self-fulfilling prophesy. You know you don't want your life to go on without him, so why don't you give him another name. Something noble like Bismarck or Patton?

Nit Wit said...

I agree with Jan you should rename him.

How about, King Asshole?
Maybe, Asshole of all Assholes.
Asshole Prime or Satan's Little Asshole.
I could give his name some real sophistication if I knew what Asshole is in French.

Nit Wit said...

Then again, you could really give him a bad name by calling him Bush.

the rube said...

crate the little prick. when you're not around stick him in one of those dog crates, he sounds like trailer park material.

it worked for a pitbull i know and love.

apositivepessimist said...

Maybe you could send “asshole” to Bush as an early chrissy present.

Mimi said...

I think that cat is the reincarnation of some man from your past;-)

texlahoma said...

One of my first memories is of a spring doorstop.
One of our dogs use to love to find a roll of toilet paper. She would run to the top of the stairs with it then let it unroll down the stairs over and over.

yellowdog granny said...

sling:oh no way!..Don't tell anyone..but I love the little fucker..
Jan:I could change his name to Duke and I would still call him you little asshole..as that is exactly what he is..besides..he answers to it now...
Nitwit:hmmm, asshole in French...isn't that ....Bush?...
therube:I never thought about that..could get him a crate..but I have a fear that he will break out of it in the middle of the night and eat my flesh..
Bush:even I don't hate Bush that much, to send little asshole to him...or vise versa..
MImi:you know?..I hadn't thought of that..but you could be right..
tex:what the hell is it with toilet paper and animals...Nate the pittybull dog loved to eat it..especially if it was wrapped around something nasty..

Josh said...

Maybe Asshole was Jerry Falwell in a previous life, or some other odious person. If he keeps it up, he's headed for a bad reincarnation indeed.

High-Maintenance & Hostile Heidi said...

Hoo boy!

I know all too well about the twangtwangtwangtwangtwang of the doorstop. Fortunately, Charlee and Cartier do NOT get any thrills out of playing with the doorstops and Scruffy only TWWWAAANGS to let us know when she wants out of the bathroom (we have to feed her in there alone or else she won't eat anything), but my parents cat, Princess, sure did when she came to visit for Thanksgiving one year. WE COULD NOT GET TO SLEEP!!!! She drove us crazy with all the Twanging.

So, yes, I feel your pain! And there's nothing worse than a "silent" house wrecker.

By the way, is that white cat, Little Asshole? If so, he's SCARY!

BBC said...

My cats are very good when in my place, but only two of them come in for the night, mostly just in the winter.

I made a bed for them on top of the wardrobe closet and they sleep up there.

My cats are such nice little pussies.

Allan said...

"I try and figure out what I ever did in my past 63 1/2 years to deserve this little fucker in my golden years...but there are too many things to count..."

Sorry, but I can't help but laugh...it's Cowboys karma, I think!

Normy said...

LOL... sounds like the cat I had when I was a kid. He would hide under the dining room table then bolt out when I went past, attaching himself to my leg with all four feet and biting the whole time. And he would only do it to ME because he knew I was afraid of him. He finally grew out of it after a few months and became a lazy, huge blob of a cat that was more like furniture than a pet. He lived to be 16 years old.

angel said...

oh boy... all the more heartsore that the little asshole has gone awol!