DEAR FAMILY DOLLAR CUSTOMER

I am not your maid, please put the blouse back where you found it, not on the lawn hoses in the garden section.
Please refrain from letting your children jerk things off the shelves and throw them on the floor. I don't care that little Timmy is the apple of your eye, he is a brat and needs a bip on the back of his head. Also it would be a nice thing if you actually kept an eye on him, as he goes through the candy section, ripping all the bags open and eating one of everything and all of the M&M's.
Don't wait till I have rung up everything before you decided to dig through your fucking purse for either your cash, check book or debit card...and please read the fucking sign right by the door when you came in that tells you we do not take Credit cards, only cash, check or debit.
If the amount is for $16.98 please, do not dig through your purse (which a Sherpa could use to hold all his camping gear when he scales Mount Everest) to try and find all of the 98cents, one fucking nickle at a time.
Once I have sub-totaled your merchandise, please do not go 'oh, I forgot to get toilet paper' and then walk slowly to the back of the store where the toilet paper is, pick it up, then detour through the clothes aisle looking for a pair of shorts that will fit your size 3X ass, while I am still waiting at the register with 9 other people, trying to explain to them, that I would love to ring up their 2 greeting cars, bottle of bleach, and a pair of orange clogs, but I am still trying to check your fat ass out..
Please...learn how to speak English...I know it's hard, but I'm afraid I'm going to sell you the wrong product, phone card, or medicine because I don't know enough Spanish to figure out what you want...If not I will be forced to use what Spanish I do know to tell you your father fucks goats and you are an asshole..
If you know you have a bad check out..don't think we won't scan your check through the machine and find out that we can't take your check...and if you do..please don't drag out $13.91 and say, can you take off everything but what ever I can buy with this?..
Don't steal, we can see you...If not the bulging pockets on your pants, or the flat purse that suddenly has gained 14lbs is a sure give away...Watch your kid, he sees you do it and then comes in the next day and tries to stuff a Speed Racer toy in his pants..
When you kid wants a toy or candy and you won't buy it for him, please bip the kid in the head when he starts yelling and throwing himself on the floor, kicking and screaming at the top of his lungs..and if you DON'T smack the kid, please don't give in to him to get him to shut up..Bipping is the way to go.
Do not wait till 10 minutes till closing to do your weeks grocery shopping..Do not wait till 5 minutes till closing to decide to try on every blouse, skirt, pants, dress in the store and then leave with out buying anything, leaving all the clothes scattered all over the floor. Remember..I'm not your fucking maid. Most of all do not come in at 5 minutes till closing and get your stuff and after I have wrung it up say:"oh, it's only $8.17? Gee if I'm going to write a check I want to make it for more than that." And start looking up and down the aisle for something you might need...Then when I loudly say it's 8 o'clock, we're closing...say: 'are you talking to me?'...No you stupid bitch I'm talking to the Winnie The Pooh stuffed animal marked down to $1.80...
Other than that...I had a great day...