TIVO LETTERMAN-THURSDAY NIGHT

Because McAsshole is going to be on...and ole Letterman has been laying in wait for him to show his ass and come back on the show..Oh, this should be so good. I hope Letterman, who was known to go for the spleen in the old days will revert to form and rip him a new one..I wanna see Letterman get the old fart in a headlock and body slam him on the city of New York display behind his desk..Then Billy Pilgrim will get to see some rasslin'...

life is good!

GIFT FROM MY FRIEND TED

I laughed sooo hard I had a coughing fit and almost lost my dinner...now folks...THIS is funny...

Q&A WITH TERRELITA MAVERICK

This was in the DAM News Sunday, and I loved it..Ms. Maverick, 82, of San Antonio, Texas, a descendant of the legendary Texas Revolutionary and land baron whose free-ranging, unbranded cattle gave rise to the word "maverick." Ms. Maverick, an avowed liberal, objects to John McCain using the word to promote himself for president.

Whats the beef with John McCain using "maverick" to describe himself?

Because he is not free, not free to wander. He has voted for the Republican agenda and George Bush 90 percent of the time.

What's the matter with that?

In my feeling, Republicans are dedicated to history, putting their hand on their chest, citing the Declaration of Independence, going to war and getting killed. I'm a Democrat and believe in solving present problems and looking to the future. Democrats are the party of the future. Republicans are the party of the past.

Has your family always felt like that?

Mavericks have been rabble-rousers since about the 15th century, against religious persecution and human-rights intolerance. Since they came over after the Mayflower, and they wanted to make us go to church. The Puritans were religious nuts.

Is it OK in some cases for people to borrow the name?

We didn't care if the Dallas Mavericks used it to play...football-is that it?..(It's Basketball)My great-grandfather didn't brand his cattle. They were free and available. In general, it's fine to use "maverick," if a person feels like that are free and feels like they can wander. You betcha.

That sounds like Sarah Palin, didn't it?

Argghghgh!(laughter) Well, that girl has had an influence.

Do you give her some leeway in calling herself a maverick?

I would kind of give her credit for being as strong as she is, pretty and wonderful...precocious. But I don't know how she could be a maverick..I'm sorry that her politics aren't as liberal as mine. I just wish she was on our side.

(Ms. Maverick's daughter, Fontaine, has a new Web site realoriginalmaverick.com)

Don't you know she'd be fun to talk to?...I wish they had asked her more questions and got her to loosen up a bit, I bet she would have been a lot more open. I'm going to go check out the Web site, and also am passing on something I found on my good friend Nitwit's blog..It's a Web site he found on Stumble Upon. Well, fuck...I'm having a shit load of problems with Blogger this morning and can't add the link..feck!..It's

Teen Mom's For Palin.com..It's a blog written by a 'pregnant teen for Palin.'..It's so fucking funny...

I'm still off work..coughing like crazy..Have to go to SS office tomorrow to figure out my medicaid insurance, etc. What a mess..who knew getting old would be so much paper work?

I'm out of here...going to take my medicine and go back to bed.

fuckme till I quit coughing.

COWBOYS 24-CARDINALS 30

FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Only good thing?...I'm 60-23-3.

PALIN'S NEW CAMPAIGN SONG

I stole this from Mudflats.wordpress.com
I laughed so hard I had a coughing fit and spit up my spleen.

one of Juneau’s favorite singers, Vicki Van Fleet, belted the following, sung to the tune of Janis Joplin’s Mercedes Benz (lyrics by Sally O of Homer, Alaska):
Oh Lord won’t you make me the Vice President
McCain’s just too soft on the environment
Being mayor of Wasilla was really quite hard
Now I’m Commander–in-Chief of the National Guard
Oh Lord I’m awaiting a heavenly sign
that with my lack of credentials the VP spot is mine!
Forgive my blind ambition and the lies that I have tossed
I must get to DC no matter the cost!!!!
Oh Lord won’t you give me a PR campaign
I’m cuter and younger than old John McCain
My sister’s ex-husband is my only stain
I’m no Tina Fey but I do gotta brain
Oh Lord won’t you make me the Vice President
McCain’s just too soft on the environment
Being mayor of Wasilla was my playing card
and being Vice President can’t be all that hard
Oh Lord won’t you make me the vice-presi – dent!

DON'T ASK.......DON'T TELL

I found this article in a Gay and Lesbian Insert in my DAM News and thought it was too interesting not to include it in a post and talk about it..I think the Don't Ask Don't Tell program sucks, bites and blows..I don't think it should be an issue. I think they should be allowed to serve and not be questioned or made to account for their sexual orientation. What someone does in their bedroom is no-ones fucking business, including the Military. But then I've always thought some one's sexual orientation was nobodies business. What goes on between two consenting adults should be between them...

MOJO UPDATE

Mojo as most of you know is my baby...just because she's 35 years old, doesn't make her any less of a baby to me. So she calls me the other day laughing and in a great mood..which made me want to reach through the phone and smack her..I being sick and not wanting to hear happy...but it was contagious..She had to tell me about her new boy friend..Who used to play French Horn, or the Tuba or some instrument in the Boston Pops Orchestra. Now he's in San Francisco, doing....well what ever they do in San Francisco..Anyhow he is the author of a coloring book of vagina's, and makes vulva crayons..I swear to Goddess I'm not making this up...You can google vagina coloring books and by golly...there he is...You can buy them on Amazon.com too. If you google vulva crayons, there he is..they come in different shades of pink and violet and maybe even a brown one..it's hard to tell...I may like this guy. He also makes a coloring book of cocks. He said he didn't enjoy making that coloring book as much as he liked doing the vagina one. Some how the coloring books also ended up in the Vagina Monologues too. If you get his name and look him on on myface, he has a video of him with a sign saying "yell at me for $1"....people pay him $1 and they get to yell what ever they want to at him...Maryjo said she saw him when she came out of her apt and dashed by him so he wouldn't speak to her(this was before she met him)..and the apartment he is standing in front of is her apartment building. I think she said you could see the back of her head as she dashed by but I couldn't pick her out.

Leave it to MOJO to make my day.

I'M STILL SICK

But this made me feel better...This is Buddy Guy, he http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lC21GWwaqegwas on Letterman tonight singing this song...almost made me forget how miserable I am. I went to work Monday and Tuesday and today was sick again..actually never was UN sick but thought I was well enough to go to work....not!...Went back to Dr. E and he gave me some allergy meds that I have to take once a day along with the antibiotics and he also gave me a coupon for a free inhaler...which I take a hit off of once a day too. I feel a little better, but my chest still feels like I have an elephant sitting on it, throat is sore from all the coughing and just feel like shit ..sans the marshmallow in the center. I called Tom when I got back from the Dr. and he said he was more concerned about me getting well, and to know come back to work until I was. That Family $ gone along just fine before I came to work and they will get along fine without me and I needed to stay home and get rid of what ever the fuck it is that I have. I know what starts it...and as bad as I hate to even talk about it or think about it...I have to face the fact that I'm allergic to Annie and she's responsible for me getting so sick..I go along for a few months with just the sniffles and sneezing and then it builds up and I'm sick for any where from a week to 3 weeks...and then I start it all over again...I can't keep doing this...it's ruining my health..although I have lost another 4 lbs..but not exactly how I want to lose weight. Coughing till I throw up...and the antibiotics give me gas...I'm like a fart popcorn machine..fartfartfartfart....fart...pthththth, fart...I am convinced they don't smell, but that's because I can't smell anything anyhow..

I read in the DAM newspaper that the Nazi Pope is going to have people reading the Bible every day for a week...Where are all the Evelyn Woods readers when you need them?

I was going to post about the Horned Toad comeback, but I'm too fucking sick and tired. But for all of you that were raised in Texas and Oklahoma when you were young and remember the Horned Toad, and wondered why you don't see them any more..They're making a comeback...Texas Tech is breeding them and they have 30 brand new babies and they'll be breeding and making more little Horned Toads..I remember catching them when I was a kid and trying to make pets out of them. They would always die, so finally my Daddy said I couldn't capture them any more. Reading in the paper I find out that they live in an environment of 1,000 yards or better..and even picking them up and walking off with them for a few feet and putting them back will confuse them enough that they will die..I'm probably responsible for the death of 50 Horned Toads...I feel horrible..If you people that aren't from Texas, Oklahoma or Arizona you probably never saw a Horned Toad, but you can google them and see. I would do it for you, but I'm too fucking sick...and I'm going to take a big slug of cough syrup and go to bed..fuckme I'll never dance again.

POLITICAL DEBATES SUCK!

So this will give you something to do while your recovering from having to watch mccain hobble across the floor with that one armed raised like he's going to fend off Charlie.
is it just me or does he look like walter brennan? "Luke...go get Pepino, the crops need pickin'.. "

GODDESS ANSWERS

Sorry it took me so long to answer, but I do have other matters to attend to..People don't get to Valhalla on their own you know..and it takes time to hook those blue cats to the chariot.

Christi wants to know who Goddess would pick to be her Vice Presidential pick if I was President. Ha...big fat ha...Goddess doesn't like politics and think most politicians are bottom feeding , egg-sucking dead body fucking pieces of shit. After some thinking on the matter...I think Jesus would be the perfect running mate...Yes, Goddess and Jesus, now there's a hand to draw too.

Rainwolf wants to know how I choose people to go to Valhalla, and the only thing you have to remember is....you have to make me laugh and I have to like you...so my friend...you're in for sure. I'm only supposed to take soldiers that have died in battle...but I think there is more to being a warrior than being in a war. Many of you are warriors in your everyday life. You struggle with bad luck, bad timing, wrong decisions, and just the battle of survival..You're all warriors to me.

Willym wants to know how I keep from catching what Yellow Dog has with one breast bare. First of all I'm Goddess, I don't get sick. Second of all that's not me..I'm Goddess of love and war, which means I'm built for fucking and fighting, and skinny Goddess's with perky tits won't make the grade.

Clance' wants advice about dieting and exercise and I'll tell you what you already know...Have to eat well, and exercise even if you don't want to..There is no easy fix. You have to suffer to sing the blues.

The ever sage Sage has a sex question. Wants to know if too much use of the vibrator will desensitize the beaver?...How can you desensitize something that is made for pleasure and giving birth? If they made shoe leather out of that thing you'd only need one pair of shoes for life.

Green Tea asks a sports question. She's a newbie and doesn't know that I don't do sports..but the Yellow Dog has money on the Cowboys.

Billy Pilgrim:.........................NO..............too little...too late.

Lily Strange has a chance to ask Goddess any question and she wants to know a cat food question....sigh*....because they are contrary bastids.

Rosemary wants to know how Goddess keeps her breasts so perky...not my breasts....My breasts are made to nursed and loved by many..no perky titties here.

Yellow Dog says wear your democratic t shirts, bumper stickers and buttons proudly...fuck the entire red state of Idaho, and Sarah Palin's brain is stuffed, but not her bra.

Buzzardbilly:............YES.........

Sling, no Rush Limbaugh is not the anti-Christ...there is no such thing as the anti-Christ, but I'd still be afraid of him. Stupid people are dangerous and should be feared.

Ted has another political question...Yellow Dog says "doesn't matter...we're all fucked."

Travis wants to know if guinea pigs are pork. No they're rodents but they do taste like chicken.

Buddha_girl wants to know when he son Robert will be old enough to come spend 2 weeks with the Yellow Dog. She says:"the summer after his first year of school. He can come spend 2 weeks all by himself.".

Roxrocks wants to know what to ask for her 40th birthday. You shouldn't have to ask..they should be showering you with flowers, jewels, and lots of chocolate. Lots of chocolates.

Biopolarlife says his Dr. wants him to get out and start dating, but thinks he's just trying to get him laid. Hey...what's wrong with that?....Goddess doesn't get the dating concept.. I had sex with those 2 dwarfs to get that pretty necklace, and we never once talked about dinner and dancing. But I really really wanted that necklace back. Go for it...just use protection, and I don't mean that dry sense of humor you have.

Rainywalker wants to know if an impatient man/woman are a grave diggers friend. No, but a person with a bad temper and a lousy shot are.

Unokhan wants to know if I have only one breast, since that is all that's showing...nope..have two large round ones. Remember no one really knows what Goddess looks like, as I am all to each.

Tex wants to know why I don't destroy all the people that would vote for Sarah Palin who would be a heartbeat away from nuclear weapons. What? And put an end to all my fun?

Besides...no matter how stupid you humans are...no one would let that bitch near a sharp knife more less a nuclear weapon.

Elizabeth wants to know what cosmic comeuppance I would have for Dick Cheney and George Bush. Remember when Goddess said you all had 3 lives to live..male, female and gay? Well, them dumb sonsabitches aren't worth of two extra lives, so they will go directly straight to Hel...and a lot sooner than either of them had planned.

It was busy in many parts of the world..so Goddess has to go gather up the soldiers in the chariot and whisk them off to Valhalla...We're all excited..Paul Newman is doing Hamlet tonight, said he always wanted to do Shakespeare.

Blessings on you my children.

COWBOYS 31-CINCINNATI 22

well.............they pulled that one out of their ass...glad I took Cincinnati and the 17 1/2 points....

fuckme till I kick an extra point.

I STOLE THIS FROM SAGE

http://

and I'm not sorry...It made me laugh and laugh and laugh..and then cry because it's true...

1,400TH POST(ASK THE GODDESS)

I stole the Yellow Dog's 1,400th post to let you ask more questions..She's passed out on the couch mumbling something about dancing meeces.... what ever...

I'm going to start making this a weekly visit for a while so if you didn't get to ask questions last time, nows your chance. I'm going to go make an old Viking potion to strengthen up the Yellow Dog's blood...she's a weak and puny human and needs a libation that will kick start her ass...Goddess bless you my children, and be on the look out for Loki, he's out and about with his little bag of tricks.

IT'S OFFICIAL..I HAVE THE CRUD

Finally broke down and went to see Dr. E yesterday...He informed me if I had come in the Monday after I got sick I would be well by now...as it is, it's now two weeks of hacking, sneezing, wheezing and just basically spewing up crap. He said I have a infection and gave me a script along with a lecture about not taking better care of myself, being a diabetic means you get sick easier and harder to get rid of ....yadda yadda..blah blah blah...fuck...So I went to House of Satan and got my scripts filled, got some fish, a bag of baked chips, a huge jar of black bean/corn salsa and gas(was $3.16 a gallon).Came back home made me a huge bowl of hot and sour soup, hot tea(sweat that crap out of me) and prepared myself for the debate..Took all my meds including an extra diabetes pill so I could have chips and sat down in the recliner and fell asleep with my chin in the bowl of salsa 10 minutes into the debate.

Woke up in time to hear the pundits saying she did better than they expected, but that Biden won it...said fuck it..went to bed and slept till 10am this morning...Feeling better, but still not over the hump..But Tom let me take today off too so I have today and the weekend to get better. Annie is getting way to used to having me home all the time now and was really pissy with me the 2 days of work that I did make this week. She thinks I should stay home all the time..She has 7 toy mice in the middle of the floor and will bring them to me off and so that I will play with her. They're so real looking, it looks like a zombie mouse cemetery. Since I'm still not 100% I'm going to make this short, just wanted you to know that I'm still in the land of the living and didn't go with the Goddess to Valhalla.

I will try and post some stumble upons and drop by and say howdy..but if you don't hear from me....I'm recoupin'...

fuckme I'll never debate again.

PLANNED PARENT HOOD GAINS FROM PALIN

by John Riley/Washington Bureau

Washington-Planned Parenthood loves Sarah Palin.

Not for her stance on abortion-she's strongly opposed-but because her presence on the Republican ticket is helping the group raise money.

An e-mail(I got it and passed it on to 89 people in my address book) urging people to donate to Planned Parenthood Federation of America "in honor of Sarah Palin" has generated more than 31,000 donations totaling $802,678 as of Saturday, the group said.

The e-mail, which has been promoted on some liberal blogs for weeks, asks people who are unhappy with John McCain's running mate to donate to Planned Parenthood. Donors are asked to list the address of the McCain campaign headquarters or the Alaska governor's office, which receive a card recognizing any donation made in Ms Palin's name.

Calls to the McCain-Palin campaign went unreturned Tuesday.(ya think?)

A Planned Parenthood spokesman said the group wasn't the source of the original e-mail. The spokesman forwarded an entry from the The Huffington Post blog in which Los Angeles Times columnist and radio host Patt Morrison took credit for the idea.

Ms. Morrison said she started a campaign in 2001 to protest newly elected President Bush's opposition to abortion and raised more than $1 million in his name. In her recent blog entry, Ms. Morrison said she was delighted that her idea had been revived for Ms. Palin, who opposes abortion even in cases of rape and incest.

Jim Roderick, president of Planned Parenthood of North Texas, said the spike in donations "speaks to the tenor of some people's concern about our issues," which include not just abortion but emergency contraception, family planning and testing for sexually transmitted diseases.

Such issues are especially important in Texas, Mr. Roderick said, because the state has the highest rate of first-time and second-time teen pregnancies in the U.S.

I know that at least 2 of the people I sent the e-mail to send in donations, plus I did...Every little bit counts..I'm plum proud to call you my friends....If any more of you would like to contribute, you can make donations as low as $5...so it won't break you and it'll piss them off...Best $5 I ever spent.

....MOJO...

I received an email from MOJO today..she said someone told her she had a mouth like a sailor with Tourettes Syndrome. I've never been so proud...

THE GODDESS SAYS:

Crunch time is here...so brace yourself for your answers.

Billy Pilgrim, no it's not a fucking lamp, I think it's called a floor lamp.

Sage wants to know if she will be able to hold back her laughter and herself during the Vice Presidential debate. Of course not, how could you? I'll be rolling on the floor with laughter my self, watching Biden tear her a new ice hole.

Woozie wants to know why he's gay. This is a easy question. Each human is given 3 separate lives. One life as a male, one as a female and one gay. It's to give you insight into other people and their differences and make you more understanding so that you will be a complete soul when you go to Valhalla. Some people don't get it even after 3 lives, and they just go straight (no pun intended)to Hel and freeze their asses off for eternity.

You have already been a man and a woman, so after this life you'll enter Valhalla and sit at the table by me. Although Loki wants to sit on your other side..seems he's very fond of you .

Lost in Colorado: wants to know what is the unified theory of gravity. Finally a question worth of the Goddess. Beats the fuck out of me. I didn't use a blue print when I created everything..it was sort of slap dash...which explains the duckbill platypus, I think I was hung over the day I came up with that idea. Plus there was some talk about putting a woman's breasts on the back to help men steer while dancing, but decided to use them as feeders instead.

Buddhagirl wants to know when the Yellow Dog will be well. Well, being a term not generally associated with the Yellow Dog, but she is going back to work Tuesday.

Anne Johnson wants to know the leader of the club for you and me....M ....I ....C...K....E...Y. ..M...O...U...S....E. But you all knew that didn't you?

Peejay wants to know why her boobs aren't as perky as mine. Because I'm the Goddess and you're not.

Jan is still pissed at me for being so snippy with you last time and wants to know a good question. She then came up with this one:"Does the Goddess pass gas, you know ...fart."

Well, of course, you can't eat as much cheese and meat as We do(yes, the Royal We) and drink as much as We do without fating...What do you think all those black holes are in space. My farts. But a Goddess's farts don't stink, they smell like new grass. Or that's what Odin tells me.

Elizabeth wants to know when the Yellow Dog will feel better, so I asked her and she said 'When Obama is in the White House.'..

Lily Strange just wants good health for her son and the Yellow Dog......................done.

Josh, wants to know if he should quit his job because they fired his friend. With the state of the economy on this world I'd make sure you had another job before you quit this one. I think everyone should work at a job that makes their heart sing. Life is much too short to slave at a job that sucks out your soul. Remember you only have 3 lives.

Joy wants to know if Sarah Palin is a real person or a barbie doll with accessories. I'm not sure you could call her 'real'. She's human...but she's going to be one of those that the 3 lives aren't going to be enough to cleanse her soul. She's going straight to Hel.

That Rude Girl wants to know how long it will take Sarah Palin to start trying to get rid of McCain if they make it to the White House. First of all, they're not going to the White House, but if I was McAsshole, I'd get a food taster.

Regality3 wants to know how much responsibility I take for smelly navels and bad backs. Zip, zero, zilch, nada, none. It's not my fault your navel is so nasty you spend all your free time bent over picking lint out of it.

BiPolarlife 's mom is coming and she wants to know if she should be good and listen to her whine about the men she's dating, or just get her drunk. I'd get her drunk and fix her up with a new man.

I have to go now...Dancing With The Stars is on and Loki promises to trip up some of the dancers and I can't wait to see Cloris Leachman gallop across the floor.

Blessings on you my children...go in peace and sin no more.

REDSKINS 26-COWBOYS 24

FUCKITYFUCKFUCKFUCK~

BLOGGER ALERT

Ok, you all know how if I like someone I will urge you to go check them out..I did it with the Godsarebored and Brightyellergun and you weren't disappointed...well, now you have to go check out this dude...I don't know how he found me to leave a comment on the Paul Newman post but he did, and I laughed out loud and spit hot tea all over my screen and keyboard. So I went and checked him out...he may be sooner in disguise, nah..but sooner would love him too...I will tell you nothing about him, excep that I read about 4 of his posts and then left him a comment :"ok, it's official, I fucking love you."..
so go check out 'the mighty dyckerson'...trust me...you'll be glad you did.
http://mightydyckerson.blogspot.com/

....PAUL NEWMAN...

Paul Newman............rest in peace.

Slap Shot is my favorite sports movie........

ASK THE GODDESS

Ok, I promise to be nice this time...but it's hard..I expect better questions from you humans..I'm here on a medical alert..the Yellow Dog is still sicker than Odin after a 4 day weekend. So while I nurse her back to health..here's your chance to ask me anything you want....Be back Monday with your answers...

I bless you...

I SICK...STUMBLE'S TO KEEP YOU BUSY

sorry, still sick...coughed up my left lung and the nails from my toes. I still feel like shit...and look worse.fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

this is what is written on the bandido's motorcycle club's card.