SHE'S COMING HOME and she's home

Her numbers still aren't where they want her, but she's drinking water and eating..so I'm going to go pick her up.Called Dr. Tom's office and he's back and so sorry they weren't here for her. I googled Internet for vitamins etc. for liver ailments in cats..Going to check with him and see if her liver is ok to take them.. A. E. C. and a bunch more. But won't give her anything until Tom says it's ok..Won't even ask the Buttroy as he thinks giving animals human vitamins is 'stupid'..I'm working a deal with the Goddess to strike him down with a severe case of the 'drippy shits'...it's only fair. Will tell more once I get her home...I'm so excited I can't stand it..

Part2...she's home...soon as I got her out of the dickheads, I took her right to Dr. Tom, who insisted on seeing her. He's concerned about her high levels too, but said the main thing now is to get her to eat. The dry LD Feline had an expired date, so only have the canned ...But she was eating and drinking water. Tom looked her over and was surprised the asshole didn't give her anti-biotics..so he gave her some. Said to take her home and to call him tomorrow and let me know how she's doing..she's still eating ok..and her eyes never leave me.. I shut the door so she can't get out, so the neighbors won't be tempted to feed her fried chicken. She's so weak she can barely walk..looks like a drunk sailor. So I fixed her up on her chair and put the food right by her and she can eat without having to move...Dr. wants me to call him tomorrow and see how she's doing. If she continues to eat and show signs of improvement, he said to hold off on doing more blood work as it's so stressful for her. If she starts going down ....well...don't want to even think about that.

But right now all I can do is enjoy having her home. Now maybe I'll be able to sleep.

I want to tell you how much all the good wishes, thoughts prayers and donations have meant to me..It made something that was stressful enough without the added burden of worrying if I'd be able to care for her...Thanks to all of you..my bill will be paid and I have my baby home..You are truly the best people I have ever known in my life. Well, considering most of the people I know are drunks, x-dopers or on parole, that's not saying much ...but you know what I mean. If there is ever anything I can do for any of you, (with the exception of donating an organ or blood..have hepatitis so can't)..let me know..You are all in the will...so expect an old rock and roll record to arrive within a week of my croaking..Or a book...or both...In the immortal words of Billy Pilgrim..."I love you sonsabitches."..

SATURDAY NEWS ON ANNIE

Sort of good news/bad news..The numbers are down..but not enough to make the vet happy...one set of numbers was 9 on the 17th and today they are 5..the ALT numbers the 17th were 622 and today they are 406...good, but not as good as he wanted..he wanted to see the numbers go down by more than 1/2 and they didn't. They had to sedate her to give her the blood work and when I saw her she was loopy and it was breaking my heart..I asked about bringing her home and he said everything that had been done for her in 4 days would be undone if she didn't continue to get the IV's and he would do more blood work Monday morning and see how she was doing. Monday come hell or high water I'm taking her out of there, if only to take her to Dr. Tom's. From everything I have read on line he's doing everything he's supposed to be doing, but I'm not convinced his heart is in it. So I had to leave her and if not for Babs I would still be sitting in the middle of the vets floor crying. She just shuffled me off and we went grocery shopping. Just to keep my mind off her..She looked so sad and sick.

I also want to tell you I am just knocked back on my heels from all the love, well wishes, prayers and the donations. I can't even express my emotions to you right now, as every time I start I tear up and my heart hurts.I have always said I felt like you were closer to me than my own family and that has never been more truer than now...Goddess bless you from the bottom of my heart..You have always been in my prayers, but I'm doubling up on them now for sure. I will never be able to repay you for what your doing for my little Queen, but I'll be grateful for ever...Bless you bless you bless you.

NEW ON THE MOST ROYAL QUEEN

This is where I swallow all pride and make the most heartfelt request for a friend who's going through a painful time. Most of us have been through something much like this and we know how difficult it can be. Please read on...My blogging buddy, Jacque Sue (aka YellowDogGranny), has encountered some difficulty recently. Her darling cat, Annie, has fallen very ill and has been in vet care for several days now. Annie has developed liver problems and things have been touch and go. We who adore the spunky feisty Jacque are hopeful for the return of Annie to her mama's arms and the best of health to them both. The most important thing I'd like to ask for is that you too offer some healing and positive vibes for them. However....Jacque Sue is living on a very fixed income though and deviations from her normal budget can be burdensome and worrisome to say the least. Jacque Sue and Annie have lived a quite contented life together in Texas with Annie ruling as any queen should. Ideally, Jacque Sue would just be able to focus on Annie's healing and bringing her home from the vet where they can love one another up. This is where we can help out....And so, the other request that I'm making, for those who can help on the financial side of things, is to make a secure and private donation via www.PayPal.com In order to send her money (and believe me, any amount will help - no amount too small - with vet bills and the special diet Annie will need to be on for the rest of her life), just enter Jacque's email address - jsroycroft@gmail.com - and the amount you can send and the money will be sent to her immediately. As a friend and animal lover I'm asking that you do what you can to help ease their worries and don't forget that positive healing energy too! And please spread the word! Thank you and may you be blessed,Jamie/Pom(PAY PAL BUTTON on the top right)


This was done by my blogging buddy and facebook pal Jamie. I am at a loss for words to express how much this means to me. I don't think in a million years I could ask for help, but I asked Babs and she said I should let her do it with my blessings. So I am. thanks so much...Jackie
I checked on Annie today and she seemed much better, but the vet said that didn't mean much. The only thing that would tell us anything is the blood results tomorrow. He said for me to call about 10:30 and he should have the results by then. If they are only down by half then he said we had to make tough decisions. To do more of the same and hope for better results or put her down. I'm not for giving up. But like I said..I'll know more tomorrow. If she does come home tomorrow she will have to eat Science Diet Cat food only..the LD FELINE type. eek..! anyhow I'll know more how she is doing tomorrow and will let you all know...

YES THEY WERE.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKEZoY-TMG4

ANNIE UPDATE

So far it's pretty much the same..Babs and I went to see her this am, and they had doped her up to put the IVn her to give her fluids. They don't leave it in her as she will chew it out..So they will put it in several times a day ..not feeding her or giving her anything to drink as she will get everything through the IVand this way it lets the liver rest and not have to work. There is no reason for her liver failure..just something she got..animals get it just like kidney failure. It's called hepatic amyloidosis and Siamese cats get it more often than other cats. She will stay there getting IVs for 3 more days, then they will give her another round of blood tests and see if there is any improvement. I asked what if there wasn't any improvement and he said 'then your out of luck.'....what a raging asshole..I wanted to jerk his fat ass off that stool and proceed to give him a life altering ass kicking..Only reason why I didn't is he was sewing up a cats ass as we talked and Dr. Tom my regular vet(Henrietta's son) is out of town till Monday. We have locked horns every since I had Nate(my 110 lb.pitty bull dog) and we disagreed on treatment.
It doesn't help that I was right and he was so fucking wrong.
I miss my little furry friend. She was so good when they were treating her. I guarantee the Queen of England couldn't have been as regal as Annie during all this.
Thank all of you for your good thoughts and prayers. I believe in prayer and if she pulls through I know it will be from all of your well wishes...thanks again...jackie

Prayers for Annie

Annie is spending the night at the vet tonight. Her liver is failing. More will be known after blood work is done, but tonight she's resting and getting extra fluids.
Jackie is devastated and blaming herself for not knowing what was wrong with Annie. It's very hard to see jaundice in a cat.
Please send healing thoughts and prayers to Annie and Jackie.
Thanks,
Babs

IRISH O'BAMA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EADUQWKoVek
Moneygall, Ireland is celebrating the new hero in this tiny stop on the Dublin-to-Limerick road. The president of the united states, great-great-great-granddaddy on his mother's side was a cobbler from Moneygall. They were the Kearney's. Cobblers by trade, the Kearneys lived in Moneygall, and stuck it out in the village through the worst of Ireland's devastating potato famines of the 1840's. But in 1850, the Kearney's second son, Fulmouth, then abut 20, joined the millions who were leaving the Emerald Isle in search of a better life. Four generations later, his great-great -granddaughter Ann Dunham married Barack Hussein Obama Sr. So our president is called Barack O'Bama in Ireland. Stephen Neill, a Protestant rector of the Church of Ireland, found the link in 2007 after an e-mail from Ancestry.com, a genealogical research outfit in Utah, requesting information potentially buried somewhere in Neill's parish.
Neill retrieved a set of tattered ledgers from a parishioner's home dating to 1799, recorded in the old-fashioned, spiky handwriting of the time. Within a couple of hours, he had located entries that confirmed the presence of a couple named Joseph and Phoebe Kearney. And over night.....Barack Obama became Barack O'Bama. All I have to say is I like him better than that pagan killing St. Patrick...enjoy the video..

SAINT PATRICK'S DAY

personally St. Patrick can kiss my pagan ass. If it wasn't for him, the Goddess would still be ruling in Ireland...St. Patrick is the original Buttroy.

1M562TH POST

http://bestonblogspot.blogspot.com/

I'm entered in the bestonblogspot for humor...I think you can only vote once..but anyone that didn't get the pushy email asking for your vote can go ^^^^^ there and vote for me..thank you very much..maybe if I show them my tits.

JUST FOR YOU

http://www.dumpalink.com/videos/The_michael_jackson_monkey-59ak.html

OLD FRIEND....NEW FRIEND

You old timers here will know what I'm talking about, you newbies will be going what the fuck?..Catch up..!Anyhow....When I lived in Portland, Oregon and first went to work at the Palm Gardens I had never really had a real job before. I had tossed asshole #1 out and his parting words were:"You'll be crawling back to me in a week, you can't make it with out me, your stupid and don't know how to do anything...stupid stupid stupid.blah blah blah.."..He was right I didn't know how to do anything..At the time I was living in Vancouver, Washington so I got in my car and drove across the bridge to Portland and went to the only place I knew. The Palm Gardens which was a 'nightclub'...A-hole#1 had taken me there a couple of times...It was one of the hot spots in the city at the time. (Something else you should know..I didn't drink...had been with A-hole since I was 15, had 2 kids..David was a little over a year old and Tom was 4 months..I was still nursing...) So I go to the bar and ask to speak to the owner who happened to be Al Parker and proceeded to tell him my woes, crying my heart out and I mean crying, sobbing like a baby..scared to death...Basically I don't know shit, never did shit and don't know how to do shit. But if you hire me I'll learn fast and be the best and most loyal employee you have ever had. Normally R. W. would have done the hiring as she did the training too, but poor ole Parker folded like a 9 High hand in Texas Holdem. He told me later that he had plans of seducing me as he did all the other waitress's, but the tears did him in. So R.W. got to be my trainer and in doing so we became the best of friends..Which leads me to today. After losing contact with each other in 1992 we found each other again. Actually her sister-in-law found me and told her 'one of your old friends is looking for you on line.' So we have been talking on the phone for the past 2 days..It's like we just saw each other yesterday. We spent most of yesterdays conversation catching up on what's going on, who's doing what, the kids, the grand kids, our health, etc. Today we started rehashing our past history and friendship...Each one of us remembering something the other one had forgotten. It was fantastic. Remember our past is really the past..We met in 1966, and were side kicks till I moved to New Mexico, in 1969 to be with my Daddy.(because I was one sick puppy with hepatitis.)So we reminisced for a while and then we hung up and about 5 minutes later the phone rings and it's R. again..She said I meant to tell you and forgot, my favorite memory of you.(I always dread when people say that to me, as it usually means I get to listen to a story where I said something insulting to someone or said fuck a lot...like my friend Brian who says the first time I met him I said, (after I had walked into the Stardust Bar after being someplace else where I had been constantly hit on by some asshole)..."I hope your not going to start telling me how good you are at eating pussy, because I've heard that one already tonight."...But no...this is a great memory for me too.R. said she came in to work and I was already there and was laughing my ass off and putting pieces of paper on all of the tables..She said 'what the fuck are you laughing at and what are you doing?'...I said 'read the notes'...and they all said "Hooray, hooray, the first of May, outdoor screwing starts today." She said every May first she thinks of me..Said once she was in PTA meeting and the date was May 1st and she said she giggled all through the meeting..ha. Funny thing is, until she told the story I had forgotten all about it. But when she told me, I'm thinking 'Oh...I remember that, and thinking at the time how funny that was and how everyone was going to crack up when they read their note.'.(the picture is when I was 24 years old)I imagine there will be a lot more updates on my behavior as we are still catching up on each other and remembering our wild and woolly pasts. We were the Queens of Powell Blvd. and ruled the Palm Gardens..I have so many stories I could tell about that place. Like the 13 steps that led to Al Parkers apartment in the basement of the Palms...We all called it 13 steps to heaven. There was a door that went out from there to the parking lot. We knew how the girls rated by which which way they came out. If they were any good he would bring them back up stairs and buy them a drink and send them home in a cab. If we didn't see them we knew he had just ushered them out the back door. I always referred to them as P R's for Parker Rejects.Oh I can't wait till she calls again and we start remembering stuff. Not all of it was great, that's when I started taking drugs and got hepatitis, and lost all of mine and my kids belongs..Which was ok, because if I had stayed I probably would have croaked...and y'all would be doing something pretty fucking boring right now instead of reading about my wicked days of misspent youth. Like the time someone came in asking for one of the customers and I said he's out back in the parking lot. They wanted to know why he was outback in the parking lot..I said 'because I told him to go fuck himself and he's out back doing it.'

SORRY GUYS..I JUST COULDN'T RESIST

30 Harsh Things a Woman Can Say to a Naked Man
I've smoked fatter joints than that.
Ahhhh, it's cute.
Why don't we just cuddle?
You know they have surgery to fix that.
Make it dance.
Can I paint a smiley face on it?
Wow, and your feet are so big.
It's OK, we'll work around it.
Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
Oh no... a flash headache
(giggle and point)
Can I be honest with you?
How sweet, you brought incense.
This explains your car.
Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
Why is God punishing me?
At least this won't take long.
I never saw one like that before.
But it still works, right?
It looks so unused.
Maybe it looks better in natural light.
Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
Are you cold?
If you get me real drunk first.
Is that an optical illusion?
What is that?
It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
Does it come with an air pump?
So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
I guess this makes me the early bird.

THE SIMPLE TOOK THAT SAVES WOMEN'S LIVES

This article is by Dr. Ranit Mishori..I found it in the Sunday Parade Magazine..I am finding lots of good stuff in there lately.

I'm just going to copy certain parts of this article so hope Dr. Ranit doesn't get pissed..

A cardboard box is saving the lives of thousands of people in Africa. It's called a solar cooker, and it is pure ingenuity. Take two pieces of cardboard, add some tinfoil and sunlight-and anything can be cooked. You can even get water to boil.

With the help of thousands of Americans, solar cookers have found their way to camps in chad that house refugees who fled the genocide in Darfur, Sudan. More than 250,000 live in these camps, each sheltering about 20,000 people.

the cookers have made a huge difference-and not just because they are a way to heat food. Without them, refugee women must go outside the camp to gather firewood. but to leave camp is to gamble with death. Women and children-especially girls-are "particularly vulnerable to attack and rape when they are out getting wood," says Rachel Andres, director of the Solar Cooker Project at Jewish World Watch. The equation is simple, she says. A solar cooker keeps you in camp, and that helps keep you alive.

The numbers back this up. A recent survey at one refugee camp showed that journeys to collect firewood outside the camps dropped by 86% after the solar cookers were made available.

Women are taught not only how to use the cookers but also to make them. Suddenly, they have "a new skill and an opportunity to generate income for their families," explains Andres. For Eklass, a Sudanese refugee at the Iridimi camp, the income earned from assembling the cookers, "allows me to buy bread, milk, and clothes for my family," she says. "Without this job, my children wouldn't have what they need."

The cookers need to be placed in a sunny spot outdoors, in an area protected from the wind. The plentiful sunlight is converted into heat energy, which is then used for cooking. (cookers do not work at night or on cloudy days.) Food prepared with a solar cooker takes longer to cook compared with an oven or fire, but it also requires less hands-on-time.

Having solar cookers gives the women more time to do other things-look after their children, visit friends, tend to household chores, and especially take care of themselves. Some women say they are able to use the time saved to learn new things, such as reading, knitting, and basket-making.

The project has health benefits too. The cookers allow women to boil water-which kills water-borne disease-causing microbes. They also replace the wood and kerosene stoves that produce unhealthy smoke and use scare and expensive fuels. Solar cooking is cleaner, safer, and almost always ready to go.

Each cooker cost about $15. Jewish World Watch has donated more than 40,000 solar cookers to the Iridimi, Touloum, and Oure Cassoni refugee camps in Chad. the health and environmental benefits also have made the cookers attractive alternatives in other distressed areas in the world. In addition to Darfur, humanitarian projects have introduced solar cookers to Mali, Kenya, and Tanzania in Africa, and to India, Vietnam, and Nepal in Asia. To date, more than $1.6 million has been raised for the purchase of solar cookers by some 300 organizations, churches, and synagogues across the United States.

To Participate in the distribution of solar cookers to refugees of Darfur and others, visit solarcookerproject.org.

I think this is a terrific idea..but also think they could be used here in the states, in impoverished parts of our country.

.......ALL ABOUT ME.......

GUESS WHO'S A SCORPIO?

I GOTZ YUR STUMBLES

I CAN WIN THIS GAME

LIFE IS GOOD!

Babs emailed me this morning to remind me that it was THE DAY. Yupper, the day the ladies of Bold Springs Baptist Church make their cheesebugga's...So I zipped by Community Grocery and snagged me 2 Dublin Dr Peppers and then drove the 5 blocks or so to BSBC and parked in front of the No Dogs Allowed sign and chuggged my ass into the Church's center. Was in such a rush I rushed right by the lady that takes the money...She laughed and said I don't think I've ever seen anyone in such a hurry...since the last time you were here. $7 for 2 great cheesebugga's...Mine with the works and Babs dry with lettuce..Took it over to Babs and we had lunch together then sat out in front of her apt. and watched Bandit silently beg for bones, treats, scraps, etc. Fattest little beggar you've ever seen. Then we watched Tina T. ...she is a character..Babs didn't let her out for the longest time, and now that she's had a taste of freedom, she's all over the place...when Babs was walking me back to the truck Tina went up the tree in the front by the roof and yes...she got on the roof and went from one end of the apts. to the other...I thought for sure we were going to have to get a ladder to get her down, but she figured out (with some coaching by Babs) how to get back to the tree and come down. I'm telling you...she has no fear..She was named well..Tina Turner would be proud.

This morning I planted seeds in my little pots..2 rows of parsley, 2 rows of yellow squash, 2 rows of zucinni and 2 rows of eggplants. I also planted about 8 okra seeds too. I was over at BuzzardBilly's and she was showing all the seeds of 'maters she was going to plant..Oh my Goddess, what a treasure hold of tomatoes...I've never seen such terrific tomatoes...I mean really..unfecking believable..

So what else..oh..had a cool weekend..One of the kids that used to hang with my kids when they were teens and is like one of my own kids just got out of Federal Prison..seems like they frown on making your own speed...or at least being in possession of 532 packages of sudafeds...ha..I say kid, but he's not a kid any more..He's 39..and has learned his lesson. He'll be officially out of the half way house on Juneteenth..Which if you live in Texas is a African American Holiday. It's when the white folk of Texas decided to tell the black folk of Texas 'oh incidentally...y'all is free now'...2 years after they were actually set free..So on June 19th, it's a big celebration ...Lots of Big Red's are consumed..So Mike will be able to go about and be a free person, except for 3 years of probation. This past weekend is the first weekend he got to spend at home here in West at his Dad's house. So I made him a pecan pie to take back with him to the half way house..Got to spend some great quality time with him. He's a good person...just made a mistake and paid for it..His birthday and my daughter MOJO's birthday are on the same day and for years and years they have celebrated their birthday's together. Mojo said when she moved to San Francisco that celebrating her birthday was just not the same with out Mike there to celebrate it with her.

Saturday while I was out finding boxes for the books at the library and trying to unload all them fecking Texas Highway magazines I ran into Inky's big brother Mike..you remember, the Heart of Texas Snake Handler? The one that kisses cobras? Any how he's back from Arizona and I got to see him, and that was terrific..Hadn't seen him in a year...So got to see 2 friends I haven't seen in over a year and that's a good thing. Also got to see Inky's wife Anessa and kid Devin...I haven't seen Devin in about 4 months and holy shit..The kid is damn near 6 feet tall and he's only 14 years old...I asked Anessa how the other two boys were and she said one's in trouble and one's in jail...So things haven't changed on that front...sigh*..Damn I'm glad I don't have to raise a kid today. There is nothing for them to do but get into trouble..Especially in West.

Well, I've run out of bullshit, so guess it's time to go finish reading my Scarpetta book...It's hard reading..usually I really enjoy her books, but this one is not doing it for me. Besides I think I'm ready for a nap after the BSBC cheesebugga...y'all come back and see me y'hea?

I tried to down load some pictures of the snake round up but blogger is fucking with me..so will do them at a later date..

Blogspot is a Buttroy.

SOONER TALES

SHITTY THINGS
10 People/Things I love To Hate

1. Okra Fucking Winfrey
Oh sorry, Oprah Winfrey. She's fat, miserable, and pathetic and I cannot fathom why she is one of the most powerful people in Hollywood. She is one of the few people I would not have sex with, and I live a very barren existence. But to wake up to that water buffalo would snap what little sanity that I have left. Her partner "Steadman" is the bravest mother-fucker on the planet because you know he has to occasionally venture into the horror that sits between Okrah's thighs, yes, the evil black hole that resembles a hairy tarantula.

The only time I have admired her work was when Danny Glover beat the shit outta her in "The Color Purple", and sadly I know it was acting ...but deep down you know and I know that HE REALLY DID want to beat the dog shit out of her.
I bet Steadman has shit in his pants from his last sexual encounter.

2. Ann Coulter
Pure fetid hate served up with shrill menstrual accusations, the polar opposite of sanity, in total rabid foaming-at-the-mouth disagreement about ANYTHING , to the point of inciting civil unrest opposing any of the other bitches on the rag every day of their fucking lives,.. and men, children and even inanimate objects as well... shit ... snort some Midol and shut the fuck up. She is destined to be beaten by some male before she dies, perhaps even on live tv by some other tv bitch on the rag, one that will pound her horse face like a Congo drum. I bet she shits her pants on live tv.

3. Rush Limbaugh
Why the fuck does this asshole make a living doing what he is doing? How come I can't be a douche bag and get paid for it? Rush is an appropriate name considering his past with painkiller addiction, he'll die with shit in his pants one day, it's inevitable.
I'd like to see Rampage Jackson from UFC beat him down , after a debate about the stimulus of course. It would take about 30 seconds of Limbaugh's bullshit to set Rampage off, he'd take his knee out first, then slowly and methodically beat him until he screamed. As they haul him out on a stretcher bleeding with shitty pants, Rush would still be talking his bullshit.

4. Dr. Phil
He walks around during the day with shit in his pants (do you see a recurring theme), and then he wears ass chaps when he plays "Village People" when he gets home, nasty bastard. His "Professional advice" has ruined lives and the fact that Oprah endorses him is enough for me to launch a crusade against his ass. Fuckim' and feedim' fish-heads. Most of his sentences begin with "You Need To...." and I just say YOU NEED TO go back to the hills you inbred Fancy Boy,... and pray tell me, is it possible ON ANY NETWORK to watch your program while Oprah's is on another channel?

I didn't think so.

5. Al Sharpton
This carny sets back and just waits for some story of racial discrimination, and then launches a crusade and gets paid to blow and raise hell and wail and piss and moan and sue.....Obama should gently remind him that he COULD be a Walmart greeter in Montgomery Alabama. Of course he's the proudest leader to "the promised land" since Obama took office, it's inevitable that he will make even a bigger asshole out of himself in 2009. I wonder if Obama shit his pants when Sharpton endorsed him, from embarrassment.

6. Digger, the animated Nascar Rodent
Well, I hate rats whether it be of the tree variety or the ground,...I assume it is a gopher,... I just hope that one of those Nascars runs over that cheeky fucker's skull when he pops up in the cam shot, they always just miss him dammit. I like the carnage and the speed of Nascar, but I would just love to see Digger get disemboweled by a bigger animated creature popping up out if it's den, say Fang the Rabid Wolverine. And then see Digger tossed under a passing Nascar at 193 mph. Digger does not wear pants, but I bet he's got little animated dingleberries.

7. This Fat Chick that runs a convenience store, where I get my fucking beer and gas.
I hate her with the intensity of the Sun's Radiation, simply because she's a bitch and she is lazy and she hates me because I HATE HER. A vicious circle, I could simply go to another store but I prefer fucking with her. I'll purposely go in there and try to find something that I know they will not have, and then raise hell about it. But this is only when SHE is there, the rest of the time I just buy shit-loads of beer.
I would run away pointing back screaming if I saw her with shit in her pants, it would resemble a California mudslide I am sure.

8. All things that involve sir, mam, and being fucking nice
I have worked in retail for 25 odd years, and the hardest part of doing it without snapping is just to remember that you will go to jail if you EVEN do half of what you want to do to the water heads that live just to be stupid. When you deal with random retards and violent assholes, and good customers as well,... it is a "Can I help you?" crap shoot on whether you CAN help them, some people are just too fucking stupid.
"Sir, I see you have shit in your pants, the men's bathroom is over there....", fucking stupid.

9. Painful Rectal Itch
I currently do not suffer from it, but that shit sucks. Why is it cute for a kid to dig in his ass and it's gross when an adult digs?.... lol.

Well prolly because the adult ass being "dug" looks like 2 bulldogs fighting over 80 lbs. of chewed bubblegum, or a hot chick digging in her ass...(that's still not cool with me).
Having painful rectal itch and shit in your pants at the same time would suck, I suppose...ask Dr. Phil, I bet he knows.

10. I am really transforming into an old boring nerd,

and I don't have the time in the day to go to other blogs and comment on their blogs/lives/rants , but I wish that I could. Therefore I retired from blogging, because it is considered common courtesy to respond to comments.
I work long hours, and it takes me 10 days to e-mail J.S. a soonertale, so please do not take offense if I do not comment on your blogs...if I ever get mangled and cannot work, I will go to your blogs.
And I hate it that I cannot ...but time escapes from my drunken grasp.
I live in a small town and I got kids and a mortgage, divorced.... and I love sports, the Internet and my beer.
Just to clarify, I don't have to say the word fuck all the time, but I can't say it at work, and this will be on the Internet forever, so fuck it. Yes, perhaps in a thousand years someone will read about my description of Okra's vagina.
It's history,man. Fuck is just a strong adjective in my thoughts, it is not an activity in which I am lucky enough to participate in enough. I remember when I was such a slut in the 80's, they called me "hacksaw", "He'll cut anything".
I have fucked enough in my life for several people, and now I have the STD FREE Internet, it will suffice until I meet the right person that can stand living with me. I am thinking about a mute foreign mail order wife, or maybe a refugee...shit. LOL.
No, I'll fill in for Hugh Hefner, that mother fucker can't even get it up anymore. He can't even pee.
And, at this point in time as we know it, I do not have shit in my pants.


JERRYWORLD'S CLEANSING
for Ted

Well the proverbial hammer has fallen in Jerryworld, Pacman (shit canned), Tank Johnson.(fired), T.umO.r (banished to a leper colony), Roy Williams (MOVE TO ANOTHER PAYCHECK
The Pacman thing was the first thing that had to happen, dispose of radioactive material to initiate "GOOD COWBOY MODE".

Tank was collateral damage, and he wasn't really worth what he was getting paid.

Roy has been hurt, he can't cover but he's a biscuit shy of a linebacker with secondary speed, 5 time pro bowler, he will get a job, just not in Jerryworld.

And now for something I have eagerly awaited.
His god given name is Terrell Eldorado Owens. I am going to call him Eldo from now on, this is stolen from D.F.W. sports radio personality Randy Galloway, and it fits the shit.

The Positives of Having Eldo

He Lead the N.F.L. in total yards receiving and T.D.'s the 3 years average while he was at Jerryworld.

He was the M.V.P. of the Celeb/Legends Basketball game on N.B.A. All Star Weekend the last two years in a row, he is a gifted sociopath.

He only cried one time, overdosed one time, and didn't bitch one important time.(whenever Romo fucked up in the playoff game), nope, he cried. Pretty much bitched and pouted the rest of his 3 year stay, and conducted his daily life in third person

He didn't take a shit on the bigassed Dallas Star at the old stadium, yet...perhaps he is waiting to do so in the new Jerryworld.

The Negatives of Having Eldo

The team becomes a cancer ward, most just wither away and die in horrible pain.
Had he not been cut, the entire coaching staff would have been found at Jerryworld swinging from nooses on the enormous big screen overdosed on morphine with SHIT IN THEIR PANTS.(js here..I said they needed to fire 6 people from the team to make it work..so far the only ones that were on the list and are still there are Jason Garrett and the the head coach..so I was very right)
Jerry is slowly yet surely disintegrating into himself...the core of Jerrytron 5000 Robot Chicken has parts that are starting to fail, servos and solenoids and gizmos and widgets are getting "twitchy", and Eldo accelerated the process. He went from old dude to SKELETOR real fucking quick, fuck mother fucker go to the doctor, you look like a sack full of rigomortis. He is sorta turning translucent, we'll see his brain and intestines in future press conferences. Sorta Borg-Like.
Eldo aged him considerably, as well as Pacman did, and the fact IS he is much like the New York Yankees,.... you can't buy a championship that easily. That was Jerry's bad, Eldo destroyed the team. It has been a very expensive mistake.
He made friends with the defense, all of them, but would call out offensive teammates, coaches and bitch...about anything that kept Eldo in the media limelight, not really tossing his team-mates under the bus, but just stirring shit up-THE DRAMA...
Perhaps it is only THE DRAMA that keeps ELDO alive, seeing how he is a biggassed tumor that can vote and pay taxes and destroy sports franchises....I wish he played baseball, he'd be a perfect Yankee.
Eldo did not make my top 10 hated list, because I can't wait to find out which new team he will get the pleasure do destroy. I like Eldo now.

BREAKING NEWS: ELDO SIGNS WITH THE BUFFALO BILLS...6.5 million, the Antichrist continues his quest.
SOONER BORN AND SOONER BRED, AND WHEN I DIE I'M SOONER DEAD

MO STUMBLES

I'm cheating and doing some more of these because I need to get them off my computer..so I can add more...on the ones with print you can double click on them and they will get bigger..or they're supposed to.
have a great weekend...js