I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Thursday, June 04, 2009

THE JIMMY CRACKED CORN POSTS

These are 2 of my favorite posts..about Jackiesue, Michael Ray and Larry Wayne..
JIMMY CRACKED CORN...........
I was reading the blogs that I read everyday and stumbled across jdaris's blog on jumbled thoughts and one was about jimmy cracked corn and not caring..which reminded me of my cousins..Michael Ray and Larry Wayne and me (Jackisue)out on the porch at Mike's house one hot Texas summer...Summer time Daddy would bring me up from where ever we lived and all of us kids would just bounce from aunts house to grandma's to another aunts house...so we are sitting on the porch and its probably about 10pm at night and hotter than the inner ring of hell...we are all in our underwear..I had no boobies then and at that time in history...little girls running around with no t-shirt was a normal part of life..so we are playing war, or go fish, or old maid..some card game ..and it didn't matter what game we played we all cheated and tried to out best the other two...so we're sitting in the hot Texas night, playing cards and singing silly songs..and all of a sudden Michael Ray starts to sing Jimmy Cracked Corn....and I don't care..and we joined in and we're singing along and cheating and sweating and Michael Ray pops his ass in the air and lets one go, loud and stinky and sings in falsetto "Michael cracked corn and we don't care".....well, my God, you would have thought that was the funniest thing in the world..we fell out on the porch laughing and laughing. So then we go back to the card game and for a least an hour we sat there playing cards, sweating and farting while singing "Jackiesue Cracked corn"...leg up...fart..... laugh hysterically... Michael Ray cracked corn..lift leg..fart..laugh hysterically....Larry Wayne cracked corn...leg up...fart.....and we laughed all night long..Big Mama(our grandmother) finally came out and told us to quit that farting and singing which sent us into gales of laughter...I think that is one of the few times when two of us was not in the process of killing the other one. We just were three hot sweaty farting cousins....or as Michael Ray always called us....'just a buncha A_holes'..
posted by yellowdog granny at
2/23/2006 10:51:00 PM


THE 3 TROUBLE MAKERS
In answer to all questions...Jimmy Crack Corn is not a song about farting..that was just what came out of a hot sweaty Texas night in Sunnyvale, Texas with the kids bored silly and mischief in their hearts. Bright Yellow Gun asked if all southern kids had to have two names and I said no....but most of us did...but like my cousins that were called only by their first name were also called by both their names when they were in trouble...so Terry became Terry lee when he pushed my doll buggy into a tree,and he also became suddenly punched in the stomach by Jackiesue right after. While I was telling BYG this,it dawned on me..THAT may have been the reason that Michael Ray, Larry Wayne and Jackiesue were called by both of our names...because we were always in trouble...huh....and we were too...My grandmother used to whip them with those wire fly swatters...she would wail on Larry Wayne and Michael Ray...I on the other hand was never whipped....My mother would have jerked Big Mama a new ass if she or anyone tried to whip me....I was NOT to be whipped, no matter the offense..I was to be led by the arm to mother and she would dole out what ever punishment she deemed necessary, which was usually a stern talking to and a threat to tell Daddy..that would shape me up very fast..I would be good ....just don't tell Daddy...not that Daddy ever whipped me or yelled or even punished me...it was THE LOOK. The look of pain, hurt and disappointment. Man, I would do anything not to get THE LOOK.. He also had another look, one that if I was being a little jerk and he caught me in the act...would give me THAT LOOK ..and it would freeze the blood in your veins and stop your heart...My parents never whipped me..but I always knew that there was a distinct possibility that if I pushed them far enough..they wouldn't whip me but would kill me...so I never pushed the envelope.somethings you just know..Growing up for the longest time it was just the 3 of us...we were older than all the other cousins by 4-5 years....then came Michael Ray's baby sister.............DIANE... the cutest damn kid you ever saw....and we hated her....well, we loved her..you had to love her..she was so damn cute...but she stole all our action....we not only had to take her everywhere and keep an eye out on her, she got everything first..first drink of kool-aid, first candy, first dime for ice cream....oh God we hated her...but we did admire her ability to get the main amount of attention...so we thought of many many different ways to cause her as much harm as possible with out actually drawing blood. In my Aunt Estelle's house you could make a circle in the house...go from bedroom to bath room to bed room to kitchen to dining room to living room to bedroom....so we put her (as we called her) Di....Ann...(two words)in the middle of the bed in the first bedroom and then start running through all of the rooms and make it right back to the bed before she crawled to the edge of bed and fell off...some times...we didn't make it....and would catch her by her wet soggy diaper...giving her the thrill of her life...she thought that was so much fun...so did we...of course sometimes she hit the floor, but we would gather her up and hug and kiss on her and she would laugh and forgive us...not knowing it was us that caused her to be hurt in the first place....Aunt Leola was the one that caught on to our little game and put a stop to that fast..She was always the one that kept us from killing each other...not with yells, screams or panic...she never lost it...she would just say things like 'you know you're going to kill that child don't you?'...and we would shuffle our feet, look at the sky, ground, each other and say "yes, mamm."..and she would say "quitit"....and we would say "yes, mamm".......I often wonder how we all made it with out someone getting hurt really bad, or our mothers going nuts and locking us up in a room till we were 30..like Michael Ray always said y'all ain't nothing but a bunch of A-holes.....
posted by yellowdog granny at
2/24/2006 01:02:00 PM Thursday, February 23, 2006

24 comments:

Pom said...

I don't know if it matters where ya grew up - middle names are always a sign of trouble. That's why I gave my daughter 3 names so her ass knew when it was REALLY grass! ;o)

jan said...

Any kids who come into the world cute, sweet and favored deserve what other kids do to her.

Heidi said...

I always thought the song "Jimmy can crack corn and I don't care" came from Eminem until John set me straight. LOL

Sling said...

I don't know which is worse..
The 'Dad' look that turns a young man's limbs to stone,or the dreaded first AND middle names that Mom uses when life as you know it is about to come to an abrupt end..
I'd rather just go and cut a switch,and get the whole thing over with.

yellowdog granny said...

pom:my oldest son has 3 names .when he heard all 3 of them, he didn't even bother coming home ..he just headed for the hills.
jan:that's exactly how we felt about her too.'that's what you get for being so damn cute.'
heidi:oh my...thanks john, would take me all week to explain it to her..haha
sling:i got 2 whippings in my life..once when i was 2 years old and took off all my clothes and stood in the middle of the interstate and threw rocks at simis...dont know what i got it for..the nakedness(1945 not a good year to go nekkid) or the throwing of the rocks..and when i was about 13 i was gone all day long and no one..no one knew where i was..and was not home for dinner(we were playing in a water fall and got sidetracked) and unbeknowst to me..there was a rapist loose and all the other daughters were home under lock and key, except me and 2 other girls..mother made me cut the switch too...holy shit!...i'd rather had the look...green switch on wet legs? that fucking hurt.

PENolan said...

Our favorite Beaumont entertainment was running through the DDT cloud when the mosquito truck sprayed the neighborhood. Better than the ice cream man.

Dang I hated the switch. My grandmother - the pitbull in pink not Granny the Ho - used a switch on me and my aunt Karla Kay.

Love the story about swinging the baby by her diaper. We never had near that much fun.

Ted, a/k/a Galt-in-Da-Box said...

Mom's favorite punishment - the one that made you wish she'd just cut to the chase and deliver the ass-whuppin' - was growling insults at the top of her lungs through clenched teeth. The ass-whuppin' was much more endurable.
To this day, when remembering her to new acquaintances, I even the score by saying "she was the most wonderful, virtuous woman God ever put on this Earth" and answer the inevitable "How'd she die?" with "Stabbed in a bar fight."

Rox said...

I don't remember my mom using the middle name thing on me, probably because my damn names put together were so long!

I used it on mine though...it was a prerequisite when naming them, how it would sound being yelled off the back step!

Rox said...

I don't remember my mom using the middle name thing on me, probably because my damn names put together were so long!

I used it on mine though...it was a prerequisite when naming them, how it would sound being yelled off the back step!

Sling said...

Holy shit woman!..You cut a green switch?
Every misbehavor knows they sting worse than a gnarly ol' stick!
..Rookie. :P

sageweb said...

They always called me by my first and middle names..I was always in trouble and when we were visiting someplace where our usual paddle wasn't available to beat us with..we had to go pick out a switch..I always went for the fallen branches..I knew better..they break on your ass before they cause too much pain.

monkey bear said...

Stop killing me with laughter I hurt and have tears pouring down my face...Good times for sure... Thats how I grew up in Texas thanks for the memories..

monkey bear said...

You Granny Dear Sue... you are a great writer I love it...I still have tears running down my faceyou must write a book your a class act.
I could relate to the cute baby thing and I have a tale even I would be to embarrassed to tell. But that made me laugh... My mom would always say to us " You kids are killing me and I'm going to the mountains (Her locked bedroom) so you brats won't be dancing on my grave"....Well she died at 38 2 weeks before I graduated from HS... Of course we never believed her that we were the big thorn in her side... giggle

monkey bear said...

Oh and "the switch" or the wire fly swater oh yeah oh and did anyone ever have the mom from the south like mine that said" your never to old to spank"....and out the other corner of the mouth " your never to old to kiss your mother goodnight"??????

monkey bear said...

I just had to leave one more comment funny how we think our parents are the "worst" and that it hasn't happened to anyone else poor me. Well after reading each and every comment on this post I wish all blogs were as funny as this group of writers.. You All made me laugh til I am sitting in a puddle... So therapudic... My mom was the original Who's afraid of Virginia Wolff anyone see that one....I always got sent off to the saintley grandmother each weekend and that always was fun I had to have a bath and go to church it was just fine with me...

yellowdog granny said...

Pen:oh man.I remember running behind the ddt truck when we lived in hawaii...it was fantastic..i wonder if it explains our weird behavior today..hahaha..
ted:my aunt leola had the greatest expressions to punish us"going to rip off your arm and beat you with the bloody stuff'..'tap dance on your forehead and cotten eyed joe on your rib cage'....oh she had some duuzies.
oh that's terrific..i want my granddaughters to tell everyone i was killed in a bar fight..how perfect.
rox:yup...you know you have a great name for the kids if when you scream it off the back porch it has a nice ring to it..ha
sling:oh hell no..she picked it out and said cut it..and had to trim the sucker too..she was evil..
sage:big mama would use both ends of that wire fly swatter on the kids, ext. cords, and daddy red had a cane that we all knew first hand(even me)
monkeybear:thanks for the great comments..you really made my day...i loved the stories myself and loved sharing them and seeing the memories they bring up ..and yes..my friends...write good.'ha

Lilly said...

God my grandmother had the fly swatter oo. I used to spend lods of time with my cousins and tthere were probalby about 26 of us altogether too. Great days, fun days running around my Aunties farm. Whatever became of Di An - I bet she must have had to be resilient - too funny!

joy said...

I'll never listen to that song the same way again! What a hysterical childhood you had.

yellowdog granny said...

lily:di-ann died from cancer about 8 years ago..she was sweet and funny and a fighter right to the end..
jan:we were a funny bunch of kids..we really were..we all had great imaginations..and my aunt just yesterday said that i got the instigating gene from my father ..that his favorite trick was to start shit and then stand back and let everyone clean up the spatter..ha

midge said...

I remember this from the first time you posted it! I laughed over how everyone down there has two names.

tina said...

hahaha what a perfect story and you tell it so well!

yellowdog granny said...

midge:and you see you were mentioned too.
tina:i have a 100 books in me..but have to wait a few more years till all the other parties die..cuts down on the lawsuits..ha

monkey bear said...

George and I are still laughing at these stories we get by the campfire with our coctails and laugh and laugh and can't stop I'm going to post that this is a must read ......

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