THE DARK TRAVELER--DEXTER

I keep thinking you people don't give a shit about seeing Dexter in all his glory..but then I like showing him off, so you'll just have to suffer through it..This is psycho in my little rattan tray, which will barely fit his fat ass, but he likes it anyhow. This was taken seconds before he attacked me and the camera.

He's sitting on the back of the recliner and uses it as a place to plan his attacks on my hands, head, newspaper, book, etc. and he bites..not little nips, but big hunks and punctures the skin.
I think this is my favorite picture of him..I'd been badgering him to 'look Dexter, look at me"...and finally this is the look I got. Babs and I think he might be part Maine Coon as he has the M over his forehead and the big ears and tails like a Maine Coon. Plus he's as big as a raccoon and is pushing 11 pounds. I keep singing 'he's got Alice Cooper eyes, to the tune of She's got Betty Davis eyes.' He seems to like it..

White claw...he attacks me through the gap in the foot-rest on the recliner. I'm never safe from attacks...Can you see his creepy little eyes peeking out of the gap?

This is his other favorite place to sleep. The green velvet basket that Annie was supposed to love but never did. He sleeps in those 2 places or with me in bed..he also likes the back of the one couch so he can look out the window and keep an eye on me so he knows when I'm busy reading and then he'll jump across the room, go under the recliner and then stage his attacks against me.

This is the birthday bag Babs gave me and he can fit in to it if he squeezes really hard..and when he does he pushes on the little button that plays Happy Birthday and that freaks him out. I'm pretty sure he does it on purpose so he will have an excuse to run down the hall way and up on the bed.

Just as I took the picture he attacked.

I don't see you, I don't hear you and you are not there.

This is my shelf of Internet family...well, and Michael with the Cobra. I think I would like everyone to send me a picture of themselves so I can have a wall of fame..If you'd like to I'll send my address ...That way I'll have you all right here. I like that idea a lot. I already have Nitty's granddaughter, Buddha_Boy, Rox's family in Canada...So..everyone send me your picture.

I'm coming down with a code..I hab a stuffed up nose and starting to feel crappy...Hope the Cowboys win tomorrow so I won't want to either kill myself or somebody....

"HOLY SHIT!"

I went out to get gas and by the time I pumped gas into the truck I couldn't feel my face. I went to the Library and on the way out the wind blew my clip-on sun shades right off my glasses. While at Food Mart getting chicken I declared that I was going home and not coming out till I saw bluebonnets..fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckeme...it's cold..yeah, I know, it's about 28 degrees out there and where you leave it's 4 below, don't give a shit. We're not used to it..There is some place in New York that got 55 inches of snow. Holy shit!....

I'm going to go make a cup of hot tea and curl up in my snuggie and read the rest of the girl with the dragon tattoo..which by the way is turning out to be a kick ass book. Still waiting for U is for Underwear, or what ever it's called..stay warm y'all, don't want your asses to freeze off.

MY NEPHEW PHILLIP

Is in a cancer treatment place in Arizona and this is him on the video with the dog..he's the one wearing the Texas Longhorns cap..ha..I got an email from him and they set him up in a 12x12 room just so he can paint. Said he has 7-8 paintings going at once. He's the one that painted me the beautiful mermaid and put on the back of the painting..'tastes like chicken'...Still makes me giggle
Winter has come to West...low to night of 18 with wind chill 5 degrees to zero. Same for tomorrow and Saturday. No snow, no sleet and just a little bit of rain last night and this morning. As long as I have sunshine I can deal with the cold. But it is quite 'nipply'...K' I'm out of here, have to go get gas in the truck and some chicken breasts from Food Mart. Guys don't let your meat loaf and ladies chin up ...tits out..
http://www.abc15.com/content/news/westvalley/goodyear/story/Valley-cancer-patients-get-relief-from-team-of/iyU6e7bLOUSpB9JyNsrlUA.cspx

ANOTHER JOIKE

Q: Did you hear that Viagra now Comes in a nasal spray?
A: It's for Dickheads

SUGGESTIONS TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER.. or not

I stole this from here:http://txoasis.blogspot.com/

and sort of added my own licks to it.

Health

1. Drink plenty of water.(Fish fuck in water..'nuff said.)

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar. (yeah, right. Most people skip breakfast and then eat a big meal at night and then sit on it till morning. I have to suffer by eating my meals at the same time and basically the same fucking thing every day.)

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants. (does Dublin Dr Pepper grown on trees?)

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy. (or Love Peace and Harmony Grits)

5. Make time to pray-- (and no "oh fuck get me out of this mess" is not what they mean)

6. Play more games. (actually I prefer to watch someone else play the games and then sit around and criticize them for being over paid prima donna assholes.)

7. Read more books than you did in 2009.(I'm not sure I could read more than I did last year. But I'm willing to try. So get cracking all of my favorite authors...yeah, I'm talking to you Patrick Rothfuss, I'm still waiting for part 2 of The Name of the Wind which you said would be out Spring of 2009.)

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. (Other than calling Dexter a little asshole I go for hours not speaking.)

9. Sleep at least for 7 hours-(Yeah, and exactly how do I do that?...Buttroy.)

10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, SMILE. (I may be smiling when I start out, but I'm pretty sure I'll be grimacing in pain and cussing a blue streak when I get done.)

Personality

1. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.(I haven't got the energy to compare my life to others, I'm too busy living my own life.)

2. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.( I agree with this 100%, except for the right wing Evangelical Republican assholes and Eagles fans I can pretty much do that.)

3. Don't over do. Keep your limits.(oh really?....surely you jest...I have over did it my entire life. I have one gear and its the fast one.)

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.( this one I can easily do...)

5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.(I live in a small town, it's what feeds the machine..if we didn't run around town gossipping we'd have to stay home and clean house.)

6. Dream more while you are awake.(I do Antonio.)

7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.(uh, how can I put this? Bullshit. Bill Gates may have everything they need, but I'm still working on getting my teeth fixed.)

8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.(I'd probably remind my partner of his mistakes but it was easier to just shoot him.)

9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.(I agree..hate is like taking poison and hoping the person you hate will die.)

10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.(It's easier to make peace with your past if you live long enough.)

11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. (no shit Sherlock, although I do rely on Letterman for laughs.)

12.· Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.(I flunked Algebra.)

13. Smile and laugh more.(Impossible..I laugh and smile all the time. I may be a asshole, but I'm a asshole with a happy heart.)

14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...(fuck you)

Society

1. Call your family often.(I do..asshole, dipshit, buttroy, etc.)

2. Each day give something good to others.(Hy, I'm baking as fast as I can.)

3. Forgive everyone for everything.(Forgive? Maybe. Forget? Never.)

4.Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6. (That's pretty much everyone in my town.)

5. Try to make at least three people smile each day.( I'm assuming I accomplished that just in this post alone...If not the guy playing the piano with his balls did.)

6. What other people think of you is none of your business.(That makes too much sense for me to agree.)

7. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.

(I'm there for you...your there for me.)

Life

1. Do the right thing.(As long as it's good for you.)

2. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. (Wish I had known that when I was still married to Asshole #1)

3. GOD heals everything. (Yes, she does. Although she does expect you to cover your own ass.)

4. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. (Well, duh!)

5. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.( The story of my life..got up, dressed and showed up.)

6. The best is yet to come...(Judas Priest I hope the fuck so.)

7. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.(She'll provide.)

8. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be HAPPY ALWAYS-- (HAPPY HAPPY ...JOY JOY.)

DON'T SAY I NEVER DID ANYTHING FOR YOU

so ...here it is...a man playing the piano with his balls..(curtsy...and leaves)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oh76y1FQB8

ODE TO TIGER

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

T'was the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."
She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her pre-nup made Christmas come early this year.

MONDAYS CAN ROCK OR SUCK..IT'S UP TO YOU

lets start rocking....

COWBOYS 24 AND THE EAGLES ZIPADEEDAA..

yup....................I'm one happy mother fucker..
First of all Jamie and Babs both came over for breakfast. Bacon, sausage, eggs and toast. I had 1/2 cup non fat yogurt with 1/2 banana..whee..Then we yakked for a while, Babs bolted back to her cave and Jamie and I made green chili turkey tamales..Made about 3 doz. She took 2 dozen home with her. They were excellent. Hot bastids, but excellent. Then we watched the Texans beat New England and then the Cowboys beat the fucking Eagles. She fell asleep and Dexter kept trying to get her to get up and play. He loves having company..2 people to torture for the price of one. He is one funny little fucker.
Jamie just left to take some tamales over to Jenny and Jason's. They wanted us to go there, but we were too lazy. So this win makes Dallas the winner of their division. I think(depends on who wins and loses) that this means we will get home field advantage and a bye. But not sure..it's all up in the air yet. Who gives a fuck..we beat the Eagles that's all I care about. so? life is fucking good here in West, by Goddess, Texas...y'all have a good day and come back and see me..ya'hea'?

I DID NOTHING YESTERDAY

But I wasn't done so I'm finishing up the job today. It may take me a week to get'er done.

HANGOVER CURES

A public service from yo'granny.

Step 1
Start treating your hangover before it even starts. As soon as you walk in the door, drink 8 to 16 oz. of water with a squeeze of lemon. If you have some asparagus extract, mix 10 drops with a small amount of water (about 1/4 cup) and drink. If you don't have the liquid, just swallow one of the capsules.
Step 2
Once you wake up, immediately drink another 8 oz. of water and take another 10 to 20 drops of asparagus extract or another of the capsules. Sip the water slowly so that it doesn't upset your stomach.
Step 3
Wait about 30 minutes and assess how you feel. If you don't feel that great, the ideal breakfast for you will be-you guessed it-asparagus.
Step 4
Prepare the asparagus any way you like. According to researchers, the asparagus shoots contain more beneficial amino acids and minerals than the leaves.I personally like to roast it and finish it with a squeeze of lemon juice. Homemade asparagus soup (minus the cream) is also soothing, but if you're hung over, my guess is that you won't feel like cooking anything elaborate.
Step 5
Sip water throughout the day and see if you feel better. You may want to give yourself another dose of the extract or take another capsule as the day goes on.

Why hangovers hurt

1. Alcohol is a diuretic. A diuretic is a chemical that kicks your urinary system into overdrive. All those trips to the bathroom at the bar can add up to dehydration- which causes a painful headache among other things.

2. Excessive amounts of alcohol are toxic to cells. This means that excessive amounts of alcohol are toxic to you. If binge drinking doesn't kill you, it doesn't mean you won't feel the damage in the morning.

3. You danced too much, fell, got a tattoo, and fought a group of people when you got drunk. (I did all of this in one night once upon a time)This may not be directly related to a hangover per say, but acting a fool while drunk could hurt in the morning.
Step 2
Prevention if you can take a few preliminary steps, you may be able to cure a hangover before you even get one. First, if you are planning on drinking, you should consume a full glass of water before you begin. Second, take a bottle of water to leave in your car when you go to the bar. Finally, make sure you eat some food before you go out.
Step 3
While you drink order a glass of water with every other drink. This will help you fight dehydration as you use the bathroom more and more throughout the night. Extra points if you can squeeze a lemon in your water for extra vitamin C.Also your choice of drink will affect your hangover. Red wine and most other dark wines, beers, or spirits will tend to worsen your headache in the morning.
Step 4
After you drink this is also an important time to cure a hangover. Drink that bottle of water you left in the car while on your way home (with a sober friend driving of course). When you get home, if you feel up to it, you could also eat a small snack and drink some more water before you go to bed.
Step 5
In the morning if you wake up with a hangover... there is still hope! The worse thing you can do is stay in bed (if you can help it) because you aren't going to feel much better until you at least get some fluids in you. Cure a hangover by replenishing fluids and electrolytes. I recommend a sports drink because they are easy on the stomach. Take a couple pain killers. If your stomach isn't bothering you then coffee, or another form of caffeine can help relieve a headache and get you moving in the morning.Take a hot shower and eat some breakfast.

Step 1) Drinking alcohol the night before is usually fun--the next day when you get your hangover is not, especially when you start getting older. (I quit just in time)The first step in getting rid of a hangover is SLEEP. There's no substitute for getting some sleep when you have had a lot to drink the night before.
Step 2
Step 2) The second step in curing a hangover is MEDITATION. When you wake up with a hangover, your mind is literally going a million directions at once. Not only that but hangovers make you very emotional. Meditation will help to slow your mind and allow you to focus your efforts in one direction.(I think a good mantra would be 'om I'm never getting drunk again...om I'm never getting drunk again)
Step 3
Step 3) The third step in curing a hangover is COFFEE and SHOWER. The caffeine jolt early in the morning with a hangover really makes you feel better; so does a good shave and a hot shower. Make sure you dress extra nice the day of your hangover. This has a way of making you feel better.(Shady Lane and I would rate our drunks by how many Dr Peppers we drank before 10 a.m. I think my record was a 6-pack by 11. and I lost my cowboy hat(not Cowboys hat, but a straw hat with a roach clip with feathers and a ton of hat pins, my favorite one was "If you ain't for Texas you ain't for shit.")
Step 4
Step 4) The fourth step in getting rid of a hangover is HAVING A GREASY BREAKFAST. Eggs, bacon, toast with butter. Your body is craving salt and carbohydrates so flood your system with them.( I could never understand people wanting to go have breakfast after they closed the bar down. My theory was "Hey, I paid for this drunk and I'm taking it home with me...Not going to spend $30 to get drunk and then eat $3 worth of eggs and get rid of it.""
Step 5
Step 5) I hope this has been a helpful article on how to get rid of a hangover. Good luck!

If you just woke up with a hangover - ouch - one of the simplest remedies is a kiwi smoothie. As a hangover cure, you can't beat it. It sounds easy, but it really works (and I'll explain why as we go along). If you know you'll be drinking or hosting a party, you might want to have the ingredients on hand in advance. Now break out your blender and add the following...
Difficulty: Easy
Instructions
Things You'll Need:
Blender or Smoothie Maker
3 kiwi
2 banana
1 cup juice (apple, orange, or citrus)
1 cup yogurt
1 teaspoon fructose OR honey (optional)
ice (optional)
Step 1
Peel up three kiwis, and toss them in the blender or juicer. If you're not fond of the tartness of kiwi, you can drop this down to two or even one, but it's the basis of this hangover remedy. Why? Kiwi is high in potassium and electrolytes, with the added bonus of lots of vitamin C, water, and fructose (for energy). Everything you need to replace what gets lost during a drinking binge!(I'm assuming that this will meant a trip to the grocery store...just remember not to stop by the bar to borrow their blender...sort of defeats the purpose.)
Step 2
Add two bananas (without the peel, of course, duh).Why? These are a great source of potassium, plus they help replace electrolytes. They also taste good.
Step 3
Add one cup of yogurt.Why? It coats the stomach, and adds some body to the shake. It also includes protein and B vitamins like B12.
Step 4
Add 1 cup of juice, either apple, orange, or citrus.Why? On a nauseous stomach, fluid is usually the last thing you crave, but you need it to replace the fluids lost after drinking. Juice has vitamins, water, and it tastes pretty good. Pectin is also nice to calm the stomach, which is another benefit of juice.
Step 5
Add honey or fructose. One teaspoon of the sweet stuff is enough. This is optional.Why? It boosts energy and tastes pretty good. The sweetness also helps with nausea.
Step 6
Add ice. This is optional. Anywhere from 2-4 ice cubes is enough. Why? It chills the smoothie, encouraging you to drink it slower. It also adds some extra water to the mix, to replace lost fluids.
Step 7
Blend it up. Drink your juice, and then chase it with a few eggs for breakfast. Boiled, fried, whatever you can stomach. Eggs are a good source of cysteine. Be sure to keep drinking fluids during the day, steer away from caffeine, and take a Tylenol.

I hope this has been helpful..if not for this year, you might copy it down and use it for next time. Happy new years y'all..