I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Monday, January 04, 2010

ODE TO TIGER


Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

T'was the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."
She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her pre-nup made Christmas come early this year.

16 comments:

the ex Mrs.B said...

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Rats! The ex Mrs. B beat me to it!

sageweb said...

hahahaha that is good

Intense Guy said...

Very nicely put! I can't begin to imagine the financial repercussions for Tiger...

Blueberry said...

xMrsB - good one.

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

just a little warning to all the guys..don't let your dick get you into places that will cost you all your money.

Sling said...

Oh,..it ain't over yet.
ALL these women are gonna be pickin' Tiger's bones for a while.

Nit Wit said...

I'm a little torn by this whole thing. Tiger has been a hell of a lot dumber than I ever thought he was but I think there must have been a lot of love to begin with for them to need a pre-nup agreement.
People also seem to forget that his wife was one of those girls who took it further than the rest.
I heard yesterday that she is supposed to get 300 Million. Not a bad paycheck for a few years work.
The Ode is funny though.
I'm still trying to figure out why it's such a big story on the political news shows I watch.

Nit Wit said...

Ho! Ho! Ho!
Now that was funny.

jan said...

I can't wait for the reality show to begin.

texlahoma said...

300 million, that's what they say
She took with her, when she went away

Jeff said...

Brilliant and bitter- love it!

billy pilgrim said...

it was night putting that was also the demise of ty webb's pro career.

i used to think tiger was a pain in the arse but i kinda like him now.

Elizabeth said...

Too funny! Yay!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

I think there should be a reality show called WHO'S THE BIGGEST HO' and all of Tiger's 'chippies' are on it and they have contests to see who did the sleeziest thing for Tiger.

Yankee Girl said...

300 million isn't enough after dealing with a cheating bastard like that. But I guess that's 300 million than most women get after their husbands cheat.