20 WAYS TO LIVE TO BE 100

1. Be positive..cheerful, optimistic people will live longer by 50%. I'm cheerful and optimistic...I gleefully make life as miserable as I can for all Evangelical Christians and Republicans as I can..figure that will add 20 years to my life right there.

2. Learn to manage your stress. Exercise, yoga or meditation or just eliminating the causes of stress.

I would but it's against the law to remove the president of the united states unless it's by impeachment. That should be good for 15 years right there.

3. Learn to say no. If it's going to stress you out, just say no..You can't make everyone happy, so concentrate on making yourself happy..It recommends doing this with out being a jerk..but doesn't say anything about being an asshole about it...so I usually say 'fuck no'...Works for me and makes me happy, relieves stress and will add another 10-15 years to my life.

4. Dance, sing. Anything that makes you feel euphoric, then do it..So light up Tex and Billy and dance yo' asses off..Sing along to the radio and shake your booty. Shake, shake, shake, shake your booty, shake your booty. I dance to the radio when I clean house and sing all the time, even when people tell me to shut the fuck up. So maybe 5 years here.

5.Be smart about what you eat and how much. Eat more fruits and vegetables and less red meat. So does that mean you start big?...Nope, start out by knocking off the word 'super-size' from your vocabulary. That'll work. I have to watch my diet being a diabetic, so that one probably evens out as I may eat better, but I'm still a diabetic. So deduct 10 years here.

6. Exercise. Try to do at least 20 minutes a day and do it regular. I consider getting up from my chair and walking over to the computer 10-15 times a day, plenty enough exercise for me. Deduct 10 years.

7. Exercise your brain. Solve puzzles, take classes, learn to play chess or bridge or learn to play an instrument. I have been working on one puzzle for almost 8 years. Why the fuck did anyone vote for Bush, and vote for the dumb sonsabitch...........twice...That's a real puzzle. Plus I do 3 puzzles a day and play games on line..That should be good for another 5 years.

8. Stay active. Get off that chair and off the couch. Go for a walk, go to the mall, work in the garden, mow your lawn. Well, I do a lot of walking at work..I work in the yard and don't have to mow, so think that one is still good for 5 years.

9. Stay connected. maintain a network of friends, be friendly with your neighbors. Isolation leads to depression. I stay connected with all my friends in town, as I see most of them all the time, as West is only 2,000 people. I stay connected to all of you on line in one way or another...but fuck the neighbors...hm, I would say that one is a push too...

10.Read a newspaper. I read the DAM news every day. I love my DAM news, and we have a new paper person and they have been delivering me a Waco paper too. It's crap, but I read it. So I should make 5 years on this one.

11. Quit smoking. I quit smoking 35 or so years ago. When Thom(6 years old) told me I was going to die and leave him an orphan and he was going to be adopted by a homosexual couple. Some guy had come out of the closet and he and his partner were trying to get custody of his son by his marriage. It was a big thing in the early 70's and was all over the news..Thom didn't even know what a homosexual couple was, but he knew they were trying to adopt a kid..and he used that to make me quit smoking. It worked..If I had known then what I know now about Thom I would have let them adopt him.

I should get 10 years for that.

12. Drink in moderation. A study shows that a glass of red wine or ale every day reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease. Well, don't tell that to an alcoholic, we'll have a great hear and a diseased liver by the weekend. Since I don't drink and haven't in 17 years I should consider this a push too..as I really did my share (and several other peoples share too) of drinking before I finally quit.

13. Get or stay thin. Thinner is better if you want to live to 100...I may have lost over 45 lbs. but I'm still a chunk of a woman. So...probably lose 10 years here. If I hadn't found out I was a diabetic, I'll be a chunk and a half...

14.Limit exposure to the sun. It will not only wrinkle your skin, it can cause skin cancer, and THAT WILL kill you.

I don't sit out in the sun and haven't in over 25 years. I am allergic to the sun.(MOJO is allergic to the cold) I can sit in sun for 30 minutes and will blister like a sonofabitch. Now I used to..when I lived in Hawaii I looked freaky. I had platinum blond hair and skin like George Hamilton. That should give me another 5 years.

15. Find a good doctor and get regular checkups. Preventive medicine is your best bet. Yeah, but if you don't have insurance it will interfere with trips to the Dr. Plus I'm still looking for a Dr. that looks like this.

So I think this should be a push for me too. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

16. Keep track of your medication. I keep mine in a pill box with mornings and nights on it..I have to keep up. So give me 5 years on that one, deduct 5 years as they are for diabetes, and it's a push again.

17.Dump the deadwood. Hang out with cheerful people, as grouches bring you down and yada, yada, depression.

I figured that out years ago..Life's too short to hang out with ass holes. Learned that after marrying 3 of them. Give me 20 years on that one...Deduct 10 because I married 3 assholes.

18. Get a pet. Pets keep you smiling and keep you active. Plus they're good company. I agree. Have had pets all my life so give me 20 years Goddess. Deduct 5 years for having the Asshole, as he was very stressful.

19. Learn how to use a computer. Duh!...Give me 10 years, I came to this late.

20. It's never too late. No matter how old you are, you can benefit from a healthier lifestyle. I am living proof of that. Smoked, drank, did drugs, had sex with a lot of guys and some assholes. I think I should get 20, deduct 10 for them assholes again.

so.....it's never too late...get off your asses, turn the radio on to an oldies but goodies station and shake, shake shake, shake your booty....shake your booty..

so I figured I'll live to maybe 110....if some Evangelical Republican asshole doesn't take me out first...fuckme till I'm at least 100..