HORAY HORAY!!!

The First of May...outdoor screwing starts today.

And it's great weather for it, since it quit raining..I got the West News and there is lots of good news for our little town. Had a nice article about our Main Street meeting and I managed to get the back of my head in the picture. Plus I talked to Cindy and they are putting me on the Farmers Market committee, the Promotion committee and the Organization committee. I figure they think I'll fuck up on at least one of them. I also see that we got 6 inches of rain in the month of April..This month's rainfall is the largest amount since June of 2007 when we had 11.10 inches.

The Trojan band got Division One ratings in Concert and Sightreading. Plus ...we won the Sweepstakes, which is the first time since we have been competing in 10 years..Hot dang.

The West Library is having our annual book sale..Which means I will probably buy back all the books I donated. Least that's what Nancy the Librarian said.

Marlie Rogers celebrated her 1st birthday with a princess themed party. Parker Kadlacek turned two and had his party at the Ice Cream Shop in Denton and a construction themed party in Tours. Kearstyn turned 10 and some one turned 40. No names, just a kids picture.. Kelly Lenart and Justin Kaska were married on December 27th. The paper is 3 months behind in most birthday news and wedding news..Especially during the school year when there is so much sports going on.We had 6 people pass on..from 37(cancer) to 95.

KJZT society donated money to two West organizations. The West Library got $1,200 and the West Volunteer Ambulance Association got $1,2000 also. (Nancy is the middle blonde on the right...she hates having her picture taken.)We had the opening day ceremonies for baseball season last Saturday. When they start giving scores and giving run downs I'll find out exactly how many teams we have and how many kids are involved. Every kid from about the age of 4 to 18 plays...The Lady Trojans won District 7-AAA Crown ...We're so excited..They are 21-4 for the season after finishing the district at 9-1. This is the 11th straight year for West to qualify for the playoffs and they are scheduled to play Bridgeport in the Area playoff round next week. Bridgeport placed third in District 5-AAA and had a bye in the bi-district round. The Trojans won second in the district, and are heading to the 7-AAA baseball playoffs. The Trojans will play Farmersville, District 13-AAA champs. Like I said..Baseball is king in West.

West Food Mart has lean ground beef on sale for $1.69 an pound. I bought a couple of pounds and made me a hamburger. Now as good as Bold Springs Baptist Church makes them, but still, pretty good.

Someone was asking me about the price of land and there are 2 1-acre building sites near Tours(4 miles or so from West). Paved road frontage and $15,000 each. There is a country brick home on 14 acres, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, very large country kitchen, garden room, enclosed porch, stock tank, carport, separate shop building for $290,000. Plus there is a country home on 8 acres. Small pecan orchard, 4 bedrooms, 2 baths brick home, covered patio overlooking back yard, landscaped, new appliances, for $199,900.

Community Grocery has t-bone steaks for $4.59 a pound. sigh*

My veggies and flowers are sprouting like crazy due to the rain. My okra is starting to poke it's head out of the dirt.

Sara O. was looking for me today to tell me that her sister is going to have a baby girl. She drove around town looking for my truck.. Not that many places I could be..She knew I was in West as I had left the door open. Talked to her Dad David O. tonight and he's pretty excited about being a grandpa to a little girl. Said he can't wait to take her out on the golf course. My granddaughter Jennifer is planning her May 2010 wedding. She's starting to freak out..so much pressure. Now I have to make up a list of my friends and various out of town relatives to invite to the wedding. Gee, it's a year away..at our age, half of us could be dead by then. Ok...that's all the news that's fit to be news from West, By Goddess, Texas. y'all come back and see us..y'hea?

HORAY HORAY!!!

The first of May...outdoor screwing starts today.

FREJA GIVES HER ANSWERS

Blessings on you sweet inhabitants of the planet earth. I hope I have done all that was needed to answer all your prayers. Remember if your prayers weren't answered it's not because I don't care ..it was because someone else had a greater need.

If I eat one more kolatche and drink one more Dublin Dr Pepper, I will explode..I hope this holds me till I come back for Westfest. This keeps up, I'll be a full-figured Goddess.

Pom if Jesus had died today I'm sure Christians would be wearing him strapped to a bed with an iv in his arm or buckled into a electric chair around their rednecks.

Trish: The Goddess is most pleased that you are finding joy in the smaller things of life..Blue bonnets and a trip to Westfest just being part of them. Always remember you reap what you sow. You get back what you give out. Good things come to those who do good.

Sage: good friend to the Yellow Dog and well loved by the Goddess. I think you have surrounded yourself with people that love you and out of that will come love.

Billy, one of the Yellow Dog's favorite people on the planet..It's not that the Goddess doesn't like Easter, it's the stealing of the dates of most pagan holidays and Christians insistence of glorifying a time in Jesus life when he would rather not be remembered for pain, agony and death. He'd rather Christians would remember him by his deeds not his death. Take off the crosses, get out of the churches and worship him in the sunshine. The Goddess thinks the planet will be here along with her turtles, long after you humans are gone.

Intenseguy:The Goddess is a little concerned with your devotion to orange cone heads..She thinks you are about 3 steps from starting a cult of orange cone head devotees. Not sure that's a good thing or not. As long as you don't start sacrificing barricading barrels she thinks you'll be alright.

Omar:you are 100 % correct. It was the Romans and the Jews who nailed Jesus to the Cross...The Goddess has a tendency to just lump all of you non pagans together. Thanks for trying to keep me on the right track.

Rosemary: The Yellow Dog took offense to your 'really old' comment about turning 65 as she is already 65 and will soon be 66. Her advice is to save some spend some. I say blow it on every thing that makes your heart warm.

Daisy: Surely you don't need the Goddess to tell you how to use 'what you have' to entice your husband into buying anything? You have the goods...use them.

Bipolar: Jesus says it's too late for you and him now..But wishes you had been around back in the good ole days before the Crucifixion. Could have used you when he spent 40 days in the desert.

Jan:Goddess thinks Texas is already it's own country. Goddess thinks guns are highly overrated..What to show your skill? Use a bow and arrow. Goddess also thinks most politicians are in it for what's good for them, not what's good for the people they represent.

Heidi: Goddess knows as the Yellow Dog would say 'JackShit' about cars. But why trade in something good for some of the cars that are now being made that aren't as good as what you have? I would think someday those cars will be more valuable

because they were such good cars. What do I know.? I have a chariot drawn by blue cats.

Tex: I haven't thought going to Mexico for the past 10 years has been a good idea. If the Mexican government cared about their citizens they wouldn't make it so easy for them to leave. Seems like that fence is on the wrong side of the border.

Ted:most religious holidays are just dates stolen from Pagans. That was bad enough..but they used it to boost men's power and diminish women's. Bad Christians. Yellow dog says she comes by and reads but doesn't always comment.

Raspootin:Goddess thinks you have your life under control and don't need questions answered ..maybe it's because you use prayer.

Angel: Goddess thinks you humans put too much importance in bringing offspring into the world. Goddess thinks there are plenty of children already here that need loving homes, which she is sure you and your sweetheart are more than able to give.

Joy:Goddess thinks they world will be here, but not so sure about the human race.

Kim:welcome to the world of the Yellow Dog. She says you don't make a Dublin Dr Pepper. You buy it..But unless your within 200 miles or so of Dublin, Texas your chances of getting one are pretty slim. Although the Yellow Dog has been known to ship them to her favorites.

Future: The Yellow Dog cares enough about sports and politics to more than make up for my lack of interest. Easter is just one of the Christian holidays that piss me off. Easter especially as it's the one time a year that most of the Christians even see the inside of a church. I do like the chocolate bunny's though. There is no male version of Goddess...We still have a few Gods...Thor, Odin, Loki....but no matter what the story books tell you...they all bow to the Goddess.

kulkuri: The Yellow Dog posts pictures of what she thinks most people would like me to look like..I wouldn't wear those horns to save a pagan. The Goddess is all women. I'm fat, thin, long, lean, short, round. I am woman. I am Goddess.

MoreCowbell: Goddess thinks all summers, winters, springs and fall words will soon be obsolete. There will be less seasons and more continuation of one type of weather...I'd stock up on the Prozac if I was you.

Tina:Goddess blesses you and all of the friends of the Yellow Dog who helped her help Annie. You are all on a special list of the Goddess. She is very grateful and is making plans to give each and every one of you something special for all the love shown to her for her sweet Annie. Annie is repaying the love by peeing on the Yellow Dog's lap.

Wendy:do you mean will a kitty get you?.....yes.

Lilly: The Goddess knows there is an afterlife. It just may not be what you think an after life is.

Anne:The Goddess holds you in her heart for all the love you show to animals in need. She is especially fond of the love you have for fairies..I think your kitties will all be with the Goddess some day, but helped along the way by your love.

Goddess blessings on you, you good friends of the Yellow Dog.

Goddess suggests that you buy some medical masks if you go outside..Those ones you get at the hardware store, don't work.

I have much work to do....prayers to answer, hearts to mend, warriors to take home.

SOONER TALES #4

Yes. folks he's back..in all his splendor..brace yourself..it's gonna get ugly...blogspot ate the pictures for this post..so you'll have to use your imagination.Although Sooner is so discriptive...it really doesn't need pictures.
THE NFL DRAFT
Short and sweet, the NFL Draft gives way too much money for the top picks. Any One of these guys could end up as a Carney instead of a multimillion dollar professional player.
And, it is only a matter of time before Mel Kiper's head will explode on ESPN's coverage of the draft.
His job is to memorize every player that will be available for the draft, it is too much information to assimilate, and his rigid rock-like hairstyle will not expand accordingly to his ever increasing knowledge and his ALREADY enormous cranium. The pressure will be too great, it will be a Krakatoan explosion much like the old movie "Scanners", and there will be a moment of silence,... and then they will switch to the next pick from Oakland, which will be a RETARDED pick. No one will give a shit.

And I will watch it.

SHOPPING SUCKS!
This is an old story re-hashed because it needs to be re-told, the mere fact that there IS shopping going on makes it fantasy.
A post-apocalyptic trip to Hell Mart, as we call it in Soonerland.
We exploded through the doors of HELL MART in our special armor plated Hummer, bouncing over the piles of dead elderly and unarmed mommies, came to a screeching halt next to a large tabled fruit display, disturbing the dead body of an elderly grandmother in a "HAPPY TURKEY" sweatshirt laying across the apples and bananas, her fragile skull flayed open by an errant piece of shrapnel, her brains oozing down her designer outfit onto the sack of Depends that rigourmortis frozen claws clutched for what would be an eternity. You gotta know this old bird had a coupon for that shit.
We scattered,.... Me, Cooter and Jake providing cover fire for each other from the insurgent mommies in women's wear, rolling and puking short bursts of death from our Uzis, Jake tossing a grenade into a mass of chainsaw wielding college chicks hell-bent on destruction coming in on our flank via a sneak attack near the frozen food section.
Cooter laid down cover fire for me while I flanked the old heavily armed bastard picking out body parts from the shopping carts, the old fuck screams something to me as Cooter is vaporised by a bazooka round, I scream "WHAT?!?!"....he removes his helmet and points to a bloody gut strewn buggy and sez "DO YA WANT A FUCKEN' CART?" and before he put on his bloody cover an arrow comes perfectly out of his left eye socket. I'll be fucked if it don't hit the bulls eye of a Hell Mart ad comparing prices with Target...right in the bulls eye of the logo. Coolest thing I ever saw, stringy eyeball dead fuck on center of that bulls eye. The miracles of XMAS.
Our mission was to get a PlayStation 3, of course it goes without saying this would make Saving Private Ryan look like a Mr Rogers episode, so I spot Jake cutting off the ears of mercenary Hannah Montana worshipers in the magazine aisle,... those little bitches are bad news. Shao Lin trained rabid weasels of pain, they excel in throwing carbide tipped saw blades like a Frisbee throwing hippie on black mollies.
I grab the muck covered flame thrower that Cooter had in his ravaged claw and make my way past candy to the greeting cards, I can smell the death and hear the commotion in Electronics.
I am greeted with a surreal sight as my mind tries to make sense of this new horror. On top of a toy rack are huddled the bloody screaming refugees of surviving employees, screaming and on fire, they are slowly one by one jumping to their deaths into a mosh pit of baseball bat wielding angry moms whose children are shooting them with paint ball guns loaded with marbles. Will not go into the gruesome details here, but it sounded like a bunch of drunks dropping watermelons from the top of a one story flat onto a driveway...sounded JUST like that.
Fuck it, I see a P.S.3. laying on the floor , I open up the flame thrower...fat and hair replaces the smell of death, we got us a little Auschwitz going on, and Jake is cut in half by some crazy naked blood covered bitch with scalps hanging from her bush, wired on crank and in berserker mode, she's got a 36 inch Ryobi chainsaw and shes eyeing my P.S.3.
That bitch.
"CUNT!", I empty the flame blaster on her ass, doesn't even phase this bitch. She must be on her period. I make a run for the hummer clutching my game with the female version of Jason hot on my ass, luckily she is taken out by a group of Wal Mart greeters with shotguns, new shift arrival. I only splatter one of them as thanks and scream out of the parking lot on this Black Friday.
.The things we do for shopping.
I apologise to anyone that this offended, but do not fuck with pissed off women shopping to the DEATH, you will regret it.

I'M HOT FOR TEACHER
T-T-teacher stop that screamin' Teacher don't you see?
Don't wanna be no uptown fool
maybe I should go to hell
but I am doing well
Teacher
needs to see me after school
think of all the education that I've missed
But then my homework was never quite like this!
Ow! Got it bad,Got it bad,Got it bad,I'm hot for teacher!
I've got it bad, so bad I'm hot for teacher!
David Lee Roth

Perhaps it is sexually stimulating to educate teenage boys, seems like there is an increase in this phenomena lately. Female teachers are going to prison in waves for seducing boys, sometimes brothers. Married, unmarried, with kids or without it does not matter. It seems as though they decide to fuck their lives up as bad as it can get just to control a felony orgasm.
All of my teachers looked for the most part half silver back gorilla or wired-tight bun-on-head stick-wielder.
This was not sexy then nor is it now.
These kids today are spoiled rotten. They have young attractive cougars stalking them doing things to them that they would not do with a farm animal, thus the annoying problem at hand.
When I went to school it was to bring nothing home less than an "A" or it was "stand tall before the man" time.
Now, you can get an education and be a grand jury witness plus have sex with a WOMAN that will fuck you up for life, and it is happening everywhere.
Damn, these kids have got it made, oh foxnews.com has all the the sordid details of seduction and rape... but oddly enough there is not one mention of male criminal activity, and even odder is the fact that I thought a couple of these sluts looked hot....
the horror...
Random Thoughts
Sometimes I feel like a one-armed man rowing fanatically in a 100 foot pool in an ever increasingly faster circle, trying to make it to shore.
I heard that if one were to sneeze, cough, fart and belch simultaneously that they would explode.
Data of Test Results: One pair of shitty underwear, don't bear down when conducting this experiment.
Before I die I could possibly own a robot. I am getting a Bruce Lee Death X6900 to run around with.
And I'm pretty sure that I'll go to prison, but it will look really cool on You Tube when he kicks the shit out of the old hateful bitch in front of me at the checkout counter with her price checks, "oh I forgot somethings" and her 362 coupons, as I stand in front of three dirty screaming kids wailing for candy to their defeated worn Mommy.
I will record in H.D. of course.

WE! ARE! AMERICA!

"I don't give a rat's ass if it helped! We are America! We don't fucking torture!"...Fox news anchor Shepard Smith, losing his cool in a panel discussion about the efficacy of torture. (Fox News Online Wednesday.)

I don't even like this asshole...but when your right?...Your right!

gotcha gotcha gotcha gotcha...stumbles

I'm putting this on my door in the hopes it will keep visitors away.

ASK THE GODDESS

blessings on you my children..

Now that Easter is over I thought I'd stop by and see what's going on in my favorite little city by the big I-35...I don't like Easter...at all..I figure if Christians would nail the son of God to a cross, can you imagine what they'd do to a pagan Deity? Besides, the last conversation I had with Jesus, he mentioned that he thinks it's a sad statement to him for every one to remember him by wearing him nailed to a cross around their neck. He thinks a little necklace of him rolling a stone from a cave would be more to his liking. Why make a necklace to celebrate the worse day of his life. You Christians...so silly...That would be like pagans wearing a necklace of St. Patrick burning druids at the stake.

I'm going to be around for a week or so...it's spring time in Texas and I had to come check out the blue bonnets, and since they don't deliver, to stock up on some Dublin Dr Pepper. You will have from today till next Wed. to ask your questions. I'll answer them on Thursday...Remember..no POLITICS..NO SPORTS.. The Goddess doesn't give a shit who's going to win the Super Bowl, or the Basketball playoffs..and since your life's a crap shoot ...politics aren't important.

here, stumble stumble stumble..

wow..no more stumbles..you know what that means?...the Goddess will be here to answer your questions.
remember, no sports or politics...ask about anything but sports and politics..she doesn't give a shit..really..she told me so.

WEST GOES TO THE CAPITOL

and delivers kolaches to the Texas Legislature..I swear, next year I'm going..It just looks like a lot of fun.

The Main Street meeting last night was successful..only about 40 people showed up, but we were all eager and and enthusiastic about making changes for West, to boost the economy and beautify our little town. Anyone that was anyone was there...and of course me..Still don't know what I was doing there, except I love my little town and would like to see some changes made. The great thing is ...we all made up lists of what we wanted to accomplish and have done and we were all on the same page..We all want to make the main street of West(which is Oak St.) the actual entrance into town to be more appealing and easier to travel. Sidewalks, benches, flowers, etc. We all want to renovate the old theater(which is rumored to be on the list and is really beautiful inside) into something along the lines of a live theater..I think dinner theater would be a great idea and have mentioned it before. But who knows. We all want to make the town more Czech..have business hours the same..Maybe actually stay open till 7P.M. instead of closing up shop at 5P.M..Only business's that stay open after 5 are the grocery stores, dollar stores and the video store. We'd like a museum above the city hall, which has lots of room and is not being used. The library has lots of Czech heritage stuff that no one gets to see, as it's scattered around in the library(and lets face it, we could use the room).So we got a lot of ideas out and the Main Street team is going to compile it and come up with a plan. We all want a Farmers Market, and if you will look at the picture of the high school, there is a huge grassy field and it's not being used for anything. I think they could get the students to plant a green garden there, and be responsible for the planting and care of the garden and be allowed to use the money they earn for 'what ever.' We all go back tomorrow at 5:30 P.M. and I'm anxious to see what they come up with. I also think we should tap some of the rich Czech Americans for some help. Like Martina Navratilova for a start. Let her be a part of it and ask her to the Westfest and be the Parade Marshall.

So there is lots to do and I plan on being right smack in the middle of it..I'll keep you updated.

Went to the Dr. yesterday and got blood taken and blood pressure was waaaaaay up...So he gave me script for blood pressure meds. Said that was what was messing with my blood sugar and giving me the head aches. Plus I have gained 4 lbs. fuckity.It's from not working..plus worrying about Annie I was not eating as well as I should have been...Eating bad things..maybe even a bowl of Blue Bell every now and then.

When the nurse tried to get blood she couldn't get it form my right arm so dug around in the left arm..Last night after Babs and I got back from the House of Satan, I noticed that my left arm was all bruised and had a lump of blood next to where she had drawn the blood. It didn't look any better today so went to see Dr. E and he asked me if I took aspirin and said every morning. He said that was why ..it makes the blood thin and instead of clotting up..it bled out...Eek. Said to put ice on it and it would be ok.

Dropped by Family Dollar the other day to get my water and the new manager had quit and we had another one..I know her from speaking to her on the phone when I worked there. I haven't spoke to Inky yet to find out what happened to the guy. This makes ............I don't know..7 managers in a little over 3 years..? heheheee...

Last night after I got back from the Main Street meeting it was almost 7:30 and I usually eat at 6:30 P.M. and knew it would take 20-30 minutes to throw a dinner together, so I stopped at Jerry's Chicken and got some tenders. When I walked in I had to pee so didn't pet Annie, just ran by her into the bathroom. I put the chicken on the hall table..I'm sitting on the pot and Annie comes prancing in...listing a little but by Goddess, she was running..She smelled that chicken..ha..So I would say that she is doing much much better. I need to take her back for another check up and get her shots.

I'm going to make this short as I'll have an up date on the Thursday night meeting too. Plus for some reason, I'm sleepy..watched Lost and it was an hour long recap...feck!

NO MORE DAM NEWS

I received my cable bill and my Dallas Morning News(DAM) bill in the mail today...Still shocked that they charge $52.01 for the crappy cable. But the biggest shock was my DAM News bill went up from $20 to $42. I immediately called and when I finally got through to an agent, I said I bet you wish you had another job today. He said 'yes, I do.'...So I says to the lucky young chap:"What the fuck?"....with out any notice they upped my subscription from $20 to $42?...and he says to nasty old lady:"Yes, sir, they were supposed to send out a letter and tell everyone about the changes, but they didn't."...nasty old lady to lucky young chap:"don't piss me off more by calling me sir, it's mam', and you're going to have to cancel my subscription, when it expires on May4th. Then he tried to say I could get a 30 percent or something discount...which is still $30 something...said nope...can't afford it...at $20 it was a luxury I afforded myself because I love the paper so much and have subscribed since 1978. Then he tried to sell me the 4 days a week deal..which is Thursday thru Sunday..Said nope..I either get it all...or I don't get it..and I'm on a fixed income and can't afford $42 a month for a paper. It breaks my heart and I am going to be totally lost without it..but thems the breaks..so as of May 3rd...no more paper. I'd get the Waco paper, but it's so crappy even puppies won't piss on it..I can't even begin to tell you how much I'm going to miss it...I know I can get my news on the Internet and can go to DAM News and get it..but it's not and never ever will be the same. I will miss the ritual of opening up the paper, and seeing what the idiots of the world have been up to, what asshole Jerry Jones has signed up for the Cowboys, what my favorite comic characters have been up to. Oh shit...my cross words....I do 3 of them every day...what the fuck?...I'm done..fork me...I can't believe I'm crying over a stupid fucking paper...fuckity fuck fuck fuck!