DETROIT (The Borowitz Report) – General Motors’ decision yesterday to stop manufacturing Hummers has struck at the heart of the group who loved the vehicles most: America’s assholes.
Across the nation, leading assholes spoke of a sense of loss and sadness caused by the decision, and suggested that they would now be searching for new ways to compensate for their small penises.Tracy Klugian, a realtor in Tempe, Arizona, said that he would consider buying a boat with an annoyingly loud sound system, “but it just won’t say ‘asshole’ like a Hummer does.”
Mr. Klugian, whose penis has been described as “microscopic,” also questioned the timing of GM’s decision.“Right now, the Hummer is the only thing on the road capable of stopping a Toyota,” he said
I love this guy...he makes me laugh..and laugh...and laugh..
6 comments:
He is funny. I get his Email newsletter.
Funny thing about this asshole report though. We have a small county here with less than 40,000 people but about 20% seem to own Hummers or big 4 wheel drive pickup trucks with home entertainment centers in the cab that they need ladders to get into. When they do they run around town sharing their wonderful music with me in my house.
Pole barns sell pretty good here because their trucks are to big to fit in the garage.
Ha ha, nice shot at Toyota at the end there, too!
Actually, they wouldn't be so bad, if they made one of those freaking land yaghts that would get 75-90 miles a gallon/ran on geothermal energy I'd sign the contract yesterday...Osama bin Ladin wept!
Andy Borowitz is "a diamond among the cinders", and between Pat Condell and him, I'm recovering from the loss of George Carlin.
My car broker friend told me that most of his customers that buy Hummers are women.
hahaha, that is awesome
Clinton got one and look at all the hell he caught for it?
No thanks!
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