I'm a pagan...I'm a liberal..I live in West, Texas..

Sunday, November 12, 2006

BURP..LET PANTS OUT..FART....SIGH*

I am so full!..soon as I got home I took off my bra, my converse,my jeans and tested my blood sugar...183...not as bad as I thought it would be, but it was well worth it...
Jenny picked me up and took me to Red Lobster where we met Jamie and her boyfriend Harrison who is a sweet, funny kid and he adores Jamie and treats her like a princess.Jenny's fella had to work..
..I had shrimp scampi and fried shrimp..with salad, and vegetables..had 2 of the herb biscuits and they were so good I could have wept..I made them laugh and embarrassed them all at the same time...Jenny told Jamie.."we can't take her anywhere."....The waiter who was great by the way...was going to put my platter down and of course my tits are laying right on the table and he was at a loss as to what he was supposed to do..finally I said I would move my tits but they are kinda attached but can arrange them differently..and kind of shoved them under the table..when we were through he asked if we wanted dessert and I said no it would probably put me into a sugar coma, but if he would promise to do mouth to mouth on me, I might consider it..ahh, I love embarrassing the girls...

Besides the terrific time and the wonderful dinner they gave me a huge box of Starbucks assorted teas, a box of Whitman's sugar free sampler of chocolates...(taste terrific)and a little copper buddha wind chime and a buddha for Joy...and 3 great cards...one says your birthday is the perfect time to offer you the traditional hawaiian wish:'may your coconuts never hang lower than your grass skirt.'...(told them my coconuts look more like papaya's)...Then one with an old couple standing by this lake and he is pointing out and says 'and that land mass over there is called a 'stick out' because of the way it sticks out of the water..inside it says another year older, another year closer to making up crap.'
but my favorite is the one with two old gray haired broads in a pink convertible with their arms up in the air and big ole grins on their faces...inside it says:'Pearl looked around for the flag, then realized with horror that the sound was coming from her arm-dangle..'I cracked up...so it was a great day....I loved spending the time with the girls...and I like Jamie's new fella...he's a big step up from the last little prick...
The best part of the evening...was my telling them about my adventure at the $1 store and my Snatch story...I'll telling them, and they are looking at me like 'what the fuck?' and I finish the story and nothing...they are looking at me like I have lost my ever loving mind...and then it dawns on me..I said, do any of you 3 know what the word Snatch means besides to grab something....? all three little heads go 'no'....I leaned forward and said it's a slang word for vagina..
OH MY GODDESS...they were shocked and awed..Harrison laughed when he finally figured it out..but Jenny and Jamie are like..'we could go for the rest of our life and not have had to learn that.'...and a lot of 'oh grandma's...and gross.'...once I knew I had them going I said I was going to start a blog with Annie the little kitty and call it 'big snatch and little snatch'...thought they were going to make me go sit in the car...I laughed so hard...told them I felt like I had failed them by not teaching them the finer things of life..like the word snatch...we were walking to our table and Jenny said..'Well, go snatch yourself a seat.'...is she not a true smartass?....made my night..
I don't even know who won the cowboy game...how about that for contentment..
There is a down side..but there is a upside to the downside..
yesterday son Thom called...(first time he has called since right after Christmas)and said they were going to be out of town on Thanksgiving and were having their Thanksgiving today and did I want to come...? I said,'No..I don't think so'...and he was all er, ah..'well, the girls are going to be there and we just wanted you to know that if you want to come you are invited..' said 'nope, but thanks for asking..bye..'...he said bye and that was in..then the minute Jenny came home he said "guess what, I asked grandma to come and she said 'no'....she doesn't want to come over here..'..so Jenny explained that Grandma doesn't want to go where she's not wanted and she knows you're just asking her as an obligation and you're little kodak moment and why should she come over her for one day..then Christmas and then not hear from you for another year...?'...he said well, I was trying to be nice and do the right thing and if she doesn't want to come..well, fuck her..'...hee hee...and then when he found out I was going to dinner with them, Jenny said she thought he was going to have a fit...'too good to come to my house, but will go eat with you and your sister..well, fuck her.'...ahh, life is good...anytime I can piss off one of my kids..it's ok, with me..then .....oh man...then I get an email from Maryjo...says happy birthday..don't respond to this, but just wanted you to know I was thinking of you on this day...MO..
(hahahah..what a little brat)..which is not what I called her in my email to Babs...ha.
but I had a great time, a great dinner and enough tea to last me through the winter..especially since Junebugg send me a green tea starter kit, with a book on green tea, and a brewer to make the tea with ...sigh*..there is not only a burp and a fart here...there was also a scratch or two to the nether regions...I'm thinking another piece of non sugar chocolate with a cup of white tea with hibiscus ....
So ladies and gentle men...thanks for all the happy birthday's...21 on line and 8 emails..and also thanks for the congrats on my 15 years...now if I could just kick the Dr.Pepper monkey I would be a-ok..nah, right now....I am just perfect....

20 comments:

apositivepessimist said...

I’m just grinning all over that you had such a fabulous time JS...at least the grand daughters know who to appreciate even if they didn’t know the alternative meaning to snatch. I love the word snatch...snatchface is one of my best terms of *cough* endearments for others.

and pssst...sorry JS shoulda said click the “Shut Up is too a Pig” opens into my pig doodle. heh doodle and snatch all in the one comment.

Anonymous said...

Glad you had a good time.
Grandkids are the best thing about having a family. My 12 year old granddaughter is working on me to get her a drum set for Christmas. They live in a double wide trailer. After all the trouble her mother has given me over the years I am seriously considering getting them.
I only want to encourage her interests and allow her to develop her talents.

Lauren said...

What a great day you had!! Your grankids are great, can I borrow them? I don't have any. I can just picture the looks on their faces when you explained "snatch."

Thanks for mentioning scampi. . . Now I have to go to the fish market and buy some shrimp. . . At least now I know what I'm having for dinner tonight LOL!!

Anonymous said...

Glad you had a good birthday, aren't grandkids the greatest!

bluebeer said...

LOL! "Oh that's okay, I'll just shove them under the table." Great post, you really should write a book.

Anonymous said...

21 on line
8 e-mails
and one phone call :)

Sounds like you had a wonderful time and no one deserves it more then you. The sugar level not so bad considering what you ate. Aren't their biscuts the best, so buttery and cheesy and garlicy, is that a word? Anyway happy day girlfriend!

Normy said...

Glad you had a great time and Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
yellowdog granny said...

apos:yeah, the granddaughters are special..and i know one thing..they will never forget the slang word for snatch,and knowing them...it will be their new favorite word..ha
nitwit:oh my dad was great about buying the kids things that made noise..said he was getting even for all those early am wake ups with the pots and pans when i was doing my gene krupa impression..get her the drums...
lauren:i tried one of jamie's coconut shrimp and holy shit..is that stuff good or what? scampi was delicious and the smell of garlic and butter has got to be one of the greatest smells ever..i think they would love to be loaned out to you...motown in the summer? cool...ha...but i have to come too..
junebugg: cant tell you how much i love those girls...so smart, pretty and funny...
bluebeer;you know what? i have given it some thought and wondering if a tv show wouldnt be easier to do than a book..i have been working on a script for about 2 weeks...and think my friend in hawaii might know someone that might help me get it to someone that can help me ...will see..
nancy: i was happy that the sugar wasn't any higher..but i wouldn't have cared..too great to pass up..
normy: thanks...it was a blast..
to all...i never delete post unless they are hurtful but i deleted this one as it was some sort of demented 87 page rant about religion that had nothing to do with anything..and im sure i was some sort of spam...really creepy..

Beansidhe said...

Hee-hee, loved your post about snatch :) It could've been worse, you could've ended up being picked up by the fuzz!

Glad you had such a cool birthday - best wishes from me too :)

Anonymous said...

You're going to need a portable bathroom to go with all that tea! Sounds like you had a great time, which is exactly how it should be :)

Carina said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! :)
OMG....Red Lobster. Now you have me jonesing for a big fat Red Lobster outing. mmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Lauren said...

JS, you and the girls are welcome in my humble abode any time you want. Sooner isn't gonna be the only one to lay a big ol' HUGG on ya. . .

BTW: Didn't make it to the fish market today, but Scampi is on the menu SOON!

Big Pissy said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Sounds like it was a great one!

I love me some Red Lobster...especially those biscuits....tasty! :)

yellowdog granny said...

beany:oooh picked up by the fuzz...ouch...
cyber:man some of those starbuck teas are awesome. and the green tea all rock...
carina:man that place smells good..garlic and butter ...mmmmmmmmgoood.
lauren: rocking in motown with you..how cool would that be...

jan said...

Sorry I was out of town for your birthday, but let me be one of the last to wish you a happy one.

I live to embarrass my children and grandchildren so I took copious notes on your dinner conversation. I can't wait to pull out the notes at the next public gathering. hehehe

Lisa said...

a belated happy birthday. glad you enjoyed your night out

BriteYellowGun said...

I always thought Snatch was such a disgusting term. But you know me, always so proper!

:P fuzzbox said...

Sittin' in Red Lobster with my tits on the table, would make one helluva line for a great C&W song. Glad to see that you had a great birthday.

yellowdog granny said...

jan: yeah, that is one of the great jobs of being a grand parent..embarrassing them kids..
lisa:thanks late is a good as on time when it's birthday wishes..
byg:man...snatch is a great word...but then goddess knows I'm not proper..I'm surprised I knew how to spell it..
Fuzz:hm..you know..? you might be right..could see it to Dolly Parton...